A quick shorthand to explain Doc's Dew to outsiders

Joined: October 9th, 2014, 11:59 am

July 19th, 2018, 6:05 pm #1

Tell them its the soft drink equivalent of  "Tom Smith's 307 Ale", and have them search that up.  The lyrics of the song are as follows:

307 ALE
(words & music (c) 1989 by Tom Smith)

There's many drinks you'll drink, me lads, on every world that's new.
There's Saurian Brandy, Cranapple Schnapps, and a good old Tullamore Don't.
There's Busch and Beck and Bud and Bock and others dark and pale,
But I think you'll find the finest kind is Three-Oh-Seven Ale.

(chorus)
Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads, Three-Oh-Seven Ale,
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads,
Three-Oh-Seven Ale.

It started out at M.I.T. one lazy summer day,
When a couple of the frat-boy techies started in to play,
They'd caught up on their schedule with a couple hours to kill,
So they fitted up the cyclotron and made themselves a still.

(chorus)

They added choice ingredients to brew a little brew,
But they didn't know the wires were crossed in Chamber Number Two.
A tiny bit of space got folded, things were looking queer --
They turned the spout and then came out the world's first Hyper-Beer.

(chorus)

It bubbled and it burbled and it glowed a fizzly green,
And what it did to test equipment, frankly, was obscene.
It took awhile to find a vial it wouldn't burst to flame,
Then they measured out its potency, and that's how it was named.

(slower)
There's many drinks you'll drink, me lads, but this one beats them all:
One hundred fifty-three and one-half percent alcohol,
A beer, brewed in a tesseract, that'll shoot you through the roof --
And if you don't believe me, I've got lots and lots of proof.

(final chorus)
Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads, Three-Oh-Seven Ale,
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale,
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale,
It sticks to your mouth like library paste,
With a stronger kick than toxic waste,
There's nothing that you'll ever taste
Like Three-Oh-Seven Ale!
-- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines
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Joined: September 12th, 2014, 3:32 am

July 19th, 2018, 9:24 pm #2

I've not heard that song in a while. Thanks!
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Joined: March 6th, 2018, 8:17 am

July 19th, 2018, 10:35 pm #3

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Joined: June 28th, 2017, 11:03 pm

July 20th, 2018, 1:12 am #4

For some reason I 'hear' this song in my head as if it was sung by those people who did the Gilligan's Island theme...
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Joined: October 8th, 2014, 2:05 pm

July 20th, 2018, 1:44 am #5

TheFnord wrote: For some reason I 'hear' this song in my head as if it was sung by those people who did the Gilligan's Island theme...
Like this? https://xkcd.com/788/
(Hover your mouse pointer over the comic to read the alternate text.)

When I started reading the lyrics I was reminded of The Cremation of Sam McGee.

It helped that a dear departed friend of mine, a fellow software weenie, had a book on software testing that had a variation of that poem in the introduction, titled "The Running of Test Three-Oh-Three." I don't remember the whole thing, but the first stanza has stuck with me for thirty years:

"There are bugs adrift on the midnight shift that cannot be foretold.
The audit trails have their secret tales that will make your blood run cold.
Debugging nights have seen queer sights, but the queerest I ever did see
was the time on the way to cutover day we ran test Three-Oh-Three."

The poem goes on in detail about a simple test of an accounting program ("'A trivial test is always best' the experts love to state") that resulted in several fatalities.

I guess the fact that 303 and 307 aren't very far apart is what reminded me.
If it ain't broke, I'll fix it!
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Joined: December 20th, 2016, 1:30 pm

July 20th, 2018, 2:21 am #6

Test 303 can be found at 

http://allegedly.petebevin.com/303.html
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Joined: October 8th, 2014, 2:05 pm

July 20th, 2018, 2:46 am #7

xtargeter wrote: Test 303 can be found at 

http://allegedly.petebevin.com/303.html
THANK YOU! I looked for that for years and had finally given up.
If it ain't broke, I'll fix it!
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Joined: August 3rd, 2015, 8:49 am

July 20th, 2018, 6:01 am #8

TheFnord wrote: For some reason I 'hear' this song in my head as if it was sung by those people who did the Gilligan's Island theme...
Gilligan's Ale-land? I'm sure that theme could be weirded by Al or those with a similarly twisted sense of humor! XD
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Joined: March 6th, 2018, 8:17 am

July 20th, 2018, 7:28 am #9

xtargeter wrote: Test 303 can be found at 

http://allegedly.petebevin.com/303.html
Epic! Thank you.
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Joined: September 15th, 2017, 9:42 pm

July 20th, 2018, 11:41 pm #10

hinermad wrote:
TheFnord wrote: For some reason I 'hear' this song in my head as if it was sung by those people who did the Gilligan's Island theme...
Like this? https://xkcd.com/788/
(Hover your mouse pointer over the comic to read the alternate text.)
I see the title ("Carriage") and the mouseover text, but that's it.
REUNITE GONDWANALAND!
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