*Prose Williamson - Unranked

Prose Williamson
First Year
Joined: 8:36 AM - Feb 26, 2012

11:15 PM - Apr 07, 2012 #1

Link to character workshop topic: Here it is :D
Rank Applying For: Beginner
At least two of your recent role play topics:

Having fun for the wrong reasons <-Shows Prose's attempt at being a friend to others, she does a good job, generally, but it's difficult for her to do so.

Solitude Interrupted <-Showing Prose in bully mode, basically.

Why you feel that you should move up: I feel I've gotten to know Prose well over the while that I've had her. Writing as Prose is actually possibly the hardest character for me to write, not only because she's a girl and everyone knows girls are harder to write (IMO, of course, I think they think more), but because she's an exaggeration of only a small part of me. Exaggerating the part of me that wants to hit people when they say "I suck so much" at whatever the people are talking about is difficult, but I feel is really advancing my writing a ton.

So yeah, I feel I should move up because I know this girl rather well now, and well...it seems like I deserve it at this point lol...
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Brianna Cortez
Seventh Year
Joined: 11:01 AM - Jun 14, 2011

2:06 AM - Apr 09, 2012 #2

Hey Cameron! It's Kimmy here and I shall be your first reviewer. So before we begin, I'll just post the requirements for beginner.
Beginner

• At least 2 recent topics with at least 2 posts by your character in each.

• Have your character profile in the workshop with at least one revision posted by you.

• What we are looking for: At the beginner rank, we are focusing heavily on your profile. As such, we are going to give you suggestions to improve all aspects of your profile and also a few suggestions to improve your posts. We're looking for a general grasp of grammar (punctuation, paragraphs, apostrophes, etc.), good spelling, and that you follow the rules by giving us at least five lines per post.
So you've met all the requirements which is great!

Profile

You've done a great revision in your profile and I can see you've taken time out to think about Prose's history. What I would love to see more of is an expansion on her physical appearance and personality in future rewrites. I know how you mentioned Prose is the hardest character for you to write - and it's partially because she's a girl. But the hardest characters to write can also be the most fun if you let it. So I would love to see you expand more. A good way to do this is using the 5W&1H. I just made that acronym up, hehehe - stands for Who, What, Where, When, Why and How. You don't necessarily have to use all of them but I find it helps. If you get really stuck though, I'd suggest taking a look at some other character profiles (of girls, written by girls if need be). With the personality I would also love more expansion on this too. The more you thread and plot, the easier this will become. Some of the sentences don't flow as easily, which can be fixed by reading it out aloud or just going over it a few times. I actually started talking about maybe trying to write about some more weaknesses of Prose here but it sort of got muddled up with the posts section, so there's more detail about it there. Otherwise you've shown you've got a great starting grasp on Prose. The character background shows a great insight into what made Prose who she is today and so you've got a great foundation for future rewrites.

Posts

You've got a great general grasp of grammar, good spelling and good post length. Your two threads have shown Prose in different situation and how she deals with different people. You've definitely shown you've got a good grasp on who Pose is, so great job! I can see that in your threads, you've shown parts of Prose that you mentioned in the character profile. I think something I'd like to see and read about is what Prose is like when she meets someone who is super confident/an equal to Prose (in her mind) ... or who makes Prose feel small - I know you said she turned around and now bullies the bullies. So what if someone said something that makes her falter in her step? I guess what I'm trying to say is I'd love to see Prose thrown into a situation where she gets way out of her depth. Maybe even try plotting with some guys if possible too. I'd love to see how she interacts with them too. You could even include some of this in your profile after you've threaded it out.

Overall, I'd love to see you expand on parts of your profile and have Prose be in a situation that would make her feel uncomfortable. Without further ado though, I approve you for Beginner. Congrats!
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