Let's get this doooooooone
So... yeah. Here's a thing about Clive. Say you were designing a kid for SOTF with the knowledge that he was gonna be a player. You could do a lot worse than the base of Clive for an idea. A popular athletic kid who's got a bit of a sadistic streak he keeps hidden? And who has a bit of a superiority complex because he wasn't actually popular until high school started and he discovered he was pretty good at sports? So he feels like he's better than the jocks who are dumb and the nerdlingers who couldn't become popular like him. Clive actually isn't a bad concept at heart compared to the various deformed maniacs that populated earlier versions... except that suddenly in the conclusion he went from "secretly a jackass" to "MOOOOHAHAHAHA EVIL SADIST" and that carried over onto the island.
Oh also there is a goes-nowhere connection with Siouxsie Souix, his cousin who was in v2 pregame, that pops up at utter random times.
So Clive wakes up on-island as an area becomes a dangerzone and decides to get the hell out. He gets a stapler as his weapon and immediately starts thinking of the evil pain a staple can inflict, and moves on, to what would be Lenny and Elizabeth Priestly's very first thread. Ahh, the halcyon days of old. But a rather poor choice, because as far as kids with sadism streaks who decide very early on that they're going to play the game, Lenny is really blowing Clive out of the water straight from the get-go.
Which, to digress a bit, is and will be Clive's massive problem. Xaldien, who did stick around with better kids in later versions if I remember, is obviously trying REALLY REALLY hard to present Clive as a potential big-time SOTF villain, someone who will get kills tossed their way and be in there for the long run while creatively dispatching kids and getting a lot of attention. And it doesn't work, and so there's a big disconnect between the narrative voice which is constantly trying to put Clive over as EEEEEEEEEVIL and a threat to win, and the actual action where he's completely ineffectual at pretty much everything.
Also, Clive makes a list of the three most dangerous threats on the island, or as he puts it, "those to outshine his murder mania":
1) Adam Dodd
2) Blood Boy
WHO THE HELL IS NUMBER THREE? IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE CLIVE HIMSELF? I don't know and it's never explained, and that now exists to bug me nine years later.
Anyway, Clive sees Lenny and Elizabeth and decides to play nice despite how much he wants to see how their insides look like. Fair enough, he's supposed to be well-liked and manipulative. Then he abandons that idea after Lenny offers up a bit of an alliance because... he wants Lenny to gather up a group on his own and then Clive will all gloriously torture them afterwards or something? I dunno. Clive does a lot of italicthoughts about how much he loves to hurt people and etc. etc. and moves on.
Then... ugh, he meets Lilah Morgan, an ex-girlfriend or something who is of course also handled by Xaldien and as far as I can see exists only to pump up Clive as a big-time baddie, but actually just makes him look dumb. Lilah apparently materializes out of thin air in the graveyard to stick a gun at the back of Clive's head, and then... we get this:
wrote: Eventually Clive managed to quickly and gracefully get out of the guns way, and a fist fight ensued between the two of them, and Clive reveled in the surreal bliss of the fight. She matched him punch for punch, kick for kick, everytime he snatched the gun out of her hand and tried to aim, she managed to neutralize his aim and then steal the gun back. What did he honestly expect from a girl who's trained in fighting anyway?
A fight scene for the ages, indeed. Really, if you don't have the time or inclination to write an actual fight scene... uh, don't do this instead. Especially since it ends with LILAH STILL HOLDING THE GUN ON CLIVE JUST LIKE BEFORE. Please.
Clive then offers to meet up with Lilah again in a few days to settle whatever score they have. Lilah agrees for no fathomable reason and leaves. Clive thinks some more about Dodd and Blood Boy and moves on to... oh god it's the Guy Rapide sex/death scene but... Clive doesn't really get involved in that in any way, and instead he's being chased by Lilah into the scene from out of absolutely nowhere? What happened to the future showdown? WHAT IS GOING ON.
Clive tries to manipulate Guy but Guy points a gun at him while Lilah, even though she also has a gun, stands around doing fuck-all. Guy shoots but Clive jumps out of the way and takes a graze while suddenly revelling in the deliciousness of the pain and now becoming a massive masochist despite being described in damn near every paragraph as a total sadist. The situation fizzles out and Clive and Lilah just walk off. Nothing that happened in that scene made any sense at all.
New scene! And despite being another Clive/Lilah samehandlerthing, it's the best by a mile so far, even if it does again only exist to try to make Clive a big character at Lilah's expense. But Lilah was never much of any sort of character herself so it's not like I'll mourn her loss. But Clive and Lilah sit down and Lilah comes to the realization that she's not made for SOTF and can't kill anyone and Clive totes can so she says Clive can go on and shoot her already. Clive does so and has some actual human feeling. On an early-version level, it works. There's actually a darkly funny bit where she asks Clive to make it quick and he's like "I can't make it TOTALLY quick because I'm an evil sadist, haha!" Not bad. But then at scene's end it's like WELP. Back to Clive the badass masochist/sadist who will totally start racking up the kill count now that he's got one!
...and now it's time for a BATTLE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. By which I mean Clive meets up with the equally "totally gonna be a big-time evil killer coming soon!" Liam Black. And they have an inexplicable slapstick fight involving maniacal laughter, Clive giving Liam his stapler so Liam can staple his forehead, Clive possibly threatening Liam with a bunch of flowers he might be allergic to, and Liam...
wrote: He bent his knees and jumped horizontally lie some sort of human frog. But he did not try to grab onto Clive with his hands. No, no. He was much too into fighting mode for such a civilized action. Instead he tried to grab on with his teeth.
Clive then wanders over to his bag and pulls out Lilah's gun. Then he bites Liam back. Liam declares
wrote:"Sweet monkey potatoes!"
Finally Madison Conner shows up and fires about fifty bullets at them both. That seems kinda godmoddy. Clive clearly thinks so too as he runs around all the bullets in a circle. Bobby Jacks arrives, seemingly just to steal Clive's gun he dropped while running in one of the most breathtaking displays of godmodding I've ever seen, and the whole thing devolves into a brief OOC handler fight on what the hell is going on and who's godmodding who. Madison pulls out her laser dazzler and axe and says "Let me axe you a question.", but at least has the good sense to realize how bad that is. Liam gets blinded and charges at her. Clive goes after Bobby for stealing his gun and frankly I would too. In the middle of all this we cut to Siouxsie Sioux sitting at home and smoking a cigarette after hearing that Clive was on SOTF and deciding that she doesn't really give a shit. Well, good thing we spent all that time establishing her existence then. Madison fires a few more bullets at nothing in particular and hits Clive in the arm as he and Bobby dive at each other. Bobby godmods to hell and back saying he can see in the darkness via muzzle flashes or something. Quincy Archer and Margaret Tweedy show up to watch whatever the hell is happening and eat popcorn I guess? Then they leave?
And Clive and Liam both go inactive in the middle of this so Bobby and Madison run off.
BATTLE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.
With the remaining circuits in my brain trying to reconnect themselves, Liam shows up in a new thread with his new handler saying that he and Clive had formed a truce to hunt down Bobby and that Clive, presumably with his new handler, will be along any time now. I'm not going to go into whatever madness is going on around them but they hide and watch it. Oh, Clive's now Ciel's property. That could be something!
Clive now has a voice in his head and is kinda losing it and runs away. OK....
A new thread! Wade Wilson and Will Sigurjjadhfgjasdhf have a conversation. Margaret Tweedy arrives, steals a random daypack with a musket, and leaves. Eicca Hietala strolls in to obligingly give Will a free kill. That was nice of him. Ah, here comes Clive. He's now slobbering insanely and incomprehensibly and lunges at Will like a lunatic. Wade has some meta-insanity of his own and shoots while Will throws a knife at Clive. Something hits him and he monologues for 10 minutes or so before thrashing around with the knife Will threw at him. Will gets a gun and walks around behind Clive and smashes him in the head to kill him instead of just shooting him.
And because Clive was the halfway point of v3 there's an epilogue with him and SATAN HIMSELF that would actually be brought back in future versions at the halfway point. So at least Clive had that going for him.
Most of my actual thoughts are in that one paragraph waaaaay above but Clive, yeah. Clive, both in what he tried to be and how he turned out, and it's not like I blame anyone here, but Clive really ended up emblematic of many of the problems with early-mid v3, I think. He was pimped up so much but didn't deliver, and his threads were some of the most insane clusterfucks I've seen, and the writing was so completely different after he was handed over that he might as well have just been killed off after the BATTLE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. At least that would have been a suitable bit of lunacy for Clive.
ON TO THE OTHER READATHONS THEN!