Okay, Guys ... I'm typing blind so it's up to you to ignore mistakes and figure out what I mean.
Danica Patrick ended her racing career with NASCAR today with a crash of some sort. I automaticaLLY looked for Phillip ... eager to tell him the news ... already anticipating what he would say. He didn't have a high opinion of lady racers and he and I often had lively discussions about the subject.
Today is the 28th which means Phillip has now been gone exactly nine months. The missing hasn't gotten much easier yet. I've learned to keep my thoughts to myself. Just smile and say nothing. Oh, but I WANT to talk about him. Not sad or morbid talk ... just happy memories ... but, no, speaking of the dead makes listeners suddenly not know what to do with their hands or feet ... Uncomfortable and embarrassed and wanting me to discuss the weather or politics or something ... anything but my Phillip.
Our daughter, Karen, called yesterday from Nashville ... and she was laughing about how Phillip would have laughed at some big mistake she made while trying to help her husband, Danny, with some carpentry work on an old house they are remodeling. Her helpfulness caused Danny a lot of extra work. I was glad to get her phone call and I was quick to agree that Phillip would have loved the story.
It's three in the morning here in Arkansas. Phillip and I used to have our best parties in the middle of the night. His hospital bed was setting center stage in what was supposed to be the living room in our tiny apartment in Tennessee. We often had "ironing" parties. What that meant was that I would drag the ironing board in beside his bed and iron a week's supply of Karen's nurse uniforms while we watched some favorite music on TV. He loved those times. It made him happy to see her coming in the door with a big basket of dirty laundry because he knew I'd set up my workshop close by. One of his little jokes that was really about halfway serious, he'd tell me not to send all her clean clothes home with her ... just send two uniforms at a time so she'd have to come over more often. (smile) They loved each other so dearly. Karen was his stepdaughter, but sometimes I think she loved him more than she loved me. (more smiling)
I still worry and wonder about all of you ... Don, Chuck, Kenny, Leep, Ridge ... and so many more ... Every single one of you bad to the bone ... I don't know why I keep thinking about you ... hoping you're safe and well ... (sigh) Old habits are hard to breeak... Seldom a day passed ... during all those long years ... that Phillip didn't send me to the computer to check out the back forty. Kenny's fish picture stayed prominently displayed all the way to the end. I'm to blind to see pictures anymore but you can bet Karen still has every scrap of paper that was dear to Phillip's heart. The fish picture is still with up, Kenny.
Love to all of you
I still worry about you young lady and I pray that life does get easier and better soon..I still miss my Dad and he has been gone since 2001, Mom since 1981 and little brother John in 1980..But I'm not sure that we are supposed to get all the way better,Jonelle..Maybe we are made so that those we love will never leave our hearts and minds, especially our hearts....Love is such a strong emotion that it surpasses all else..I wish you well my dear friend and know you are in my thoughts and prayers..