Transformers: More Then Meets The Eye

NeoPrimeStar
Member
Joined: August 11th, 2001, 3:00 am

August 10th, 2001, 8:00 pm #1

Author: I'm scared to do this here, I tried elsewhere in a TF forum & I got nO respect, everyone ignoired mine and read others instead. But i"ll try here...
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INTRO:Transformers: More Then Meets The Eye
10 years ago the Cybertrons battled the evil Gigatron and his Destrongers. The war was soon won by Fire convoy and the heroic Cybertrons.
10 years later, a new evil transformer named, Unitron decided to take revenge on the Cybertrons. With him he brought an evil new race of transforming robots called, Autocons.
The cybertrons now must call on the Cybertron Protecters and fight Unitron and his Autocons.
Unitron will go by all means to destory the cybertrons, but Fire Convoy, the Cybertrons and Cybertron Protecters do not know the meaning of defeated....
Intro to the bad guys
:Autocons
"More Bot Then Con"
Ruled by the evil Master Unitron, The Autocons are programmed to destory anything and everything in their path. The Autocons are ready to make the Cybertron (Autobot) name just a memory.
-----------------------------------------------------------
"The ground is shaking,
the wind is blowing,
the water is crashing...
More then meets the eye...
The ground is shaking,
the wind is blowing,
the water is crashing...
The cybertrons are up for a new battle...
the Cybertrons are up to defeat the new evil Transfomers...
Protecting Earth and cybertron from the Autocons
Commander shout!.."Cybertrons,Transform!....
Go Convoy Go cybertrons.....
WE need your help now!
Cybertron Protecters we need you..
"Autocons become just a nightmare"
"Cybertrons we need you!"
"Cybertron Protecters we need you"
"The Evil Autocons have arrived!"
"Transform and Roll Out!"
"Transform and Roll Out"
"Transform and Roll Out"
Go, Cybertrons!"
"Go Cybertrons!"


Transformers
More Then Meets The Eye
Episode 1
"Arrival Of The New Robotic Race"
October 23 2010 A.D
Across the galaxy it was quiet. The stars glowed and metors surrounded the sky. A shooting metor went past the planet of Jupiter. Then from behind the planet of Jupiter a light shined and 2 objects came out. As it floated in the universe sky, the objects appeared to be 2 shuttles. Inside one ship, 2 yellow eyes glowed brightly as it pointed at Earth's direction. "The Cybertrons (Autobots) are out there! Search and destory them!" said the figure.
Quickly 2 ships carring a symbol like the ancient Cypertrons ( autobots) but with the top like the Destrons (Decepticons). took off towards Earth's atomsphere
.As the two ships headed towards Earth's atmosphere, an image glowed just as the ships pasted it. 5 beams of light headed towards the same direction as the 2 ships. Soon the ships landed in Japan, just outside the city of Toyko.
The 2 doors opened and out came 3 robotic looking figures. One had neon green colored eyes. He had no expression on his face. He took a couple of looks around. "So this place is?" he asked. The other robotic figure stepped out of the ship and onto the Earth's ground. "This must be Earth, we must be in one of it's many cities."said the other.
As the 2 walked around the grounds,a few others walked out of the ship. In total there were 7 that walked the streets at 2A.M. "This is where the Cybertrons are?" asked the 3rd one. "I see nothing! But buildings!" added the 4th one. "The Cybertrons are here!" said the 1st one. "Now go find them, they must be in this city!"
A firth robot saw a carlot of new cars. He glared at the cars. "CYBERTRONS!" he yelled. 'Hear me! Transform and fear, LaserRod!" But the cars just sat in the parking lot. A very displeased Laser Rod pulled his arm forward and blasted the cars to pieces with his missle launcher. The cars blew up into flames.
Laser Rod watched the fire. " I guess they weren't Cybertrons." he said and walked off.
Close to dawn,
The 1st robot looked at the sun coming up, he saw his 6 soilders return with nothing but their weapons at their sides. "You didn't find them?" he asked. "No, but we did have fun." said another. "This is NOT the time for games, Death Strike. WE must find the cybertrons, But for now, return to the ships. WE will find a way to destory the Cybertrons." he answered. Death sTrike nodded, "Yes, Metal crusher. " said Death Strike. "Your out there somewhere cybertrons, and when we find you...(laughs) .. there won't be enough pieces to sweep up." said MetalCrusher.
AS he headed towards the ship, he faded away along with the ships.
A few mintues later, poilce and reports came to the areas the robots had attacked. "How werid, who would destory cars in a car lot?" asked a poilce officer.
Later that day in Cybertron H.Q, Ai watched the screen with Fire Convoy and the Car brothers. "It seems very strange that 7 Dealerships were destoryed. Everyone last of the cars owned were destoryed. There is no trace to who is behind it." said the reporter on TV.
"Argh!" screamed speedbreaker, "All those nice red beauitful cars destoryed!" "Why would anyone destory those cars?' asked Mach alert. Fire Convoy looked at the images, "I'm not sure, but we're going to find out" he said. Ai scanned the screens, "It might be possiable that the destrongers are playing a trick. You got to be careful,Cybertrons."
Fire Convy nodded,"But Gigatron and the Destrongers have been gone for 10 years".he said then looked at the screen. "Keep the Spy changers on stand by.."added Fire convoy and headed out the door. "Cybertrons, transform!"
'Urghh, I'll get the destrongers for destorying those beauitful cars!" he cried.
Mach Alert and Wild Ride were already out the door, "Speedbreaker, we are going to leave you behind." said Wild Ride. Speedbreaker transformed and drove after them, "but wait.. what if they destory MORE beauitful red cars? Awwww!! the heartbreak!!" he cried.
Mach Alert banged into speedbreaker's left side, "Shut up about the red cars!" he told him.
Meanwhile,
The new robots looked into the glass images and were still scanning the cars all over the world. "Any trace of them, yet?" asked a voice from behind. Metalcrusher looked behind him, "Unitron.' he said with a pause. "We are scanning the cars all over the world but no trace of cybertrons. Just humans inside normal cars." "
Hmm," said Unitron, he was a large batty like robot. His feature was black, with yellow and red. His optics glowed like the yellow sun. He looked at the scanners, "Perhaps, the Cybertrons are in hiding." he said.
A moment later,
one screen blinked and let out a small sound. "Sir, I have found something that might get us to the cybertrons." said Laser Rod. His chair faced Unitron and Metacrusher.
"Oh?" said Unitron, "Let's see." He said walking closer to the screen. MetalCrusher and Zorotron looked at the screen, Zorontron grinned,
.Later,
Unitron, MetalCrusher and Leo stood on a paved road. "So where's he at?" asked MetalCrusher. "pateince." said Leo then looked to his left.
He saw a car coming towards them. " I scanned the files of the Cybertrons. It seems the cybertrons were friends with a young boy named Yuki 10 years ago. We find him, we find the cybertrons."said Leo.
"Speaking of..." said Metalcrusher and smirked. The car in front of him was coming towards him. In the drivers seat was Yuki only 10 years older. He saw the 3 gaint robots and put on his brakes. "Urghh... can it...be?" he said looking throygh his wind sheild.
"Looks like we found what we needed." said Leo, bending down to pick up the car. Yuki gasped, and grabbed his cell phone.
"Fire Convoy! It's Yuki I am beening attacked by Destrongers..." he cried. Fire Convoy responded, "What? But they were destoryed! Yuki we will be there as soon as we can." said Fire Convoy, quickly he alerted the others.
"Destrongers still exiat?!" said the 3 Car brothers and raced to where Yuki was.
Meanwhile,
Unitron grinned as he saw the human inside, "Tell us where the Cybertrons are!" he demanded. Yuki glared at him,"I'll never tell you."
Leo held him gentle in his palm, "We aren't playing games, little man. Tell us where those Cybertrons are." said Leo.
Yuki glared at them, and shrugged. "I dunno." he said.
Unitron sneered at him, "He knows!" he said was ready to blast him. Yuki screamed as he saw the gun in his presence.
'Say goodnight, human." said Unitron. Just as he was about to blast the human.
A blast hit him fron the side. Unitron went flying across the ground.
"FIRE FLASH!" called fire Convoy and blasted Leo and MetalCrusher as well.
Leo dropped Yuki as he fell back.Metalcrusher jumped into the air and glared at the cybertron. Fire convoy quickly caught him, and put him down.
"Get to someplace safe." Yuki nodded and took off towards a building. Unitron and Leo got up and faced the Cybertron. Fire convoy looked at them, "Who are you and what do you want?' he demanded.
Unitron laughed, "I am Unitron, creator of the Autocons! We exist to destory you!" he told him.
Fire convoy took a step back, "There is no need to fight like this."
"Really? Don't tell me, tell my friends that. Arise autocons and destory Fire convoy!" he laughed.
Fire convoy saw 5 beams of light surround him. In replacement of the light, stood 5 Autocons.
"What?" said Fire convoy. "Allow my friends to introduce themselves.." said Unitron.
'My name is Laser Rod... ...Mine is Sonic... I'm Nightkiller....I'm..Tarmma....I'm..DeathStrike.. and we are your worst nightmare."
"Oh and we mustn't forget me, Leo!" he said. "Or me! Metalcrusher." said the black and white autocon from above.
"Take care of your new toy." said Unitron as he and Leo faded out.
Fire Conviy watched as he was surrounded, and was ready to attack. 'This won't hurt much." said Nightkiller with a smirk.
"No, but this might!" said Mach Alert and blasted Nightkiller aside.
The autocons turned to where the cybertron was. 'cybertrons!." they said.
Quickly Sonic blasted Fire conviy and surrounded him in laser rope. Fire convoy fell to his knees unable to move. "Fire covoy!" shouted mach Alert and was about to blast sonic when he jumped in the air. "sonic Beam!" he shouted and sent a purple ray of light at Mach Alert.
The sound was overbearing and Mach alert dropped his weapon. Sonic landed on the ground and blasted Mach Alert into the same laser rope as Fire convoy.
"Hehehe, that's 2 Cybertrons." he said with a smirk.
"3!" said Laser Rod, dragging WildRide in.
"Hmm, so that's it? asked Metalcrusher. Mach alert sighed,.."speedbreaker...." he whimpered.
Sonic overheard him and turned to face him. "Hmm? speedbreaker?" he asked.
"Must be another Cybertron!" he said and scanned the area. He couldn't find Speedbreaker, anywhere. speedbreaker watched from inside an old building. "what will I do now?" he asked. "i can't handle all 6 on my own."
Quickly speedbreaker called out to Ai for help. Ai watched horrifyed, " OH NO! Cybertrons! All been captured! I must send them more help!" She scanned again, "JX..they can..--" "Hold it!" said a voice.
"Let me and my friends handle this."Eh?" asked Ai, she looked oddly at the computer screen, "But...who are you?" she asked. "
Don't worry, just say I am a loyal friend of the Cybertrons." said the voice.
Meanwhile,
"So what will we do with these Cybertrons?" asked LaserRod. "Hehehehe, I think they should work for us.." laughed Sonic.
WildRide looked at fire cOnvoy, "What will we do?" he asked him. 'I don't know WildRide. Let's hope speedbreaker and the others can ave us.." "And if they don't get back in time..?" asked Mach Alert. "I reather not think about that..." said Fire convoy
End of Ep1 part 1


That's my little girl...
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Psycho Convoy
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Joined: February 27th, 2001, 7:16 am

August 10th, 2001, 8:05 pm #2

Well... I respect ya!

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NeoPrimeStar
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Joined: August 11th, 2001, 3:00 am

August 10th, 2001, 8:05 pm #3

Transformers
More Then Meets The Eye
"The ground is shaking,
the wind is blowing,
the water is crashing...
More then meets the eye...
The ground is shaking,
the wind is blowing,
the water is crashing...
The cybertrons are up for a new battle...
the Cybertrons are up to defeat the new evil Transfomers...
Protecting Earth and cybertron from the Autocons
Commander shout!.."Cybertrons,Transform!....
Go Convoy Go cybertrons.....
WE need your help now!
Cybertron Protecters we need you..
"Autocons become just a nightmare"
"Cybertrons we need you!"
"Cybertron Protecters we need you"
"The Evil Autocons have arrived!"
"Transform and Roll Out!"
"Transform and Roll Out"
"Transform and Roll Out"
Go, Cybertrons!"
"Go Cybertrons!"



Ep 2
"Arrival of the Cybertron Protecters"
Speedbreaker watched sadly as there was nothing he could do for his friends. "Speedbreaker, come on out, don't you care about your friends? come out right now or there going to be scrap iron hear me?" shouted Metalcrusher
Speedbreaker sighed, "That's it!" said Dead strike, and grinned at the cybertrons.
He pulled his hand up and made the laser rope glow and start to drain away their energy. "Damn it!" cried speedbreaker and ran out of the building. "Stop it!" he yelled.
"Well look a sports car.." said Laser Rod. "I love the colors."
'Release my friends." said Speedbreaker. "Or what?" asked sonic and sent a purple beam at him. speedbreaker jumped in the air and pulled out his exaust gun.
The Autocons watched, "Aw, how cute!" said Metalcruisher, "he has a gun!"
Speedbreaker was about to open fire when, Tarmma opened fire at his gun. Speedbreaker dropped then gun and fell to the ground.
Quickly speedbreaker got to his feet. "Maybe if I lead them away from the others, I can stop them." thought speedbreaker.
"Bet you couldn't catch me!" laughed speedbreaker and transformed. Laser rod smiled, "Want to make a bet!" he said and transformed into a
Meanwhle at Cybertron HQ,
"Oh great, Speedbreaker is playing chase with an Autocon and the cybertrons are captured." she sighed.
"lIke I said, 'don't worry, my friends and I will handle this. Just don't get the other cybertrons involved." said the voice through the speaker.
Ai stood there and looked blanky at the screen. She listened to the voice and started to hear other voices.
"FireFlash...Moonbeam..Airstrike....Hot Beam..Emergancy! Fire Convoy and the Cybertrons Need help, Exterme Emergancy!" said the voice. \
A purple, blue and silver jet flew across the sky. Below the jet were 4 Sports cars, carrying the autobot symbol. "Where to?" asked one. "Heads towards the old "Banner Warehouse! Hurry up, Convoy and the others need help!"
Meanwhile,
Speedbreaker drove fast as he could but was getting blasted from behind. He tried his hardest to avoid the shots. "Hey! i just got a new wax job!' he said. "I'm soooooo sorry." said laser Rod and faded out.
Speedbreakeer watched him go, he stopped and transformed. "He left? Aha! I won!' he said happily. "No, you jusy think that!" said laser Rod. Speedbreaker looked around, "what?" he asked. THere was no trace of him. speedbreaker then felt the ground under him shake. Before Speedbreaker could react, he was captured. laser rod smiled at his capture. "Look's like I've collected the whole set." he sneered. Speedbreakersighed, "Damn it...." he said.
Later
"We got them all now, hehe..Let's call Unitron!" said Laser Rod and called into his intercom. "Lord Unitron master, we have captured the Cybertrons! Come and see!" UNitron smiled at the screen,"You captured all of them?" "Yes!" said Laser Rod, showing him the scene. "I'll be there in a moment then!" said Zorontron.
"What will we do, Convoy?" asked Mach Alert. Fire convoy looked down,"Nothing..we can't do anything..." Speeedbreaker sighed, "But I wanted the sexy red car I saw!!!!!" he cried. "Speedbreaker, shut up!" yelled everyone. "That wasn't nice.."said Speedbreaker.\
The 5 vechiles appeared closer to the location of Fire convoy ..
"Hurry..."said the jet.
Ai watched,"I can ask a question now?" she asked.
The screen glowed and showed an image of a femme looking robot with blue optics. "Yes?" she asked.
Ai looked at the screen,"Who are you?" The robot smiled, "I am AngelStar(Neo PrimeStar), commander of the Cybertron protecters(Autobot Guardians). I recived the distress call and I am out to save Fire Convoy now. As I promised long time ago, and I attend to keep the promise."
The screen spilt in half, "I am FireFlash, Cybertron soilder of AngelStar!" said the second robot .
A third time the screen spilt, "Also me!, Moonbeam!" said the 3rd robot. "
Yo me too! said a 4th "Who are you? asked Ai.
"I'm Airstrike!, the screen spilt a 5th time,
"Don't forget, Hot Beam!" Ai smiled, "It's great to meet you! Now help the Cybertrons!" "Roger!" said the Cybertron Protecters.
The Cybertron protecters arrived, "Ok Cybertron Protecters..Transform!!" said the jet as it transformed into the air and flew towards the Autocons and Cybertrons.
"Yes leader!" said one voice," Airstrike..Transform!" A white and blue sports Car transformed and pulled out his gun..."
Hot Beam...Transform!!" ..."FireFlash! Transform!....Moonbeam..Transform!!"
All 5 charged at the Autocons, "Let's see what Zornptron does with them." snickered Death strike , then looked up to his left. "Hmm?"
The purple robot charged at him and flipped around, "Angel..Power Kick!" She called and slammed Death Strike into the ground. She jumped down and stood in front of the Cybertrons.
"AHHHH!!! BEAUITFUL PRINCESS IS HERE!!!!!" cried Speedbreaker.
AngelStar pointed to the sky, "Cybertron Protecters Attack!"
What?" said Metalcrusher as he looked up, . Airstrike flew behind MetalCrusher at full speed with a rocket pack.
MetalCrusher took off running, "Come now I won't hurt you..maybe.." chuckled Airstrike.
Hot Beam looked at BattleStar with his gun pointed out. Hot Beam smiled, "You remind me of a stupid ol' Destron from long ago I read in the history books."
"Destron?! That's NOT funny!: yelled Battlestar. "No need to yell.." said HotBeam,and raised his gun, "Hot sun Blast!" and blasted BattleStar off the cliff.
Sonic and Dreadful were chased off the cliff too by Moonbeam and FireFlash.
Unitron had watched the whole event. He saw the autocons return empty handed, "So the Cybertron Protecters are here too?" he asked.
MetalCrusher nodded. "No matter, we will destory these Cybertrons soon enough." he said with a chuckle.
Later,
The Cybertron Protecters smiled at the other Cybertrons.
"AngelStar,it is good to see you again." said Fire convoy.
AngelStar smiled," Aye! It is good to see you too,Fire convoy." she told him.
Speedbreaker jumped in front of Fire convoy. "I am happy to see you too!!." he said holding her hand.
He smiled brightly and kneeled before her,"Such a beauitful transformer! " he said flirting. "
Oh no..." said FireFlash, looking at Speedbreaker.
AngelStar smiled and kissed his cheek, "Nice to see you, Speedbreaker."
Speedbreaker was shooked as was everyone else,
"Eeeehehe, I'm in love!"said Speedbreaker and fainted.
AngelStar looked at him,"Huh?"
Speedbreaker jumped up, "I LOVE YOU!! Let's go on a date!" he told her.
"Umm, no.." said AngelStar, "Cybertron Protecters let's return to our base. Fire Convoy we are here when you need us, bye!" said AngelStar.
"See ya!," said the Cybertron Protecters. Everyone transformed and took off under the sunset.
Mach Alert watched the Cybertron Protecters, "Think we will see them again?" he asked.
Yes we will,"said Fire Convoy."They are loyal friends..." he told Mach Alert.
"Princess!!! I'll wait for your return!!" called Speedbreaker

That's my little girl...
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NeoPrimeStar
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Joined: August 11th, 2001, 3:00 am

August 10th, 2001, 10:13 pm #4

Transformers: More Then Meets The Eye

"The ground is shaking,
the wind is blowing,
the water is crashing...
More then meets the eye...
The ground is shaking,
the wind is blowing,
the water is crashing...
The cybertrons are up for a new battle...
the Cybertrons are up to defeat the new evil Transfomers...
Protecting Earth and cybertron from the Autocons
Commander shout!.."Cybertrons,Transform!....
Go Convoy Go cybertrons.....
WE need your help now!
Cybertron Protecters we need you..
"Autocons become just a nightmare"
"Cybertrons we need you!"
"Cybertron Protecters we need you"
"The Evil Autocons have arrived!"
"Transform and Roll Out!"
"Transform and Roll Out"
"Transform and Roll Out"
Go, Cybertrons!"
"Go Cybertrons!"


Ep 3
(Welcome to the team, Cybertron Protecters )
The 5 Cyberron Protecters stood in Cybertron HQ in a single row, standing one by one. Fire convoy was in front of them with his Cybertrons at his sides.
"Thanks again for coming so urgently." said Fire convoy. "Anytime, Fire convoy I'm happy to help you." said angelStar (NPS) Speedbreaker grinned as he lookedat the fembot. "Wow," he said to himself, "Having AngelStar(Neo PrimeStar) here is really great.
"We'll be a super team." said AngelStar(NPS) putting her hand out for Fire Convoy, all the oher cYbertrons put their hand out towards hers. "Yes, now we finally area full pledged team." said Mach Alert.
Airstrike pulled away, "Alright, enough of the warm welcome, we got seroius business to do. Those Autocons will be back. WE need to all be ready." "don't worry, if their anything like the Destrongers we can handle them." laughed Speedbreaker.
At that moment, someone walked in from behind the cybertron Protecters. Everyone lookd behind them, "Hmm?" asked Airstrike,"Who are you?"
The young man looked up, "Hi! I'm Yukie,how are you?" he asked. "Oh I am Airstrike, cybertron Protecter. Everyone turned around to face him."I am Fireflash and this is my best friend Starlight." said FireFlash. Moon Beam waved slightly," I am Moon Beam and this is our leader, AngelStar."
AngelStar (NPS) kneeled to him, "Hello there Yuki, it is nice to see you." Yuki couldn't help but blush a little at her presence, "I..I..say Hi to you too." he said then rubbed the back of his head.
Everyone laughed at this for a moment, then heard a siren go off. "what's that?' asked Counter arrow. Ai looked at the screen, "It seems the Autocons have returned." she said pulling up the screen. AngelStar looked at the screen, "What is going on?" she asked.
The screen showed MetalCrusher and Sonic attacking downtown New York City. Yuki, "Eh? That's New York." said Yuki. AngelStar and the cybetron Protecters looked at him, "what?"
Fire convoy faced his cybertrons, "WE need to get to New York city now. cybertrons transform." he said. Quickly he transformed and drove off. The others transformed and followed.
Yuki and ai watched them go, 'Take care Fire convoy" said Ai."But how will we reach New York?" asked AngelStar. Speedbreaker drove up near AngelStar(nPS). "Aha, princess we have a special way." he said nudging her side a bit. AngelStar stayed quiet a bit then drove up faster towards Fire Convoy's side. "Will we reach New York city in time?" she asked. "Yes we will." said fire convoy.
suddenly,
a flash of light appeared and a highway road opened. THe cybertron Protecters glanced at it. "Awsome..." said Airstrike as he drove behind EagleKiller. Everyone followed Fire convoy into the hidden passgeway.
Meanwhile:
A building was blasted apart and people ran off screaming. "You know this city is so crowded." said Sonic,laughing. "Then let's make space!" snickered MetalCrusher and blasted away a bank building.
MetalCrusher looked at a group of people on the floor. "Tell me, have you seen any robots around here?" he asked. "Um..err besides you?' asked the man.
Sonic looked at them, "These litte weaklings know nothing." he said. "Then what should we do?" asked metalCrusher. "i say we just blow up the city all together and rename it Autocon City." laughed Sonic.
A moment later:
A road opened and the Cybertrons flew out. 'Cybertrons, transform!" said Fire Convoy. The spy changers transformed and landed on the ground. The cYbertron Protecters drove past the 2 Autocons. Metalcrusher turned to them and laughed, "Cowards..." he said.
"What?!" said Mach alert, "Where are they going?" Fire cOnvoy didn't answer, "Stop attacking the city. Your hurting innocent people." said FC. "SO?' laughed MetalCrusher. Sonic grinned and jumped in the air, "Sonic wave Gun!" he shouted and aimed at X Wars and OX. Both jumped out of the way and landed near Counter Arrow and Eaglekiller.
"Some jump." said MetalCrusher and slammed his gun into the ground, " Shaking Blast!" he called sending an earth quake at the cybertrons.
The cYbertrons fell over and wee about to get back on their feet. Sonic laughed evily at them, "Goodnight cybertrons." he said and put his hands out. "Sonic Wave!" he said and sent a purple blast o energy at them.
The Cybertrons let out a scream of pain. "This is so much fun." said MetalCrusher.
Meanwhile:
THe Cybertron Protecters headed at full speed at the autocons. AngelStar(NPS) went from her race car mode to her jet mode. She stayed airbrone to Sonic's back.
Sonic glanced at Speedbreaker. "I love the paint job." he said. Speedbreaker shook his head and got up. "But I think it's time for a new one." said sonic and was about to blast him. A voice was heard from behind.
"Super angel Kick!" shouted AngelStar(nPS) and slammed her foot into sonic's back and slammed Sonic into the ground.
She did a double back flip and landed near Spedbreaker. "you cybertrons ok?" she asked. Fire convoy got up, "Yes" he said. Metalcrusher faced FC. "So you sent your girlfriend to fight for you? What kind of boyfriend are you?" he asked.
Fire convoy didn't even answer he just shouted, "Fire Flash!!!"
metalCrusher was slammed into a building and fell into a pithole.
FireFlash looked at him,"I need a name change..." he said.
Sonic jumped bsckup, "yOur going to pay for that!" he said and opened fire. FC and AS (nPS) jumped back. Mach Alert and Wild Ride opened fire at sonic.
Sonic held up a sheild and grinned with his green optics.'Try again.." he said. AngelStar (NPS) touched the side of her head, a pair of visors came over her optics. She did an eternal scan.
"Hey wait a second, there energy is draining away faster inside." she said. "Then we must hit them again?" asked airstrike. "Yes, I think that's best." said AngelStar(NPS)
"Good thinking,sis" said Airstrike and jumped in the air. 'Hurricane Blast!" he shouted and sent a powerful wave of air at Sonic and slammed him on the ground.
"Alright!" said the Cybertrons. Unitron faded in from above, "Hmm, seems I underestimated you Cybertrons." he said. Everyone looked up, 'Who are you?" asked Moonbeam
Unitron kept a straight face, "I'll tell you later." he said. He looked down at his fallen commrades. His optics twinkled and made them both fade.
"huh?" where did they go?' asked Ox and Speedbreaker. Unitron looked at them, "That's for me to know, and for you to find out." he said and faded out.
"What was all that about?" asked EagleKiller. FC looked at the damage of the city. "I don't know."
"Hey everyone look over here." said AngelStar(NPS). Everyone followed her and looked at the hole. There was a black shiney orb. "What is it?" asked Airstrike. Moonbeam laughed,"yOu know those airplanes that carry humans tend to-" "THat's DISGUSTING!" said Mach Alert.
Suddely the orb flew up and faded in the sky. "Well I guess it wasn't that.." said Moonbeam with a chuckle.
"cybertrons, stay in new York." said Fire convoy. "Yes" said the Cybertrons.
meanwhile in Autocon HQ,
Unitron started to reenergize Sonic and Metalcrusher. "Those cybertrons what a nonsense. Soon I'll have to make them pay for what they did." he said as he put in 3 chips inside sonic. "Ay well, it doesn't matter. Cause once I have my revenge and destory Earth and Cybertron and cybertrons will be no more." His evil laughter echoed through the room. Another Autocon stood outside the door and listened in.

End of Ep 3


That's my little girl...
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Psycho Convoy
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Joined: February 27th, 2001, 7:16 am

August 10th, 2001, 11:09 pm #5

Very nice... a lot of typos though... but I like the story so far! Keep on posting, Angel

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Joined: January 18th, 2001, 9:55 pm

August 12th, 2001, 12:46 am #6

Not to sound mean or rotten or nasty.... I think the story Premise and feel is good but what gets annoying is the use of numbers instead of the english word equivelant for the numbers... 2 instead of two every time it appears is bad grammar... I think you'd get more respect for your stories if you treated it like a serious and bonafide attempt at writing and not a night out on IRC... This is just my opinion and I know that my english is not the greatest either as I am pretty sure I mis-spelled equivilant.. or did I?
I have seen the dawn of man.. And I have seen the rise of our darkest times. I am Immortal, forever cursed to see those I love pass away.. Don't talk to me about forever... Forever sucks.
I have seen the dawn of man.. And I have seen the rise of our darkest times. I am Immortal, forever cursed to see those I love pass away.. Don't talk to me about forever... Forever sucks
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Artemis Prime
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Joined: March 28th, 2000, 1:16 am

August 12th, 2001, 10:50 am #7

Well, well...lookie what he have here...
One of the first things I notice is your use of numerical symbols rather than just spelling them out. In traditional fiction writing, numbers one through ten (1-10) are spelled out, and eleven on uses the numerical symbols. However, more and more authors today are phasing that out and spelling them out.
Careful with repetition with description. You used the word "meteor" in consecutive sentences, for example.
Varying sentence structure would also benefit towards the flow of the story. You do it on occasion, but there are many simple sentences that could be combined into complex ones by utilizing contractions, semi-colons, ellipses, et al.
Avoid the parentheses in spoken dialogue when clarrifying something to your readers. Maybe saying "The Cybertrons are out there! Search and destory them!" And then in the next paragraph pointing out that the Cybertron shuttle possessed the ancient Autobot symbol, or something to that extent.
"Robotic-looking figures" gives the feel that they're not actually robots. Try "automaton" or straight out "robotic figures," dropping the "looking."
THE DREADED "SAID" WORD!!! *cowers.* I've repeated this enough in this forum for those who are regulars know it by heart. There are over three hundred synonyms for the word "say/said" and there are over fifty synonyms for the word "ask/asked." Your best friends in writing are a dictionary, a thesaurus, and a grammar book; I recommend "The Little Brown Handbook."
Watch your capitalizations. You're not capitalizing your proper names.
Otherwise, you have an interesting plot going on here. Keep at it! ^_^
"Someday you'll have to tell me all of this works in that good-guy brain of yours."--Catwoman

Oracle of Cybertron RPG:
Not for the Weak, the Meek, or the SNAD...
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