The avoidable root source of unhappiness and stress

The avoidable root source of unhappiness and stress

Seoc Colla
Seoc Colla

January 6th, 2012, 10:18 am #1

I served some years as a Samaritan attempting to assist those in a troubled state of mind to assess their position and perhaps see a way out of them.

After a number of years, I began to think of how folk arrive at such a terrible state of Being with suicide, despair, anger, isolation and generally a real mess of Life, with no obvious solution anywhere to be seen.

There are a great number of routes into their hell and none coming out - or maybe no route the are able to take. Like the alcoholic, their lives had become unmanageable and were on a downward spiral into a position where prescribed drugs, religion, philosophies, no longer had an effect or meaning for them. Nowhere in life was any solution to be found, no respite or comfort to be had, no solace from any source. Hell, in capital letters. In deep darkness many thought death would bring a halt to the turmoil of Mind and a gentle explanation that it cannot - they and their problem will still be together, only worse should the basis originate in material considerations - as most did.

There were exceptions such as deaths of loved ones, but virtually all else stemmed from the common root - I WANT!

Simply, many folk could not tolerate, or accept, or allow the idea that others had their own right to choose, and think in a way that they, themselves, considered best.

Whether or not it might result in the hoped for outcome was irrelevant, but it was their choice and by this, they regained some feeling of control over their lives. The individual's solution lies within.

Those who sought to control others merely deepened their despair and would continue along this bleak road until they realised they are both cause and cure of thei affliction.
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Joined: January 13th, 2010, 2:50 pm

January 6th, 2012, 11:33 am #2


Happiness seems to come without effort when a person values themselves in a healthy way that is independent of accomplishments, controlling others, being controlled by others, material possessions, their background, the situation at hand, etc. Unhappiness (depression, addiction, and other such things) all seem to share a variable that is the opposite of that where an unhealthy individual has desires and expectations on external things in order to be happy - including at times controlling others, or being controlled by others, or shopping, or self-destructive behaviors, or escaping behaviors, etc. Satisfying the short-term desire (the insatiable "I want"), can provide a temporary respite, but as long as the root cause has not been addressed the individual really isn't going to get better. Along with genetic predisposition, environmental issues, family background, personality/temperament, we have many of the key ingredients that cause the disease of addiction. And once it starts, an individuals brain chemistry and body chemistry begins to change in ways that perpetuate the addiction. And those with a genetic predisposition are likely in a place where the perpetuating process is already active.

I believe that this is why addiction therapy focuses on helping people understand their value as a person independent of their past, accomplishments, and material possession. And for folks suffering from addiction it also includes interacting with other addicts going through the same process, because it's really difficult (or maybe even impossible) for a non-addict to understand what it's like to suffer from the disease of addiction. And it's not a matter of "self-control" or "willpower". A non-addict has no idea the amount of "willpower" an addict has.

Using the religious metaphors, it sure seems that is the essence of "cleansing of one's sins", "redeeming one's self", being "reborn", et. al. on a very personal and life-saving level.
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Seoc Colla
Seoc Colla

January 6th, 2012, 11:54 am #3

Very succinctly put, noob and comprehensively quantified.

I place religion among the controllers and in addition they condition their victims, especially vulnerable children, to accept control as being 'normal' - desireable even - because 'god wants you to obey'

None of them ever espouse 'free will' as healthy and best.
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Joined: May 4th, 2005, 1:31 pm

January 6th, 2012, 2:56 pm #4

I served some years as a Samaritan attempting to assist those in a troubled state of mind to assess their position and perhaps see a way out of them.

After a number of years, I began to think of how folk arrive at such a terrible state of Being with suicide, despair, anger, isolation and generally a real mess of Life, with no obvious solution anywhere to be seen.

There are a great number of routes into their hell and none coming out - or maybe no route the are able to take. Like the alcoholic, their lives had become unmanageable and were on a downward spiral into a position where prescribed drugs, religion, philosophies, no longer had an effect or meaning for them. Nowhere in life was any solution to be found, no respite or comfort to be had, no solace from any source. Hell, in capital letters. In deep darkness many thought death would bring a halt to the turmoil of Mind and a gentle explanation that it cannot - they and their problem will still be together, only worse should the basis originate in material considerations - as most did.

There were exceptions such as deaths of loved ones, but virtually all else stemmed from the common root - I WANT!

Simply, many folk could not tolerate, or accept, or allow the idea that others had their own right to choose, and think in a way that they, themselves, considered best.

Whether or not it might result in the hoped for outcome was irrelevant, but it was their choice and by this, they regained some feeling of control over their lives. The individual's solution lies within.

Those who sought to control others merely deepened their despair and would continue along this bleak road until they realised they are both cause and cure of thei affliction.
I've seen this a few times, up close. It's a narcissistic trait in my observation. All about me and my wants. I recall an individual that was once very close to me, in later years saying things like "I just want something that is mine alone.", and "I deserve" all kinds of things, yet I always wondered how you can deserve something you can't afford? The person had financial problems, which seems to go with the type.

The solution does lie within, but the sick individual doesn't want solutions. There is a payoff apparently.

My friend used to ask me for advice at times, and then disagree and argue with the advice proffered. His solution to everything was for people to give him their money. Sadly this would solve nothing. A bottomless pit. I recall getting off the phone with this person and just feeling drained. An emotional vampire. But ultimately someone that wouldn't take the actions that would save themselves from themselves ..

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Joined: January 13th, 2010, 2:50 pm

January 6th, 2012, 5:52 pm #5


I've used that term many times as well to describe friends and family members that get out of control in a demanding sense... Individuals that seem to thrive on conflict, drama, high emotion and tapping the energy of others. Draining is a great description of what it's like to interact with them.
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QUITTNER
QUITTNER

January 10th, 2012, 3:17 pm #6

Very succinctly put, noob and comprehensively quantified.

I place religion among the controllers and in addition they condition their victims, especially vulnerable children, to accept control as being 'normal' - desireable even - because 'god wants you to obey'

None of them ever espouse 'free will' as healthy and best.
Many want freedom/liberty and free will unencumbered by religious and/or other duties. But that should be limited to stop at a "firewall" to ensure nobody is hurt in any way. Just like children that keep saying I WANNA THIS, and I WANNA THAT, and I WANNA THEM NOW! - and their parents then coming down with a stern NO, NO and NO! Then, when they are grown up, these children are free to buy their own toys!
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