The Five Inseparable Brothers

russkigypsy
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Joined: August 18th, 2013, 10:27 pm

August 18th, 2018, 12:49 am #1

The Five Inseparable Brothers
 
Once upon a time there lived five brothers.
Their tale, not unlike of the Brothers Karamazov.
As a matter of fact the first three were namesakes
and so was the illegitimate fourth except for
the fifth and last, Sasha, yours truly, nicknamed
Le Petit for the Greek Aléxandros the Great.
 
All brothers were well educated.
Dimitri the Eldest was savvy in Economics,
Ivan the Terrible in Politics and nicknamed
for a tsar of the same name.
Vanya the Fool was a middle child appropriately
nicknamed for having problems with his parents.
 
And finally, Sasha, who was a Jack of All Trades
since he knew more than a little on numerous
subjects to bamboozle anyone. He also appeared
to be the most learned. Now I hope you follow
their tribulations despite the numerical
complexity of characters.
 
And No! I am not trying to outdo Pasternak or
Solzhenitsyn or Sholokhov in terms of the
numerous characters in their novels and
confuse you.
My poem shall deal with the ethical debate of
God and free will and morality.
 
It shall be a spiritual drama of the moral
struggles concerning faith, doubt, judgment
and reason set against King Wrist
that held them prisoners.
It shall be the saga of five inseparable fingers
of the right hand followed by a sequel poem
 
dealing with the left hand in the tradition
of book publishers who attempt to cash in
on the success of an author's first best-seller
but like sex, by the time the second novel
raises its head the initial thrill goes down.
 
~~~
Last edited by russkigypsy on August 19th, 2018, 4:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Ken Ashworth
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Joined: September 3rd, 2017, 10:05 am

August 18th, 2018, 12:55 am #2

Imaginative. Reads almost like a child's tale.
It's a keeper
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russkigypsy
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Joined: August 18th, 2013, 10:27 pm

August 18th, 2018, 2:51 pm #3

The children bit never crossed my mind. Thanks for the encouraging feedback!
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Joined: April 9th, 2011, 9:30 am

August 18th, 2018, 3:09 pm #4

An interesting introduction of characters, it reads like a preface to a larger series of stories about them. 

I wonder when it begins once upon a time, suggesting Fiction, yet the narrator is part of the story suggesting its nonfiction.
Dale
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Osel
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Joined: June 20th, 2007, 3:33 am

August 18th, 2018, 4:57 pm #5

yes, and it really starts to heat up in the last three S’s.  Like something for the castle’s entertainment.  The once upon a time beginning never gets old, when it in not offhanded. 😁At its best It suggests to me, this will be a revelation of truth, if you stick with me long enough ( implying the N will transcend the characters presented, and perhaps even the logical ( debating) mind: well, one can dream!  .. and the truth shall, you know, set you free. Enjoyed the hand a lot. King Wrist. 🙂 If you have aspirations for this, you have my encouragement, as well. 
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Ken Ashworth
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Joined: September 3rd, 2017, 10:05 am

August 19th, 2018, 7:23 am #6

Alex, Idk if you send your work for publication, but Im with Alison. I think you should send this one
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Owl
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Owl
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Joined: January 21st, 2016, 12:29 pm

August 19th, 2018, 10:18 am #7

This is well-planned. I like how the first three strophes sets up the extended metaphor of the last three strophes. I also like how the left and right hand are juxtaposed and how this is used as a foil for the pithy, caustic comments about the publishing industry and about the commercial aspects of writing in general. 
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FranklyDire
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Joined: June 7th, 2015, 6:45 pm

August 19th, 2018, 1:59 pm #8

It is pithy and usual for Alex.


I though the last line could do with an edit.

raises its head the thrill goes down.

Ideal as an introduction to a book.
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Osel
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Joined: June 20th, 2007, 3:33 am

August 19th, 2018, 2:44 pm #9

yes, I agree with FD, last line needs an edit. 
“goes down”
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russkigypsy
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Joined: August 18th, 2013, 10:27 pm

August 19th, 2018, 4:48 pm #10

A tremendous thank you to all contributors in the saga of the brothers. I never thought I'd get such important & meaningful feedback for a story I thought I shot off the hip during a momentarily writer's block of questioning myself with what next!
 
Now be careful about colluding with the origins of these background stories. The last few years I draw on my ancestral roots... haha!
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