Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage
reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
==========================================================
Oil
Change instructions for Men:
1) Drive to O'Reilly Auto
Parts buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case
of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under
kid's pedal car .
6) In frustration, open another
beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under
engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end
wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent
wrench.
10) Unscrew drain
plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of
hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while
watching oil
drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking
for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through
oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from ! under ca r
with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental
penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter
making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh
oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of
fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in
with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty
litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing
any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing
fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent
wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5
minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage
as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts
of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from
jack
stands.
34) Move car back to apply more
kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive
car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested
for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make
bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI
$2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail
$1500.00
Beer
$20.00
Total
-- $4,145.00
But
you know the job was done right!
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage
reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
==========================================================
Oil
Change instructions for Men:
1) Drive to O'Reilly Auto
Parts buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case
of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under
kid's pedal car .
6) In frustration, open another
beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under
engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end
wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent
wrench.
10) Unscrew drain
plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of
hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while
watching oil
drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking
for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through
oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from ! under ca r
with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental
penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter
making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh
oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of
fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in
with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty
litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing
any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing
fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent
wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5
minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage
as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts
of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from
jack
stands.
34) Move car back to apply more
kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive
car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested
for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make
bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI
$2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail
$1500.00
Beer
$20.00
Total
-- $4,145.00
But
you know the job was done right!
