WHAT IF? ...starring HINJO!

Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Joined: July 22nd, 2004, 8:39 pm

October 3rd, 2011, 3:10 am #1

Hinjo grunted as he pulled himself up to the top of the hill.

He could still smell the smoke from Mecha-Pon's remains far below. He wheezed slightly as he set his Cypher down, reflecting on what it had taken for him to get past the giant robotic ape, then up the shaft and through the rotating platforms.

A bullet whizzed over his head, causing him to stumble backwards in surprise. He looked up to see an armor-clad apparition hovering in front on him, its smooth, reflective faceplate swiveling slightly as it studied him. The apparition chuckled as it leveled its twin railguns at the out-of-breath Strider.

"So you're who I was hired to dispose of?" the armored figure sneered. "I'm surprised you've made it as far as you have."

"Get out of my way!" Hinjo shouted as he picked up his Cypher. "I will not be stopped by the likes of you!"

"'You'?" the armored figure snapped back. "You will address me as Solo, or better yet, your executioner. I am, after all, your better."

Hinjo leaped forward, swinging his Cypher. "For the honor of Lexia!" he shouted.

Solo easily dodged Hinjo's clumsy swipe. "Pathetic," he sneered as he opened fire.

Hinjo barely dodged the first round of bullets. Solo laughed as he armed his heat-seeking missiles. He launched them and swooped up into the sky.

Hinjo swung his Cypher and connected with the first missile, which exploded. The explosion took out the missiles trailing it, but also knocked Hinjo backwards. Solo shrugged, then fired again. A line of bullets impacted the snow, heading right towards Hinjo.

"AH! EEK! ARGH!" Hinjo shouted as he danced around, avoiding the bullets as best as he could. He jumped into the air, then twisted his body around. With an incoherent shout, he tossed his Cypher at Solo.

Solo easily deflected the Cypher with his gauntlet. He shook his head slowly as Hinjo fell backwards, landing right near a steep mountain slope.

Hinjo shook his head as he landed, dazed. Solo swooped down next to him.

"You're not even worth wasting any more ammunition on," Solo sighed. Before Hinjo could react, Solo kicked him in the chest. Hard.

Hinjo rolled down the slope, picking up speed as he went. Behind him, hidden explosives detonated one after the other, the explosions following him down the slope.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" he shrieked as he continued rolling, only to be shut up by a mouthful of snow.

The sudden upturn at the bottom of the slope caught him by surprise. He rolled up the lip and hurtled off into space just as the final explosive ignited behind him. The force of the explosion propelled him forward.

His vision cleared just in time for him to see the opposite slope come rushing toward him. He raised his arms to cushion the impact...

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

*whump*

***

Solo looked down from his vantage point as Hinjo's stunned form slid down the opposite slope and plunged down into the valley below, vanishing from view in seconds.

He chuckled softly to himself, then flew away.
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Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Joined: July 22nd, 2004, 8:39 pm

October 3rd, 2011, 3:11 am #2

Deep inside the Ballog, Hinjo felt his stomach churning. Currently he was standing upside down on what should have been the ceiling. For some reason, every few seconds the gravity in the hallway would reverse itself, sending him plummeting to the floor or ceiling, depending on where he was standing at the time, and he found himself feeling decidedly nauseous after just a few minutes of this treatment.

A sharp whistling got his attention. Behind him, small grenades were whizzing upwards and downwards, and they were getting closer with each passing second. Putting his discomfort aside, he gripped his Cypher and began to run.

He ran until he hit a wall. Almost without thinking, he latched onto the wall and began to climb downward, into a large, spherical chamber. A low-pitched humming could be heard.

As Hinjo emerged from the opening in the ceiling, he saw a strange orb-shaped device, gold in color with red and blue markings, floating serenely in the center of the room. As soon as he stepped out onto the ceiling, a hatch snapped shut behind him. The chamber lit up and the orb began to move.

Upon getting a good look at it, Hinjo realized what it was. It's one of those gravitothingy-dealy drives, he thought as the orb moved toward him.

Suddenly he found himself yanked from the ceiling and pulled into orbit around the orb. As he began floating around it, he felt his stomach do a sharp turn, then attempt to escape his body. He clamped his mouth shut and covered it with his hand.

Too late. A stream of vomit emerged from his mouth and was caught up in the gravitational pull of the orb. He heaved twice, expelling more vomit into orbit.

As he spun around the orb, he remembered his Cypher. He had to destroy the orb to escape, that much was obvious. But as he reached for his Cypher, his orbit intersected with the first blob of vomit he'd puked up.

SPLAT!

As he felt his own vomit cover his upper body and face, his stomach gave out again. Weakly, he expelled another flying puddle of puke.

Then the orb suddenly reversed course, sending Hinjo flying towards the floor.

WHAM!

He saw stars as he rolled over... just in time to see another blob of puke flying at him.

SPLAT!

Hinjo stood up, his gi now covered in his own puke. Weakly he staggered back and forth, trying to get his bearings. But before he knew where to turn, he felt himself pulled off his feet, back up into orbit around the orb.

"Oh no," he groaned. Not again.

His stomach began to heave once more...
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Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Joined: July 22nd, 2004, 8:39 pm

October 3rd, 2011, 3:11 am #3

Hinjo balanced precariously on a rather thick vine as strange hooting war cries sounded all around him. Above him, Mosquemen circled, the flapping of their wings making them sound like giant mosquitoes. The faint smell of dried vomit wafted upward from his gi, making him wish he had a spare to change into.

He looked around nervously, trying to ascertain the source of the war cries. Multiple voices chanted in unison. Hinjo realized suddenly that the voices all belonged to women. Could it be possible, he wondered, that I've stumbled onto a tribe of Amazons?

A razor-sharp boomerang suddenly skimmed over the top of his head, interrupting his thoughts and removing a few of his shaggy brown locks.

"YOW!" Hinjo shrieked as he leaped off of the vine. He somersaulted through the air as a primitive battleaxe sliced through the vine that he had just been standing on. He reached out blindly, hoping that there would be something he could catch. If not, it'd be a long fall to the rainforest floor - and he'd already had enough of long falls this trip, after his little mishap in Siberia.

Miraculously, he caught another vine. He sighed with relief as he grasped it with both hands. However, his feeling of safety was short-lived, as he felt the vine suddenly swing forward.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" he screamed as the vine propelled him forward. His scream was cut short as he slammed into a rock wall. Dazed, he let go of the vine and landed on a thick tree branch with a thud.

Hinjo closed his eyes as he lay there willing himself to recover. But the continual chants, now accompanied by the beat of war drums, reminded him of the danger he was in. He scrambled to his feet, shaking off the dizziness as much as he could, and began to run. Strange red mushrooms suddenly sprouted where he had been lying, and exploded into clouds of spores. He looked around, searching desperately for a way out of this accursed jungle.

Then he saw them. Dozens of them, all standing on the highest branches, throwing boomerangs and axes his way, chanting their war cries as he scrambled to avoid the primitive but deadly weapons.

Amazons.

Hinjo leaped forward, grabbing another vine and swinging over a gap between branches. As he let go of that vine and grabbed another, he saw that directly ahead of him was a wall of purplish thorns.

Hinjo screamed in terror and jumped upwards. Miraculously, he managed to grab onto a branch of the tree. He pulled himself up, wheezing heavily as he did.

If I could only sit on a lawn chair for five minutes... that's all I need.

As he lay there panting, he slowly realized that he was not alone. Multiple pairs of bare feet had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, surrounding him, and the sound of the war cries was almost deafening.

He risked a look up, only to find himself staring into the faces of ten Amazon warriors. And they all looked really pissed off that he'd made it to their branch.

Hinjo jumped up and drew his Cypher, clumsily flailing it in front of his body, attempting to warn them to back off. The Amazons all took a step back, eyeing Hinjo with skepticism.

One hooted to another in their strange language. The response was short, followed by a chuckle. Hinjo couldn't be quite sure about it, but it seemed like they weren't sure what to make of him.

He spun his Cypher as he began to work his way towards the edge of a cliff. The Amazons regarded him with some degree of curiosity... and a growing sense of amusement. Hinjo spun his Cypher around with his left hand and extended his right arm, holding two fingers out in a warning pose.

"Back, you primitives! None may stop me on my noble quest!" Hinjo shouted.

One of the Amazons stuck out her tongue, then spun her battleaxe around, mimicking Hinjo's Cypher spin. Her sisters laughed.

"In the name of Lexia, I must continue!" Hinjo exclaimed. "I do not wish... to... fight..."

Hinjo's voice trailed off as he watched the Amazon tuck the battleaxe behind her back. She then stuck out her right arm, extending two fingers, just like he had. She crossed her eyes and made a noise that sounded like derp derp derp.

Her sisters all doubled over with laughter as she began hopping on one leg, still making the derp derp derp noise. Hinjo felt his face turn bright red as the Amazon continued to mock him, some of her sisters now pointing in his direction as they continued to laugh like they'd just heard the funniest joke ever told.

"Fine!" Hinjo snarled as he turned away from them. He began to walk over to the cliff edge, but had gone no further than a foot when he felt a kick to his behind, which sent him sprawling on the ground. Behind him, the Amazons laughed even harder, some falling to the ground in fits of laughter, tears running down their cheeks.

Hinjo snorted in anger, then picked himself up off the ground. He turned to face the Amazons, his nostrils flaring as his anger began to build.

"Now see here!" he shouted. "That wasn't-whoa!" he suddenly exclaimed as he tripped over a loose rock. He stumbled forward, arms pinwheeling madly as he tried to grab something to stop his fall, but there was nothing for him to latch on to.

Except the Amazon that had been mocking him. His face landed smack in the center of her chest. Even as the look on her face changed to sheer horror, he blindly reached out for support. His hands both found something soft, warm, firm and seemingly covered in both rough cloth and leaves. He pulled himself up, only to realize exactly what had stopped his fall, and even worse, what he'd grabbed for support. The look of horror on the Amazon's face was swiftly giving way to a look of red-hot rage.

He let go of her breasts like they were on fire, then raised his hands and began to back away as the laughter swiftly died. The Amazon raised her battleaxe, a vein on her forehead beginning to show. The anger on her face was quickly mirrored in her sisters' faces as they raised their weapons.

"N-now surely you d-don't think I m-meant that," Hinjo stammered as he backed toward the cliff.

In reply, the Amazon he had inadvertently fondled shrieked and aimed her battleaxe at his head. Hinjo realized that he had exactly two seconds to move as the rest of the Amazons began howling for his blood.

Without thinking, he turned and jumped over the cliff. The battleaxe sliced through the air, just missing his head, a second later.

But as it turned out, the cliff was more of a steep incline. Hinjo found himself running down the incline as the Amazons behind him threw everything they had at him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Above him, one of the Amazons leaped to the opposite cliff face. She pulled a thick stick out from underneath a crudely constructed wooden platform, then leaped out of the way. The platform dropped, and a large boulder began rolling down the incline. It dropped off of the cliff and hit the incline that Hinjo was now racing down with a thunderous crash.

Hinjo risked a look behind him at the sudden noise. His eyes widened in horror as the boulder rocketed down the incline after him. He began to run even faster.

In front of him, he caught a quick glimpse of another vine, but it was gone before he could react. He looked down and saw that he was heading right toward the Amazon river. He looked around, and realized that there was no way for him to escape. That lone vine had apparently been his only salvation.

In front of him, mutant piranha jumped out of the river, waiting for a meal. They saw him coming and began to leap around in a frenzy. Behind him, the boulder gained speed. Now it was right on top of him.

Hinjo began to flap his arms, hoping that somehow it would help. He shrieked in terror - a high-pitched, almost girlish sound.

CRUNCH!
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Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Dire 51
Soul of a New Machine
Soul of a New Machine
Joined: July 22nd, 2004, 8:39 pm

October 3rd, 2011, 3:12 am #4

Hinjo stood on a flat plain that stretched for miles. Off in the distance, a strange structure soared into the sky. It had been a long, hard trip, but he had finally arrived. No one would stand in his way now. He had managed to survive every danger thrown at him, and now Meio was going to pay for his crimes with his life.

All was quiet. He gritted his teeth and unsheathed his Cypher. Its blade flashed as he brought it up to his face.

"FOR LEXIA!" he shouted as he began to run.

The closer he got to the structure, the more he began to grow uneasy. No alarms were wailing, announcing his presence. No robots or troopers appeared to block his advance. No dinosaurs, no robot apes, no Amazons... there was nothing.

Hinjo slowed and came to a halt as he reached the base of the structure. A man was standing outside, leaning over to unlock the front door. As he heard Hinjo approach, he turned and smiled, then waved.

"Howdy stranger!" he called as Hinjo came to a stop in front of him, a puzzled look on his face. "If you'll wait just a minute, I'll have the shop open shortly."

One of Hinjo's eyebrows lifted in puzzlement. This was not the reception he'd expected. He lowered his Cypher as the man went inside the shop, then opened the blinds of the window and turned on a neon sign. Kirin's Kandies, the sign blinked at him.

The man came back out. "Come on in!" he said. "We're having a special today on dark chocolate."

Hinjo grabbed the man and spun him around. "What is going on here?!" he shouted.

"T-the weekly c-candy sale," the man stammered.

"WHERE IS MAYO?!" Hinjo shouted.

"'Mayo?'" the man repeated. "Huh?"

"Yes, Mayo!" Hinjo shouted. "Grand Master Mayo!"

"Why're you looking for what sounds like a really bad brand of mayonnaise, son?"

"Huh?" Hinjo said, now looking more confused than ever. "I don't want bad mayonnaise! I want to find the Grand Master! His name is Mayo!"

"Wait, do you mean Meio?" the man corrected. "The alien overlord that's trying to conquer the universe?"

"YES!" Hinjo nearly screamed. "I must destroy him, for Lexia's honor and the future of the world!"

"B-but Meio lives on the Third Moon," the man said. "Not here."

"What do you mean? Where am I, if this is not the Third Moon?"

The man shrugged and gestured at the wide open plain. "This is the Second Moon, pal. Now do you want to buy some candy or not?"

Hinjo almost dropped his Cypher at that casual revelation. "But... what... how... huh?"

"The Third Moon's over thataway," the man said, pointing towards a crescent-shaped object hanging in the sky far away.

"How did I end up in the wrong place?" Hinjo muttered. "How?" Dejected, he walked back to the shuttle that had brought him here. The man watched him curiously.

Hinjo climbed in and began the startup sequence. But as he began his preflight checklist, he noticed something alarming.

He had no fuel left.

"No," he mumbled. "No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

He was trapped on the Second Moon, with no way to get to Meio and avenge all the people that had died. And without anyone to defeat him, Meio would surely conquer the universe.

But what of Lexia?

Hinjo smacked his head against the control panel. "No, no, no, no, no, NO!" he moaned as he he repeatedly thudded his forehead against the controls.

He heard a knock on the window, and looked up with a start. There was the man from the candy store.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Open up!"

Hinjo popped the latch and raised the door. "What?"

The man grinned. His eyes glazed over, mechanical irises appearing in place of real ones.

"Meio says hi," he said as he raised a railgun and blue & green armor closed around him. A shining, blank faceplate swiveled around.

Solo!

Hinjo reached for his Cypher, only to find that it was gone. Solo laughed as he held it up. "Lose something?" he sneered.

Behind Solo, all sorts of images began to form. Robots, soldiers, Amazons, mechanical animals, dinosaurs... and above them all, a hovering wraith in a dark, red-trimmed robe.

MAYO!

Hinjo scrambled backwards, only to find the other door jammed shut. He was trapped. Solo laughed as he aimed his railgun directly between Hinjo's eyes.

The last thing he heard was Solo's mocking laughter mixed in with the sound of the railgun firing.

***

The sound of a nearby blast jolted Hinjo back into consciousness. He raised his head to look around, only to wince as a wave of pain coursed through his body. Ignoring the pain as best he could, he looked up.

Above him towered the golden spires of Kazakh's mosques. Searchlights probed the sky.

"Uhhhnnn," he groaned. "What the...?"

He tried to roll over, only to find himself pinned under something. He craned his neck around and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Bogus," he muttered. "No way."

He realized he was lying in a heap beneath the shattered remains of his glider. Behind him, a glowing column of energy shot into the sky.

"This is non, non non, non-heinous," he said out loud as the memory of the crash suddenly returned to him. He had been on his final approach when he'd lost control of the glider. He remembered seeing the platform rush up at him, and then...

Hinjo shook his head. But what about everything he'd been through? Had it all been a dream?

Then he heard the alarms start to blare. No way, he thought as he started to try to pull himself out of the wreckage. He groped for his Cypher, only to find it lying a few feet away from the wreck.

It might as well have been ten feet. Try as he might, he couldn't free himself. And now he could hear running footsteps in the distance.

"A legion of nimrods," he muttered. "This is totally not radical. Aggro, man. NOT!"

As he struggled, a phalanx of soldiers in fur caps and green uniforms appeared in front of him, rifles at the ready. Hinjo doubled his efforts to get out of the wreckage as the soldiers aimed their rifles at him. The lead soldier motioned with his right arm.

BOGUS!!!

the
end

we gratefully acknowledge tiertex,
for their help in obtaining hinjo for this story
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