Orang Asli

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Orang Asli

Meena
Member
Joined: 13 May 2016, 17:26

24 Nov 2017, 15:14 #1

Speeding through the Cameron Hills,
I encounter a family, clad sparse
talking a different dialect,
behaving strange.

It is eleven in the morning
the man, an Orang asli  
sells fresh honey.
Jetto, greets with the coloured 
warm toothy smile  He smells fish  
The  natural aroma of honey out beats the pungency. 

His wife, a wee neater, spreads 
hand crafted baskets and boxes.
The  bamboo products  are weaves of craft.

I interview them, cross the code of conduct. 
Get personal.  Demand the house number, 
age and earnings. Question his skills. 

Over indulgence.

Jetto shoots back. 
with a guffaw,  house number?
qualification? His wife  throws 
an all knowing grin.

His answer petrifies. "The jungle 
is my home. I am daring, adventurous 
These are my credentials. 
Want anything more?"

Jetto grows large in stature.
An eclectic in spirit.

I stand degraded.
 







 
 
 
 

 
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saore
Member
Joined: 25 Apr 2009, 22:21

26 Nov 2017, 14:37 #2

I also like this one Meena.

Sergio
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Meena
Member
Joined: 13 May 2016, 17:26

26 Nov 2017, 16:56 #3

Thanks, Saore.
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Ken Ashworth
Member
Joined: 03 Sep 2017, 14:05

28 Nov 2017, 13:02 #4

Meena wrote: Thanks, Saore.
Good action, very engaging
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BobBradshaw
Member
Joined: 08 Jan 2015, 20:05

03 Dec 2017, 17:57 #5

Meena wrote: Speeding through the Cameron Hills,
I encounter a family, clad sparse
talking a different dialect,
behaving strange.

It is eleven in the morning
the man, an Orang asli  
sells fresh honey.
Jetto, greets with the coloured 
warm toothy smile  He smells fish  
The  natural aroma of honey out beats the pungency. 

His wife, a wee neater, spreads 
hand crafted baskets and boxes.
The  bamboo products  are weaves of craft.

I interview them, cross the code of conduct. 
Get personal.  Demand the house number, 
age and earnings. Question his skills. 

Over indulgence.

Jetto shoots back. 
with a guffaw,  house number?
qualification? His wife  throws 
an all knowing grin.

His answer petrifies. "The jungle 
is my home. I am daring, adventurous 
These are my credentials. 
Want anything more?"

Jetto grows large in stature.
An eclectic in spirit.

I stand degraded.
 
Excellent!  This is stellar, Meena...no crits..I like it all, including the close.






 
 
 
 

 
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Slowlearner
Member
Joined: 30 Aug 2017, 15:32

03 Dec 2017, 23:33 #6

Sound like a humbling but worthwhile experience. I like the clear imagery here. How you use it to tell the story. Are the periods missing here intentional?

Jetto, greets with the coloured 
warm toothy smile  He smells fish  
The natural aroma of honey out beats the pungency. 

And maybe reconsider "guffaw." Do guffaws actually exist? To me, it's a word used for writing without being grounded in existence.

I like this.

John
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FranklyDire
Member
Joined: 07 Jun 2015, 22:45

04 Dec 2017, 10:19 #7

Guffaw used by British English speakers
sums up exactly this:

guffaw
ɡəˈfɔː/
noun
  1. 1.
    a loud and hearty laugh.
    synonyms: hearty laugh, loud laugh, roar of laughter, hoot of laughter, shriek of laughter, peal of laughter, belly laugh
    "his joke brought a great guffaw from the youth"
  2. Originearly 18th century (originally Scots): imitative.
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Meena
Member
Joined: 13 May 2016, 17:26

06 Dec 2017, 16:16 #8

Slowlearner wrote: Sound like a humbling but worthwhile experience. I like the clear imagery here. How you use it to tell the story. Are the periods missing here intentional?

Jetto, greets with the coloured 
warm toothy smile  He smells fish  
The natural aroma of honey out beats the pungency. 

And maybe reconsider "guffaw." Do guffaws actually exist? To me, it's a word used for writing without being grounded in existence.

I like this.

John
Thanks, John. Guffaw is a loud  and hearty laugh.  Jetto laughed aloud. I have to check the punctuations. 
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Meena
Member
Joined: 13 May 2016, 17:26

06 Dec 2017, 16:18 #9

Ken Ashworth wrote:
Meena wrote: Thanks, Saore.
Good action, very engaging
Thanks, Ken.
Reply

Meena
Member
Joined: 13 May 2016, 17:26

06 Dec 2017, 16:20 #10

FranklyDire wrote: Guffaw used by British English speakers
sums up exactly this:

guffaw
ɡəˈfɔː/
noun
  1. 1.
    a loud and hearty laugh.
    synonyms: hearty laugh, loud laugh, roar of laughter, hoot of laughter, shriek of laughter, peal of laughter, belly laugh
    "his joke brought a great guffaw from the youth"
  2. Originearly 18th century (originally Scots): imitative.
Thanks, Frank.
Reply