Nov 10. At a Small Bar in Southern West Virginia

Nov 10. At a Small Bar in Southern West Virginia

rosered17
Member
Joined: 06 Nov 2007, 16:17

10 Nov 2010, 02:43 #1

rough draft here, but wanted to post early
Perhaps it would be better if I were not part of the picture (lol) here.  I can't think of a way to do that.
I have an alternate title of Sweet Surprise at a Bar in West Virginia





At a Small Bar in Southern West Virginia






I'm still struck by her majesty on screen,


from The Bad Sister, through Baby Jane


and Hush, Hush... I tried to tell him, "no



I won't dance with you
to "Bette Davis Eyes"
because of my resemblance to her. Look again,
honey,
at these- small, kinda squinty...
".


My boyfriend didn't punch him and I almost

wet my pants laughing. Glamorous to frumpy,
stealing scenes with a scanning stare,
she glanced her gutsy pluck into my soul
and sometimes, dances her way out.
Last edited by rosered17 on 10 Nov 2010, 21:29, edited 16 times in total.
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Osel
Member
Joined: 20 Jun 2007, 07:33

10 Nov 2010, 03:40 #2

should post the date. since you're joining us for the whole month.

tomorrow, right?



I'm about to post early too.
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rosered17
Member
Joined: 06 Nov 2007, 16:17

10 Nov 2010, 04:02 #3

thanks, Alison



and the draft?





posting early is good!





Mar
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Osel
Member
Joined: 20 Jun 2007, 07:33

10 Nov 2010, 04:36 #4

draft is always best in a bar, on a beach-- the fresher the better. (unlike wine) myself- gotta come back tomorrow.
got more work to do...
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SJane30
Member
Joined: 05 Apr 2008, 15:35

10 Nov 2010, 14:21 #5

Hi Mar -

Bette Davis is one of my favorites, too. I like your word choices here. I must admit to a little confusion about what's going on, and who does the resembling...

cheers, sarah
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toniclark
Member
Joined: 05 May 2006, 22:47

10 Nov 2010, 14:28 #6

Yeah, lines 5-6 confused me, so I'm probably missing something. Might be an interesting experiment to try taking the "I" out. (Something to do in December!)



The song title should just be in quotation marks, not italics.



Ooh, now I'm going to have that song on the brain all day. S'okay. I like it.
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Osel
Member
Joined: 20 Jun 2007, 07:33

10 Nov 2010, 21:27 #7

An evolving poem...first title was too sweet, and "gutsy pluck" might be a little cute for BD--not sure...





yah, I wonder how many times that line has been cast.... I had a friend who really had/has these eyes, (and the longest natural lashes--she used to put vaseline on them every day...) but not much of the BD spirit.



I love loved loved her in Whatever happened to Baby Jane...one of the greats.
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rosered17
Member
Joined: 06 Nov 2007, 16:17

10 Nov 2010, 21:35 #8

thanks all
I revised to
"because of my resemblance to her"



it is evolving hopefully



The man in the bar wanted me to dance with him to "Bette Davis Eyes" because he thought I looked like Bette Davis. Obviously he had had one too many. He became a bit pushy. In the poem I was trying to convey that although I look nothing like Bette that because I was so fond of her a little of her essence was coming through.



yes, one for December



Mar
Last edited by rosered17 on 10 Nov 2010, 21:40, edited 1 time in total.
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Osel
Member
Joined: 20 Jun 2007, 07:33

10 Nov 2010, 21:43 #9

the story somes through Mar.



re; evolving, well, the number of edits shows...I had a little fun too with my Goodwill poem. I lseem to work well, revising to the posting box
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rosered17
Member
Joined: 06 Nov 2007, 16:17

10 Nov 2010, 22:07 #10

thanks for the vote of confidence, Alison

love your Goodwill poem



I revise on the posting box obsessively because it seems to work for me too.



Mar
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