Nov 10. At a Small Bar in Southern West Virginia

Nov 10. At a Small Bar in Southern West Virginia

rosered17
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Joined: November 6th, 2007, 11:17 am

November 9th, 2010, 9:43 pm #1

rough draft here, but wanted to post early
Perhaps it would be better if I were not part of the picture (lol) here.  I can't think of a way to do that.
I have an alternate title of Sweet Surprise at a Bar in West Virginia





At a Small Bar in Southern West Virginia






I'm still struck by her majesty on screen,


from The Bad Sister, through Baby Jane


and Hush, Hush... I tried to tell him, "no



I won't dance with you
to "Bette Davis Eyes"
because of my resemblance to her. Look again,
honey,
at these- small, kinda squinty...
".


My boyfriend didn't punch him and I almost

wet my pants laughing. Glamorous to frumpy,
stealing scenes with a scanning stare,
she glanced her gutsy pluck into my soul
and sometimes, dances her way out.
Last edited by rosered17 on November 10th, 2010, 4:29 pm, edited 16 times in total.
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Osel
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Joined: June 20th, 2007, 3:33 am

November 9th, 2010, 10:40 pm #2

should post the date. since you're joining us for the whole month.

tomorrow, right?



I'm about to post early too.
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rosered17
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Joined: November 6th, 2007, 11:17 am

November 9th, 2010, 11:02 pm #3

thanks, Alison



and the draft?





posting early is good!





Mar
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Osel
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Joined: June 20th, 2007, 3:33 am

November 9th, 2010, 11:36 pm #4

draft is always best in a bar, on a beach-- the fresher the better. (unlike wine) myself- gotta come back tomorrow.
got more work to do...
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SJane30
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Joined: April 5th, 2008, 11:35 am

November 10th, 2010, 9:21 am #5

Hi Mar -

Bette Davis is one of my favorites, too. I like your word choices here. I must admit to a little confusion about what's going on, and who does the resembling...

cheers, sarah
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toniclark
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Joined: May 5th, 2006, 6:47 pm

November 10th, 2010, 9:28 am #6

Yeah, lines 5-6 confused me, so I'm probably missing something. Might be an interesting experiment to try taking the "I" out. (Something to do in December!)



The song title should just be in quotation marks, not italics.



Ooh, now I'm going to have that song on the brain all day. S'okay. I like it.
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Osel
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Joined: June 20th, 2007, 3:33 am

November 10th, 2010, 4:27 pm #7

An evolving poem...first title was too sweet, and "gutsy pluck" might be a little cute for BD--not sure...





yah, I wonder how many times that line has been cast.... I had a friend who really had/has these eyes, (and the longest natural lashes--she used to put vaseline on them every day...) but not much of the BD spirit.



I love loved loved her in Whatever happened to Baby Jane...one of the greats.
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rosered17
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Joined: November 6th, 2007, 11:17 am

November 10th, 2010, 4:35 pm #8

thanks all
I revised to
"because of my resemblance to her"



it is evolving hopefully



The man in the bar wanted me to dance with him to "Bette Davis Eyes" because he thought I looked like Bette Davis. Obviously he had had one too many. He became a bit pushy. In the poem I was trying to convey that although I look nothing like Bette that because I was so fond of her a little of her essence was coming through.



yes, one for December



Mar
Last edited by rosered17 on November 10th, 2010, 4:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Osel
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Joined: June 20th, 2007, 3:33 am

November 10th, 2010, 4:43 pm #9

the story somes through Mar.



re; evolving, well, the number of edits shows...I had a little fun too with my Goodwill poem. I lseem to work well, revising to the posting box
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rosered17
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Joined: November 6th, 2007, 11:17 am

November 10th, 2010, 5:07 pm #10

thanks for the vote of confidence, Alison

love your Goodwill poem



I revise on the posting box obsessively because it seems to work for me too.



Mar
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