The Christianson Show Episode 4

Jeff Christianson
AWA Household Name
Jeff Christianson
AWA Household Name
Joined: April 30th, 2007, 8:45 pm

January 27th, 2009, 4:03 pm #1

(We fade back up to the Christianson show. We still see Dustin Spears sitting in his chair. We hear the PA announcer begin to speak.)

PA: “The longest show in our history, Jeff never ceases to impress! He’s going to get back to work and continue to the second half of our show before where we hear from Dusty Spears and his family. Now to the host with the most who will make Dusty turn into a ghost. Jeff Christianson!”

(We see Jeff Christianson walking from the back, still eating a sandwich. He walks right past the center stage and off beat with the white, really tearing into he. He walks back over to his desk and finishes the sandwich. He looks into the camera, then grabs his glass of milk and finishes it off. He now wipes off the milk mustache and begins to speak.)

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Welcome back to the
Christianson show! This isn’t Episode five, but episode 4 continued as we try to help Dusty Spears out with his family problems. First, let’s bring out a family member of his. Dom Spears.

(We see a guy walk out. He sits in the chair beside Dustin. He begins to speak.)

Dom Spears: “Thanks for having me on the show, Jeff. I’m Dom.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Dude, I’m supposed to introduce you first. We went over this a million times in the sandwich line! Now I read that you are the younger brother of Dustin.

Dom Spears: “Yes, I am. I’m just as talented though!”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “So, dish the dirt… is he good or what?

Dom Spears: “Not really, that’s why I’m just as talented and as good as him. Hell, we’ve been at the same level since I was like 5… except on a mental level. I do a much better job at talking than he does.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “I can tell. I can barely get a word in with you and I get so many words in with him. Why doesn’t he ask you for help with his family problems?

Dom Spears: “Because he doesn’t like to get help. My brother is as Straight Edge as it gets. I’m right behind him. I know when I need a little liquid courage. Apparently he hasn’t found that out.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Hopefully you help him out with that. He’ll need a little liquid courage if he thinks he can compare to me.

Dom Spears: “You’re telling me. I was watching tape of you and it was mind blowing the amount of people you’ve injured or retired… and yet you have no remorse for these people.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “That’s why you better talk some since into your brother. I will injure someone to prove a point. In his case, I will make sure that he can’t walk and take care of his daughter if he gets into my way. Wait, he’s already there. He’s under my skin because he has no passion for his career. He doesn’t have the drive or motivation to be the best. He likes to make all of these false promises and he never comes through. Isn’t it disappointing to him?

Dom Spears: “To all of us. He just never can attain a high level.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “He could reach a high level but he obviously doesn’t want to look for help. He already thinks he’s good enough. He thinks he is this great wrestler and fighter. He thinks he is the best in the world. THEN, he doesn’t really work on his weaknesses. He just wants to brag about how he has did this and how he will do that, yet he can’t do anything! It doesn’t realize how good we actually are in the Alliance. He better apologize to us… and that won’t help him. We will destroy him.

Dom Spears: “I’m about done.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Well, the let’s bring out the two sisters, Britney Spears, and Jamie Lynn Spears!

(Britney Spears first ‘hit,’ “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and we see both Britney and Jamie Lynn walking out. Jamie sits beside Dom, and Britney sits next to an open seat.)

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Welcome to the show Britney and Jamie Lynn. Howe well do you know this guy?

Britney Spears: “Not well at all. I mean I was out being the pop princess. I can’t take care of him all the time.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Any advice for him, Britney?

Britney Spears: “Like, not really. What’s there to give advice to? At least I have passion and great sex. And cigarettes. I don’t know how he survives with that straight edge shit. All I can say when I’m at the bar is Hit Me Baby one more time!”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “I’m sure it is. What about you Jamie Lynn. Any advice for your brother, Dusty?

Jamie Lynn: “Don’t go crazy like Brit.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “That’s an understatement. Anything else to add?

Jamie Lynn: “Take care of your kid! I am. Teen mom 101 here. Brit and mom helped me a bit.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “You’re saying you take care of your kid better than Dusty?

Jamie Lynn: “Like totally! He doesn’t take advice, remember?”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Kind of hard to forget really. Thank you for your motherly insight, Jamie Lynn… and you too Britney!

(Both Spears women wave to the crowd. Jeff begins to speak.)

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “We do have an extra chair, but I’m not sure why. Anyway, Dusty, have you learned anything from your family members? I mean we have the best teen mom in the world who’s ten times better than your Mr. Mom routine. We have the biggest liar in your family but at least she’s honest and not lying about straight edge crap. We have Dom the talkative son of a b***h who’s just like you… but younger. Supposedly. There is still no proof to that according to his profile. Then we have you.

Dustin Spears: “No. Learn. A-Lot.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Why haven’t you learned a lot Dustin. Are you just not smart enough?

Dustin Spears: “Just. Met. Family.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “That’s mind-blowing there! You just met your family and you’ve lived with them your whole life! WOW! I can’t believe you didn’t know what they were like or anything like that. Don’t you ever wonder who’s babies your daughter is playing with? That’s amazing. Anything else you’d like to add before we wrap this up?

Dustin Spears. Yes. Except. Finishes.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: I can’t help but note you said except. I think you mean accept. Pronunciation will help you in this world. It also helps me understand your short, choppy sentences that are full of speaking errors. But why can’t I accepted Finishes? I think you have the wrong words there. I think your original quote was I can’t accept the fact you’re finishes. Nobody can understand that s**t! Learn to speak Dusty. I have to be able to understand you if I’m going to help you.[/color]”

Dustin Spears: “Make. Bad. Look.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “So you could sit back and make me look bad if you want to? Well, then do it. I’m going to run a smear campaign on you for the rest of the year if you can’t make me look bad. You either have to do it in the ring or out of the ring. You can’t make me look bad. You know that. I can challenge you to do it all I want and it will never happen. You will make excuse after excuse why you just sit in front of the camera and barely grace us with your presence. The only problem for you is that you won’t have to worry about it after the pay per view. You will be retiring. You will be done. I will prove I am greater than you without a shadow of a doubt.

Dustin Spears: “You. Nobody.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Sorry, but I am somebody. I was somebody in this sport while you were just breaking in. Sorry to tell you kid. That’s why my salary trumps yours. That’s why my matches are always better than yours. That’s why I have a world of ability. What do you bring to the table? A few MMA moves that can’t compare to John Williams? I am more than threatening to your everyday life. You acting like I am is just sealing the fate of your career. You are at your own demise. You have signed sealed and delivered it this week. You like to brag about how good you are, yet you don’t have an substance to it. Why don’t you get a life and figure it out? Oh wait, you have a life and I’m not important enough. I just aligned myself with the most destructive force in the XWCWF. They have been tearing apart your roster every week. They welcomed me with open arms and they are better than every member of the XWCWF! On the other hand, I guess you have a false sense of security since you don’t have much film to break down. Dusty, I will rip you apart and embarrass you in your company.

Dustin Spears: “Humiliate. Alliance.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Something you can’t do buddy. You aren’t good enough to humiliate me, and I’m the best member of the Alliance if I do say so myself. You are a minor leaguer, and I’m major. You’re all up in the game right now and don’t deserve to be a player. You have yet to truly humiliate one Alliance member, much less be on my level. I think your comments about having the empty head should be turned to you. I’m airing out my thoughts and feelings about why I think I will win. You just state the same things over and over again but never really drive home the point. You need to learn about how to insult someone and say you’re better and then actually back it up. You can’t even say it right, much less back it up to me.

Dustin Spears: “Intimidate me.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “the purpose of my interviews is not to intimidate you. It’s to educate you. It’s to embarrass you. That’s something I’ve already accomplished. Every day I try to prove why I am better. I do that. I like to do that. You? You don’t’ understand that, or how good I am. I pity you. You are going to lose your career and your only means of income to support that future whore you’re raising. You might as well turn her out on the street, I’m sure some child rapist will be waiting. You might as well watch since you won’t have the time after I retire your sorry ass this week at the pay per view. I am undefeated in the XWCWF. I have never even been touched on pay per view. I just beat the crap out of you guys. My toughest challenge was Steven Osbourne last week and I out cheated the cheater. Anything you can do, Dusty, I can do better. Well, except for lose.”:

Dustin Spears: “Losing streak.”

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “Yeah, you have one. I don’t. You can’t beat lesser talent that I’m running through. That sure makes you better than me doesn’t it Dusty Spears? You will NEVER be better than me. I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back. The plan to attack you last week? It wasn’t Brian Williams that was behind it. It was me! Brian liked the idea since you like to smear his name, and the Alliance’s name. We took you out. We softened you up but that won’t compare to what happens to you this week.

I’m hearing we have one more member of your family who just got here. Bring this asshole out!

(We now see Randy Spears walk out as Jeff Christianson looks in disbelief.)

Randy Spears: “How are you doing today?”

(Randy sits in the chair right by Jeff’s desk and sticks his hand out.)

‘Dark Warrior’ Jeff Christianson: “[color=red]I’m not shaking that thing. You have to be the perverted uncle.”

Randy Spears: “That, I am.”

(Jeff gives the cut-throat signal to end the show and the scene fades out.)