Name: William Woozie Wu
School: Aurora High School
School Year: 12
Hobbies and Interests: Football, Physical Activity, Rap Music, camping with Phoebe
Appearance: Standing at a height of 511 and weighing just over 166 pound William is an impressive specimen of athleticism. A well toned body compliments his friendly features and rather long black hair which, despite some rumours takes no time on his part to make look good. His Asiatic heritage is prominently evident from his facial features; dark brown eyes, epicanthic fold, middle length loose brown hair and tanned skin colouration. An easy going smile often graces his face and his warm, friendly eyes hint at his constant playful nature.
William exudes an aura of relaxation and comes across as effortlessly cool and these traits are very apparent in both his movements and body language. When he is not on the football field he is either found hanging with his friends; one arm draped around Phoebe or kicking back at the rear of class, legs up, with a broad grin on his face. William rarely, if ever frowns, finding most things come naturally to him.
Biography: The younger of two sons, William Woozie Wu; his Chinese name Wēi lián, emigrated with his parents from mainland China at the tender age of 2. His family, tired of the polluted and stressful atmosphere of China settled in Seattle shortly after landing in America. His father, Lu a successful businessman possessing a PhD in chemical engineering as well as a masters degree in finance currently manages the local grocery store; a far cry from his work in China. His mother Mei stays at home and spends much of her time ensuring her boys excel both in school and all other facets of their lives while committing her spare time to the Parent Teacher Association to make sure that the education of Will and previously, his brother Henry is the best there can be. Both of Wills parents are extremely hardworking and harshly critical of their sons, refusing to accept anything less than perfection from them in all fields. Congratulations and encouragement are dispensed rarely and only when the boys could achieve no better. This seemed to have been effective with Henry who is currently studying medicine at John Hopkins away from the family. The two boys keep in touch but rarely get to see each other.
William was raised under the strict and watchful eye of his mother beginning both his formal education and musical training at an early age. Even before primary school he spent many hours a day learning from textbooks that his mother had acquired from the local school when she first arrived. Despite this strict regime of study Wills play time was relatively unfettered, his parents giving him free reign to explore the surrounding suburbs and parks as long as he had completed his sums and mastered the latest violin piece set to him. Adventurous and naturally curious Will soon found himself at the doorstep of the Martins, who lived down the street, eager to meet a friend his own age after he spotted Phoebe playing outside. Will was fascinated by the relaxed parenting style of the Martins and was summarily impressed by Phoebes independence and the two quickly became inseparable. Williams parents were delighted that Will had made a new friend and were more than glad to let Wesley, Phoebes dad take him on camping trips in exchange for the ability to borrow the textbooks that Wesley had lying about his home, Wesley being a teacher himself. Soon the local camping trips with the Martin's became one of Wills favourite past times and after school he would often rush to get his schoolwork done so he could go and play with Phoebe. It was here that Will gained a nickname which would stick with him for the rest of his school life. Woozie. Although initially disliking the name the enthuasim and playfulness that Phoebe said it with made him hard to dislike the affectionate moniker and it stuck, eventually being used in preference to his first name by many of his friends.
Throughout primary and middle school school Will quickly learned that his assertiveness and easy going attitude were a potent mix to develop new friends and he quickly integrated with the other schoolkids. Although he always made time to hang out with Phoebe, William found himself more and more involved with the social scene within the school grounds. As Phoebe became more and more reclusive Will found he had to split his time between his old friend and his new ones who seemed for reasons beyond his own understanding to mock and tease his friend for an impediment - a rather pronounced stutter that had developed that he frankly thought took nothing away from the girl. William excelled academically in primary school and quickly joined the local football team where he discovered a new passion. His speed and mental flexibility made him a terror on the field and he began spending more and more time practicing for games, having, much to his chagrin decline a few of the camping trips that were offered by Wesley in his later primary school years. Despite the reduction of free time Will made sure he would spend time with the less socially adept Phoebe even if it was only a few hours a week.
High School marked an even bigger change in Wills life. As the curriculum increasingly became harder William spent more and more time dedicated to the sporting field and relaxing with friends. This of course did wonders for his ego as his popularity grew. Academically however, Wills grades began to slip forcing the boy to attempt to cover up his marks. The issue hit boiling point when Wesley, who had taken an interest in Will's education approached Wills parents about his falling marks. Stubborn and refusing to believe their son was anything less than perfect the Wus lashed out at Wesley and Phoebe blaming their woes on Phoebes influence claiming that their William was a constant A grade student and it was only the poor supervision of Wesley and the mediocre ability of his daughter that was resulting in Williams decline. Wills mother forbid Will to ever speak to Phoebe again. Although extremely unhappy with this course of events Will was ever the dutiful son and began to ignore Phoebe. After a few awkward interactions the girl slowly faded in to his peripheral and his other, more athletically inclined friends moved in to fill the void. Wills grades picked up, but no more so than averagely, preferring to spend his time on the field or improving his fitness. His popularity contributed to no less than three girlfriends before he reached grade 11, although each of these relationships were nothing more than casual dalliances to the boy.
As his teenage years continued on Will began attending more and more parties, an environment where he thrived in. Here his former friend Phoebe came back in to his vision. The change in her appearance and his deep emotional connection to her past tugged at Wills heartstrings almost immediately and he threw away all notions of ever being forbid to speak to her again. Easily slipping in to old routines the two quickly became fast friends once more and as these things do the friendship blossomed in to something more romantic. Fearful of his parents wrath and all the more passionate because their pairing was forbidden Will would often sneak out, claiming he had football practice and instead hop the fence to the Martins whisking Phoebe away to their old campsite where the two would spend many hours alone, enjoying each others company. His only other escape from his parents constant watch was his love of rap music which he used to rebel against the classical training of music he received in his early years. Although not the most adept and word-smithing William enjoys the clever crafting of words and ideas that come along with the medium and occasionally spends time with Phoebe trying out new rhymes, which often turn out to be terribly hilarious.
Although some would find the girls attention clingy and unwanted, Will reveled in the attention and went to great lengths to ensure that every one of his friends both accepted and enjoyed hanging out with his girlfriend. He was determined not to make the same mistakes as he did when he was younger. Although initially reluctant, Phoebe began to mix more and more with Wills social group and he found himself spending almost all of his free time with the girl, finding her both incredibly insightful and intelligent, a view not shared by his friends or the teachers at Aurora High.
Will retains moderate grades, averaging scores of between 60 - 80% on his tests and sitting slightly above the top of the bell curve. He takes great enjoyment out of his English classes and performs admirably at drama and mathematics. Although no having no real interest in physics or chemistry he finds the sciences, at a high school level, easy to grasp. He is not concerned about colleges as he has resigned himself to allowing his parents pick the best college for him, which they will undoubtedly do.
Will is smart, motivated and socially adept. Although somewhat lacking in book smarts due to his shift of focus in his later years his quick thinking and analytical thought process means he performs well in any area he chooses. His easy-going attitude and boyishly handsome facade means that he is well liked and warm. Uncertain of his future Will sometimes dreams of becoming a football super star or, as he parents want, a top doctor in the field of his choosing (as long as it is neuroscience or surgery). More and more however he finds his thoughts about the future to simply turn to a hidden location away from everything else where he and Phoebe can spend their time together all alone.
Advantages: Will is extremely fit and sporty, obviously this physical conditioning will serve him well in any survival situation. His social skills should serve him well in terms of allies and convincing others not to kill him. William is quite intelligent, excelling at most things he puts his mind to, this should serve as a useful skill to have.
Disadvantages: This popularity however may be a detriment, making him a target for those seeking to win quickly. Additionally his easy-going attitude might be detrimental to his play style and his desire to protect Phoebe may cause him some grief, either from the advances of others or when it comes down to it they have to part ways.
William Wu is temporarily DENIED pending some adjustments to his profile.
Please make sure that the profile matches the template exactly be removing the extra space between the Advantages and Disadvantages.
In the Hobbies and Interests section, you mention athletics as an interest but only talk about football. To what other athletics does this refer? Please clarify.
In the Appearance section, you forgot to switch William's weight from metric to standard. You also mention that William stands out. Why does he stand out? And while you mention that he has 'Asian features', please be more specific. Currently, William has no eye color or descriptions for his facial features like his mouth, nose, cheek bones, eye brows, etc. Are his lips thin or full? Is is nose broad or narrow? Upturned or not? Given his history of football, does he have any distinguishing marks or scars earned from games?
Also, you mention that the senior class is small. What has lead you to believe that it is?
There are several places in the biography that some clarification and further explantion would be appreciate. For example, you mention that Phoebe gave William the nickname 'Woozie'. It this a nickname everyone uses or only Phoebe?
Also, was it always Mr. and Mrs. Wu's plan to move to the United States? Is that why both their sons have Western names? Does William have a traditional Chinese name?
And speaking of the Wu family, there is very little about William's relationship with his parents, Lu and the nameless mother, and nothing at all about his brother, Henry. How does William feel about them? Does he resent all of the demands they place on him and that they would like to determine his future for him? Does he not care that they appear to be very controlling?
During this next part, I have used color to separate your text from my questions so as to limit any confusion between the two.
The younger of two sons, William Woozie Wu immigrated (this should be emigrated) with his parents from mainland China at the tender age of 2.
His Father (should not capitalized since it is not being used as a proper noun), Lu, a successful businessman possessing a PhD in chemical engineering as well as a masters degree in finance, currently manages the local grocery store; a far cry from his work in China.
Why is his father's name is quotation marks? Is this not his real name?
His mother stays at home and spends much of her time ensuring her boys excel both in school and all other facets of their lives while committing her spare time to the Parent Teacher Association to make sure that the education of Will and his brother Henry is the best there can be. Both of Wills parents are extremely hardworking and harshly critical of their sons, refusing to accept anything less than perfection from them in all fields.
Isnt Will the youngest son? Shouldnt Henry be in college? If William's parents accept nothing less an perfection, why are his grades implied to be mediocre later in the profile?
Despite this strict regime of study Wills play time was relatively unfettered, his parents giving him free reign to explore the surrounding countryside as long as he had completed his sums and mastered the latest violin piece set to him.
What countryside does William go wandering in? Seattle is a major metropolitan area. Or do you mean something like a suburban neighborhood?
Will was fascinated by the relaxed parenting style of the Martins and was summarily impressed by Phoebes independence and the two quickly became inseparable. Williams parents were delighted that Will had made a new friend and were more than glad to let Wesley, Phoebes dad, take him on camping trips in exchange for the ability to borrow the textbooks that Wesley had lying about his home.
Phoebe comes out of nowhere pretty abruptly. At what age does William meet Phoebe? Is she the next-door neightbor? How far did his very vigilant parents allow their small child to wander in search of a playmate? Why does Phoebe's father have textbooks laying around their house?
Soon, the local camping trips became one of Wills favourite past times and he would often rush to get his schoolwork done so he could go and play with Phoebe.
What does playing with Phoebe have to do with camping trips? Please elaborate a bit more.
Throughout primary school Will quickly learned that his assertiveness and easy going attitude were a potent mix to develop new friends and he quickly integrated with the schoolkids of Aurora High.
Isn't being assertive and easy-going sort of opposite behaviors? And unless William attended a school that went K-8, he stopped attending primary school in 6th grade, roughly about 11 years old. Next would have been middle school, which is also known as junior high, where he would have spent grades 7 and 8. Most high school students are 14 years old when they being high school.
Although he always made time to hang out with Phoebe, William found himself more and more involved with the social scene within the playground (high schools dont have playgrounds).
As Phoebe became more and more reclusive, Will found he had to split his time between his old friend and his new ones who seemed, for reasons beyond his own understanding, to mock and tease his friend for an impediment that he frankly thought took nothing away from the girl.
What impediment? There hasn't really been any mention of any problems with Phoebe up to this point.
This of course did wonders for his ego and there wasnt a student in school who didnt, on at least some level, envy or like the boy.
This is really, really close to passive GMing since it dictates how others feel about your character, especially the wording there wasnt a student.
Academically, however, Wills grades began to slip. The issue hit boiling point when Wesley approached Wills parents about his falling marks. Stubborn and refusing to believe their son was anything less than perfect, the Wus lashed out at Wesley and Phoebe, blaming their woes on Phoebes influence, claiming that their William was a constant A grade student and it was only the poor teaching of Wesley and the mediocre ability of his daughter that was resulting in Williams decline. Wills mother aggressively brought up these issues at the next Parent Teacher Association meeting and on the home front forbid Will to ever speak to Phoebe again.
This particular section of the biography is where I had a lot of questions. Why havent Wills super attentive parents figured out or noticed his falling grades themselves? Especially in light of how being with friends and playing a sport would be cutting into his music and study time? How does Wesley know what Wills grades are? Oh, Wesley is a teacher. Since when was Wesley Will's teacher? Where does Wesley teach? How long has Wesley been his teacher? Whoa, wait a second...his mom accused a staff member of what? And this had no fallout for Will among the other teachers at Aurora High? So all this happened in his freshman year of high school?
Will is smart, motivated and socially adept. Although somewhat lacking in book smarts, his quick thinking and analytical thought process means he performs well in any area he chooses.
You mention that Will is motivated. Motivated at what? You just spent a lot of time telling me his biggest motivation fooling his parents so that he can carry on a forbidden romance with his childhood friend. With as much drilling and studying his parents forced on him, how is Will lacking book smarts? And where did he develop his analytical thought process?
Also, there is a complete lack of Will's current educational situation as a senior. The last time it was mentioned was when he was a freshman. What's his current grades look like? Classes he likes, dislikes? Does he plan on getting drafted to the NFL right out of high school or his he looking at colleges with good football programs?
And finally, in the Disadvantages section, you wrote, "Additionally his easy-going attitude might be detrimental to his play style and his desire to protect Phoebe may cause him some grief, either from the advances of others or when it comes down to it they need to make some hard decisions."
Can you please clarify what you mean by 'when it comes down to it, they need to make some hard decisions"?
It is a solid framework for a good character, but I would still like to see some of the issues that I have raised explained and expanded upon. Once you have made the requested adjustments, please respond with a reply and I will get back to you ASAP.