Tying Flowers

Meena
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Meena
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Joined: May 13th, 2016, 1:26 pm

September 11th, 2018, 12:34 pm #1

a craft by itself.

My mother taught me
when I was six years old.
She started with leaves
not flowers initially.

Flowers are delicate
while leaves express strength
being easy to handle
and strand together.

She chose leaves with tenacity
both long and broad
folded them into two
trains me to knot.

Three leaves upward
three inverted
she runs the string
then locks with a knot.

Looks straightforward.
I fold the leaves
tighten the thread
around them.

once, twice and thrice.
I go. Falter miserably.
crush the leaves.
Mom loses her equanimity.

Makes me do it again.
Clumsier I perform,
Struggle, my trepidation
angers mother.

She grips my fingers,
helps to tie. She does
many times until
I accomplish.

Am  a pro.
Make beautiful
garlands of Rose,
Jasmine and Marigold.
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russkigypsy
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Joined: August 18th, 2013, 10:27 pm

September 12th, 2018, 3:09 pm #2

Nice tidbit of memory.
I like the flow but you might try
a more informal format.
It calls for spontaneous
expressionism.

Also a couple of in-line thoughts.

A Craft

My mother taught me
initially to weave leaves
not flowers.

Flowers being delicate
while leaves expressed strength
and were easier to handle
and strand together.

She chose leaves with tenacity
both long and broad.
She folded them in halves
training me to knot.

Three leaves upward
three inverted
she ran the string
then locked with a knot.

Then she stared straightforward.
I folded the leaves
tightened the thread
around them once,

twice and thrice.
I go. Falter miserably.
crush the leaves.
Mom loses her composure.

Makes me do it again.
Clumsy I perform,
Struggle, my trepidation
angers mother.

She grips my fingers,
helps to tie. She does
many times until
I succeed.
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Osel
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Joined: June 20th, 2007, 3:33 am

September 12th, 2018, 11:02 pm #3

Alex has straightened out and synched all your verb tenses, etc. and smoothed this out. 
I think your narrative is lovely and strong, and needs to be perfected, to be seen by many. 

I liked the title “tying flowers” . I would like to see a little more about those final floral visions you touch on in the close,  because it feels as if the poem 
mostly deals ( or wants to) with the perfecting of the tied leaves. I am fascinated, — that is a subject worth 
showing us. 

and I want to know it all. Or at least what you have to express. I am delighted that you are now a pro. think you need to show us that transition, involve us more. Imagine that you have one close, future, foreign friend who knows nothing of this, and write to that one, while showing the immediacy of your own time and experience, as a child.  how would you write this  ( or revise ) to someone from another world? 🌎

 just a suggestion. good luck with this, Meena. 
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Meena
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Meena
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Joined: May 13th, 2016, 1:26 pm

September 14th, 2018, 1:57 am #4

Thanks, Alex.
My tenses are incorrect.
I have to revise.
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Meena
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Meena
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Joined: May 13th, 2016, 1:26 pm

September 14th, 2018, 2:00 am #5

Osel, 
Happy to read your critique.
I  will try to bring out the intricacies of this subtle craft.
It looks simple when we watch but trying when we start to work, at least until you learn.
I will post a revision soon.
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