The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
Joined: January 7th, 2009, 12:08 am

January 15th, 2009, 4:46 am #411

They aren't, once again once I make a GENUINE profile post here witch certifies an actual complete concept in my opinion, it at least show I had a third dimension to each one, and using TBH's friendly word on here is directing (no offense).

One I don't blame you for it (or him for that matter). I haven't posted on here, expect for the Roland post...and awkward attempts on connecting to people on here to help form character creation connections.

Hence why I prefer to post whole profiles or sheets like I did. It gives you a better gauge for me, and in short of what you want from me. I thought large winks to the characters whom I was motivated by to create my own was alright. Guess the exact opposite was true....


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The Burned Handler
Mr. Danya
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 2:19 am

January 15th, 2009, 4:47 am #412

The Mongoose wrote: GM is actually a term for Game Master.
It's also an abbreviation of Game Maker's username, smartass. But yeah, just stop with the shitty ideas, and stop with your crush on Dodd and Wade Wilson. It's actually kinda creepy.
MurderWeasel getting impatient wrote:Hiya, jerk! Please don't post until edits have been completed, as doing so causes confusion/messes up the queue.
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork I have faith in you!
18:48 Ruggawork and your ass!
wrote:16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Iktor?
16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Toben.
16:35 Kilmarnock hard to tell until they make out with me.
16:35 *** mib_6brm7d is now known as Irene
[+] spoiler
wrote:11:55 Zarina turns out I work best with people when most of the people are dead
wrote:18:30 Slam Well we don't really do showers in the UK
wrote:05:57 *** Christian joined #sotf
05:58 shotgunkid oh crap
wrote:05:54 frogue i can be a time consuming process!
wrote:16:47 Irene "let it sit for half an hour, it's better when it's not so cold" he said.
16:47 Irene well...
16:48 Irene it exploaded.
16:48 Irene all over my hands.
Gianni no wrote:15:54 Aloha Leg cramps happened suddenly and i can't move X_X
15:55 Gianni wb :3
wrote:21:20 *** Persy joined #sotf
21:21 Gianni Hey Persy!
21:21 Namira my mutant alchemist
wrote:21:31 Pancapples [The weather] Was beautiful today.
21:33 Solitair oh no
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork Who doesn't want to rape Bro
wrote:17:30 Ohm Sweet, I'm using then
wrote:14:18 Wes 'm so hungry ;c
14:18 Wes :c8
14:18 Wes...
14:18 Wes fuck it
14:18 mib_7zyd33 That's not what you're supposed to do to food.
14:19 Imehal Nah, that's kinda par for the course around here.
14:19--- Ohm is away (Ew)
wrote:14:50Pancapples I kinda miss the Crusades now.
Bad Ohm! wrote:18:51*** RC quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
18:51 Ohmfg Yay!
Laur doesn't like people being in chat wrote:18:33 Laurels Agh, people are here
18:33*** Laurels quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
Germany vs. Germany! wrote:18:47 RC I should send my list of ideas to SOTF_Help once I get rid of the dumb ones on the list
18:48 Bikriki so you want to send them an empty list?
wrote:19:40 uyugin taking bets on who will be the big douche in v6
19:40 Kilmarnock Actually I'm going with Laur.
wrote:14:01 Kilmarnock Girl!Slam was cute I guess.
wrote:11:29 Naft Dude uncool
11:29 Naft I was talking about conceptual penises and you made the penises real
wrote:13:59 Solitair I love seeing people get mentally broken
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nope
Winner
Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 11:45 pm

January 15th, 2009, 4:50 am #413

The Mongoose wrote: GM is actually a term for Game Master. But lets stop there, as if this is going to far with pastiche's then I'll stop. But hey if Moore, King, Graham,and Leone (well didn't he got his ass sued) got away with it, shouldn't some lame dude on the internet (and with Wade Wilson I thought we would be given a certain leeway on that.)

As for the Alex comment, I mentioned that When I steal or rip off a concept (half wink wink here) I thought I made it clear that I had modeled it on him. I didn't though because when I said intelligent I presumed a fake air of grandiose came with it. The difference between the two Alex's is different though, Alex DeLarge delights in fine art and the dark side of man. Burgess whom is inspired by THAT Alex...whom I admitted in the very beginning, like I meant to with Kei, isn't a sociopath...he just lacks any form of higher conscience, perhaps barring actual respect. Also unlike DeLarge, whom laughs and delights at rape...like most level headed delinquents who don't get caught...he only views violence as a whole as a means to an end. He enjoys the act of it, but doesn't do to just do it. He does it to further his own petty goals, extremely begin in nature. But yes both DO have a great deal in common, though the main clutch of it is simply 'smart and evil..and has visions of grandiose but in reality pitiful (I should have added)' By no means though is he going to be using unique slang, or be a snarker. I've always seen him as someone who sees one step ahead you but really isn't. Someone who unlike Alex doesn't need to wave his victory in your face, he knows he's won though. Most importantly though like Alex he's charming when he wants to be and might be later on in the game for all I know accidentally...it isn't going to be the darkly joking way Alex, it will be through a jubilant like of Life (like Alex again mind you) but Burgress is more laid back in it and nonaggression in his personality to say in the best manner. He doesn't act like he going for a laugh or a jeer, just stating the happy facts of life type of deal.


With Kurono though, besides for basketball, bus, and currently not giving a fuck he is different. He is looking for some approval, but when he doesn't find it immediately retreats knowing "he'll never win the war.'' Unlike Kurono he won't be posing then when an opportunity presents itself or otherwise, he's to nihilist for that. And yes that is a contradiction, but that is the point. Most people are walking contradictions. He will occasionally make a funny line, but more than not he will run or fight in a focused manner...to run. Once agian I''m using the basic concept (loser who used to be somebody and might somebody be again) and running with it...while paying more of a homage then I should to immaterial things.

Hell if you go that far Milk is a crappy character just because is named after a famous gay guy and is gay.
GM is GameMaker. We all know what a GM actually is, but that's the dude's name

Basing someone partially off a character is totally different from ripping them directly from something. Wade Wilson hardly resembles Deadpool at all, & has plenty of realistic characteristics that, you know, real people would have. You should be basing your characters on real people & personalities you've actually encountered for a setting like this, not fictionalized & dramatized characters designed for completely different settings & stories. Your Alex & Milk make no sense in this setting. Adding bits of their attitudes is fine. Like I said earlier, I'd love to see an Alex-style character on the island if it's pulled off well. But they'll need a lot of work to fit into this context

Honestly, how many people did you attend school with that were anything like your characters? If you're worried about your characters being interesting, you're going a little overboard. The fun of this game is writing & reading characters that could easily be real teenagers being broken & pushed to their limits, & what it brings out in them. That's something you can't do well with an outlandish character or one that was far gone before the game even began. It doesn't leave any room for interesting character development. In fact, to be blunt, the most interesting thing about your characters would probably end up being their bios as it stands. I can tell you right now that characters like Alex & Roland don't belong in a setting like this & probably would be no fun to write

No, Milk is a crappy character because you're basing him off a caricature. You did not know the real person. You don't know his mannerisms, how he thinks or how he'd react to a situation like SOTF. All you know is a few qualities the media tried to embellish, & that's it. That's nothing to base a character off of if you want him to seem real

& just to reiterate, this is constructive criticism, not personal shots or anything. That's part of the purpose of this thread. If that's not what you were looking for, you shouldn't have posted your characters in here
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The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
Joined: January 7th, 2009, 12:08 am

January 15th, 2009, 4:58 am #414

Milk is by no means based off of Milk. He isn't even based off of a cowboy or gay stereotype.

I know two people and combined both of them actually (one whom looks like Clint Eastwood and is in theater, and someone I know who is in the Math club and won a Practical Shooting competition) I threw in gay, because I thought it would be fun and challenging.

Tell me specifically how is he, well bad, so I can work on it. I'm actually on here to hear these comments or I would have ran away to bitch about how unfair you guys are. I just want less generic advice, because I don't see the problem.

And Dodd and Wade are the people I basically know of most since I'm new to the site, btw TBH.

Before dissing Alex anymore though (witch in this case I think is unfair), let me post his full bio. As three sentences, after admitting whom he is modeled of off is going to lead to screams of 'shitty' I know. If he still is shitty please comment on after the bio
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The Burned Handler
Mr. Danya
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 2:19 am

January 15th, 2009, 5:04 am #415

The Mongoose wrote: I am incapable of taking constructive criticism or realising this might not be the right board for me.
Fixed.
MurderWeasel getting impatient wrote:Hiya, jerk! Please don't post until edits have been completed, as doing so causes confusion/messes up the queue.
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork I have faith in you!
18:48 Ruggawork and your ass!
wrote:16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Iktor?
16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Toben.
16:35 Kilmarnock hard to tell until they make out with me.
16:35 *** mib_6brm7d is now known as Irene
[+] spoiler
wrote:11:55 Zarina turns out I work best with people when most of the people are dead
wrote:18:30 Slam Well we don't really do showers in the UK
wrote:05:57 *** Christian joined #sotf
05:58 shotgunkid oh crap
wrote:05:54 frogue i can be a time consuming process!
wrote:16:47 Irene "let it sit for half an hour, it's better when it's not so cold" he said.
16:47 Irene well...
16:48 Irene it exploaded.
16:48 Irene all over my hands.
Gianni no wrote:15:54 Aloha Leg cramps happened suddenly and i can't move X_X
15:55 Gianni wb :3
wrote:21:20 *** Persy joined #sotf
21:21 Gianni Hey Persy!
21:21 Namira my mutant alchemist
wrote:21:31 Pancapples [The weather] Was beautiful today.
21:33 Solitair oh no
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork Who doesn't want to rape Bro
wrote:17:30 Ohm Sweet, I'm using then
wrote:14:18 Wes 'm so hungry ;c
14:18 Wes :c8
14:18 Wes...
14:18 Wes fuck it
14:18 mib_7zyd33 That's not what you're supposed to do to food.
14:19 Imehal Nah, that's kinda par for the course around here.
14:19--- Ohm is away (Ew)
wrote:14:50Pancapples I kinda miss the Crusades now.
Bad Ohm! wrote:18:51*** RC quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
18:51 Ohmfg Yay!
Laur doesn't like people being in chat wrote:18:33 Laurels Agh, people are here
18:33*** Laurels quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
Germany vs. Germany! wrote:18:47 RC I should send my list of ideas to SOTF_Help once I get rid of the dumb ones on the list
18:48 Bikriki so you want to send them an empty list?
wrote:19:40 uyugin taking bets on who will be the big douche in v6
19:40 Kilmarnock Actually I'm going with Laur.
wrote:14:01 Kilmarnock Girl!Slam was cute I guess.
wrote:11:29 Naft Dude uncool
11:29 Naft I was talking about conceptual penises and you made the penises real
wrote:13:59 Solitair I love seeing people get mentally broken
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The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
Joined: January 7th, 2009, 12:08 am

January 15th, 2009, 5:08 am #416

TBH,Jan 14 2009 wrote:
The Mongoose,Jan 15 2009 wrote: I am incapable of taking constructive criticism or realising this might not be the right board for me.
Fixed.


:rolleyes: I'm seriously just trying to get at what is at the heart of the problem for Milk is, not insulting you for commenting that he is bad. I say something hard edged to you after you say something to me, and for some reason its bitching.
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nope
Winner
Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 11:45 pm

January 15th, 2009, 5:19 am #417

tbh Mongoose, your Milk reads off just like Sean Penn's Milk, with the whole "cowboy" thing thrown it to make it sound like a bad Brokeback Mountain parody. He just comes off as an incredibly silly character. An openly gay character is fine, that's not uncommon or strange at all. A "manly" gay person isn't far-fetched either, one of my best friends is like that. Those are just about the only two truly realistic things about your character. The rest comes off as if you're trying too hard to create an interesting character & falling flat
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The Burned Handler
Mr. Danya
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 2:19 am

January 15th, 2009, 5:22 am #418

Apparently it was so hard edged you didn't bother finishing the post.

Edit: That was aimed at Mongoose. Choic ninja'd me.
MurderWeasel getting impatient wrote:Hiya, jerk! Please don't post until edits have been completed, as doing so causes confusion/messes up the queue.
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork I have faith in you!
18:48 Ruggawork and your ass!
wrote:16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Iktor?
16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Toben.
16:35 Kilmarnock hard to tell until they make out with me.
16:35 *** mib_6brm7d is now known as Irene
[+] spoiler
wrote:11:55 Zarina turns out I work best with people when most of the people are dead
wrote:18:30 Slam Well we don't really do showers in the UK
wrote:05:57 *** Christian joined #sotf
05:58 shotgunkid oh crap
wrote:05:54 frogue i can be a time consuming process!
wrote:16:47 Irene "let it sit for half an hour, it's better when it's not so cold" he said.
16:47 Irene well...
16:48 Irene it exploaded.
16:48 Irene all over my hands.
Gianni no wrote:15:54 Aloha Leg cramps happened suddenly and i can't move X_X
15:55 Gianni wb :3
wrote:21:20 *** Persy joined #sotf
21:21 Gianni Hey Persy!
21:21 Namira my mutant alchemist
wrote:21:31 Pancapples [The weather] Was beautiful today.
21:33 Solitair oh no
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork Who doesn't want to rape Bro
wrote:17:30 Ohm Sweet, I'm using then
wrote:14:18 Wes 'm so hungry ;c
14:18 Wes :c8
14:18 Wes...
14:18 Wes fuck it
14:18 mib_7zyd33 That's not what you're supposed to do to food.
14:19 Imehal Nah, that's kinda par for the course around here.
14:19--- Ohm is away (Ew)
wrote:14:50Pancapples I kinda miss the Crusades now.
Bad Ohm! wrote:18:51*** RC quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
18:51 Ohmfg Yay!
Laur doesn't like people being in chat wrote:18:33 Laurels Agh, people are here
18:33*** Laurels quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
Germany vs. Germany! wrote:18:47 RC I should send my list of ideas to SOTF_Help once I get rid of the dumb ones on the list
18:48 Bikriki so you want to send them an empty list?
wrote:19:40 uyugin taking bets on who will be the big douche in v6
19:40 Kilmarnock Actually I'm going with Laur.
wrote:14:01 Kilmarnock Girl!Slam was cute I guess.
wrote:11:29 Naft Dude uncool
11:29 Naft I was talking about conceptual penises and you made the penises real
wrote:13:59 Solitair I love seeing people get mentally broken
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The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
The Mongoose
Cannon Fodder
Joined: January 7th, 2009, 12:08 am

January 15th, 2009, 5:32 am #419

choic,Jan 14 2009 wrote: tbh Mongoose, your Milk reads off just like Sean Penn's Milk, with the whole "cowboy" thing thrown it to make it sound like a bad Brokeback Mountain parody. He just comes off as an incredibly silly character. An openly gay character is fine, that's not uncommon or strange at all. A "manly" gay person isn't far-fetched either, one of my best friends is like that. Those are just about the only two truly realistic things about your character. The rest comes off as if you're trying too hard to create an interesting character & falling flat
He literally wasn't based of Milk at all. He isn't a social activist, and that I think the claim that did came from the fact he shares a surname. This is the only thing I will dispute


And while the cowboy thing is a joke, it really is a tool to serve as a reason he got into acting(like me). If that really came off a Brokeback parody I will back off completely.

As for the other things yeah need to work on what I need to stress and not to stress. that was author appeal when it came to acting, so yeah that might probably need to be trimmed down like you say it does or be modified to look like a converters rant.


EDIT: My computer is on the fritz TBH, as my brain must be. Will be ignoring you now kay? And I forgot a key word for describing Alex, he will not be genius level.

Once again be as harsh as you want to be or need to be. I'm still running a LXG RP, Star Wars RP, and its been awhile since I did real character creation, and even longer since its realistic scenario
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nope
Winner
Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 11:45 pm

January 15th, 2009, 5:48 am #420

He's very involved in school. That seemed like a deliberate parallel to me, not to mention that I remember you wanting him to be elected to student council? It's not just the surname. I'm far from a mod & this is all just my opinion, but I think you've got a lot to change about him (& Alex) before pregame

Making a funny character is fine, but making an entire part of his history a joke, & a pretty unrealistic & outdated one at that, is going a little far. He could have just joined a school play in the 3rd grade or something like the rest of us
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