Three sentences about your kid: Critique experiment.

NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

August 12th, 2014, 1:56 am #1

Give me a kid of yours to do. I read the first thread and the last thread, give you my opinion in three sentences or less.

No real queue, can probably churn them out really fast, I will be blunt.

Go!

EDIT: Only dead kids.
EDIT 2: Will vary in length of sentence. I tend to cheat if I have more to say by utilizing dashes. No guarantees that the sentences will be grammatically correct, Toben.
EDIT 3: Please make sure that you ask for a critique of your kid, not someone else's kid.
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] Spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] Spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] Spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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SansaSaver
Player
Joined: November 18th, 2012, 7:49 pm

August 12th, 2014, 2:06 am #2

COOL THIS IS COOL I LIKE IT YOU’RE COOL

un critique de Will, s’il vous plaît :3
Version Seven:
Tristan O?Hara
Dorothea Rodriguez
Ariana Simpson
[+] Spoiler
Version Five:
B049 ? Maynard Hurst
G060 ? Mirabella Strong

Version Six:
B004 ? Joshua Bracewell
? Adopted by Ciel
G026 ? Hazel Jung ? Adopted by Ruggahissy
B027 ? Oskar Pearce ? Adopted by NAFT
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MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

August 12th, 2014, 2:08 am #3

This sounds like a really cool idea!

Could you give Adam Morgan a look, please? Thanks!
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Espi
Winner
Joined: November 20th, 2012, 9:32 pm

August 12th, 2014, 2:15 am #4

Gwen O'Connor if you please <3
V5: Cut Short
Theodore Fletcher
Nina Clarke
Gwen O'Connor

V6: Broken Down
Alice Baker (->Aura)
Henry Spencer
Blair Moore

V7: Unprepared
Rhonda Lawson[/b
Toby Underwood
Paloma Salt
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Emprexx Plush
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

August 12th, 2014, 2:22 am #5

This is a neat thing. I like this thing.

Garrett Wilde, if you would!
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] Spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] Spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] Spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] Spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] Spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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Grim Wolf
Winner
Joined: November 9th, 2009, 5:39 am

August 12th, 2014, 2:29 am #6

Glad to take you up on this.

Jumping over to V4: Mirabelle Nesa.
Want to buy my book? See my short stories? Read my fanfiction? Visit my website!

V6 Players

Tara Behzad: "They don't get to decide how I die."

Lizzie Luz: "I don't want to go."

Alex Tarquin: "No more masks."
[+] Spoiler

G053 Karen Idel, DECEASED: Game over.

B040 Tyler Lucas, DECEASED: I had fun. You?

B046 Xavier Contel, DECEASED : "G-gotta...trust people, Arthur. G-g-gotta try. C-can't be afraid."
[+] Spoiler

B054 Raidon Naoko (DECEASED): "Dying like this isn't so bad..."

B072 Simon Grey (DECEASED): "I never was a hero, but, God help me, I tried."

B079 David Meramac (DECEASED): "Running towards nothing. Running from nothing."

G072 Mirabelle Nesa (DECEASED): "I'm a weak little girl who couldn't save anyone, even myself, but god damn it I beat you and god damn it you are going to remember that because I am Mirabelle Nesa and I am a hardened goddamn warrior and I am not going to fucking give up now!"
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Aloha
Contender
Joined: January 28th, 2012, 3:16 am

August 12th, 2014, 2:43 am #7

Jason Meyers and/or Veronica McDonald?
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
G025: Veronica McDonald is DEAD and armed with a tire iron (formerly J.R. Rizzolo's) >> "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
Current: Left unheard in Dreams Walk on Powerlines

B033: Jason Meyers is DEAD and armed with a Smith & Wesson .357 Revolver >> First one to die is the first one out, even if it's to heaven instead of home.
Current: Went home in In Situ

G049: Natalia "Koala" Kowalski is DEAD and armed with a Tufts 17/23 Dental Explorer, a small metal rod, and an empty syringe >> "J-Joey?"
Current: Dead again in Once Again
[+] Spoiler
G003: Bridgette Sommerfeld is DEAD and armed with a toothbrush & toothpaste >> ""You-y-y-y-y-"
Current: Safer than sorry in In This Starless Night (handled by backslash)

B007: Jasper Bustamante is DEAD and unarmed >> "Don't let me die like this."
Current: All alone in Thanatophobia (handled by Cicada Days)

B031: Samuel Howard is DEAD and armed with a crossbow (20 bolts) >> "Fuck you."
Current: Never stood a chance in Into the Veil

~*~

Haley Juarez is ALIVE >> Living life to the fullest
Current: Being immature in Everything You've Always Wanted to Know
[+] Spoiler
Alison Bernhiesel is ALIVE >> A born leader
Current: In Transit
Mark Nathan "Nate" Malaqui is ALIVE >> Head in the clouds
Theodore "Teddy" Nunes-White is ALIVE >> Recovering pessimist
Robin Mireles is ALIVE >> Grand slam
[+] Spoiler
Karen "Shiloh" Legere >> She's free
[+] Spoiler
wrote:[21:51] Zarina: "and then Naft rode Aloha's large purple crab all night long, in a hypothetical future where Aloha is at the age of consent"
[21:51] Zarina: the end
wrote:[19:06] Aloha: Oh jeez one of my ACNL villagers gave me a shirt they were just wearing
[19:06] Aloha: warning me that it was "still warm"
...
[19:09] Aloha: My other ACNL villager just gave me his toilet w h a t
[19:09] Skraal: "It's still warm"
wrote:[00:15] Zarina: I think we're pretty lighthearted for a bunch of people writing about mass murder
wrote:Kyoko Sakura-chan - Today at 5:01 PM
In Hawaiian, Aloha means "Hello" and "Goodbye," the latter of which is appropriate considering how fast his V6 cast died
[+] Spoiler
G025: Veronica McDonald by Mimi
B033: Jason Meyers by Mimi (now with a dead version courteous of Naft!)
Two sprites of Bridgette Sommerfeld by Fenris
Two sprites of Jasper Bustamante by Fenris
Open to constructive criticism!
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Polibyss
Leader
Joined: December 5th, 2008, 10:19 pm

August 12th, 2014, 2:49 am #8

Garrett Cobbler please
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Joined: May 22nd, 2012, 9:45 pm

August 12th, 2014, 3:01 am #9

Rosemary Michaels if you would like.
Version 6
Adelaide Walker-N/A
V6 Pregame: 1-2
Image Song: TV on the Radio- Wolf Like Me

Frederick "Rick" Brea- N/A
V6 Pregame: 1-2
Image Song: SOHN- Artifice

Version 5
(G006) Rosemary Michaels- Butterfly Knife: "H-h-heh..."- DECEASED
V5 Game:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-6 (Return)-9-10-11-12-FINAL



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BROseidon
Winner
Joined: May 11th, 2012, 3:38 pm

August 12th, 2014, 3:04 am #10

Cassandra Black.
The Living:

Matt Vartoogian -- Weapon: Unarmed -- "This isn't a game. This is evil." -- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Cassandra Black -- Weapon: Kama -- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Virgil Jefferson-Davis -- Weapon: Saiga-12 -- "Ave Imperator, morituri te salutant." -- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

August 12th, 2014, 3:20 am #11

Throwing R.J. in this thingybobber.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
&#10084; &#10084; &#10084; &#10084; & &#10084; &#10084;
[+] Spoiler
V7 - &#10084; &#10084; &#10084; - PV3 - {&#10084;} &#10084; &#10084; - TV3 - &#10084; &#10084; - V8 - &#10084; &#10084; &#10084;
[+] Spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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MK Kilmarnock
Mr. Danya
Joined: April 14th, 2009, 10:12 pm

August 12th, 2014, 3:40 am #12

You didn't specify version.

Craig Hoyle, motherfucker. Go.
[+] Spoiler
Jerry Fury - The man, the myth, the legend
Coleen Reagan - The girl who half-loved the world
[+] Spoiler
V5 Roster:
Cody Patton : That bitch.
Sean Mulcahy : The world was kind to reprieve him of his fear...
Jessica Sanders: She hoped it would be quick...
[+] Spoiler
20:17Sideliner:Toben and Ricky are like a sibling version of the Joker and Batman, only Batman is just as much of a mass murderer. He just hides it better.
19:58LaurelsHow does your dick smell like Fritos?
14:36 MimiI THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE FRIENDS > 14:36MimiI THOUGHT YOU REALLY LICKED HER
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VysePresident
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 7th, 2012, 10:55 pm

August 12th, 2014, 4:34 am #13

Ian Williams, if you would.
Constructive criticism is always welcome! Feel free to send me a PM if you have any pointers or feedback you'd like to share!
Character #1: Boy #37 Ian Williams - Now with 55% less self-insert.
Designated Weapon: Polaroid Instant Camera With Film (Enough for 8 photographs)

Past - | 1 | 2 | (Current thread - Birds of a Feather)
Pregame - None
Island - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | (Final Thread - Glass
)
Character #2: Boy #66 Chase Rodriguez - Adopted from Pippin.
Designated Weapon: Silver Pill Box Containing Three Cyanide Capsules

Past - None
Pregame - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | (Last seen in - Diversions)
Island - | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | (Final Thread - Drawing to an End)
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NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

August 12th, 2014, 8:06 am #14

Will Brackenrig: Nice early thread with a good introduction. Clusterfuck death thread that didn't really stand out to me as anything. I suspect Sansa of having a broken gentle kid fetish.
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] Spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] Spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] Spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

August 12th, 2014, 8:07 am #15

Gwen O'Connor: Seemed very solid early on. Definitely a good addition to Group Naptime. The poetry death still baffles me.
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] Spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] Spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] Spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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