Weijia Zhang

Un67
Cannon Fodder
Joined: May 8th, 2011, 9:12 pm

April 9th, 2012, 2:26 pm #1

Name: Weijia Zhang
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Quiz Bowl, competing academically, roleplaying, swimming, creative writing, video games

Appearance: Weijia is about 5'11", and on the leaner side with a weight at about 174 pounds. His face is roughly oval shaped with a rounded chin. He has dark brown eyes that are almost black, and above them thick black eyebrows. His nose is roughly medium sized, and he has a thin mustache between the nose and his average sized mouth and lips. His straight hair is short to medium in length and is arranged in a simple cut with longer standing hairs on the front, top, and back and shorter hairs on the side, with all of the hair generally aligned forward. He is not too muscular not too fat, as he is somewhat wiry with not much muscle definition nor an appreciable amount of fat. His skin is fairly pale for Asians and its color can make him almost appear Caucasian. Generally he wears striped long sleeved shirts and long pants, usually jeans or pleated pants, with no words or logos whenever possible. On the day he was abducted, he was wearing a green shirt with black stripes as well as white pleated pants and a white pair of sneaker and white socks. He also wears generally plain black glasses as a result of his myopia.

Biography: Weijia is an only child born on July 6, 1994, in Beijing, China. His father was a chemical engineer in a state owned plant, while his mother was a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine. In China, his mother began to plan to study in America in for a PhD program for nutrition and found sponsor at a lab at the University of Ohio in Columbus. She wanted to do so as she wanted to improve her education and be able to have more self-direction in study. In addition, she saved up a considerable amount of money and prepared to sell their home in China in order to pay off the costs of immigration and studying in America. When he was about 3, his mother left to go to America and left him in the care of his father. About half a year later, his father also left China to go to America and for a whole year he was left in the care of his grandparents from his mother's side before he finally departed China to join his parents in America. When his father came to America, he found that his degree was not accepted by organizations there. As a result he began to study computer skills, while also working part time at UPS to help raise money for the family while Weijia's mom studied.

In America, Weijia was placed in the ESOL program, and managed to learn the language quickly, picking up most of English through the program and partly out of total immersion in the English-speaking environment. However, as a result of his total immersion in English he stopped much of his study of Mandarin Chinese and over time began to lose proficiency in written Mandarin Chinese, which his parents told him was a great shame as he had previously been capable of reading Mandarin Chinese from a very young age, taught and encouraged by his grandparents.

When he was six, he discovered for the first time that he had asthma in a moderately-severe asthma attack caused by seasonal allergies. After about half a year, he was referred to an allergy specialist by his pediatrician who began a series of regularly scheduled allergy shots, which he took over the next five years, which his mother supplemented with some traditional Chinese treatments. Over that period of time the symptoms of the allergies were put under more control and occurred less often, while the asthma subsided in intensity as he began to outgrow it. Also, his myopia, inherited from his mother, would become clear to him and his parents when he did poorly on vision tests at around age seven and he was made to wear glasses for the first time to help correct his vision. By the time he was ten, he became entirely dependent on them if he was to see clearly in the long distance.

After his mother finished her PhD in nutrition, he and his family then moved fairly often around the country, as a result of his parents having to seek out lab work in universities and then leave if the grants for the labs dried up and along with them the sponsorships. Usually, her work involved studying how nutrition affected the underlying causes of diabetes in biological functions of the body. As a result of moving often, he often had to abruptly leave his friends behind as he moved on to other parts of the country. He usually managed to find some new friends in each new place he moved to, however over time he found it harder and harder as he got older with the social circles of the students becoming more entrenched. When around the age of ten, he began to find the process very tiring and made the finding of new friends less of a concern, being happy with a small circle of friends and not really bothering with pursuing popularity. Also, some of his argumentative nature began to come out as he would often enter into arguments with those he disagreed with. He also held very firmly on to his arguments, even when he realized that he was wrong to some extent, and as a result became very stubborn. Although most people around him tolerated it to a certain extent, it tended to be something many people remembered and led some people to dislike him.

Instead of pursuing popularity, he began to put heavier emphasis on academics, which his parents encouraged along with a competitive streak, and he developed a desire to be better than the rest of his peers. As a result, he did well academically which carried on towards the rest of his schooling, although he did not organize himself well and became somewhat prone to missing assignments. Of all the subjects he studied, he found history the most interesting as he found exploring the background of the world and liked being able to understand how the present came to be. He also enjoyed mathematics as he was a logical thinker and was capable of understanding then solving mathematical problems well. Similarly, he also did fairly well in science as a result of requiring a similar mindset. However, he did not do as well in English, because he found the comprehension questions that made up much of the curriculum difficult due to being mostly interpretation and lacking concrete answers. However, he did well in the part of the subject that required writing as he found that that way he could express himself very clearly and freely.

Once he was eleven, his parents finally moved to Seattle when he was starting middle school. His parents had both found stable work, with his mother in a lab where she ended up as an essential employee and his father in a telecommunications company, using his earlier study of computers. Also, the family finally managed to get their green cards, with Weijia's green card coming first because of the application getting processed faster with his uncommon name. His mother promised Weijia that from that point on, they would not move out of the general area until after he graduated from college. Although he was unhappy at yet another move, it subsided quickly as he knew that he would not have to move again. For the last time he built up a social circle around him from scratch, finding mostly friends who also had academic focuses and had similarly competitive personalities. Also, he was recommended for the GATE program by his teachers due to his intelligence and good study capability and from that point on would take many courses on that level.

At around age twelve, he finally began exploring the Internet in earnest, circulating around various forum communities, many related to gaming. He played various games as a diversion from his everyday life, both online and offline, and tended towards turn-based games because he enjoyed the deeper thought required in such games. Eventually, he discovered roleplaying on some of the gaming boards and began to participate as a result of curiosity. Initially, he was not particularly good, but with more practice his roleplaying skills began to improve and he managed to put his imagination to good use combined with his writing skills. In fact, he began to stop posting about gaming for the most part and mostly roleplayed, and over time he began to move to forums that existed primarily for that purpose. Also, roleplaying would lead him towards creative writing, as they had a heavy overlap and skills in the first transferred into the other. When he was fourteen, he decided to participate in the National Novel Writing Month after having found references to it online, and to his surprise his determination held through and he managed to create a roughly fifty thousand word manuscript. Though the writing was rough in most places, he enjoyed the process if not the product thoroughly and would participate in all the coming years.

Meanwhile, he still worked hard on academics and applied his intelligence in high school, and for the most part getting As with occasional Bs. Much of his good performance was a result of the increased pressure he received from the environment and again his desire to compete. However, he also took more care to organize himself than he did before high school, which meant that he dealt with work far more efficiently. He took a variety of the Gifted and Talented and Advanced Placement courses in most subjects, although he tends to do better in mathematics and history as a result of his interest in those subjects.

He is not particularly fond of extracurricular activities, especially sports, as he is not athletic. The lack of athleticism is a result of bad coordination and a general lack of stamina, partly from asthma. However, his competitive personality might have been good for it if he didn't have these traits. He is not completely unfit, however, as in general he does try to keep active. For example, one athletic activity that he does part in to keep active is swimming. His mother encouraged him to do it starting in the later part of elementary school as a way of improving his cardiovascular health. He does so fairly regularly, doing so at least two times per week or so for exercise and stress relief. However, he still does not swim competitively because he did not want to commit the time for it and because it allows him time for peace and calm. The one extracurricular he took an active interest in, however, was Quiz Bowl. Weijia joined in his freshman year as a result of pressure from his parents to participate in some kind of extracurricular, and to his delight he found that it was a perfect match for him. He enjoys the academic and competitive nature of Quiz Bowl and over time became a history specialist for the team.

Generally, Weijia has a good relationship with his parents, although it is somewhat tenuous at times. The major reason for this was his general disregard for speaking Mandarin Chinese. Although he fully recognized his heritage and was fairly fluent in spoken Mandarin Chinese, he is not particularly fond of speaking Mandarin Chinese because of how rarely he finds it as the only means of communication possible and he did not want to spend much time to regain his knowledge of written Mandarin Chinese. Generally, they speak Mandarin Chinese to him and he replies in English, which in most cases works. However, if he absolutely needs to speak in Mandarin Chinese to get his point across, he does so. However, beyond that, he still follows the traditional Chinese model of filial piety and never truly goes against his parents beyond superficial matters, especially in matters of education. He is a bit closer to his mother than his father, due to his father doing more to impose on him, but ultimately he has a good relationship with both.

He is never really one to think of what he would do in the future, as he tends to think in a day by day basis, so he never thinks much of what he would study in college or pursue as a career. His mother pressured him to go into medicine, like her, although he decided that a life like his mother's was not for him. Ultimately, he decided that he would probably study computer science for the assurance of job security.

Advantages: Weijia has a fairly nimble intellect and generally can figure out situations quickly by using his logic skills to determine why they have occurred. In addition, he has book smarts from his academic focus and is highly competitive and strives to make the best of himself even in a bad situation. Finally, he is very stubborn and has a strong will, keeping to his plans and ideas.
Disadvantages: Weijia is not especially capable socially and is not very popular, making it unlikely for him to win others over for alliances. His stubborn and argumentative nature is also fairly well known and it leads him to be disliked by many of his classmates, and means that he does not work particularly well in a team. Also, his stubbornness is disadvantageous when pragmatism is necessary. He doesn't have much stamina and tires easily as a result. Finally, his myopia can reliant on his glasses if he is to look at anything at long range, and he is not very coordinated.
[+] Spoiler
B???: Weijia Zhang - ALIVE
Assigned Weapon: ???
Thread Chain: N/A

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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

April 13th, 2012, 7:42 am #2

Weijia Zhang is temporarily DENIED pending revisions.

The parts of your profile that need to be adjusted will be highlighted in yellow and my questions/comments/concerns will be next to the highlighted portion in green.
wrote: Name: Weijia Zhang
Gender: Male
Age: 18 (Your character cannot be 18 yet using the birthday you provided)
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Quiz Bowl, creative writing, video games, discussion on the Internet (you never mention discussions on the internet anywhere in the biography. You talk about RPing on the internet, though. You should probably change discussions to RPing so that the interests and bio match), informal debating

Appearance: Weijia is slightly above average in terms of height at 5'11" (That is so not average for a Chinese male. For an American male, yes. For a male born and partially raised in China, no. Remove the "slightly above average" part and you should be fine.), and on the leaner side with a weight at about 174 pounds. His head is roughly oval shaped (Aren't most heads roughly oval shaped? Do you mean his face is oval shaped?) with a rounded chin, and he has dark brown (almost black) (No parethesis within the profiles, please) eyes, thick black eyebrows, a medium sized nose, a thin mustache, and an average sized mouth and lips.[/color] (This sentence is a run-on sentence where you've just strung a list of facial features together with commas. It needs to be broken into several sentences.) His hair is short to medium in length and stands up naturally. (It stands up naturally? Could you please elaborate on this hairstyle a bit more as I'm currently picturing him with Sayan hair and I'm pretty sure that's not what you're going for.) He is neither particularly muscular nor particularly fat as he has some amount of both. (Okay, every person has some amount of muscle and fat. This sentence doesn't really tell me anything about Weijia. Is he more muscular? Is he a little flabby? Please give me some more specific details/description of his body type.) His skin is fairly pale for Asians and its color can make him almost appear Caucasian. Generally he wears striped long sleeved shirts and long pants (usually jeans or pleated pants) (no parenthesis, find a way to work that information into a sentence) with no words or logos whenever possible, which in part has led to his pale skin combined with a disinterest for the outdoors. (This information really belongs in the bio portion of the profile, not the description) On the day he was abducted, he was wearing a green shirt with black stripes as well as white pleated pants and a white pair of sneaker and white socks. He also wears generally plain black glasses as a result of his myopia. Finally, he has a very low and imposing voice thanks to having developed it very early. (Weijia's voice has nothing to do with his appearance. This should not go in this portion of the profile. Also, how early you hit puberty does not determine how deep your voice is. I'm assuming that's what you mean. Unless you're telling me that Weijia's voice is an affectation.)

Biography: Weijia is an only child born on July 6, 1994, in Beijing, China. His father was a chemical engineer in a state owned plant, while his mother was a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine. When he was about 3, his mother left to go to America in order to study nutrition and earn a PhD and left him in the care of his father. About half a year later, his father also left China to go to America and for a whole year he was left in the care of his grandparents from his mother's side before he finally departed China to join his parents in America. (Okay, so a family of Chinese immigrants. How old was Weijia when he came to the US? Who were the family's sponsors? How did they raise the money for their immigration paperwork, especially since the mother is in a PhD program? What school is she attending? Do they have green cards or did they become US citizens? Why did they decide to immigrate? Also, you do realize many states and companies do not recognize degrees and diplomas from foreign universities unless the person can prove that their degree is from a university that meets a state/US university's standards, right? Which means that Weijia's father's degree is pretty much useless in America unless he can do that. I suggest some intense research on this topic.)

In America, Weijia was placed in the ESOL program, and managed to learn the language quickly, picking up most of English through the program and partly out of a habit of watching cartoons with English subtitles. (Weijia didn't learn his English from being immersed in the language? Also, if he's watching American tv, why does he need English subtitles? And does he read in English? If he doesn't read fluidly in English, how do the subtitles help him?) Unfortunately, his newly found knowledge of English displaced his previous knowledge of Chinese, which his parents told him was a great shame as he had previously been capable of reading Chinese from a very young age. (No. Language acquisition doesn't work that way. Especially if he has two fluent parents. Learning a new language doesn't "displace" the old language. If that were so, anyone who learned a foreign language at school would lose parts of their native language. When did he start reading in Chinese? Who taught him, since his mom had been gone since he was 3 years old, and his dad since he was 4.) Also, he soon discovered for the first time that he had asthma, (How did he "discover" this? WHEN did this happen? What happened? How severe was his asthma? What are its triggers? What sort of treatment regiment was set up. I need specific details for this since it is also one of Weijia's disadvantages)which would greatly influence his life in the next few years. Later, he would begin to take allergy shots to contain the asthma and it gradually faded from his life, including the shots. (Wait, does he have asthma or does he have allergies? Also, WHEN is later? Weijia's timeline needs to be firmly established. How did they find out that his allergies and his asthma are linked? And that’s not how allergy-related asthma works. Some people outgrow asthma, but people don't usually outgrow allergies unless they are food allergies. In which case, food allergies cause issues much more serious than mild asthma.) Also, his myopia, inherited from his mother, would become clear to him and his parents and soon he was made to wear glasses to correct his vision.(Again, WHEN and HOW do these things become "clear" to the family. This entire section needs more detailing. Lots more detailing. I want everything spelled out.)

After his mother finished her PhD in nutrition, he and his family would then move (tense issue) fairly often around the country, as a result of his parents having to seek out lab work and then leave if the grants for the labs dried up (What kind of lab work do nutritionists do? Especially in university labs? This really needs to be elaborated on). As a result, Weijia never had many close relationships with friends and tended towards being an introvert. (That’s not how introversion works. Moving a lot doesn't make you an introvert. Either you are an introvert or you are an extrovert.) Although he was fully capable of making friends, he began to unconsciously avoid attachments that would be broken if he moved again. Because of this, he can sometimes appear uncaring and impersonal, although in reality he is neither. (This characteristic makes it appear like you are going to set Weijia up to be a Pre-Made Player, which basically means you're setting him up to have no problems immediately killing people once v5 begins. This is a problem and needs to either be removed or majorly counteracted in some way. It's probably easier just to remove it.) However, he is fairly argumentative and will often start informal debates with others, usually not with their consent. (That’s not a debate, that’s an argument)

One result of his disinclination towards making attachments is a liking towards the Internet, as the attachments were far more nebulous there. (This sentence is awkwardly written. It need to be fixed so that it has some flow to it. Also, could you sustain a relationship on the internet with the people you had previously met during the last move using programs like AIM, Instant Messanger, emails, chatting, Skype, Facebook, MySpace, etc.?) In addition, Weijia is also a far better writer than a speaker due to his tendency to avoid conversations and the Internet proved to be a good place for him to exercise his writing capabilities and express himself in ways he could not in real life. (You JUST said he strikes up random "debates" with people. How is it he cannot express himself?) It would also lead (tense issues) him on the path to doing creating (incorrect word) writing through some roleplaying forums that he joined. (Again, WHEN did he start doing this? What roleplaying forums? What types of games was he playing?) He loved to roleplay from the start (redundant) as it was finally a chance to really exercise his rich imagination. Also, as a diversion, (A diversion from what? Roleplaying?) he enjoys playing various video games, although he tends towards (You might want to go with "Weijia also enjoys playing turn-based or single player video games.") turn based single player games.

Meanwhile, in real life, (tonally incorrect) his parents finally moved to Seattle when he was starting middle school where they found stable work - his mother in a lab where she ended up as an essential employee and his father in a telecommunications company. (Whoa, wait a minute. His parents were letting him play in roleplaying communities and talk to people unsupervised on the internet BEFORE he was in junior high? Really? Also, this sentence is a run-on sentence and awkwardly worded. I strongly suggest breaking it up into several sentences so that it flows better and is grammatically correct.) His mother promised Weijia that from that point on, they would not move out of the general area until after he was graduated (tense issue) from college, which meant that they finally considered themselves settled down. (Why would them considering the family to be settled down be relevant to the terrorist writing this profile or the organization?) Although Weijia's social skills were not exactly constantly exercised before he came to Seattle, he found his own group of friends who had similar interests although he was never too close to any one of them. (What interests? Internet RPing and turn-based, single player video games?)

Academically, he did very well throughout his entire period of schooling, being fairly intelligent, as he generally tends towards getting (tense issue) all A's and then one B, usually as a result of occasional forgetfulness. ("As" should not have an apostrophe since the apostrophe makes it possessive. Also, this sentence is awkwardly worded. You should really consider rewriting it so that it flows better.) It generally annoyed his parents although they knew that they didn't have that much to complain about. In high school, he actually tended to do better than he did before, (How? He got all As except for one B. How do you improve on that?) partially because of the pressure but also because of organizational skills that took him fairly long to really mature. (So as the subjects got more difficult he did better than As? And that "took him fairly long to really mature" is awkwardly phrased. Please fix that.) He took a variety of GT (What are GT courses, please?) and AP courses in most subjects, although he tends to do better in the subjects of (redundant) mathematics and history as a result of his self-interest (interest) in those subjects.

Generally, Weijia has a good relationship with his parents, although it is somewhat tenuous at times. The major reason for this was his general disregard for Chinese culture. Although he fully recognized his heritage, he is not particularly fond of speaking Chinese (You said he doesn’t know it anymore. It was "displaced" by English. According to previous information in the profile, he can't speak it at all.) or participating in Chinese culture (such as…..?). However, beyond that, he still follows the traditional Chinese model of filial piety and never truly goes against his parents beyond superficial matters, especially in matters of education. He is a bit closer to his mother than his father, due to his father doing more to impose on him, but ultimately he has a good relationship with both.

He is not particularly fond of extracurricular activities, especially sports. He is not athletic and any athleticism that he might have had was kept dormant through his asthma. (I thought the asthma went away. When did it go away that he couldn't do any kind of sports? It must have been pretty severe then for him to be unable to do anything physical. You should really ELABORATE ON THIS A LOT.) He is not completely unfit, however, as he generally tries to keep active, but he still lacks the skills necessary to make an athlete. (What skills is he lacking? Coordination? Determination? The desire to succeed? How does he keep active? In what way is he fit? You spend a lot of time telling me what Weijia's not in the profile. He's not fat, but not thin. He's not athletic. He's not social. How about you tell me what he IS, then.) One extracurricular he takes an active interest into, (incorrect word) however, was Quiz Bowl, ((When did he join Quiz Bowl? Why did he join it since he is not fond of extracurriculars?) as it allows (tense issue) him to use his academic knowledge, and generally he specializes in answering history questions.(Also, this is a run-on sentence again.) It also expanded his social circle as he would run into many like-minded people, some of which he became friends with. (This whole paragraph should come before the stuff about his parents.)

He is never really one to think of what he would do in the future, as he tends to think in a day by day basis, so he never thinks much of what he would study in college or pursue as a career. His mother pressured him to go into medicine, like her, although he decided that a life like his mother's was not for him. Ultimately, he decided that he would probably study computer science for the assurance of job security.

Advantages: Weijia has a fairly nimble intellect and generally can figure out situations quickly. He is calm under pressure and doesn't ever let a situation take control of him. (Where is this ever mentioned in the bio?) He is also extremely independent-minded and has a strong will. (Again, where is this discussed?) Finally, his avoidance of attachments makes him less likely to find himself in a situation where others would slow him down. (Helloooo Pre-Made Player!)
Disadvantages: Weijia is not especially capable socially and his avoidance of attachments means that he will make few allies, even when he really needs them. His argumentative nature is also fairly well known and it leads him to be disliked by many of his classmates. Physically, he is still not in good shape even with his asthma mostly faded away as it can still occasionally (if rarely) trigger. (Nope, you have previously stated he is somewhat fit. The disadvantage does not match the bio.) Finally, his myopia makes him highly reliant on his glasses, which are somewhat fragile. (This was barely touched on in the bio.)
If you have any questions or would like anything clarified, please feel free to PM me. Once you have made all of the requested changes, please reply to this thread and I'll give Weijia another going over.
[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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Un67
Cannon Fodder
Joined: May 8th, 2011, 9:12 pm

April 13th, 2012, 9:12 pm #3

Alright, I've gone through and have made significant edits to my profile. I expanded on a lot of the profile and have changed some parts significantly, especially his personality. Thank you for the look-over, I've realized while going through it that many things are not in order and that I managed to miscommunicate a lot of things at various parts of the application. I'll be looking forward towards the next review!
[+] Spoiler
B???: Weijia Zhang - ALIVE
Assigned Weapon: ???
Thread Chain: N/A

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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

April 16th, 2012, 5:35 am #4

Okay, there's still some stuff to be hammered out, mostly grammatical.
wrote: Hobbies and Interests: Quiz Bowl, competing academically, roleplaying, swimming, creative writing, video games, role-playing on the Internet (I'm not really sure why roleplaying is listed here twice, especially since there is no evidence of Weijia doing any roleplaying anywhere except on the internet in the profil. I think just mentioning 'roleplaying' is fine.)

Biography: Weijia is an only child born on July 6, 1994, in Beijing, China. His father was a chemical engineer in a state owned plant, while his mother was a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine. In China, his mother began to plan to study in America in for a PhD program for nutrition and found sponsor a lab at the university. (grammar issue. You're missing some words here. Also, WHAT university? I need a name and location, please.)


When his father came to America, he found that his degree was not accepted by organizations there. As a result began to study computer skills, while also working part time to help raise money for the family while Weijia's mom studied. (Again, grammar issue: missing words. And what kind of part time work was he doing?)


"In America, Weijia was placed in the ESOL program, and managed to learn the language quickly, picking up most of English through the program and partly out of total immersion in the English-speaking environment. However, as a result of his total immersion in English he stopped much of his study of Chinese and over time began to lose proficiency in written Chinese, which his parents told him was a great shame as he had previously been capable of reading Chinese from a very young age, taught and encouraged by his grandparents. When he was six, he discovered for the first time that he had asthma in a moderately-severe asthma attack caused by seasonal allergies. After about half a year, he was referred to an allergy specialist by his pediatrician who began a series of regularly scheduled allergy shots. Over the next five years the symptoms of the allergies were put under more control and occurred less often, while the asthma subsided in intensity as he began to outgrow it. Also, his myopia, inherited from his mother, would become clear to him and his parents when he did poorly on vision tests at around age seven and he was made to wear glasses for the first time to help correct his vision. By the time he was ten, he became entirely dependent on them if he was to see clearly in the long distance."

This paragraph should really be split into two sections: one section that talks about Weijia's language development, and one that talks about his health issues. Also, to the best of my understanding, you don't get allergy shots for seasonal allergies since allergy shots must be given up an extended period in order to be effective. It really doesn't make sense for Weijia to be getting shots all year long to control an allergy that only occurs at certain times of year. Also, since Weijia's mother is a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine, I find it really odd that she's not given him a course of treatments in addition to what his pediatrician and allergist have prescribed.

Also, some of his argumentative nature began to come out as he would often enter into arguments with those he disagreed with. He also held very firmly on to his arguments, even when he realized that he was wrong to some extent, and as a result became very stubborn. Although most people around him tolerate it to a certain extent, it tends to be something many people remember and leads some people to dislike him. (tense issue)

At around age twelve, he finally began exploring the Internet in earnest, circulating around various forum communities, many related to gaming. He played various games as a diversion from his everyday life, both online and offline, and tended towards turn based (I think there should be a hyphen here 'turn-based')games because of enjoying the deeper thought (tense issue and grammar issue) required in such games.

However, he also took more care to organize himself than he did before high school, which meant that he dealt with work far more efficiently. He took a variety of the Gifted and Talented (You can’t just take GATE [Gifted and Talented Education] classes. You have to either be recommended for them or be in the GATE program. At no point have you mentioned Weijia being tested for GATE.) and Advanced Placement courses in most subjects, although he tends to do better in mathematics and history as a result of his interest in those subjects.

He does so fairly regularly with at least (I think you're missing a word or have the wrong word here) two times per week or so for exercise and stress relief. However, he still does not swim competitively because of not wanting (tense issue - he did not want) to commit the time for it and because it allows him time for peace and calm.

The major reason for this was his general disregard for speaking Chinese. Although he fully recognized his heritage and was fairly fluent in spoken Chinese, he is not particularly fond of speaking Chinese because of how rarely he truly needs to use it (ummm..not to nitpick, but nearly 5% of the entire population of Seattle identifies as ethnically Chinese. And Chinese is his parents’ native language. How does he not need to speak it? Also, “Chinese” is not a language. There are two main dialects of Chinese [Mandarin and Cantonese] and multiple smaller dialects. I should have asked earlier, but I'll ask now. Please specify which one Weijia speaks, and then replace any mention of reading, writing, or speaking "Chinese" with the appropriate language.)

Advantages: Weijia has a fairly nimble intellect and generally can figure out situations quickly (This is slightly too vague right now. Please be more specific.)

Finally, his myopia can reliant on his glasses if he is to look at anything at long range, (you should probably cut this off here since the disadvantages section is merely a quick reminder.) especially aim a weapon, and his poor sense of coordination could make his aiming even worse, along with other things.

[/color]


Okay, go over the profile carefully for tense issues. Make sure you use the same tense throughout the profile. Fix the stuff I've highlighted, and then reply here.
[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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Un67
Cannon Fodder
Joined: May 8th, 2011, 9:12 pm

April 16th, 2012, 7:05 pm #5

Alright, I've gone through the post and edited it, clarifying as necessary. Also, I'm fully aware of the distinction between Mandarin and Cantonese (because I am actually Chinese, and this character is my SI to the point of sharing my first name). It was implied that he spoke Mandarin because he was born in Beijing, and Beijing is basically where Mandarin comes from. However, I understand that that's not really something most people would pick up on and requires making assumptions, so I still changed that.
[+] Spoiler
B???: Weijia Zhang - ALIVE
Assigned Weapon: ???
Thread Chain: N/A

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BetaKnight
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Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

April 17th, 2012, 3:48 am #6

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[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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