Ode to Arthur

Ode to Arthur

Joined: 30 Nov 2016, 12:24

30 Nov 2016, 12:32 #1

It's not that long ago when the all conquering Australian side seemed invincible,
though nowadays a pale shadow of their former selves, reduced to accusing their
opponents of cheating cause one guy was seen sucking a boiled sweet ?

Dearie me, how the mighty have fallen...

Ode to Arthur

They came from the land down under,
where woman whinge and men blunder
dressed in yellow, donning baggy green caps,
a touring team of cocksure chaps
each six foot plus and full of muscle,
they'd journeyed far to pillage and rustle

Their coach a moustachioed man named Rod,
a kind of loud, abrasive sod
stood on his soapbox and appealed,
his likely lads were unbeaten on the field
his bowlers fast like Thommo and Lilly,
his batsmen made others look rather silly

And so it proved to be no idle boast,
they vanquished all from coast to coast
with county sides they wiped the boards,
and even stuffed the M.C.C. at Lords
then just a week before the first test,
they boarded a boat and duly sailed west

Their first port of call a country pub,
who's landlord Arthur sponsored a cricket club
himself the chairman of that team,
on recognising his patrons, began to scheme
' would you fine men consider a game,
against our village side? ' He did proclaim

At first they scoffed at his bold address,
considering it a pointless, no contest
Preoccupied, lapping up the liquid black,
like thirsty dingos from the outback
But Arthur was not the least put out,
offering the winners gallons of free stout

The temptation proved much to great
as up spoke Rod, ' good on ya mate
let's get it on straight after lunch,'
then downed a pint with a stiff rum punch
So at two o'clock on a pleasant day,
two sides faced off and began to play

The touring skipper called the toss,
bowling first in hope he'd be back on the sauce
and yes they bowled at lightening pace,
but most deliveries went all over the place
sundries aplenty kept the scoreboard moving,
as Rod looked on so disapproving

Soon one hundred on the board,
even though both batsmen had hardly scored
they turned to spin and a guy named Shane,
but this caused Rod even more pain
as though it turned it must be said,
every ball was short and pitched outside leg

With two hundred runs easily accrued,
the home side declared, Rod now subdued
when his opening batsman took guard,
the umpire remarked, 'towards you a yard'
and on receipt of the first red cherry,
he swiped and missed, no more to tarry

So began a limp procession,
ten hapless batsmen dismissed in similar fashion
no player reached double figures
and with each wicket, louder grew the sniggers
and as for Rod such was the disgrace,
his coiffed moustache fell from his red face

As his rambunctious side began to chunder,
Rod resigned and returned down under
bypassed the poms conceding the test series,
as to why there's lots of theories
the secret known only on the Emerald Isle,
where a landlord pours a pint with a smile?

( chunder...Aussie slang for vomit )