Walt Esiason

Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

April 27th, 2015, 12:01 am #1

Name: Walt Asante Esiason
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Basketball, pro-wrestling, writing

Appearance: 6'7" and 218 pounds, Walt is hard to miss. He's a dark-skinned black man, with noticeable muscle tone from playing basketball, making him properly cut for his height and activities. Walt's face is very angular, having a square jawline with high cheekbones and a pointed nose. His eyes are dark brown and his curly hair is plain black, braided into dreads that hover above his shoulders and colored dark blonde at the tips. His hair is often accessorized by a headband during games and a snapback cap otherwise, and will occasionally tie into an up-do bun.

For clothes, he has a number of polo shirts and basketball jerseys he can wear and skinny jeans that come in a variety of colors, and highly favors Jordans and Nike shoes for footwear.

On the day of the abduction, Walt was wearing a leopard print track jacket over a pink cut-off shirt with the words "It's Not Showing Off" on the front and "If You Back It Up" on the back in bold blue lettering, red denim skinny jeans, and a fiesta color San Antonio Spurs snapback hat, with red and white Jordans.

Biography: Abe and Tabitha Esiason were high school sweethearts who managed to to stay together throughout college, and ended up married by the time they graduated. On August 1st 1996, Walt was born in Kingman, becoming the couple's first and only child.

The reason Walt would remain an only child was because Tabitha suffered from complications during the birth, and passed away soon after it was over. Without his other half, Abe found himself in a difficult situation of having to raise a child by himself and without a lot of financial help. This led to Abe working long hours as a data entry clerk, while Walt would stay with his retired grandparents. Since Walt was doing this since he was born, it felt normal for him to have to stay with his grandparents all the time. This continued until he got to middle school, and was considered mature enough to take care of himself at the house. During this time, both Walt and Abe developed poor diets, consisting of mostly microwave dinners and fatty foods due to Abe being too tired to cook proper food. This lead to them becoming overweight and unhealthy.

Walt's weight issues led to him becoming sensitive about his body during his childhood. Walt wasn't bullied for his weight, considering he was a lot bigger compared to most of his classmates. However, Walt was still very self-conscious and often felt excluded from the other students, especially when it came to gym class and recess. Walt would always come home alone and stay locked up in his room, where he turned to TV for comfort. It was here that Walt got his love for basketball and pro-wrestling, where everybody was so strong and fast, and watched the amazing things they could do with their athleticism. Still, Walt kept this interest to himself, and had barely anybody to talk to. The only one he could talk to about it was his dad, as his dad began trying to be more involved in Walt's life since he was beginning to recognize how often Walt was alone.

Deciding that something needed to be done, Abe decided to take out his son running around the park and play games with him at the basketball court. It was difficult for a while, as Walt felt embarrassed being outside, not being very skilled at the game and his insecurities making him feel like everybody was looking at him. Abe had to carry his son through a lot of the pain, having to talk to him out of quitting numerous times, telling him to look towards the men on TV that he looked up to so much, using them as inspiration to keep on going. It wasn't till middle school that Walt was able to shake off his worries to make some real progress, and got the courage to sign up for the school team. Even though he was still pretty hefty and slow, he was also very tall, and all his games with his father gave him enough know-how to compete as the starting center once he hit the 8th grade. Finally, Walt had managed to lose all his weight, and was beginning to look more like how he wanted to. He grew more loud and open, and this developed into having friends. Now that he had friends, Walt was wasn't quite sure what to do after that. So he decided to do stuff he thought friends were suppose to do, such as inviting them over to his house to play games and watch TV.

With his popularity came pride. Being in shape gave Walt the idea that just because he was strong and tall that he could take on anything. This led to him challenging varsity players even while he was still only a freshman and getting into confrontations with people who were stronger then he was, and having to eat his words afterwards in return. They were mostly kept quiet as Walt made sure to never get into a fight on school grounds, but his dad would scold him when he came back with bruises. Still though, over time Walt has proven to be a talented center for the varsity basketball team who can back up all his big talk, and is especially proud of his dunking ability. While not having the best footwork and still a little awkward and clumsy, Walt makes up for it by adopting a defensive style of play on the court. His main flaw is being unable to deal with trash talk and mind games, and this often makes him lose focus and react instinctively, messing up on moves he'd be able to do otherwise just fine. While he can be very prideful, Walt still doesn't have a good grasp on his own confidence.

Besides his love for basketball, Walt also still likes pro-wrestling, and his favorite wrestlers tend to be the flashy and arrogant types who can still prove they are capable ring talents to add to their bragging, such as Dolph Ziggler. His viewership is mostly contained to watching WWE and related content, but sometimes is able to watch other promotions and indie material. He also occasionally indulges in backyard wrestling, committing to a character inspired by his favorites. Pro-wrestling hasn't had as major effect on Walt's life as basketball has, so it's mostly a hobby for him.

In school, Walt is basically average, garnering B's and C's in most of his classes, the only A's he can consistently contain are his English and elective courses. For electives, he usually picks easy classes like gym to just fill in the time, but English is something he has a genuine taste for. In fact, Walt's English teachers convinced him to explore his literary skills, and has begun taking up writing spare time. He likes his free-time writing more than schoolwork, as it allows him to write whatever he wants, so there's a sense of freedom to it, but he mostly writes just to write. His stories range being personal and minimalistic to grand and mythical, but it really just depends on how he's feeling that. Walt keeps up a blog as well, where he sometimes shares his writings, but mostly uses it to muse on his daily life.

Right now, Walt is feeling placid about life in general. He doesn't spend as much time with his dad as he used to, but lately has been asking more about his mother. Having to decided what he wants to do with his future has made him curious about his mom, wondering what kind of person she was and the like. He's been procrastinating on applying to colleges, but he's nearly sure he's going to stay local, Arizona State being the school he's kept in mind. Besides that, he's mainly letting the days go by till more comes along, hanging out with his high school friends and basketball teammates as much as he can, being loud and carefree.

Advantages: Walt is strong, so he can handle himself if things get physical. He is also very tall, so coupled with his physical abilities, which might help ward off anybody looking for an easy target. Walt's pride in himself won't make him easily intimidated, and he will be willing to call people on their threats and bluffs.
Disadvantages: Walt can be confrontational, and will probably be unwilling to back down even if the situation might call for it. Walt it also very sensitive, which can get him riled up easily and stop thinking clearly. He is also a little clumsy.
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Deamon
Mr. Danya
Deamon
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 1st, 2011, 8:03 pm

April 27th, 2015, 12:26 am #2

Hey Unpy!

Before I give Walt a proper critique can you remove the line between advantages and disadvantages. Cheers.
Forrest Quin - At the Zoo
Bret Carter - On a date
Aliya Kimia Nemati - In Training
Arizona - Practicing
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Travis "Trav" Lynch - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞
Cameron Herrig - Ω - Ω - Ω
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Gray Emerson - "No. We don't follow."
Yasmin "Yaz" Carroll - "I don't really have a plan anymore."
Christopher Harlin - "You can look me in the eyes and shoot me."
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

April 27th, 2015, 12:30 am #3

Done-zo.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
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V7 - ❤ ❤ ❤ - PV3 - {❤} ❤ ❤ - TV3 - ❤ ❤ - V8 - ❤ ❤ ❤
[+] Spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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Deamon
Mr. Danya
Deamon
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 1st, 2011, 8:03 pm

April 27th, 2015, 2:55 am #4

Alright lets do this.

First up, as hobbies and interests is a list only the first one needs to be capitalized.
wrote:Walt isn't easy to miss.
Change this to "Walt is hard to miss." as it reads much better. Also could you describe Walt's mouth for me.

For the section about Walt living with his grandparents there's nothing about how Walt felt about this. Right now all we know that he stayed at his grandparents.
wrote:While not bullied for his weight, considering he was a lot bigger compared to most of his classmates, Walt was still very self-conscious and often felt excluded, especially when it came to gym class and recess.
This sentence is a pretty big run-on and could do with being split into two.

There's a bit of a continuity snag with the bit about his dad taking him to the park. As you state at the end of previous paragraph Walt kept his interest in basketball and pro-wrestling to himself but the way the next paragraph is worded implies that his dad knows about it. So when did he tell his dad and why? Or did his dad find out? Some clarification here would be good.

How did Walt find having friends? Since it would have been one of the first times he's had proper friends from the sound of it.

As for Walt's fighting were there any other repercussions for this behavior? Like did his dad punish him? Did the school or police ever get involved? Did he get a reputation about this sort of thing? These are all things that can result from getting in fights.
wrote:Besides his love for basketball, Walt also still likes pro-wrestling, and his favorite wrestlers tend to be the flashy and arrogant types who can still prove they are capable ring talents to add to their bragging, such as Dolph Ziggler.
Another run-on sentence.

jow should be how.

Some detail on which classes Walt likes and dislikes would also help to flesh out his school life outside of basketball and English. Another thing that needs expanding is how does writing make Walt feel? Does he enjoy the creative side or does he enjoy it for more personal reasons? Also what electives does he take? Since it sounds like he's good at them.

There's no information about who he hangs out with at school and in his free time, or what he's like around them. I'd like this to be put in the profile, since socializing is a big part of teenage life.
wrote:He doesn't spend as much time with his dad as he used to,
wrote:and he will be willing to call on people's threats and bluffs.
Reads better as "he will be willing to call people on their threats and bluffs."

In general there needs to be more detail on how a lot of the things mentioned in the profile effected Walt because right now its more a list of events and things Walt likes. So do all that for me and I'll give Walt another look.
Forrest Quin - At the Zoo
Bret Carter - On a date
Aliya Kimia Nemati - In Training
Arizona - Practicing
[+] Spoiler
Kimiko Kao - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯
Travis "Trav" Lynch - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞
Cameron Herrig - Ω - Ω - Ω
[+] Spoiler
Gray Emerson - "No. We don't follow."
Yasmin "Yaz" Carroll - "I don't really have a plan anymore."
Christopher Harlin - "You can look me in the eyes and shoot me."
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

May 2nd, 2015, 1:38 pm #5

Finished~
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❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ & ❤ ❤
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V7 - ❤ ❤ ❤ - PV3 - {❤} ❤ ❤ - TV3 - ❤ ❤ - V8 - ❤ ❤ ❤
[+] Spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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Deamon
Mr. Danya
Deamon
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 1st, 2011, 8:03 pm

May 2nd, 2015, 2:46 pm #6

Deamon wrote:First up, as hobbies and interests is a list only the first one needs to be capitalized.
wrote:Besides his love for basketball, Walt also still likes pro-wrestling, and his favorite wrestlers tend to be the flashy and arrogant types who can still prove they are capable ring talents to add to their bragging, such as Dolph Ziggler.
Another run-on sentence.

There's no information about who he hangs out with at school and in his free time, or what he's like around them. I'd like this to be put in the profile, since socializing is a big part of teenage life.
^Those things have not been done.

You've not actually said how he felt when he first got friends either, just what he did with them. Which is different.

If he was fighting people off the school grounds, other kids would still be aware of it. So did he get a reputation due to that? Because something like a fight will be talked about, especially if it involves the same kid as before.

Also "he mostly writes just to write" is a copout of a reason to enjoy writing. There must be a reason he enjoys writing that makes him want to write. Is it the act of creating a story or something else?

Cover all of those points and I'll take another look at Walt.
Forrest Quin - At the Zoo
Bret Carter - On a date
Aliya Kimia Nemati - In Training
Arizona - Practicing
[+] Spoiler
Kimiko Kao - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯ - ☯
Travis "Trav" Lynch - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞ - ♞
Cameron Herrig - Ω - Ω - Ω
[+] Spoiler
Gray Emerson - "No. We don't follow."
Yasmin "Yaz" Carroll - "I don't really have a plan anymore."
Christopher Harlin - "You can look me in the eyes and shoot me."
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

May 12th, 2015, 4:39 am #7

I'd like to come back to this later, as I got finals and other things to sort in the meanwhile, and I just don't think I'd be able to get this done on time. Sorry for the inconvenience, but I'll try to come back with the required edits at some other point in time.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
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❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ & ❤ ❤
[+] Spoiler
V7 - ❤ ❤ ❤ - PV3 - {❤} ❤ ❤ - TV3 - ❤ ❤ - V8 - ❤ ❤ ❤
[+] Spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

May 18th, 2015, 5:41 am #8

This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.

I went ahead and moved this at the regular time and in the regular fashion so that it just counts as the normal two week deal. For future reference, there's no need to post if you're going to have to come back to a kid later; it happens all the time and the system's set up for it with no penalties in place. The big reason behind the two-week rule is to keep the queue clear and better let staff see what profiles are still in need of attention. Timing out doesn't reflect poorly on you in any way.
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