V3 Characters

Mitsuko2
Contender
Joined: October 7th, 2006, 2:40 am

March 8th, 2008, 6:18 pm #1

So.... we're well into V3, and it seems like all the characters have been getting great reception from everyone. So, this is like the Character critiques for V2. Give your characters up for grabs, and let your other handlers tell you what they think.


I'll start of course.

Serenity Halos
Melina Frost
Matthew Wittany



GO!!!
The Dan: she won me over with card games, brownies, sex and handcuffs

Edited as of 12/1/11

Alive: Norelia Concepcion, Elliot Stone, Allegra Hoffman

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Ciel
Mr. Danya
Joined: May 26th, 2007, 12:17 am

March 9th, 2008, 4:05 am #2

Feh. I'll bite. I've got nothing else to do. Although I can't help but feel this is in the wrong forum, but that's just me.

(*Edited by me, because I didn't even give out anything resembling constructive criticism*)

Serenity - I like the fact that she's a popular cheerleader who's suicidal, but she really is reflecting another scared girl that has roamed SOTF in the past. Still, the little quirks she has are well done. Try to focus more on the suicidal, depressed part of her and I bet she'll turn out fine.

Melina - I'm really sorry to say this, but Melina can be explained in a simple equation: Mari - Powerplayer + Real Personality. I wish you had posted Melina instead of Mari, honestly. Plus, she's alot more intelligent than Mari... if that means anything. :/

Matthew - He kinda gives me the creeps. I mean, a picture book full of men? Who wouldn't be scared? All and all, I don't have many other complaints about him. Maybe he could... like, stop following Kallie? I mean he's... gay. Why would he stalk her around?

Okayz, my turn.

Owen Fontaine
Madison Conner
Brad Kavanagh
Dominica Shapiro
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Theseus
Player
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 8:53 pm

March 10th, 2008, 1:13 am #3

I'm sure I'd be horribly at critiquing other handlers characters. Though I wouldn't mind input in my characters.

Neil Sinclair
Lenny Priestly
Corbin Arlen
Trey Leyton

personally out of all of them, I like where Neil has gone the most, mainly with the whole S.A.D.D escape group going on.
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The Burned Handler
Mr. Danya
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 2:19 am

March 10th, 2008, 2:35 am #4

Neil Sinclair- This character I like. I have to agree with you here, Theseus, his whole idea with SADD is an interesting development. I see potential for them to become the next Intrepid Six (hopefully with...better fates), in all honesty. So far he is very well done; I'll be keeping my eye on this one.

Lenny Priestly- So far not much has been done with him, but I like what I see so far. We've seen a similar angle to his before, in fact it's almost like what I imagine the Matthias/Jodeen Kovalenko situation would've been if she were on the island, but it seems interesting so far. Not bad at all.

Corbin Arlen- Sadly, I can't say anything for him since I haven't really seen much of him. In fact, my first thought was, "Corbin, isn't he the guy with the M16?". This is my own fault, though, and I'll be able to render a better judgment once I have read further.

Trey Leyton- This guy I can't even remember, unfortunately. However, once I've read his threads I'll be able to form an opinion.

I do not mean to bother anyone with this request, but I would like someone to do this for what has been shown of my two characters (Dan Brent and Darnell Butler) so far, as scathingly as possible without using insults. I would like to see an opinion on how (and what) I have done so far, which is admittedly not much at all.
MurderWeasel getting impatient wrote:Hiya, jerk! Please don't post until edits have been completed, as doing so causes confusion/messes up the queue.
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork I have faith in you!
18:48 Ruggawork and your ass!
wrote:16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Iktor?
16:35 Kilmarnock Maybe Toben.
16:35 Kilmarnock hard to tell until they make out with me.
16:35 *** mib_6brm7d is now known as Irene
[+] Spoiler
wrote:11:55 Zarina turns out I work best with people when most of the people are dead
wrote:18:30 Slam Well we don't really do showers in the UK
wrote:05:57 *** Christian joined #sotf
05:58 shotgunkid oh crap
wrote:05:54 frogue i can be a time consuming process!
wrote:16:47 Irene "let it sit for half an hour, it's better when it's not so cold" he said.
16:47 Irene well...
16:48 Irene it exploaded.
16:48 Irene all over my hands.
Gianni no wrote:15:54 Aloha Leg cramps happened suddenly and i can't move X_X
15:55 Gianni wb :3
wrote:21:20 *** Persy joined #sotf
21:21 Gianni Hey Persy!
21:21 Namira my mutant alchemist
wrote:21:31 Pancapples [The weather] Was beautiful today.
21:33 Solitair oh no
wrote:18:48 Ruggawork Who doesn't want to rape Bro
wrote:17:30 Ohm Sweet, I'm using then
wrote:14:18 Wes 'm so hungry ;c
14:18 Wes :c8
14:18 Wes...
14:18 Wes fuck it
14:18 mib_7zyd33 That's not what you're supposed to do to food.
14:19 Imehal Nah, that's kinda par for the course around here.
14:19--- Ohm is away (Ew)
wrote:14:50Pancapples I kinda miss the Crusades now.
Bad Ohm! wrote:18:51*** RC quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
18:51 Ohmfg Yay!
Laur doesn't like people being in chat wrote:18:33 Laurels Agh, people are here
18:33*** Laurels quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
Germany vs. Germany! wrote:18:47 RC I should send my list of ideas to SOTF_Help once I get rid of the dumb ones on the list
18:48 Bikriki so you want to send them an empty list?
wrote:19:40 uyugin taking bets on who will be the big douche in v6
19:40 Kilmarnock Actually I'm going with Laur.
wrote:14:01 Kilmarnock Girl!Slam was cute I guess.
wrote:11:29 Naft Dude uncool
11:29 Naft I was talking about conceptual penises and you made the penises real
wrote:13:59 Solitair I love seeing people get mentally broken
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Cactus
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 8th, 2006, 11:08 pm

March 10th, 2008, 2:51 am #5

Darnell Butler - I like him henceforth. I think he's a realistic portrayal, and I like the fact that you're keeping with the fact that while he went so far in the fighting tournament and got really messed up, he's showing to be a fairly levelheaded, even jumpy individual. I like that little combination, and I think that once he meets up with what seems to be his primary group of friends (Kallie, Keith and Guy) he could really break out of his shell.

Dan Brent - Harder, because I haven't seen a lot of Dan right now. My first impression of him? 'Sneaky little fucker'. Doesn't seem like the type that would be well-liked, and probably would be one to play if he wasn't such a weasel. But maybe I'm reading him wrong. S'kind of what I get from him though.


Adam Dodd
Mary McKay
Keith Jackson
Ken Lawson/Burton Harris

Have fun.
---
[+] Spoiler
Connor Lorenzen: When you're this good, image is everything.
Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Memories: 1

Morgan Dragosavich: Ahh, I'll figure shit out later. Let's go!
Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Memories: 1

Ross Miller: Just hangin' out, man.
Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4
Memories: 1 - 2

Claudeson Bademosi: It's a beautiful day, I think.
Pregame: 1 - 2
Memories: 1

Ariana Moretti: The verbal assassin.
Pregame: 1 - 2
Memories: 1
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
B007 - Keith Jackson: At the end of the road he's running, looking back to survey where he's been.
B077 - Adam Dodd: You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain. The truth lies somewhere in between.
B087 - Sidney Crosby: It's only cowardice if other people are around to tell you so. Otherwise, it's survival.
B092 - Eddie Serjeantson: Fully in charge, but not much of an arborist.
B013 - Andrew Ponikarovsky: Probably could have used a proper license and a driving lesson.
G005 - Amanda Jones: A breath of fresh air, and in the end, that was all it took.
[+] Spoiler
B033 - Cole Hudson: Sprung a leak.
B011 - Adam Amato: Refused to besmirch those walls.
B099 - John Sheppard: Went out with a bang.
B122 - Ryan Atwell: Couldn't help but write a "Dear John" letter.
G034 - Jamie Li: Left us far before her time.
B011/99 - Burton Harris/Ken Lawson: The Kermit-squad.
[+] Spoiler
< | Angelina | Gilbert | Andrew | Art | Wade | Rupert | Mary | Alexander | Dean | Sarah | Zilya | Alicia | Staffan | Trent | Jodene | >
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
Mrs. Ritch: Sweet Billy
The New Adventures of Ed-liver and Mike: Writing Essays and Making Pizza
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Megami
Mr. Danya
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 2:13 am

March 10th, 2008, 3:03 am #6

I'll be doing Ciel's charries, since nobody else wants to.

Owen Fontaine: Honestly, Owen was one of your better characters, and I say that mostly because he wasn't a common archetype seen in SOTF. It's too bad that he had to die so early on, because I thought he was really enjoyable to read. Normally I'd say something like "Oh, you should've elaborated more on his thoughts" or something... but the kid had ADHD. If you'd done that, it would've been something like "La la la, this guy's hair looks ca-raaaazy! Oh my God, a birdie!" and... yeah. So, yeah, I enjoyed this character a lot, I wish he'd been around longer.

Madison Conner: Maybe I'm the only one getting this, and I understand what you're going for, but I can almost compare Madison to Mariavel in that her personality is all over the place. She goes from timid and shy to loud and outspoken and calm and collected to a complete nervous wreck in the span of about five seconds. Like I said, I know what you're going for with her, but (and I mean this in an entirely constructive way), you might want to work on your mood transitions a bit, unless you're going for the bi-polar thing.

Brad Kavanagh: I definitely think Brad is your strong point. You seem to be very in tune with the character, and you portray him very realistically. I don't really have any constructive criticism or anything to give about him, because I think you're going a good job so far. The breakdown he had from actually shooting at somebody with the gun was a nice little touch. So, so far, good job.

Dominica Shapiro: Admittedly, I haven't had time to read anything aside from Dominica's biography yet, and the vibe I get from her bio reads "Kiriyama" to me, but like I said, I haven't read her posts, so I can't give you an honest opinion yet.
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El Duque
Leader
Joined: November 8th, 2007, 8:35 pm

March 10th, 2008, 3:09 am #7

You know, I'm going to throw in the big three of Chad characters and hope for criticisms of all sorts, rip 'em a part, gimmie a highfive, don't really matter to me. Anyways, a refresher in case you've stayed clear of my writing; the big three are:

Guy Rapide
Paul Smith
Blood Boy/Nathanial Harris
"My man got too familiar and I?d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He?s a habitual line stepper.? - Charlie Murphy
v7
Ace Beats: Varsity Blues - Wale
C.C. Mac: I Do - Cardi B
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Namira
Mr. Danya
Joined: May 28th, 2007, 12:31 pm

March 10th, 2008, 9:14 pm #8

I'm in a kinda weird mood... let's try this...

Serenity Halos: She seems like a pretty emotional character, and I like that - and I like the contrast in her from what she's perceived to be to what she is actually like. I have to admit, I haven't read much of her, but what I've seen is pretty good.

Melina Frost: Melina just seems well... similar, in a way, to Mari. I'm not entirely sure why, it's just what immediately occured to me. However, I like that she's more developed from the start - from what I read of Mari initially, there just didn't seem to be any thought or emotion behind her. It picked up though.

Matthew Wittany: Gah, he is creepy, like, very much so. I liked his little outburst in the Chapel, you can feel kinda sympathetic for him. Although, the way he keeps following people around doesn't do much for him. Overall, I like.

Owen Fontaine: Hehe, Owen was on my Favourite list for a while for reason, he was amusing, and original, and I loved how he tried to be something of a badass with miserable results. Like Megs said, it's a shame he died so early on.

Madison Conner: Madison seems to... fluctuate a bit, from her thoughts to her actions and all over the park. In a way, I quite like the tumult that entails, although I have to say, it can be a little peculiar when her mood swerves so drastically in a very short period of time. Note to self: Must have Simon meet her...

Blood Boy: I'm not entirely sure what to make of BB to be entirely fair. I'm torn between dislike and indifference, if that makes sense. Perhaps it's just the peculiarity thought. Well written character I think, but I just can't get in tune with him.


Ah yes, tear apart my four intrepid gamers if you like.

Bobby Jacks
Sean O'Cann
Simon Wood
Ric Chee

SotF: Mini - SCdoes a-rolling! - PV3 Prologue ongoing!
Draw Thread! - Pathfinder! - Writing Thread!
[+] Spoiler
13:58 Gianni Oh come on you broke someone's heart
13:59 Gianni you are proud, not embarrassed
13:59 Christian Yes
13:59 Christian Be proud
13:59 Christian Do we not all strive to break a human soul?
[+] Spoiler
Vincenzo/a 'Vinny' 'Enzo' Gatti | DO IT FOR THE VINE.
Toby 'Noodle' Andreasson | :|
[+] Spoiler
G008 - Kammy So'oialo | wants a new script
G062 - Becca Everett | was a damn superstar
G071 - Sunshine Cho Lee | trusted
[+] Spoiler
G026 - Rosalia Fiametta | Found it. | Walkie Talkies
G014 - Yelizaveta 'Bounce' Volkova | Out of here | Gasoline
B060 - Brock Mason | Thump. Thump |
G029 - Kristina 'Kris' Hartmann | Put Down. | Drama Bombs [&#8734;], M79 Grenade Launcher [x6 grenades]
G117 - Jessie Anderson | Still Smiling | Faith
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laZardo
Winner
Joined: October 11th, 2006, 3:08 pm

March 20th, 2008, 4:05 am #9

Someone take my two currently-played characters (Eddie and Renee) and give them a good (critique-wise) tearing apart. If there was anything you liked about Troy and Tanya and wished you'd seen more of, speak now or forever (i.e. until V4) hold your peace.
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Theseus
Player
Joined: September 22nd, 2006, 8:53 pm

June 18th, 2008, 1:03 pm #10

Well, now that SOTF is on it's fourth day, our characters have changed and evolved differently from what they were when we were originally doing the critiques. So I was thinking maybe we should re-critique the characters? Also it could be a way for the new members to have their characters checked out and what not.
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Crash
Winner
Joined: February 12th, 2008, 5:15 am

June 27th, 2008, 5:27 am #11

Good idea, Theseus. I think I'll bite. I've gone ahead and read most of the threads on the site from v3 now, so hopefully I can provide some good insight too. Let's see, where to start...

Matt Wittany: He's the definition of pathetic, and I freaking love it. Seriously, Amanda, you've done a good job of drawing a great deal of sympathy for his character, which I totally appreciate. His death is probably going to end up being one of the more tragic ones on the island. I can't wait to read a bit more from him.

Madison Conner: On the overall, I enjoy reading posts from Madison. I think her emotional switches, however, are a little too frequent and overdramatic to be considered realistic though, so that poses a bit of a problem. I loved her role in the She Bop thread though, it was probably a crowning moment for her. She has quite a bit of potential.

Neil Sinclair: My favourite of your characters, Theseus. He reminds me of some kind of pacifistic zealot from the medieval period. The fact that he doesn't have a good weapon to work with means you've spent a bit more time developing his personality, and it shows. Not to mention, now that his leadership capabilities are coming through a little bit more, he's bound to go places.

Lenny Priestly: Lenny's got some massive potential to be a good player, but I think the onset of his torture of Anna was a little bit sudden. It seems like a bit of a radical change for him. After that the development has gotten more gradual though, which is good. This Lenny/Elizabeth thing you've got going is going to end terribly (in a tragic way, I mean) no matter which way you swing it, either for them or other people, so it makes for exciting reads.

Darnell Butler: Ohhhh, Darnell. What an unfortunate victim of terrible circumstances. You should be proud of Darnell, Kyle, because he's very well written so far. You've done a great job of fleshing out how he reacts to almost everything around him, and it makes him a very multi-dimensional character. Plus, those three kills are obviously going to lead to some interesting places in the future.

Sean O'Cann: Contrary to what some other people would probably say, I think Sean is your best character by a landmark mile, Clueless. That might partially be due to the various opportunities he's received to seriously develop and portray his emotions (Andy and Tyson's death among other things), but I'd go so far as to say he's one of the characters I actually look forward to reading new material from.

Okay, that's about it for what I can come up with.

Trish McCarroll
Dorian Ibanescu
Alexis Machina
Jeff Marontate

Any feedback would be much appreciated!
v4 Characters:

G23: Claire Lambert: Property of the Fabulous Mr. Toben

v3 Characters:

B65: Dorian Ibanescu: Coastline

Deceased:

B57 - Jeff Marontate: Cleaved
B120: Jim Middleton: Pummeled
G61: Anna Grout: Submitted
G62: Andrea Vanlandingham: Martyred
G39 Alexis Machina: Crushed
G23: Trish McCarroll: Defeated


natlei was sleeping in her bed when someone came thru her window "get away rapist" she said still half asleep and hit one of them in the head with her liucky frying pan then went back tyo bed them men the injected her with a sedative and carried her off
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Badwolfwho
Cannon Fodder
Badwolfwho
Cannon Fodder
Joined: June 20th, 2008, 11:29 pm

July 9th, 2008, 3:03 pm #12

I don't think I'd be good at criticqing but I'd like some input on my character

Danesfort Zygmunt
Contestants:
B71: Zygmunt, Danesfort "Dane" Location: The Lookout Tower
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Crash
Winner
Joined: February 12th, 2008, 5:15 am

July 31st, 2008, 4:45 am #13

Hm, this thread seems to have been kinda forgotten about, and now that we have a few more handlers/characters I think it'd be good to semi-revive it.

Bump.
v4 Characters:

G23: Claire Lambert: Property of the Fabulous Mr. Toben

v3 Characters:

B65: Dorian Ibanescu: Coastline

Deceased:

B57 - Jeff Marontate: Cleaved
B120: Jim Middleton: Pummeled
G61: Anna Grout: Submitted
G62: Andrea Vanlandingham: Martyred
G39 Alexis Machina: Crushed
G23: Trish McCarroll: Defeated


natlei was sleeping in her bed when someone came thru her window "get away rapist" she said still half asleep and hit one of them in the head with her liucky frying pan then went back tyo bed them men the injected her with a sedative and carried her off
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nope
Winner
Joined: July 23rd, 2008, 11:45 pm

August 4th, 2008, 1:29 am #14

@Theseus: I absolutely love Lenny. I think you've pulled off the well-intentioned psycho pretty well, & the fact that it seems like he's been having to justify his actions even to himself is a pretty nice touch. But I'd also like to see Elizabeth expanded on a little more, it looks like they have an interesting relationship but she doesn't seem like she's getting nearly as much characterization as Lenny

@Mitsuko2: I really like the idea of Olivia's character, but I think the rich girl thing is a little heavy handed. I've never heard a teenage girl, no matter how high-class, refer to anyone as 'peasant' other than in jest. I think if you bring her a little more down to Earth she could be a little more realistic & a better character, but other than that I think you're doing pretty well with her

& tho I haven't seen enough of Melina to give an actual critique, I like where her character is going. The scene with Monique was great

@d0ddi0slave: but that red name is so intimidating. you won't ban me will you? ; ~;

edit: yeah, I have a LOT of back-reading to do before I feel comfortable with critiquing any of you. I'll be sure to post more here later

Also, Danielle & any other characters I introduce are free game. I haven't RPed in ages, so any feedback would be an enormous help
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Cactus
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 8th, 2006, 11:08 pm

August 4th, 2008, 1:45 am #15

Well. I'm an admin, but I'd like a critique on my characters that I've done thusforth. Good, bad, ugly...whatever.

Never seem to get 'em, either. Everyone assumes "Oh, it's Dodd, he doesn't need feedback! PSHHHH!" but um, yeah, I do. I feedbacked a bunch in the last thread, so...might even respond to any of yours, people.

Adam Dodd
Keith Jackson
Ken Lawson
Mary McKay
Wade Wilson
John Sheppard

So, um. Yeah. Fire away.
---
[+] Spoiler
Connor Lorenzen: When you're this good, image is everything.
Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Memories: 1

Morgan Dragosavich: Ahh, I'll figure shit out later. Let's go!
Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Memories: 1

Ross Miller: Just hangin' out, man.
Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4
Memories: 1 - 2

Claudeson Bademosi: It's a beautiful day, I think.
Pregame: 1 - 2
Memories: 1

Ariana Moretti: The verbal assassin.
Pregame: 1 - 2
Memories: 1
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
B007 - Keith Jackson: At the end of the road he's running, looking back to survey where he's been.
B077 - Adam Dodd: You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain. The truth lies somewhere in between.
B087 - Sidney Crosby: It's only cowardice if other people are around to tell you so. Otherwise, it's survival.
B092 - Eddie Serjeantson: Fully in charge, but not much of an arborist.
B013 - Andrew Ponikarovsky: Probably could have used a proper license and a driving lesson.
G005 - Amanda Jones: A breath of fresh air, and in the end, that was all it took.
[+] Spoiler
B033 - Cole Hudson: Sprung a leak.
B011 - Adam Amato: Refused to besmirch those walls.
B099 - John Sheppard: Went out with a bang.
B122 - Ryan Atwell: Couldn't help but write a "Dear John" letter.
G034 - Jamie Li: Left us far before her time.
B011/99 - Burton Harris/Ken Lawson: The Kermit-squad.
[+] Spoiler
< | Angelina | Gilbert | Andrew | Art | Wade | Rupert | Mary | Alexander | Dean | Sarah | Zilya | Alicia | Staffan | Trent | Jodene | >
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
Mrs. Ritch: Sweet Billy
The New Adventures of Ed-liver and Mike: Writing Essays and Making Pizza
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