Signs Outside of Churches

Dr. Bill Crump
Dr. Bill Crump

March 31st, 2011, 10:25 pm #1

Churches often resort to "cute" sentiments on their signs out front. Here are a number of those sentiments. If known, the type of church is indicated in parentheses. Feel free to add others that you have seen.

Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case! (Covenant Church)

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back. (Church of Christ)

If you don't like the way you were born...try being born again. (Missionary Baptist)

Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes membership has its privileges. (United Church [female pastor])

ATM inside: Atonement--Truth--Mercy (Assembly of God)

Be as good a person as your pet believes you are. (Evangelical Lutheran)

God does not believe in atheists. Therefore atheists do not exist. (Baptist)

Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. -- God (Lutheran)

What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand? (not given)

Forgive your enemies--it messes with their heads. (Baptist)

You're on heaven's most wanted list. (Assembly of God)

Jesus--coming soon. (not given)

Don't be so open-minded. Your brains fall out. (church name includes "Assembly" but not Assembly of God)

Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the shepherd. (not given)

You may party in hell but you will be the barbque [sic]! (generic church name)

God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. (Christian Church--Disciples of Christ)

Keep using My name in vain. I'll make rush hour longer. -- God (Reformed Church)

Tomorrows [sic] forcast [sic] God reigns and the Son shines! (not given)

We believe in UFO's [sic] Unity, Forgiveness and Outreach. (generic church name)

To be almost saved is to be totally lost. (not given)

If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it. (Baptist)

Life stinks. We have a pew for you. (Baptist)

Read the Bible--it will scare the hell out of you. (Baptist)

There are some questions that can't be answered by Google. (Presbyterian)

Wal Mart [sic] isn't the only saving place in town. (Baptist)

Source: http://www.godvine.com/Hilarious-and-Un ... h-262.html

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Dr. Bill Crump
Dr. Bill Crump

April 1st, 2011, 1:03 am #2

We don't care what you wear. (Baptist--personal observation)
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Dr. Bill Crump
Dr. Bill Crump

April 2nd, 2011, 2:08 pm #3

Churches often resort to "cute" sentiments on their signs out front. Here are a number of those sentiments. If known, the type of church is indicated in parentheses. Feel free to add others that you have seen.

Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case! (Covenant Church)

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back. (Church of Christ)

If you don't like the way you were born...try being born again. (Missionary Baptist)

Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes membership has its privileges. (United Church [female pastor])

ATM inside: Atonement--Truth--Mercy (Assembly of God)

Be as good a person as your pet believes you are. (Evangelical Lutheran)

God does not believe in atheists. Therefore atheists do not exist. (Baptist)

Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. -- God (Lutheran)

What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand? (not given)

Forgive your enemies--it messes with their heads. (Baptist)

You're on heaven's most wanted list. (Assembly of God)

Jesus--coming soon. (not given)

Don't be so open-minded. Your brains fall out. (church name includes "Assembly" but not Assembly of God)

Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the shepherd. (not given)

You may party in hell but you will be the barbque [sic]! (generic church name)

God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. (Christian Church--Disciples of Christ)

Keep using My name in vain. I'll make rush hour longer. -- God (Reformed Church)

Tomorrows [sic] forcast [sic] God reigns and the Son shines! (not given)

We believe in UFO's [sic] Unity, Forgiveness and Outreach. (generic church name)

To be almost saved is to be totally lost. (not given)

If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it. (Baptist)

Life stinks. We have a pew for you. (Baptist)

Read the Bible--it will scare the hell out of you. (Baptist)

There are some questions that can't be answered by Google. (Presbyterian)

Wal Mart [sic] isn't the only saving place in town. (Baptist)

Source: http://www.godvine.com/Hilarious-and-Un ... h-262.html
(Most of these don't include the denominations.)

CH__CH
What's Missing? (U R)

Sign Broken
Message Inside

It takes a lot of faith to be an atheist (Baptist--Later, someone smashed the sign.)

Jesus loves Osama
But Osama hates Jesus (This second line was hand-written beneath.)

Santa or Jesus?
Believe in one and be happy for a year
Believe in the other and be happy for life

The proper way to ask in [sic] on your knees!

Godisnowhere [sic] (The letters were too close together. The sign was supposed to say "God is now here," but it looked like "God is nowhere.")

Have a Jesus day!

Seven days without church makes [sic] one weak

All my children, turn to the guiding light as the world turns.

Church is not a spectator sport (with image of a snowboarder on a mountain)

Salvation: Don't leave earth without it (Baptist)

AC and JC inside (summertime sign)

God is NOT away on vacation and did NOT leave you in charge

If you think its [sic] hot outside
You should go to hell

Feeling burdened? Come in for a faith lift

If your [sic] heading in the wrong direction
God allows uturns [sic]

Git [sic]
R
Done
For Jesus!

Jesus is returning
Resistance is futile (Baptist--Was that inspired by a Star Trek movie?)

God is dead--Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead--God

Jesus died hard so you could live free (It refers to the movie.)

Not Christian?
Dude, you're going to hell! (Baptist--Later, someone smashed the sign.)

Happy Atheist's Day

God is 4 rizzle (in a ghetto)

Would you worship Jesus if he scored 10,000 test runs?

Check out God's MySpace: The Bible (United Church of Christ)

Iraq--Shoot 'em
In the dark
Then nuke 'em
Till they glow. (Bible Baptist)

God created sex.
Isn't God great!! (Christian Reformed)

Don't let your
Worries kill you
Let the church help

Avoid truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.

God's last name is not Damnit.

God is here 4 U. Where R U at? (This message was suggested for a sign but was rejected.)

Want to get into heaven? Inquire within.

Message: Ahoy--Avast--Aye--Arrr (Church of Christ)

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Dr. Bill Crump
Dr. Bill Crump

April 2nd, 2011, 4:05 pm #4

Here is the source for the previous group of signs:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy- ... -signs.php
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Joined: January 2nd, 2005, 6:45 am

April 4th, 2011, 7:07 am #5

(Most of these don't include the denominations.)

CH__CH
What's Missing? (U R)

Sign Broken
Message Inside

It takes a lot of faith to be an atheist (Baptist--Later, someone smashed the sign.)

Jesus loves Osama
But Osama hates Jesus (This second line was hand-written beneath.)

Santa or Jesus?
Believe in one and be happy for a year
Believe in the other and be happy for life

The proper way to ask in [sic] on your knees!

Godisnowhere [sic] (The letters were too close together. The sign was supposed to say "God is now here," but it looked like "God is nowhere.")

Have a Jesus day!

Seven days without church makes [sic] one weak

All my children, turn to the guiding light as the world turns.

Church is not a spectator sport (with image of a snowboarder on a mountain)

Salvation: Don't leave earth without it (Baptist)

AC and JC inside (summertime sign)

God is NOT away on vacation and did NOT leave you in charge

If you think its [sic] hot outside
You should go to hell

Feeling burdened? Come in for a faith lift

If your [sic] heading in the wrong direction
God allows uturns [sic]

Git [sic]
R
Done
For Jesus!

Jesus is returning
Resistance is futile (Baptist--Was that inspired by a Star Trek movie?)

God is dead--Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead--God

Jesus died hard so you could live free (It refers to the movie.)

Not Christian?
Dude, you're going to hell! (Baptist--Later, someone smashed the sign.)

Happy Atheist's Day

God is 4 rizzle (in a ghetto)

Would you worship Jesus if he scored 10,000 test runs?

Check out God's MySpace: The Bible (United Church of Christ)

Iraq--Shoot 'em
In the dark
Then nuke 'em
Till they glow. (Bible Baptist)

God created sex.
Isn't God great!! (Christian Reformed)

Don't let your
Worries kill you
Let the church help

Avoid truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.

God's last name is not Damnit.

God is here 4 U. Where R U at? (This message was suggested for a sign but was rejected.)

Want to get into heaven? Inquire within.

Message: Ahoy--Avast--Aye--Arrr (Church of Christ)
[color=#0000FF" size="3" face="times]"Seven days without prayer makes one weak." (Quoted by/in Firm Foundation)[/color]
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Joined: January 2nd, 2005, 6:45 am

April 14th, 2011, 6:35 am #6

Churches often resort to "cute" sentiments on their signs out front. Here are a number of those sentiments. If known, the type of church is indicated in parentheses. Feel free to add others that you have seen.

Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case! (Covenant Church)

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back. (Church of Christ)

If you don't like the way you were born...try being born again. (Missionary Baptist)

Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes membership has its privileges. (United Church [female pastor])

ATM inside: Atonement--Truth--Mercy (Assembly of God)

Be as good a person as your pet believes you are. (Evangelical Lutheran)

God does not believe in atheists. Therefore atheists do not exist. (Baptist)

Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. -- God (Lutheran)

What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand? (not given)

Forgive your enemies--it messes with their heads. (Baptist)

You're on heaven's most wanted list. (Assembly of God)

Jesus--coming soon. (not given)

Don't be so open-minded. Your brains fall out. (church name includes "Assembly" but not Assembly of God)

Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the shepherd. (not given)

You may party in hell but you will be the barbque [sic]! (generic church name)

God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. (Christian Church--Disciples of Christ)

Keep using My name in vain. I'll make rush hour longer. -- God (Reformed Church)

Tomorrows [sic] forcast [sic] God reigns and the Son shines! (not given)

We believe in UFO's [sic] Unity, Forgiveness and Outreach. (generic church name)

To be almost saved is to be totally lost. (not given)

If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it. (Baptist)

Life stinks. We have a pew for you. (Baptist)

Read the Bible--it will scare the hell out of you. (Baptist)

There are some questions that can't be answered by Google. (Presbyterian)

Wal Mart [sic] isn't the only saving place in town. (Baptist)

Source: http://www.godvine.com/Hilarious-and-Un ... h-262.html
  • "STAYING IN BED SHOUTING, OH GOD! DOES NOT CONSTITUTE GOING TO CHURCH" [Catholic Church]

    </li>
  • "ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY" [Assemblies of God]

    </li>
  • "PRAYER - WIRELESS ACCESS TO GOD WITH NO ROAMING FEE" [United Pentecostal]

    </li>
  • "WE.R.BAPTIST! NO PROTESTANT" [Baptist Church]

    </li>
  • "IF YOU THINK ITS NOT HERE IMAGINE HELL" [Church of God]

    </li>
  • "THE MOST POWERFUL POSITION IS ON YOUR KNEES" [Baptist Church]

    </li>
  • "SALVATION GUARANTEED - OR YOUR SINS CHEERFULLY REFUNDED!"

    </li>
  • "JESUS SAYS I WILL MAKE MY HOME WITH YOU" [Baptist Church]</li>
_____________________________

Source: http://www.oddee.com/item_86516.aspx
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Dr. Bill Crump
Dr. Bill Crump

May 29th, 2011, 5:18 pm #7

Churches often resort to "cute" sentiments on their signs out front. Here are a number of those sentiments. If known, the type of church is indicated in parentheses. Feel free to add others that you have seen.

Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case! (Covenant Church)

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back. (Church of Christ)

If you don't like the way you were born...try being born again. (Missionary Baptist)

Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes membership has its privileges. (United Church [female pastor])

ATM inside: Atonement--Truth--Mercy (Assembly of God)

Be as good a person as your pet believes you are. (Evangelical Lutheran)

God does not believe in atheists. Therefore atheists do not exist. (Baptist)

Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. -- God (Lutheran)

What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand? (not given)

Forgive your enemies--it messes with their heads. (Baptist)

You're on heaven's most wanted list. (Assembly of God)

Jesus--coming soon. (not given)

Don't be so open-minded. Your brains fall out. (church name includes "Assembly" but not Assembly of God)

Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the shepherd. (not given)

You may party in hell but you will be the barbque [sic]! (generic church name)

God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. (Christian Church--Disciples of Christ)

Keep using My name in vain. I'll make rush hour longer. -- God (Reformed Church)

Tomorrows [sic] forcast [sic] God reigns and the Son shines! (not given)

We believe in UFO's [sic] Unity, Forgiveness and Outreach. (generic church name)

To be almost saved is to be totally lost. (not given)

If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it. (Baptist)

Life stinks. We have a pew for you. (Baptist)

Read the Bible--it will scare the hell out of you. (Baptist)

There are some questions that can't be answered by Google. (Presbyterian)

Wal Mart [sic] isn't the only saving place in town. (Baptist)

Source: http://www.godvine.com/Hilarious-and-Un ... h-262.html
A LOOSE TONGUE
OFTEN GETS INTO
A TIGHT PLACE (Church of God)

WHOEVER'S PRAYING
4 SNOW PLEEZ STOP! (United Methodist)
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mister clemson
mister clemson

June 3rd, 2011, 7:53 pm #8

Yawn
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Joined: January 2nd, 2005, 6:45 am

June 3rd, 2011, 8:51 pm #9

Churches often resort to "cute" sentiments on their signs out front. Here are a number of those sentiments. If known, the type of church is indicated in parentheses. Feel free to add others that you have seen.

Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case! (Covenant Church)

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back. (Church of Christ)

If you don't like the way you were born...try being born again. (Missionary Baptist)

Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes membership has its privileges. (United Church [female pastor])

ATM inside: Atonement--Truth--Mercy (Assembly of God)

Be as good a person as your pet believes you are. (Evangelical Lutheran)

God does not believe in atheists. Therefore atheists do not exist. (Baptist)

Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. -- God (Lutheran)

What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand? (not given)

Forgive your enemies--it messes with their heads. (Baptist)

You're on heaven's most wanted list. (Assembly of God)

Jesus--coming soon. (not given)

Don't be so open-minded. Your brains fall out. (church name includes "Assembly" but not Assembly of God)

Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the shepherd. (not given)

You may party in hell but you will be the barbque [sic]! (generic church name)

God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. (Christian Church--Disciples of Christ)

Keep using My name in vain. I'll make rush hour longer. -- God (Reformed Church)

Tomorrows [sic] forcast [sic] God reigns and the Son shines! (not given)

We believe in UFO's [sic] Unity, Forgiveness and Outreach. (generic church name)

To be almost saved is to be totally lost. (not given)

If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it. (Baptist)

Life stinks. We have a pew for you. (Baptist)

Read the Bible--it will scare the hell out of you. (Baptist)

There are some questions that can't be answered by Google. (Presbyterian)

Wal Mart [sic] isn't the only saving place in town. (Baptist)

Source: http://www.godvine.com/Hilarious-and-Un ... h-262.html
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Dr. Bill Crump
Dr. Bill Crump

June 3rd, 2011, 9:41 pm #10

Churches often resort to "cute" sentiments on their signs out front. Here are a number of those sentiments. If known, the type of church is indicated in parentheses. Feel free to add others that you have seen.

Don't give up! Moses was once a basket case! (Covenant Church)

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will take you back. (Church of Christ)

If you don't like the way you were born...try being born again. (Missionary Baptist)

Free coffee. Everlasting life. Yes membership has its privileges. (United Church [female pastor])

ATM inside: Atonement--Truth--Mercy (Assembly of God)

Be as good a person as your pet believes you are. (Evangelical Lutheran)

God does not believe in atheists. Therefore atheists do not exist. (Baptist)

Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. -- God (Lutheran)

What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand? (not given)

Forgive your enemies--it messes with their heads. (Baptist)

You're on heaven's most wanted list. (Assembly of God)

Jesus--coming soon. (not given)

Don't be so open-minded. Your brains fall out. (church name includes "Assembly" but not Assembly of God)

Can't sleep? Counting sheep? Talk to the shepherd. (not given)

You may party in hell but you will be the barbque [sic]! (generic church name)

God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. (Christian Church--Disciples of Christ)

Keep using My name in vain. I'll make rush hour longer. -- God (Reformed Church)

Tomorrows [sic] forcast [sic] God reigns and the Son shines! (not given)

We believe in UFO's [sic] Unity, Forgiveness and Outreach. (generic church name)

To be almost saved is to be totally lost. (not given)

If God had a refrigerator your picture would be on it. (Baptist)

Life stinks. We have a pew for you. (Baptist)

Read the Bible--it will scare the hell out of you. (Baptist)

There are some questions that can't be answered by Google. (Presbyterian)

Wal Mart [sic] isn't the only saving place in town. (Baptist)

Source: http://www.godvine.com/Hilarious-and-Un ... h-262.html
God is the potter
Not Harry (Baptist)

Trespassers will be baptized (notice in a church parking lot)

If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.

How will you spend eternity--Smoking or Non-smoking?

No God--No peace. Know God--Know Peace.

Free Trip to Heaven. Details inside!

Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

In the dark? Follow the Son.

Happiness is sharing chocolate with a friend. (Lutheran)

God is like Coke
He's the real thing! (Lutheran)

Facebook You have one new friend request from Jesus
Confirm Ignore (Presbyterian)

Toot'n Tell or Go to Hell (Catholic)

Even Satan believes in God (Baptist)

Morning Service--"Preparing for Marriage"
Evening Service--"A Look at Hell"

Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the snake, and the snake didn't have a leg to stand on.

As you pass this little church, be sure to plan a visit, so when at last you're carried in, God won't ask, "Who is it?"

Speak well of your enemies. After all, you made them.

All services are different. We leave the repeats to TV.

Let us help you study for your final exams.

Source: http://www.guy-sports.com/funny/funny_c ... urch_Signs
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