MK Kilmarnock
Mr. Danya
Joined: April 14th, 2009, 10:12 pm

August 31st, 2017, 6:20 am #211

Okay, time to continue with Jenna Jameson Cassidy.

The core of the character seems to be intact but the writing is a tad bit more solid than before. Unfortunately, Alex didn't make it to the island himself, so she's doomed never to interact with him and that cuts a fair bit of her story short. She does think about him however, hoping she'll run into him, and gang alliances are sure to come into play. Because everybody, fucking EVERYBODY in V2 is in a goddamn West Side Story script. Anywho, Jenna wakes up on a riverbank and is angry because that's probably one of two ways somebody is going to react in this situation. She has a dartboard and Seth Malvice, the boy nearest to her, just so happens to have been given the darts. Har har har, AT, good one. Also highly coincidental.

Anyway, if you can't figure out what happens next, you've never seen an improbable movie action sequence. Seth surprises Jenna and throws a dart at her, and she raises the dart board to protect herself and then runs like hell. And, of course, the dart hits the board in a perfect bullseye because why the hell not? Anyway, that's thread number one for Jenna. She's only in it for two posts.

Next thread, Jenna's ALSO only in this one for two posts. She runs to the school building and trips in the dirt, looking up to see the half-naked body of Jaime Dibenidetti, who unfortunately has been defiled by Sam Sorenson. Her reaction to this is quite possibly the most realistic thing to ever come out of Jenna, as she reacts with disgust and horror similar to the reader, and we're not even there to see it first-hand. Mary-Ann is also there and tries to talk to her, but Jenna's apparently in a coma or something and doesn't respond. The two girls just... exit the thread after Mary-Ann asks Jenna something, and then Mary-Ann isn't even acknowledged in Jenna's next post. So that's kind of a miss for me. Jenna's next thread is back at the river and is one post long, and the post is written by baby_g instead of Chase. 'Phew, that was close' she thinks, and she already doesn't sound like Jenna AT ALL.

Welp, last thread, so let's see how this closes out.

Oh. In one post, Jenna runs at a group of kids all controlled by (or at least posted by) baby_g and attacks them senseless, only to be pushed to the ground by Matthew and then kicked in the ribs, then subsequently stabbed by Stephanie Crew. Very disappointing and careless end to a character that Chase actually put a lot of time and energy into, but then with two threads after that and two posts between them, baby_g clearly just hastily wrote Jenna into a flavorless kill for one of her own characters.

Honestly a huuuuuge letdown.
[+] Spoiler
Jerry Fury - The man, the myth, the legend
Coleen Reagan - The girl who half-loved the world
[+] Spoiler
V5 Roster:
Cody Patton : That bitch.
Sean Mulcahy : The world was kind to reprieve him of his fear...
Jessica Sanders: She hoped it would be quick...
[+] Spoiler
20:17Sideliner:Toben and Ricky are like a sibling version of the Joker and Batman, only Batman is just as much of a mass murderer. He just hides it better.
19:58LaurelsHow does your dick smell like Fritos?
14:36 MimiI THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE FRIENDS > 14:36MimiI THOUGHT YOU REALLY LICKED HER
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

August 31st, 2017, 8:06 am #212

Hi everyone, I'm Ruggahissy. You may know me from such online role playing games as Survival of the Fittest, 3D hentai twins and Survival of the Knittest. One time I even won one of those. Today I'm here to talk about the winner of V2, Bryan Calvert. Let's begin.
[+] Spoiler

Bryan's appearance could use some work, but I get the general idea of what he looks like. I’m also really happy that it has information on what he’s wearing! I feel like very few v2 profiles have that information and it makes it hard for me to imagine the kids in my head.

Into the profile proper, Bryan has anger issues, but they make sense and are fairly realistic. He has ADD and touretts and those conditions are represented pretty well (QUE SUPRESA!). His conditions result in kids picking on him which makes him lash out. He’s sent to a guidance counselor who suggests muay thai as an outlet. His martial arts teacher, Reg, becomes a mentor for him and he gradually chills out and stops having issues at school until high school.

Things go kind of sideways here as he talks about how in high school you can fight people with no consequences (uhhh, more on this in a second) as long as you don’t kill someone. Mmm’kay. He joins the Bloody Fists street gang, one of roughly a thousand street gangs in Denton and his motivation is not so much because he likes the gang or crime, but because his association with them means people hassle him less out of fear of the gang. He can’t get a girlfriend, but he doesn’t care that much. His grades are average, but he doesn’t care about them either. He ends up beating some football kids so bad they end up seriously injured, he is suspended from school (consequences!) and the suspension takes place during finals causing him to fail all his classes and have to repeat sophomore year. Upon returning to school he gets in a minor scuffle and is assigned to assist CJ THE HOOKHANDED JANITOR. He BEFRIENDS THE HOOK HAND JANITOR and after his punishment is over he continues to volunteer to help him just out of friendship. I love this, and I love CJ. In personality he is described as serious and short tempered and someone who wants to reach out to people, but is too proud. He is also described as honorable, which is credited to his two mentors, Reg the martial arts teacher and CJ THE HOOK JANITOR.

This is information that I collected during his run in the game and should be in the profile but is not: he gets along well with his family, has a younger brother and younger sister he loves, he feels like he's not good at anything in life besides fighting and is unsure what he'll do after school. All gravy so far. Some weird gang stuff aside, it's fine by V2 standards.
[+] Spoiler
In his first pregame thread he comes to school late and gives us some helpful exposition on who the Bloody Fists are, how the gangs in this world work and talks to his best friend, CJ THE JANITOR. He also has some thoughts about how Mariavel is a “psychobitch” and “bimbo” that is “great eye candy” and I feel unhappy. I will defend Maraivel here and say that this makes me not like Bryan a little, but his interaction with the kindly janitor makes up for it.

Next we head to “How Many Ways Can You Define the word ‘Cow’” which I already read for Jack and has been covered several times. Mariavel slaps a boy who pushes her, Jenna calls her a slut, Lavender screams at their English teacher. Bryan has a single two sentence post where he watches the madness and then leaves when the bell rings. Not sure why he bothered to be in this one.

CJ THREAD! [vuvuzela celebration noises]. CJ loves being a janitor, but he loves the kids more. He has a habit of calling all the kids “Mr.” or “Miss” and “Sir and “M’am” and then their last name as a sign of respect and is never to busy to talk when you need someone to talk to. Bryan says that the habit of calling people Mr. and Miss rubbed off on him, but we’ll see if that’s true or if he forgets about it [SPOILER FROM THE FUTURE, HE FORGETS ABOUT IT]. Ali Grayston says that CJ is gross and creepy and probably a pedophile, so I don’t care what happens to her on the island. Tori also says she’s grossed out by the hook hand. I guess it’s just CJ and Bryan, together forever. Tori says she’s new to the school so CJ points her to her class. She’s late so CJ writes her a note saying she’s excused from being tardy. Bryan teases Tori and tells her Ali is a bitch. Then CJ and Bryan go off to clean things. CJ says it looked like Bryan was smitten with the new girl and tells him to be nice to her.
CJ wrote:CJ smiled. "Hey, all I'm saying is, you should make a good impression on her. I know you have a hard time getting along with some people..."
CJ tells Bryan that he’s a good man, deep down, and this touches Bryan, who smiles a little as he leaves.

I love you, CJ.

The next thread takes places immediately after. Bryan goes to his locker, but he forgot his lunch and doesn’t have enough to buy food from the cafeteria. Tori comes back and offers him a snack bar from her purse if he’ll show her around. She hands the bar to Bryan and Cyco says the bar is called “Figgin’ Delicious” which is an excellent fake snack food bar name. I looked it up, doesn’t seem to be real, but I love love love clever fake product names in pre-game. Tori talks his ear off about her ex-boyfriend and he’s half-listening listening and trying to be nice. She asks him what he wants to do when he grows up and he says he wants to be a cook and open his own restaurant some day. God please, let it be canon that he moved to Montana or Vermont or something after he won and opened an award-winning pizzeria. Anyway, Tori is flirting up a storm and he’s not responding. She gets upset and asks point blank if he likes her and he says she’s nice. She gets frustrated that he’s not more into her and starts getting emotional so he offers to take her some place other than school.

That place is the beach! Last pregame thread and Byran carts Tori to the beach via public transportation. I think Bryan can do better, but here we are.

Bryan wrote:He could admit he was a fairly simple person; he wasn't at all deep, and he didn't try to fake it by saying things that sounded profound but were just bullshit. He had simple desires. He would've been quite happy just standing on that beach forever, listening to the sounds and watching the neverending stalemate between sand and surf and just whistling a familiar tune to himself. That would've been good enough for him.
What a guy. Incidentally, remember this moment because it will become relevant all the way at the end roughly 5,000 words from now.

Here we also learn that Reg, his muay thai instructor that became his mentor, fought in the Korean War and lost most of his friends in he war. He got a piece of grenade shrapnel lodged in his spine during the war too. When he returned to the United States he fell in love and got married, but his wife was killed by a mugger and his brother died in a car accident a year later. As time passed and Bryan grew up, Reg lost the use of his legs, but could still teach martial arts. Earier in the year he’d lost the space downtown he was using as the muay thai studio, but still teaches out of home and Bryan is a frequent visitor. He has children and grandchildren but they don’t visit. He spends a lot of his time in his wheelchair, teaching muay thai to a small group and is happy despite his hardships, and he thinks of Bryan as family.

;~;

Bryan and Tori sit and look at the ocean quietly for awhile. Bryan never ate the “Figgin’ Delicious” bar and he’s hungry, so he suggests going to the pier for food and Tori agrees to buy him junk food, but only if he takes her to dinner on a date. Bryan STILL DOES NOT SEEM TO GET IT (in an endearing way), and despite being flat broke and having no clue how he’d pay for a dinner, he agrees. They get up from where they were sitting and before he leaves he looks at the spot where they sat together and where she asked him out. He promises to remember that spot forever. That’s his spot, and he’ll come back to it. In the game it says she bought him a corn dog or a hamburger at the pier depending on who is remembering the events.

Pregame thoughts: There are a lot of bumps in his pregame and things I could do without. I don’t like how he talks and thinks about girls and he’s a bit hard to get to know at times, but what is good in his pregame is great. You learn a lot about this person, his values and his hopes for the future. His interactions with Tori are charmingly awkward and by the end of their last thread, I believe that there’s a spark.
[+] Spoiler


Built to Survive

A oneshot wherein Bryan wakes up and has some really interesting visual language. The way he opens his eyes, sees the light and tries to stand up is described very beautifully. He has a huge burst of anger and screams and cries for a bit. Then he looks in his bag and sees he has been given a large gun. There’s a manual so he reads it and practices loading the gun. He wonders if he can kill people he knows from school, like the other Bloody Fists and Tori. He then thinks that he wasn’t very close to anyone at school (except CJ of course, who he mentions) and tries to tell himself he could kill to survive, but there’s a hint of doubt. He also wants to survive to prove to people that he can actually achieve something. He's never really achieved anything prior. Mostly solid, could have done with a little more about his hesitation to murder people he knows as the post ends with bravado and a promise to let people know how dangerous he is, but that’s a pretty small complaint.

The Very Basic Will To Live

Andrew and Felix are scuffling. Andrew sees Bryan slink in with a shotgun and runs off. Bryan takes a shot at Felix and misses when Felix hits the deck. Felix gets his own gun and shoots at Bryan’s hiding spot, but shoots out the tail light of a truck. Felix immediately runs away.

Harry Constantine walks in with a gun of his own and tells Bryan to freeze, but instead Bryan runs for cover behind the truck. Harry tries to convince Bryan to put down his gun because the kids are not each other’s enemies, the terrorists are the real enemies, and if everyone would stop trying to kill each other they might be able to band together, come up with a plan, and beat them. Oh Harry, you dumb idiot. You’re in the wrong version. If only you’d been in one of the ones where people were willing to talk. Bryan is like “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” but to his credit, the narrative acknowledges he’s being stupid. He tries to get a good view of Harry by tossing out a mirror he pulls of the truck, but can’t get a clear shot so he leaves.

This is my least favorite thread so far. I don’t know why Bryan decided to involve himself with the Andrew/Felix fight, we’re not given any information about his headspace on this decision. He also proves unwise in rejecting Harry who seems to be one of the saner people on the island, but at least Cyco acknowledges that it’s a bad choice and that Bryan is too stubborn for his own good. It plays into his general pattern of not trusting people.

Dan Birch

Have we ever had a thread named after a character? Well this one is. Dan Birch’s starting and death thread. Bryan comes in and we learn that he tried to kill those people in the last thread because he thinks playing the game is a good strategy and wants to kill some people for their stuff. He barges into a house Dan is hiding in and they have a pretty good fight where it’s Dan’s spear vs. Bryan’s shotgun in close quarters. Bryan manages to get enough space to shoot Dan. Dan thinks about his life with an abusive father who beat his wheelchair-bound mother. He thanks Bryan for the quick death, saying he hated his life anyway and some of his last words are “Bet there’s someone you want to save, Bryan?” which sticks with Bryan. He apologizes to Dan, and decides not to loot his bag out of respect, but takes his broken spear. Bryan has succeeded in his first kill, but he feels uncomfortable and empty with what he’s done. He thinks that he’s done this bad thing, but he probably won’t even win. So what was the point? He reflects on whether or not there’s someone he wants to save.

Btw: it’s a good death.

Hiding in the Barn

Night falls and Bryan thinks about how much he loves the moon at night without all the bright city lights. We get even more information that’s not in his profile: he loves both his parents and gets along well with them, he has a younger sister named Jillian and a younger brother named Brandon and he has a cairn terrier named Maggie who always waits at the window for him to return from school. He also thinks about Reg and HOOKHAND CJ and how he’s not that afraid of death because being nothing doesn’t bother him. He has a silver cross around his neck (mentioned in the profile, but not explained) that belonged to his grandfather, Charles Calvert, who was from Northern Ireland and inspired Bryan to be a hard worker. Bryan asked for the necklace as something to remember him by. He bumps into Tori and they’re both happy to see each other. I found this to be cute: Tori was apparently at a loss of what to do, so she followed the north star which led her to Bryan. They leave together.

This thread had some hints before Tori showed up that she was the one Bryan wanted to find after Dan’s cryptic words to him.

Well…isn’t this fucking great?

No. Bryan and Tori come in and leave in one post. They just pass through this area and that’s it, as if this location was something they HAD to travel through to get to the caves. I don’t understand.

Tom and Becky

Tori and Bryan try to go to the lighthouse, but it’s in use. They go to the caves instead. He pulls out the spear tip he took from Dan and Tori asks where he got it. He lies badly, saying he found it and she presses him (dangerous idea?) until he tells the truth about the murder. She’s not that bothered though. He offers it to her and after joking around she accepts it. Their joking around lands and they seem very comfortable together. In the morning the first announcements play (it seems like more than one day should have passed, but whatever) and Bryan doesn’t hear the names of any kids from his school. In a moment of unusual cleverness, he makes note of the weapons that were used to kill so that even though he may not know the murders by name, he’ll know if they’ve killed based on their weapon. Sadly this idea never pays off or comes back.

The Remake

I’m getting tired. Bryan and Tori go to the mall. He tells her to stay put while he looks around and she’s mad he’s treating her like a child. She’s right to be mad, but you get the impression Bryan just doesn’t know how to be tactful. Another kid runs up and attacks her while she is alone because……uh…… and she fights him off with the spear tip until Bryan hears the fight and shoots him. She gets mad that he A. Left her and B. Didn’t believe she could handle it herself when she’d already gotten two good slashes on the guy. Bryan apologizes and says he’s acting this way because he wants her to be safe. Also we get a memory of her wearing rain boots to a pageant and winning, but infuriating her mother as a result, which I think shows us she’s stubborn and doesn’t like being ordered around. This relates back to Bryan ordering her to stay put while he scouts ahead. She’s not super forgiving of Bryan, but during the argument they kiss. They separate, unsure of what the kiss means and continue on.
[+] Spoiler

Checking In

Bryan wonders if he’s in love with Tori and he concludes that he’s not because they don’t know each other that well. I don’t entirely believe him. Still, he feels he has to protect her. Tori really seems to be the more aggressive party in this relationship as far as trying to get closer to Bryan. Tori on the other hand, thinks about how much she admires Bryan for being brave, strong and knowing what to do in this situation.

[ I stopped here for the night]

I’m awake again on day 2 of reading Bryan and a few things have stuck with me. One, I think Dan Birch’s death was very good and his words still kind of linger with me as I read this. Who does Bryan have to protect, and why?

The second thing I have starting this day is a conversation I had with Aura, who was assigned Tori. I opined to him that I like Tori and Bryan, but that it seems like they are two people who have trouble connecting just due to how their personalities are and that the mismatch in emotional communication is sad to watch, but it’s neither of their faults. Aura responded that given more time in the regular world, Tori and Bryan could have worked through that and become stronger for it, but that it could never be and perhaps that was the point.

Hmmm


I wake up on day three and I’m only able to finish Checking In while waiting for my lunch. Days 2 and 3 I wasn’t able to get much headway here because Monday and Tuesday are the worst days at work for deadlines and my editor is having some stuff that required me to get all my work in on these two days. But you don’t want to know about me, you want to know about Bryan.

Tori and Bryan meet MARIAVEL and to my shock, she is mostly a reasonable human in this thread. After being raped and almost raped she first sees Tori and is a total bitch to her. She softens up when she sees Bryan because she considers Bryan a friend. To the extent that he can be, he is happy to see her and makes a joke about all the other people’s blood she’s covered in. Tori remembers that back in pregame Ali told her that Mariavel is close to Bryan and she gets a little jealous, wondering how close they are.

Mariavel is mad rude to Tori (she asks why Bryan would choose someone who looks so weak and dumb to partner with), but Tori doesn’t take the bait and offers her a cloth to get some of that blood off. The three head up stairs and run into the body of Mariavel’s attempted rapist which freaks her out and she refuses to go ahead while sobbing. Tori stays with Mariavel to comfort her and tells Bryan to scout out the hotel without them while Tori looks after Mariavel. Bryan agrees to this and they separate for now.

This sentence is the Tori appreciation sentence, what a gal.

I talk to Aura about how I wish Bryan was a little better with people. Mariavel is….not the best person… but it’s tough to see her break down, but Bryan has no inclination to help out, leaving that to Tori. Aura points out that this is something that CJ explicitly told Bryan he needed to work on back in the pregame. Bryan’s lack of emotional intelligence and difficulties in connecting with people comes across as choice by Cyco and it’s something that has been acknowledged by him a lot as one of Bryan’s weaknesses, so it’s nice to see this disadvantage come into play and be a true disadvantage. It’s a strength of the writing that I like Bryan so much that I wish he could overcome some of his flaws. Aura also points out that Tori has the emotional intelligence Bryan lacks while Bryan has the survival drive that she admires, making them a pretty good match up both as characters and within the story.

Stopping for the Night
It’s funny because it’s the afternoon of day FOUR for me, but this is “Stopping for the Night.” This had a content warning on it, but at least in reading up until Bryan ran out there was nothing objectionable? Second least favorite thread from Bryan. He walks up and finds his friend and gang leader, Seth, pointing a gun at Mariavel’s rapist while Zed and Andrew are also near I guess. The location is quickly declared a danger zone and everyone has to run out. Tori and Marivael have left a message written in Niche's blood on the first floor to let Bryan and Seth know where they will be at the school and Seth tells Bryan to meet him at the school as well. Everyone hauls ass. Not much here to comment on.

Walking to School

Very little actually happens in this thread which is a one-shot of Bryan doing exactly what the title says, walking to school.
The bulk of this one-shot is actually devoted to a memory of Reg, his martial arts instructor. I see Reg’s name in the first sentence and I know this will break my heart. Reg, along with HOOKHAND CJ is one of Bryan’s more important positive role models in his life. It details how he couldn’t keep his location downtown for the martial arts studio due to not bringing in enough income and also describes how he tried to make his home into a replacement gym.He hangs the old gym sign outside his house on the front porch, but Bryan is honest in saying that it looks unprofessional. Bryan is one of his oldest students, who remembers how he only needed a cane to walk when he first started as a little kid, but he is now wheelchair-bound, but still teaches at 74 years old.

Despite his hardships, Reg is an optimist and imparts a positive outlook to Bryan. While Bryan is Reg’s house after class, a boy tells Reg he wants to join the army to become a sniper. Reg tells him that going to war is not worth what he could lose. He says that his pursuit of violence will cause him to give up everything else in life and only to join if he's prepared to lose that. Bryan remembers this warning.

MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT.

The Wicked Game

Enough of that! Now we’re at "Wicked Game" and it looks like Bryan took a wrong turn because we’re in the industrial district, not the school. It’s raining so I’m assuming from Aura and Crossbow’s write-ups that right now Tori and Mariavel are hiding out in the school from the rain, just for me to mentally keep tabs on Tori.
Bryan wrote:“He was forgetting about Tori. She was counting on him and he was standing in the rain looking for ghosts of enemies. At least she was with Mari.”
My dude, Tori would be better off being babysat by George the island cat.

Bryan seeks shelter in a building from the rain, but Kyle sees him coming. He wants that shotgun. As Bryan walks in, Kyle hits him in the head with a brick and that makes Bryan pretty angry. In his shock, Bryan drops the gun, but recovers and knees Kyle in the ribs. Kyle tries to climb up a fire escape, Bryan grabs him and the fire escape hilariously collapses. Bryan head butts him, breaking his nose and then wails on him for awhile until he has successfully beaten Kyle to death with his bare hands. Guess he didn’t listen closely enough to the advice in that flashback. Bryan says he feels better, but he also feels sort of hollow, not as good as he thought he would. There’s that sneaky fucking lesson.

Rob of Matt and Rob [laugh track] comes out and tells Bryan he and his friends don’t want any trouble and that he can take shelter from the rain with them as long as he chills out. Bryan asks Rob if Kyle was one of his friends and Rob says no. Bryan goes back with him and Rob tells him to maybe lie to his friends and say that Kyle escaped so as not to scare them. Bryan says he doesn’t care what Rob tells them, but wants to make it clear to the other boy that he wasn’t the aggressor. Bryan thinks about what would happen if he and his new friends are the final four and concludes maybe they could draw straws. He quickly tries to forget about this possibility.

This actually isn’t the first time Bryan has thought about what would happen if he and someone he liked made it to the end. Every time he does, he doesn’t come to a definitive conclusion and tries to forget about it. He doesn’t want to kill people just to make sure he comes out the winner. Even with these total strangers he just met, because they’re nice, he doesn’t even want to consider killing them to win and would prefer it be decided by chance.

Announcements!

This location is also a danger zone and the group wants to go to the hospital, which is on the way to the school. Bryan offers to escort the group to the hospital. Now he accepts that for Tori to live, he has to die. Bryan says he grew up Protestant and never minded going to church, but distanced himself from it because being religious was seen as sort of uncool. He thinks about what is after death and decides that as long as he saves Tori, he doesn’t matter what waits for him in death.(I have bad news for you, Bryan, but that can wait).

Cold Cash and Colder Hearts

Bryan drops Matt and Rob off at the hospital.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We Survive By Friendship

Tori and Mariavel arrive first. Mariavel decides she’s going to live despite what other people want. Tori starts rifling through the old homework in the classroom to pass the time. One assignment is “If you were stuck on an island and could only bring one person with you who would you bring and why?” It’s kind of silly, but I buy it because that sounds like a real writing prompt to give kids. The kid responds that she would bring her classmate David because he’s kind to her and makes her feel like she’s not a loser. The kid invites the teacher to visit her on her island with his wife.

I really like this and I don’t know why. It makes Tori think of the Q&A portions of the beauty pageants she used to do. She says when asked similar questions she just responded with a joke. Now she thinks she’d choose Bryan and prays for his safety.
Mariavel has a flashback to her days as a stripper (why?) and Tori can tell she’s reliving something bad. I should probably stop chronicling their part of the scene because this is the BRYAN writeup, not the TORI or MARIAVEL writeup, but it’s a decent scene. Tori is the audience surrogate observing Mariavel.

Shit goes sideways and Bryan finally shows up. Tori is ecstatic and jumps on him. Amusingly, he sees Tori’s got the axe Mariavel had and casually asks Tori if she killed Mariavel. Also he doesn’t return her hug, the fucker. She’s pissed he’s not more excited to see her which like, yeah. That’s fair. Bryan is now annoyed that she is annoyed, saying they have to find Seth. They start to snap at each other because now they are both annoyed and they are also both really tired. He lets her have the first sleep and she uses his lap as a pillow.He doesn’t get the significance, but he does say “you’re welcome” kind of embarrassed. He just beat a dude to death and he’s embarrassed about being close with this girl. Whaddya gonna do?

Tori falls asleep and despite his best intentions Bryan falls asleep too. Tori is woken up by some weird noise and she shakes Bryan awake who insists he was just resting his eyes. Cute. Bryan goes to check it out and it’s SHAE CUTTING THE LEG OFF A DEAD GIRL. I physically moved my body away from the computer because I was not ready for that. Bryan just kills him on the spot with an axe which was the right call since he was about to eat her (still beating somehow?) heart.

The dead girl is Lavender. Bryan didn’t like her that much, but knew her. Out of reverence to Mariavel and Lavender’s family he tries to put most of her pieces back where they should go and then covers the body. Tori is getting sad because she’s thrown a lot of hints that she is romantically interested in Bryan and Bryan hasn’t returned most of them. They flirt a little and agree to wait one more day for Seth at the school. Back to sleep.

Announcements wake them up and Bryan’s won a BKA so they have to go to the beach, which is thematically important for the both of them because that’s where their one and only sort-of-date was. To the beach!
[+] Spoiler


BODOM BEACH TERROR

I’m getting very tired, but I still like Tori and Bryan. I imagine maybe I’m starting to feel as beleaguered as they do, like I’m in this together with them.
I went back to Wikia to check something and the ad on the side was a dude holding a huge plate of meat which I didn’t need so soon after the cannibal. Steve Wilson, terrorist and principal of Bathurst, comes to drop off the BKA and thinks about how Bryan hung out with “that wretchedly disgusting janitor. He can go fuck himself.

*IMPORTANT CONTENT AHEAD*

Wilson taunts Bryan, asks him if he deserves the prize and asks what he even has to go back to. Bryan laughs at him because he’s killed five people, yes he deserves it. Also he has a loving family to go back to, (guess Wilson wasn’t a good principal and didn’t pay attention to the students) but even with that as potential motivation, he says he has no plans to go return home because he made a promise to himself to keep, which I think refers to keeping Tori safe. Wilson is like “LoL IdiOt, theRe CAn’t BE 2 wiNNarS” because he's stupid and doesn't understand subtle implications.

He returns to Tori on the beach when Harry Constantine from earlier sees them. He assumes Tori is a hostage and starts shooting and demanding Bryan release the hostage.

[sigh]

I can’t tell if this is a good line of thought from Harry. He did see Bryan at his peak player-mode before he switched gears. Bryan and Tori take cover behind a rock in the water and Harry shoots at them. When he’s out of ammo he tries to get closer to their location by going underwater. Bryan grabs Tori and they also go underwater. Harry pops up, Bryan see’s his legs and then pops up next to him and shoots him. I didn’t dig this death. Cyco controls both Harry and Bryan, but Harry comes out of no where and it doesn’t really serve a narrative purpose. Feels like he just needed to kill him quickly.

THIS COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

But it’s not. They are heading to the hotel again and crossing out the perms-danger zones on their map. Tori tries to break the silence by asking how the gun he gave her works. He thinks it’s a stupid question and I am about to be mad, but then he realizes that she’s probably never held a gun before and it’s a valid inquiry. You’re safe this time, Calvert. She confides that she hates weapons, but she’ll handle the gun because she wants to pull her weight with Bryan. They’re both gross with sea water so they get to a hotel room and Tori takes a shower while Bryan organizes their stuff. She leaves her pants by the window to dry after and sits on the bed in the hotel room while wearing her shirt and a towel and BRYAN BECOMES A LITTLE FLUSTERED. Always a gentleman, he tells her to rest. They talk about Harry; neither of them knew him. Then we get this:
Tori and Bryan wrote: She wormed around for a second, to quickly pull the sheets from under her to now over top of her.
"Is it weird that I don't want to win anymore?"

"Doesn't matter much anyway," he grunted, leading the white bandage between his fingers slowly. He didn't look at her, instead his eyes were fixed intently on what he was doing. "It's not your choice anymore. I've made it my business to see that you do."
Strong moment, but Tori just thinks about how strong he is so she drops the ball a little. Announcements happen (AND THEY HAVE A QUEEN SONG PLAY BEFORE THEM?). Bryan notes Mariavel is killing a lot and they should not trust her. Oh buddy, oh friend. Oh honey.

The peace is interrupted when Felix and Rob get to the hotel and Felix shoots at them. Bryan shoots back and he and Tori climb to the roof. Seth sees Bryan and Tori climbing with Felix in pursuit and decides to help them. Felix and Tori trade insults and she SWINGS HER AXE AT HIM, YES. Doesn’t kill him though and she’s shot in the leg. Felix takes Tori hostage and tells Bryan to drop his weapons if he wants her alive. Without a second thought, Bryan drops everything. Seth to the rescue! He shoots Felix and Tori is free. But then Seth is shot by Felix! I don’t know. Point is, they are both dying. Bryan…..kicks Felix…over a roof? They’re on the roof and he throws him to another roof?

Tori’s been shot in the leg, Bryan’s been shot in the arm and Seth’s been shot in the everywhere. It’s time for a death scene.

Fun facts: I had to read Seth’s death like 5 years ago when I applied for staff because part of the test is making an announcement and the deaths are pulled from across the versions to make sure you read. A lot of people fucked up Seth’s death because they didn’t read it carefully, but I wasn’t one of them. Most people didn’t bother to read they were actually friends. I actually liked this death, it’s probably the first V2 thing I ever read.

Bryan feels guilty because he felt like he abandoned Seth by not waiting longer for him at the school and feels even worse that despite that, Seth still saved them. He’s a true friend and Bryan doesn’t have many of those. Bryan breaks down in tears and apologizes for not waiting longer for him, Seth tells him not to feel bad. Seth doesn’t want him feeling bad because it wasn’t Bryan’s fault and he doesn’t want him upset over something he can’t change.
Bryan wrote:"You're a good friend, Seth...the best."
Seth says that the gang was a family to him. He loves Mariavel too, but concludes she’s totally lost it and tells Bryan that he wants him to win and live on. He asks Bryan to do him the honor of killing him instead of letting Felix get the credit. Bryan refuses to say he’ll win, thinking to himself that it has to be Tori. He shoots Seth between the eyes because he loves him and Seth is killed instantly.
Rob finally goes up to see what’s happening and he and Bryan are happy to see each other! Remember, Bryan took him to the hospital? Time to return the favor.

Fun facts: Tori’s middle name is Anne! Also, her mother used to hit her.

Tori’s being carried by Bryan and she’s losing blood. Rob offers to help, but Tori refuses to trust anyone but Bryan.

CARRY STRESS IN THE JAW

They get to the hospital.
Bryan wrote:"Hey," he piped up, shifting Tori with his arms to stir her in case she'd fallen asleep again. "Wake up, pumpkin, we're at grandma's."

Oh you.

Having done a good deed, Rob leaves. He’s like Spiderman, everyone gets one.

After a brief freakout over Bryan using a needle to administer pain killers so he can dig the bullet out of her, Tori tries to console him over Seth. Tori starts tending to his wounds and he gives her a kiss.
Bryan wrote:'This girl's gonna kill me,' he thought as he leaned in and kissed her. 'But it's ok. Almost over. Everything's going to be ok.'
Mi corazón

Bryan and Tori prepare to make the hospital their last stand. Bryan plans to get a wheelchair for her and he is prepared to die. He hopes to himself that he doesn’t go to hell and hopes meet Seth again.

I think I might actually cry.

Bryan comes upon an unconscious Mariavel and plans to shoot her but Tori just can’t let him since they bonded earlier. In a move that will doom everyone, Tori convinces Bryan to help Mariavel and in the move that further seals their fate, Bryan leaves the girls alone. Mariavel wakes up and tells Tori that Bryan probably left them alone on purpose, hoping she’d kill Tori for him so he could win. Strong argument, I can’t lie. Bryan runs back at the sound of gun fire but it’s too late, Tori’s fatally injured. Mariavel runs away, but apologizes to Tori in her mind.

Tori lays dying in Bryan’s arms and he tells her he can fix it, he prays to God to forgive him for his mistake and begs God to give him just one more chance.

[Crying starts now]

Tori came home from her first day at Bathurst and told her parents about Bryan and the date they went on. There’s a continuity error here because she says she bought him a burger and he said 10 threads ago she bought him a corndog BUT I AM LISTENING TO BJORK AND CRYING TEARS. In the present Tori says she should have listened to Bryan. She can’t speak anymore due to dying, but thinks that she was lucky to meet him and that her death was her own fault. She looks at him one more time, thinks of their date on the beach and dies.
Bryan wrote: Her breathing had stopped. She was dead. That was it; you lose, thanks for playing.


Bryan is crushed. That was his reason for living. He didn’t even want to live past the game. It was for her. He rages and destroys a bunch of stuff in the room.

TEARS ARE FREE FLOWING.

He goes to find Mariavel, not caring if he lives or dies.

REDEMPTION

Ok, I’ve stopped crying. Mariavel blames Bryan for Seth’s death and refuses to believe it was a mercy kill. She uses that as justification for killing Tori since Seth was her boyfriend. She yells at him that it’s his fault Tori died as they fight and the words are starting to get to him. He follows her into another area and sees blonde hair. He shoots, but it’s the wrong blonde. Whitney dies and Ricky screams at him in a parallel to Bryan watching his loved one die. Bryan sputters out an apology, thinking back to DAN FUCKING BIRCH, LONG TIME NO SEE. Ricky tells Bryan that that was the girl he loved, he was protecting her and he failed because of Bryan. He tells Bryan none of the remaining three of them deserves to return home and is ready to shoot him, but Whitney begs him to let Bryan go. The similarities are not lost on Bryan, Whitney sounds just like Tori to him. He leaves to find Mariavel and Ricky shoots himself.

My brains is turning to soup, but Megami takes over for Mariavel. She talks about how if she and Bryan and Seth had just come together sooner they could have figured a way out and blames him for prioritizing Tori over his friends. They fight for a bit and FINALLY FINALLY Bryan kills her via hammer to the back of the head. He asks the corpse why she didn’t come after him instead of Tori. He is the winner, and he is miserable. He doesn’t feel any better now that Mariavel is dead because nothing will bring back Tori. He has failed.

END

Bryan is picked up by the terrorists and plans to kill Danya, it’s not like Bryan cares if he’s gunned down right after anyway. The terrorists patch him up and throw him in a room. Danya comes by to say hi and Bryan doesn’t really care and doesn’t talk much. I find out I palgerized V2 without realizing it when Danya says they would have preferred for Mariavel to win. Danya says because Bryan was so popular with the general public, they want to throw him in V3.

Spoilers, he’s not in V3.

He gets a knife out of his boot because the V2 terrorists are just as bad as the V1 terrorists at searching people and threatens Danya.
Bryan wrote:"You're the Ace. SOTF ends with you." He knew he was really just trying to convince himself at this point.
Ah, I have bad new- you know what, never mind.

Danya says if he drops the knife Bryan will go home AND as an added bonus he’ll kill Steve Wilson. Sounds like a good deal to me. Danya then asks him if Tori would want him to die after everything.

And then V2 suddenly ends with no resolution and no answer to that question.
Final thoughts: Bryan is good. He's really good. I'd say he's probably the best character in all of V2 and one of the best characters in the history of SOTF. Bryan and Tori are probably my favorite couple I've ever read in in this game. He's the most tragic of all the SOTF winners. He falls in love with a girl and also views himself as not inherently worth a lot, so dedicates himself to propelling her to the win, but fails. He has a good heart, but a lot of flaws and I would highly recommend him.

Editor's note: Crossbow and I came to the conclusion that while Mariavel claims a more romantic relationship with Seth, Seth sees her with sisterly love.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Contender
Joined: September 11th, 2010, 1:32 am

September 1st, 2017, 4:59 am #213

Alright, ELI MCCONNELL, let's kick it.

Let's take a look at the profile, and

"Hair is naturally auburn and color, and unlike many in Gilroy suddenly wanting to dye their hair in these radical colors in order to gain attention from not only friends, but also it seemed the staff as well."

This is like the 4th sentence, and the startlingly bad grammar present doesn't really fill me with hope on the readability of the rest of it.

His appearance section decides that him having worn eyeliner for literally ONE HOUR of his life is notable enough to mention, but otherwise there's nothing that off kilter about. As for his profile, he's not a psychopath or a former killer or anything like that, so that's good I guess? His father runs a big business in NYC and his mother runs a smaller one in Denton, so he just... doesn't see his father, apparently? They're not divorced, and I guess his dad has to live in NYC for his job... and his mom isn't willing to just live with him in the city, especially considering the fact that he seems fabulously wealthy? Some people are really attached to their own businesses, sure, but she's really prioritizing her own work over her kids EVER SEEING THEIR FATHER? But nothing in the profile indicates that he dislikes her for this or anything, so I guess he's just cool with it. Eli's just mad at his dad because his dream is photography, but his dad just wants him to run his super successful business when he grows up, ugh, dads are the WORST. But then the end of the profile mentions Eli "not wanting to work in a factory all day like his father wants him too", so apparently he is supposed to run the company but also work in a factory? Maybe publishing companies just have really hand-on CEOs, I'm certainly no expert.

But this isn't the worst logic I've ever seen, and otherwise Eli is just a normal boy, so he's got some potential here. One minor detail I like is that one of his main hobbies is piano, despite him having only done it for about a year. It's entirely possible that this was just thrown in by Eli's writer to meet a hobby requirement without having to work it into the backstory too much, but I find it pretty realistic that he's into something that he's just started - not every hobby someone has has been a huge part of their lives for 4+ years, and I feel like that's not represented enough in profiles. But maybe I just haven't read enough profiles.

Luckily for me, Eli doesn't appear to have any pre-game, so onto the island we go! He starts off by waking up in the Botanical Garden and going 'woe is me' and all that stuff until he cuts his hand on his weapon, a coil of barbed wire. Nice and... effective. He patches himself up before running into Eric Silvstedt, and Eric...
wrote:"Well... hello," he cooed wickedly.
Eric coos at him. Wow.

I'm like Eli more and more - in his next post, he both realizes that this Obviously Evil Boy is Obviously Evil AND briefly wonders if he's being judgemental, while also thinking about how his fencing skills aren't super useful because they don't teach you how to actually gosh darn kill people. This all strikes me as very realistic, and shows Eric as a sharp kid just trying to figure out HOW to survive.

But Eric just kinda punches him and knocks him to the ground and starts strangling him, and then Matthias shows up with Whitney and kicks Eric in the head because apparently they've had some beef in the past, and then they start DRAMATIC DIALOGUING at each other... Eli just isn't really being given a chance to breathe in this scene (pun TOTALLY intended) because all the other characters have this history and forcefulness and ~drama~ to them that he just ends up in the background.

And then DAMIEN CARTER-MADISON.

Damien comes in being all psychotic and diabolical and using song posts and a bunch of other things that no human should partake in and watches the fight go on. He notices Eli and Eli notices Damien but they still don't really do anything as Eric and Matthias just kinda keep fighting until they both run off and Whitney follows and Peter and Kristey show up and Damien has more beef and a LIST or something and Eli just doesn't MATTER...

And then the next thread rolls along and I realize he's gone inactive! Yaaaaaaaay.

laZardo takes over Eli for his final thread, in which Eli acts wildly out of character to prop Damien up by apparently not noticing his Obvious Evil whatsoever and just lashing out at Damien over a slight indication that he might have seen the person he's looking for on the island (something which is mentioned a few times but never really seems to drive him). So Damien knocks him down with his pot lid, steals Eli's barbed wire, and strangles him with it before bold red text-ing off into the distance. I repeat: Yaaaaaaaay.

---

So Eli was yet another example of a character who was mildly interesting with a bit of potential that got overshadowed by V2's, um, forceful personalities and then had his handler go inactive and got a death worse than what he probably deserved. Not a bad read, but still a definite pass for lack of impact.
V5 Characters:

Jack McDonald is a SELF-INSERT YAY.
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MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

September 1st, 2017, 7:22 am #214

Alrighty, these are being made as I go. I dig Pregame, so I'm reading that too.

Jackie's first thread is a one-shot that probably wasn't meant to be; there was some baggage with the V1 site and a lot of stuff got locked down for a long time.

Anyways, what I like here is that Jackie's quickly established as pretty image-conscious—we get it directly here:
wrote: He blushed only slightly as Mrs. Lanely introduced him and mentioned that he was a transfer student from Canada. Jackie waved a smooth hand to the rest of the class and tried his best to look 'cool'.
and implicitly here:
wrote: When the bell rang Jackie went out to his old Pontiac, pressed play on the CD player and listened to his new Mars Volta CD as he sat on the hood of the car and smoked a cigarette.
On to thread #2:

Good scene-setting/description; something I think folks could always use more of. Also a very nice twist in the following chunk:
wrote: "Well," Jackie shrugged and fidgited, he needed a cigarette, but he never smoked around his mom. She was trying to quit, he wasn't.
The initial expectation (Jackie doesn't smoke around his mom because she'd disapprove) is undercut by the revelation that it's actually a courtesy as she's trying to quit. That's great because that little detail says a lot more about the relationship between the two, in a subtle way, than a whole load of exposition might.

Jackie's interaction with Tanesha is pretty solidly-handled on his end, but I think this is a good time to pull out and discuss some problematic elements on both sides. A quirk of early version, from all I've seen, is that often characters are given a few traits to define them and take a while to grow out of those traits (if they ever do). Jackie's profile repeatedly lets us know that his appearance is "feminine" and includes the line "Jackie is the epitome of metro, and he’s proud of it." The profile made me a little bit worried Jackie might be cast as a stereotype, but even in it he's treated with a decent amount of empathy, and this persists in his actual threads; his profile is blunt and awkward in a lot of ways, but I have very much been there myself and the intentions seem good throughout.

By contrast, Tanesha bothers me a good deal, and while I'm not going to get too sidetracked by her and am gonna try to keep stuff mostly Jackie-related here, I think a big part of it is the frequency with which Tanesha's narrative sees fit to remind the reader that she's a. black and b. fat. This often shows up in tagging her as "The black girl..." in narrative, as in "Perhaps one day it would occur to the heavy-set black girl that regardless of what she was eating, having two to three servings of it during each meal period wasn't doing her weight any favors." or "Despite the thoughts racing through her mind, the black girl tried to keep it cool as she casually approached the new boy." or "If Jackie Kovacs wasn't careful, he might wind up with the heavy-set black girl forming yet another borderline-obsessive crush -- this time on him." This is something that drove me crazy even in V4 with less charged stuff ("The wily young redhead," "The Johnson girl," to invent examples because I'm too lazy to dig them up) and I think a big part of it has to do with where the narrative sits with regards to a character. Are they thinking of themselves in these terms, at these moments? Almost certainly not. These are, then, intrusions of the authorial voice, which are always a risk. When these intrusions are categorizing a character unflatteringly and constantly bringing up their race, especially with a character who is a good bit more caricature than the handler's norm, that's frustrating.

Back to Jackie:
Emphasis mine wrote: "Oh, I go to Hobbsborough," Jackie was slow to reply. "I haven't been to school yet though, 'cause there was some sort of accident there. I'm pretty nervious, I geuss. I don't really know anybody that goes to Hobbsborough."
Another really good line here—Nealosi quietly turns a cliché or stock phrase (quick to reply) on its head to subtly indicate Jackie's discomfort with the situation. Better, we see soon that Jackie feels self-conscious about his own situation, not Tanesha's behavior—his handler keeps separate what he knows (Tanesha's forming a weird obsessive crush) from what Jackie knows (She's said hello and seems friendly). I sort of feel like Jackie is crediting Tanesha with greater complexity than her own narrative is.

That said: gripe. One of Jackie's posts rapid-fires oodles of dialogue in a way that's still common and still irksome to me as a reader. The problem with this is it either leaves the other handler to reply to each item in sequence (either by reframing the narrative to slip in the responses as they go, which leaves the first character unable to reply without sending the whole scene spiraling down a paradoxical hole of conditionals and retcons or by doing it list-style which is something certain real people do but is very very rare and weird in my experience) or to just ignore most of it and go with whatever was said last (in which case why did we need the awkward spew of questions to begin with?). I think the best choice in these situations, honestly, is to keep dialogue shorter or to collaborate with your thread partner to GM some natural flow into things. Oh, and for the record, in this case the handlers go the conditional route so effectively the characters are simultaneously having conversations about the Infamous Pregame Murder, Tanesha's boy image issues, and playing xylophone in the band, all of which have markedly different tones.

Jackie's third thread is interesting because it's his first thread rewritten (presumably due to the loss of the V1 boards at the time) and it's actually way more detailed and subtle. This is very cool, since even though his first thread wasn't bad by any means we're still treated to a really rare and direct look at a handler's improvement. It's only been a month, but Nelaosi seems to be better grasping subtlety and detail. Also, someone actually replies his time.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a slight communication error in that Jackie's post follows his introduction to the class through the period and ends with him smoking in the parking lot, but newcomer Kayla Ravoy's post ends still in class, leaving no clean possibility for interaction and a somewhat awkward scene-setting. Nealosi's next post, however, brings some (presumably approved) GMing into play to resolve the situation—time is advanced, and Jackie has a hallway collision with Kayla on his way back in. It's a good solution to a difficult situation, though there's again some awkwardness in Kayla's reaction—she introduces herself and immediately leaves the thread. Jackie goes to class thinking maybe he'll talk with folks, but nobody bites so the thread ends. All in all, this thread does good stuff for Jackie but only really for him. That's okay, though.

We move right along to a one-shot; Nealosi apologizes for the length but its not excessive at all (800 words, roughly). The bulk of it is a flashback dealing with Jackie's strained relationship with his father. It's solid stuff—restrained by V2 standards (though I have a few quibbles; I'd like to know how old Jackie was since that's not clearly signaled and it plays out very differently if he's 15 or if he's 11, and I also am wondering why he lets his father inside in the first place [though that's perhaps excusable since nothing particularly dramatic happens—maybe this is a routine of sorts for them]), but still dramatic and traumatic in its own way. Jackie also has a moment with an old man here, and again there's something restrained about it, in a good way. Better, Jackie's baggage informs but does not define who he is. Good stuff.

Jackie's next thread is somewhat awkwardly-placed in that it asserts it is on the same day as Thread #3 but is clearly not on the same day as Thread #4—I'd thus suggest the following reading order/accepted canon sequence for Jackie's threads:
  1. It's A Fixer-Upper—this thread comes first in Jackie's story no matter how you cut it, since it's before he's started at school.
  2. That New Guy—this can actually be skipped with nothing lost as far as events go, but is an interesting note when it comes to the evolution of Nealosi's writing, especially when followed by...
  3. Mrs. Laney's Homeroom—the same thread as "That New Guy," but better. Jackie's first day of school.
  4. Hallway Encounter—explicitly set later in the same day, this follows directly from Jackie's encounter with Kayla.
  5. Long Walks—this could go second, honestly, but it feels like a closing note for Jackie's Pregame story and was written after "Homeroom" so I like it last.
Anyways, this thread opens with a brewing fight as Kayla falsely(!) accuses Felix Travertil of rape. Jackie stumbles into the aftermath but doesn't actually hear what's going down, and tries to intervene but in a way that's a bit awkward. I give props for Jackie's grounded reaction, though I wish a bit more time was spent in his head regarding his decision and I think that the execution could be a bit smoother even if following roughly the same process.

Jackie is sympathetic and considerate as he listens to Kayla, but at the same time is willing to consider that there's been a misunderstanding (especially given that he did not in fact hear the accusation and Kayla declines to repeat it to him). Jackie catches up with Felix and they briefly chat, and Felix has an odd moment of manipulation ("Even after he got his apology out, Felix kept their eyes locked, Felix trying to get the measure of him, to see the best way to make Jackie play into his hands.")

In this scene, Jackie is, as in much of Pregame, the grounded one. I said it in chat but I think it bears repeating: aside from a few minor bumps, Jackie could be slotted into just about any Pregame and while he might not always be a standout, I don't think he'd cause major offense, either. I like him a good bit coming out of Pregame, and I'm curious to see where the island takes him.


The answer, at first, is The Mountain Ranch. I'm not a huge fan of it when a handler's characters are joined at the hip, and Jackie appears to be heading this way with regards to Gail Smith. I actually do think the pair falls into one of the biggest traps of this arrangement right off the bat, though Jackie comes off the better of the two; Gail is initially paralyzed by fear and is thus shunted off to the side as Jackie handles the bulk of the interactions with the newly-arrived Ricky Callahan. As such things go, it's not that bad, really; there are a few slightly awkward moments of indirect characterization, but neither character rings false due to it.

A bunch of other characters roll into the thread, in a very early-game sort of way, and I do have a bit of a Passive GMing quibble because one of Ricky's posts reframes events such that he speaks up first to one of those newcomers despite this info coming several posts after Jackie's own greeting—it just emphasizes, again, the importance of communicating and coming to understanding regarding timing in this sort of situation.

Aside from this, mostly what happens is everyone leaves together, excepting Gregory Moyer who was just watching from the woods and rather astutely muses that this was perhaps not the best choice of manners to try to find allies.

I do have a little gripe that I guess goes here because it's been coming up throughout but is really emphasized by Gail's presence, and that's that there's a sort of weird gender dynamics theme at play that's not really totally considered. To be fair, the narrative seems to be pushing against reductive stereotypes (Jackie is in fact directly aware of them to at least some degree) but at the same time I feel like in pushing against archetypes they're sometimes a bit oversold—we get a "Jackie wasn't like the other boys!" moment but Ricky really isn't either, and even John doesn't seem to be that much like what so many of the characters appear to think guys are like. This is a very early-version quirk that I think is to a degree influenced by the greater prevalence of inserts, and its certainly not unrealistic for high schoolers to be lacking in nuanced understanding, but it still feels just a little odd.

Anyways, onwards! The fearsome four arrive at The Expressway, and I take a moment to note that I both love and hate V2's island. On the one hand, it's ridiculously evocative—this whole crazy city that's been abandoned. It's thematically unified and distinct in a way that wasn't recaptured until V6, and that's really cool. On the other hand, the sense of scale is way out of whack and the island itself makes no sense in the universe's metaplot. As described, it comes off as impossibly large, and given the small student population that there are as many meetings as there are feels somewhat improbable. It also runs into the easy-to-identify issue more than V1's small settlement or V3' abandoned army base—I'd even say it compares unfavorably to V4's logging operation. It's one of those slight continuity warts that has to be glossed over to some extent, and while I don't hate that completely it is disruptive to verisimilitude.

The thread itself starts off pretty strong, establishing the working relationship formed by the group and leaving some things to summary that don't need to be explored in exhaustive detail (such as their small talk while traveling). Ricky is, by this point, starting to take center stage—I think a lot of this is due to the Jackie/Gail juggling act, which prevents either from getting quite as much focus as they deserve. There are a few OOC intrusions that are pretty disruptive to flow, but that's par for the course.

Jackie is, once again, the grounded one, and he has a good moment for the discussion of heroism in SOTF—he decides to himself that he's willing to fight in defense of his friends, but also can't imagine killing. He's trying to walk that narrow line, being proactive and not just rolling over, but at the same time keeping himself distinct from the players. I also like that the characters get a little room to talk about their hopes and dreams, especially handled in as conscious a fashion as it is. Jackie scores points for being the one without anything particularly dramatic or secret. He's pretty much just a dude, in the best way.

A pleasant surprise as the thread continues, and what dominates its closing posts, is John and Gail coming out of their shells more. Gail admits to various medical ailments, including hemophilia, and John drops his defenses a bit and comes off as a lot more normal. Unfortunately, Jackie gets sidelined by that a bit, though I suppose he's had his focus earlier in the scene. In any event, the group soon moves to the residential district, and to Jackie's final thread.

This thread starts with a long bit between just Ricky and Kayla, which I'm not gonna get into a ton except to note one little pet peeve in Ricky's dialogue that recurs a bunch—at the ends of his posts, he tends to refer to students whose names he doesn't know as stuff like "the girl he might soon come to know as Kayla Ravoy," which is distracting because it highlights what he doesn't know and at the same time provides no grammatical benefit because he's already made it through the whole post with just pronouns anyways.

Nitpick here:
wrote: “Um,” Jackie looked around awkwardly, remembering how awkward he got in conversation with women.
Jackie really doesn't feel awkward with women at any point prior to this in his story.

Anyways, Felix arrives on the scene, but tries to back out when he realizes Kayla is there. Ricky takes off to keep searching houses, with some ominous narration about how he'll be gone just long enough for stuff to get bad. I like that Felix tries to disengage, though he's again somewhat oddly malicious in his thoughts—he doesn't really expect to have any problems killing. Jackie is once again the normal one, trying to engage Felix in conversation and scope him out but also unwilling to drop his guard. In fact, it's established that Kayla has pretty much convinced herself of the truth of her false rape accusations, and has also told them to Jackie, but Jackie is concerned first and foremost with survival and is intent on heading off any trouble that may explode. He tries to usher Kayla and Gail away, again playing peacemaker and bastion of common sense.

Unfortunately, the confrontation explodes, due in part to all sides beating around the bush and in part to Kayla and Felix being far too casual with Kayla's weapon (a boomerang). Felix comes off as effortless, smug, and like he really might be dangerous, especially when he privately muses that if Kayla doesn't stop spreading her false accusation he might have to silence her. I really, really wish the weapon in play wasn't a boomerang, though, as it's both slightly awkward that Felix has intimate technical knowledge of boomerangs and that the weapon in question is pretty steadfastly non-lethal in normal circumstances. With something a bit less exotic, I think it could be a really great moment, but the boomerang leaves it a bit of an oversell in my opinion.

Jackie moves to intercede, but trips and tries to catch himself, poking Felix with his knife in the process. I'm not a huge fan of this turn because it removes all responsibility for the escalation from both characters, and a lot of the best drama comes from characters compromising their morals. There are a lot of other factors in the scene that could set off one or both characters—Kayla's screaming bloody murder, Gail runs off without a word, John is behind Felix boxing him in—so I don't really think it had to be an accident that escalates it all.

The actual fight sees Jackie's narrative turning a lot more flowery, though I prefer his more unadorned style. Fights don't seem to be Nealosi's point of comfort—in Felix's post, he kicks Jackie twice in the head, but Jackie's post doesn't really get explicit about this, though his narrative seems a bit concussed; I think just one or two lines selling that hit would've done wonders. Felix presses the assault, but again there's a bit of a missed beat, though one I'm willing to accept as a character moment for Felix; Felix suggests that Jackie's making a mistake in putting himself on the line for Kayla, but then attacks him before he has any chance to actually consider the point.

John runs up to stand by Jackie, which is an odd bit of choreography but hey, fights are confusing. Jackie's narrative is still in poetic mode, and he's trying to pull a Gandalf, and that's a good moment in some ways because Felix isn't actually at all interested in chasing Kayla and Gail. It's a little tragedy of misunderstanding, and those are some of the best material in SOTF.

Felix's handler is clearly the fight guy in this scene, though I'm not totally down with Felix literally flipping over his opponents given that he was hobbling around on crutches two months ago, unable to even take one hand off them without risking toppling. It's at least pretty well explained, though, and that it by and large sounds somewhat reasonable deserves credit. I think the big issue, though, is that Felix isn't really willing to take any hits, and while I'd never suggest that taking hits is required for a kill, I do think it's important for a drawn out slugfest of a brawl where everyone's doing their best to mess each other up. Put another way, if the narrative intent was for Felix to cleanly dismantle his foes, it would've been better served were the other two written to the same effect; instead it feels like they're trying to give something back and just getting stonewalled in a fashion that doesn't gel with the scene or their narratives.

Felix stabs Jackie with the lost knife (which I'm really glad to see come back into play; I'd been wondering about it) and Jackie realizes he's dying with a nice callback to Pregame and a linguistic flourish that actually does land really well: "...the loss wasn’t worth the world. The world was worth the loss." Jackie throughout has been begging John to flee, but John's ignoring it and Felix actually isn't interested in fighting so he leaves. John, still ignoring Jackie's pleas to flee, instead chases after Felix, and the wiki tells me that doesn't go so well for him.

The rain falls, and Jackie's feeling almost peaceful, mostly because he's addled by blood loss—huge points for noting that. Rain falls, and Gail returns, but can't do anything for Jackie as he passes away.

So all in all, how is Jackie? He's good! Aside from a few quirks, I think he could be ported to any version of SOTF and be at least a solid character, and I think there were seeds of real greatness that were just kept from taking root by a few choices common to the era. Specifically, I think pairing Jackie and Gail was a mistake for all the usual reasons, and I also think there was this idea that a character had to be a big action star to be interesting—or at least, that's what I get from this on the wiki:
wrote:Jackie was originally intended to be my main flagship, but after realizing how static he was on the island and how his personal philosophy and approach would never change I wanted him dead. Plus, I really didn't enjoy writing for the sentimental-artsy-fartsy kid. – Nealosi
I actually really disagree with the static comment, because while Jackie stays true to his morals, we do see him evolve bit by bit. At the end of the day, though, everyone's on SOTF to have fun, and I'm sorry to hear Jackie wasn't much fun to write. He was, on the other hand, fun to read, and I'd definitely recommend him to those interested in delving into V2.
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

September 1st, 2017, 5:28 pm #215

If my calculations are correct, and they basically never are, it looks like we're waiting on 13 more kids.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Pippin
Winner
Joined: December 18th, 2010, 11:57 pm

September 13th, 2017, 8:39 pm #216

Hoo boy.
[+] Spoiler
First off, I believe I mentioned this in chat, but I am not a fan of the majority of V2 profiles that I've seen. The profiles in V1 had their own issues, such as lack of pertinent information and the unrealistic/unsavoury details that were contained within them, but the v2 profiles contained both that and a style that I can only describe as 'faux-badass.' It's like the tone suitable for the 'Conclusions' section is used for the entirety of the profile, or like the character themselves wrote the profile, which... really doesn't work.

Nich's profile is a prime example of why I don't like this at all. Nich is, by all accounts, an unpleasant chap; he's an angry drunk, he's belligerent, desperately wishes for a zombie apocalypse, and worst of all, attempts to sexually assault girls, apparently successfully on two occasions. Yet the profile suggests he's a cool skater bro, rebelling against authority, who you'd love to have as your friend, who somehow hasn't been expelled despite being caught smoking weed four times. The writing itself is very solid, but the tone and contents of the profile aren't putting me in a good mood; describing a rapist in such a jaunty, buddy-buddy style does not gel well with me at all.

Oh, and his parents also aren't given names. For shame.

Nich has three pregame threads, the first of which features him and Andrew Swainson smoking weed (because they're stoners, did you get that they're stoners yet, has the profile hit you over the head with the fact that they're stoners enough yet) and leaving in a single post, and the second of which got eaten up by a crash.

The third involves him, still with Andrew, meeting up with Zed Foreman at the skatepark (along with characters called Sarah and 'Zero' who have a total of three posts between them before they never appear again). It should be noted that both Nich and Andrew are written by Cycokiller, which makes their shared posts less than user friendly. The style of writing is almost identical to that of Nich's profile; here, it works (for the most part), combining the worldview of a guy who thinks he's hot shit with a slightly exasperated narrative voice. He slaps the shit out of Zed (which is apparently a regular occurance), skates a bit, then sets up some sort of skating contest with Andrew and Zed. The writing is, again, solid, and I feel it could easily be rewritten to bring it up to modern SOTF standards. The most predominant problem is that the thread relies on the reader knowing a LOT of skater lingo, which I do not. I had to look up what 'acid drop' means, just to make sure that they weren't doing LSD whilst skateboarding (which honestly wouldn't have surprised me). Having to constantly check what certain terms and words meant really kinda took me out of the whole scene. My main issue, howeve, remains the fact that there's still a disconnect between Nich's actions and how Nich's described; I'm still not certain whether I'm supposed to like the guy or not. He kinda flits between a guy with a sorely inflated ego, and a legitimately chummy guy, and whilst the narrative voice has a hint of 'for fuck's sake nich,' it probably needed to be a little bit stronger, more 'Nich is kinda an asshat' than 'mild exasperation.'

Also he can apparently eat four pizzas in one sitting, which should really be listed in his Advantages, imo.

Now we get to his on-island stuff.

Nich's first thread is a oneshot, in which he wakes up in an open grave. He considers looking for Andrew and Zed, briefly pausing when he considers they might be planning on playing, before eventually deciding to search for his two best buddies but keeping his guard up around them - this I like. He then decides, in the space of a couple of sentences, that he'll happily chop up anyone he doesn't consider a friend - this I like less. The narration says it was 'quite a dilemma' but I sure don't feel it; show, don't tell, and all that. After a bizarre moment where Nich momentarily forgets that churches have cemetaries or something, he heads off into the woods to find his friends. So far, so average. The next thread, however, as a 'CONTENT WARNING' label attached to the title, so I'm immediately filled with fear.

Fortunately, Nich joins the thread after the actual Bad Stuff has happened. Unfortunately, curiosity led me to scroll up and read about Zed getting his dick chomped anyway. So that was fun. Nich, once again, mixes the rough with the smooth in his posts. I'm not a fan of characters who are established to be best friends/siblings/dating to meet up in their very first thread, but I like Nich's train of logic here, that 'civilization means safety, wilderness means danger' and that although the screams he hears could belong to anybody, Andrew and Zed fall into that category of 'anybody.' I also like his interactions with Satoru; he scares the boy away and then hesitates when given the chance to slice his head off. Nich obviously wants to make Satoru pay for stabbing his friend in the arm, but isn't able to work himself up to actual murder. It's neat, and makes me wish his decision in the grave had been given as much thought. Satoru, shockingly enough, doesn't take well to being wounded, and the two end up fighting, which ends with Nich desperately leaping out of the way to avoid being stabbed in the dick. Why is there so much dick mutilation this version? Is that really your biggest priority? Stabbing schlongs and chopping off cocks? Describing a penis as 'ladykiller' is probably my least favourite euphemism for the dong I've seen, worse even than 'expired sausage' from the same thread. Nich asks Zed a rather silly question (yes, Nich, the guy bleeding from his crotch is totally fine), but shows a nice level of balance between concern for his friend and desire to move somewhere else in case any players heard the commotion. His decision to keep on helping Zed even if it would be a detriment to his own survival chances and his constant self doubts whenever he tries to think any further than 'find Zed and Andrew' are particularly well done, and I'm finding myself enjoying Nich quite a bit.

After a kinda nothing thread, where Nich falls in the river he's trying to cross and everyone laughs at him, he heads towards the hotel. Somehow, they struggle to find it, which I don't quite buy. This thread, unfortunately, has Nich reunite with Andrew. They're still both being written by Cyco, and at first he chooses to seperate their actions with triple-tilde line breaks, but as soon as Andrew gets out of the sewer and starts to talk with Nich, this has to be dropped as they launch into a conversation that kinda excludes poor Zed pretty hardcore. There's a smattering of good stuff in this thread (Nich trusting that Andrew is who he says he is in comparison to Zed's paranoia, for instance), but the OOC decisions for two characters handled by the same person to meet up, and for Nich to group up with his two best friends before anybody else, just make me kinda grumpy. I'm hoping that Nich and Andrew seperate somewhat soonish.

The trio finally makes it to the hotel, where they encounter the body of (I think) Marvin Hendrick. Nich remains the calm, rational force amongst the three, bouncing very nicely off of Zed's panicky nature and Andrew's... blandness. Whilst Zed's busy puking, he tries to find a place for them to hold up in, grabbing as many keys as he can from the reception desk. It's a decision that he himself admits is only half-baked, but that seems to be a consistent theme with Nich. He has the bare bones of ideas but nothing more than that. He feels like taking the keys is a good plan, but he's not totally certain why. He wants to punish Satoru for hurting his friend, but doesn't think about the repurcussions of attacking him. It's a theme I enjoy, and it's cool to see it carries on throughout Nich's story.

Nich and the others hole up in one of the hotel rooms, Nich taking watch first, unwilling to help bandage up Zed's penis. What are bros for, if not that? Some time passes before Nich hears screaming and then gunshots. Again, he has the beginnings of a plan. He wakes Zed and Andrew up, and tells them they need to do something. Again, the plan falls short, because he doesn't know what that something is. He's doing his best, at least.

I skip over the shitty 'yaoi' stuff between Andrew and Zed because fuck that.

There's also a completely pointless note that Nich hasn't had sex for ages and was planning on trying to get with someone on the plane, slap bang in the middle of what should be a tense scene. They're stuck in a hotel room, huddled against the door, listening out for any sounds that the shooter is still around, ready to bolt and split up if that happens. This one paragraph feels like a bucket of water being thrown on a lit fuse. Nich then decides they can't just stay like this forever, and heads out to deal with whatever's going on himself. It's a poor decision, obviously; he knows there's someone nearby with a gun, and all he has is a handaxe and a wounded arm. But for a guy like Nich with a massive ego and an inability to think things through? I don't doubt for a second that he'd do something like this.

Now on to the final thread, and...

Oh.

Well, that explains the 'Nich hasn't had sex' paragraph in the previous thread. He runs into Mariavel in the corridor, and his immediate decision upon seeing her is that he's going to try and rape her. He ignores the fact that Mariavel is literally fucking trying to kill him in order to do so. She throws him off, shoves him down the stairs and slashes him to pieces. Good riddance.

I'm really fucking disappointed. I was all set to recommend Nich. His profile needed a major overhaul, but if he'd been played off as a guy with a massive ego but with nowhere near the capability to pull off anything he says, then I think he could have become really solid. That's not what we got. We got lovingly described sexual assult, instead. We got a guy who doesn't think that getting girls drunk and feeling them up is rape. I skimmed over Nich's final thread as soon as I realised what was going on, because, Christ, I feel like I'm Charlie Brown and someone's just pulled the football away from me.

Fuck.
[+] Spoiler
Lyra Doyle-Let's live tonight like fireflies, and one by one light up the sky Land Ho
Current Thread: Lo Mein Event - ?Whatever you need, I've got you covered!?
Katie Agustien-If you wanna start a fight, you better throw the first punch, make it a good one Bastille
Current Thread: he let me set fire to a fleet of ships when no-one else would - ?Maybe we can trade. I get to watch you dance, you get to watch me work out.?
Stepney Cruz-I'm taking back the crown, I'm all dressed up and naked, I see what's mine and take it Memes
Current Thread: Clinging to Loss - ?Didja know this place is supposed to be haunted??
Dean Puchero - By July you'd made a whole bunch of brand new friends, people you used to look down on, and you'd figured out a way to make real money Keane
Current Thread: Generation Loss - ?Oh, and hey, don?t worry ?bout earlier, it?s all cool. I think you?d probably have been hurt worse than me if we?d collided, anyways.?
Aurelien Valter-It's deep in their bones, they'll run into smoke when the fire is fierce Football
Current Thread: I'M A SHARK, I'M A SHAAARK, SUCK MY DIIIIICK, I'M A SHAAARK - ?Goodbye, friend. I will miss you.?
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
V4!
George Leidman (Adopted from Blastinus)
Current location-Paint it Black-DECEASED-Neck broken by Maxwell Lombardi
Weapons-Wallet with German marks, Yatagan, guitar, Savage Model 1907 (.32 ACP)

V5!
B004-Owen Kay-?I don?t... don?t want to die...?-Weapons: Table Leg, Rusty Golf Club-Never Truly Had A Chance
Location: Finally finished in A Human Work

G041-Amy Bachelor-Mike, I... I don?t want to--Weapon: Blackjack-Can't Live On Hope Alone
Location: So near, and yet so very, very far in Hollow Stars

B024-Francis St. Ledger-?Megan, just... just fuckin? listen to me.?-Weapon: Insulated Blanket-Crossed The Line
Location: Made the wrong choice in The Real Folk Blues

V6!

G021-Mia Rose-You can't understand that I won't leave 'til we're finished here, and then you'll find out where it all went wrong
Died in: Elapsam Semel Occasionem Non Ipse Potest Iuppiter Reprehendere
Weapon: Uzi-Pro

G034-Astrid Tate-So what became of loving man, and what became of you?
Died in: End of the Line
Weapon: Pickaxe

G006-Bryony Adams-Burning bright until the end, now you'll be missing from the photographs
Died in: eternitybox
Current Weapon: Deck of playing cards, broken easel leg.
[+] Spoiler

Owen, Francis and Amy, all by Mimi

Amy Bachelor, by Violent-Medic

Owen Kay, by Un-Persona

Amy Bachelor, by Mimi

Amy Bachelor, by TurtleTyrant
[+] Spoiler
Garren Mortimer-Now you can't get mad, I'm only getting started, I won't blackout
[+] Spoiler
Beatrice Briggs and Timothy "Tim" Karim
Nothing In My Way Pippi Fontaine-I'll float on endlessly, senses eluding me, this long horizon to this open sea.
Jamie Mittelman-We will meet you where the lights are, the defenders, of the faith we are
Clover Crescent-Why would I waste another day whilst life just passes by?
Castlevania Ada Bentley-Save your cheers and my applause, I never was worth fighting for
Richard Potter-But if I had one chance to freeze time, and stand still and soak in everything, I'd choose right now
Kerry Gray-We'll finish what we started, so promise me that we'll be the Lionhearted
Marshall Nichols-Maybe that's how books get written, maybe that's why songs get sung, maybe we are the unlucky ones
Gregory "Greg" Gateshead-Built an empire of sound, as the bridges were falling down
Candice Bailey-I feel I can fly, I'm on 678 cloud 9, and ain't nothin gonna stop me
Patty English-We're all in the same boat, staying afloat for the moment
Ophelia Wright-If you're dreaming what I'm dreaming, close your eyes and feel at home
Marina-Cassandra Gro?-And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day
Boyd Adkinson - And the lights, they glow, like I just lost the world war, and the scene slips away to the evenness I fake
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
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NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

September 15th, 2017, 1:11 am #217

Song version of a writeup. Here you are, Ohm.
[+] Spoiler
The RAT is always greener,
When reading someone else’s kid,
Marimar dreamed about stopping evil,
Instead she wound up stopping jack shit,
Should have learned what had happened,
Around on the island floor,
Now she wound up inactive killed in,
Mariavel’s revolving fodder door,

Thank you dear Ohm,
Thank you dear Ohm,
I could be reading,
A dude’s love of pot seeding,
Instead of a Mermaid’s tome,
Despite the draining narrative conceit,
I confess near the end I found it quite neat,
Despite all the errors,
And lack of proofreading care,
Thank you dear Ohm

Marimar’s mind was broken,
When she woke from her gasseous sleep,
She decided the island had transformed,
Into an ocean so deep,
Her narrative is singly peppered,
With King Triton, mermaids and eels,
She’s treated as kind of a leper,
Her interaction’s dry and sealed

Thank you dear Ohm,
Thank you dear Ohm,
Marimar’s real bad,
This trade made me so sad,
But now I am done,
Though you got the better kid,
You still have to read and write about it,
So I’ll take this comfort,
Suck on my trumpet,
Thank you dear Ohm.
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] Spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] Spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] Spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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Bowser
Survivor
Joined: May 9th, 2013, 5:33 pm

September 15th, 2017, 3:23 pm #218

Screw it I'll join in on this
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Rattlesnake
Winner
Joined: January 4th, 2009, 9:01 am

September 16th, 2017, 2:04 am #219

An Linh Tuan.

An Linh's pregame consists of the infamous murder mystery thread, which as we all know by now survives only as fragments directly concerning Maggie Heartgreeder copy+pasted into one monolithic pile of text. It's a bit hard to follow and features a few formatting gems like
wrote:×òî æå, ñïðàøèâàåòñÿ, ïðîäîëæàåòñÿ â ýòîì ãîðîäå? Àìåðèêà ÿâëÿåòñÿ íàñòîëüêî ñóìàñøåäøåé èíîãäà. Åñëè êòî - òî óìåð, òî, ãäå - ïîëèöèÿ, è ïî÷åìó - âñå ìû âñå åùå â øêîëå?

Ïðîêëÿòûé, ÿ õî÷ó åñòü.
Anyways, a girl has been murdered in the bathroom and some kids take it upon themselves to form a plucky detective squad, complete with designated sidekick. An Linh is not the first thread of this crazy tapestry we've examined, so you can be assured I am not making this up. As to her actual involvement... from what survives, she volunteers for interrogation and tries to drag the girl who happens to be the actual killer in with her on account of Very Bad Feelings. I'm sure this bit of intuition is not colored at all by any OOC knowledge. Though to be fair, Mai seems like she'd be pretty high on the list of suspects anyways.

She doesn't head off right away though, and in the meantime a fight apparently breaks out, and An Linh jumps in to break it up. She's very athletic and proficient in some form of martial arts I've never heard of (but which Google confirms is real) so we're probably missing out on some nice detail from the lost posts. This also seems to feature a yardstick swordfight and a resounding ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ from the homeroom teacher. Her next surviving post is her relaxing all bored at her desk, so I guess some events transpired in the meantime. She then does this



which is her most enduring legacy. My prior v2 pregame knowledge consisted mostly of the facts that someone was murdered and that someone kicked a door off its hinges, and here they are together in one thread. And then she disappears. She shows up at her destination, where Mai is already being interrogated, and then the esteemed self-appointed school detective asks a question and the thread just ends. To quote the homeroom teacher, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, onto the game proper. An Linh wakes up and the first thing she does (after some reminiscing about the prologue) is tackle the shotgun-wielding BOXING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, because the first thing he did was stick said shotgun down someone's throat and pull the trigger, and she's not about that. It's a decent fight scene, if a little stilted. She axe kicks him in the shoulder, which is impractical and also very cool, and follows it up with a roundhouse, which is slightly more practical and almost as cool. Hits go back and forth and there's a bit of a break after she employs some POCKET SAND (technically ground dirt) and they both go running for their weapons. She fishes her assigned brass knuckles out of her bag and knocks him over with a hook to the head, at which point it all sort of fizzles out as he decides he's too far away to use his shotgun and wanders off.

People just sort of pile in after that. A lurking girl falls out of the bush and pulls a MAC-10 out of her bag. An unarmed boy walks up, and bush girl weighs the danger of brass knucles and extreme martial arts prowess vs a Y chromosome and wisely turns her gun on the boy. There's a bit of a standoff with yet another kid wandering in and running off in the meantime. And then she disappears. The thread continues, technically. But no more posts come from any one of the three already present. A 12-year-old prodigy wanders in, takes a couple pages of notes on how good of an alliance he could form, then jots down another page about how nevermind it would actually suck and wanders off. Someone runs through the thread, entering and exiting in the same post. A girl with delusions of mermaid-dom comes in and impales the boy with a machete, and then wanders off.

An Linh resurfaces several months of OOC time later, massively drunk and giggling at the announcements. The characterization is a pretty stark departure from what we've seen previously, which is hard to fault too much because it's an inactive kill. Her previous firey grit and determination is gone, and the only thing she can bring herself to care about is finishing the bottle of spiced rum she found somewhere. A boy walks in and starts messing with his collar, and then they spend some quality time getting drunk and messing with collars and having sex. It's actually a pretty human scene, how I imagine a couple teens with spirits both dampened and spiced might act. And then she's informed at grenade laucherpoint that her slampiece is using a fake name to hide his prior murder. She jumps him in response and then he pushes her through a store window and she bleeds to death. The setup is a bit inconsistent, but it does highlight the very real dangers of being pushed through a store window, so there is that.

Overall, not bad but not someone I'd jump to recommend. The difference between her initial characterization and the inactive kill shows that there's something there, but she's not a supporting character and there's not much meat to what she does in the spotlight. The inactive kill is mostly good but not really her.
[+] Spoiler
G065 KK Konipaski - "I killed a girl today. I think. And I didn't make a lot of friends with it. You don't bleed that much and walk away, I know that."
Skidded to a halt in the Central Park with the Basket-Hilted Rapier, Swordbreaker, Butterfly Knife, Stinger.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

B060 Matthew Young - "What brings you to the beach on this crappy day?"
Taking a sand nap in the Eastern Inlet with the iPod from Heck
1 2 3 4

G075 Tessa Blackridge - "Oh. ...I left quite a mess, didn't I?"
Staring down the cold hand of Death in the Bike Trails with the Pepper Spray
1 2
[+] Spoiler
B055 Nick Reid - "Put that thing down, and neither of us have to die."
Troubled no more in the Mountains with the Molotov (x1), Estoc, Jutte

G090 Kari Nichols - "please..."
Sleeping forever in the Logging Road with the Nothing

B088 Cody Jenkins - "They won't come, you know."
Decomposing in the Northern Cliffs with the Middle Finger (x1)
NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

September 16th, 2017, 7:17 am #220

@ Rattle, sorry I doubted you Mr. Snek. That write up was great and I hate it when my slampiece is actually a murderer.

@Bowser: You are in luck. This read-o-thon had zero children left and all had been assigned, but Espi saw you wanted one and said in chat he's happy to give him up so you get the only child available:

Bowser: Robert Adams

And with that I believe we are waiting on 9-ish write-ups. All children have been assigned so don't come in here and ask for one unless someone gets tossed back. If you'd like to toss your kid back, it's all good, just let me know.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Brackie
Winner
Joined: October 19th, 2009, 6:02 am

September 17th, 2017, 5:21 pm #221

I had really high hopes for Damien, really I did. Even with everyone warning me about what was to come, I still had hope, and that hope was entirely misplaced, because while the writing skill for Damien was technically good, he is perhaps one of the most shockingly bad characters I've ever seen on SOTF. There's characters in v2 like [insert Bukowski character here] who are just overtly bad and it really hits you in the face with it, but Damien's badness is a stealth bad. It's not a bad from a lack of skill, it's a bad because of misplaced intentions. You don't know what kind of ride you're in for until you're already halfway through and it's too late to jump out because the car's moving at 80mph already and you don't stop until it wants you to stop.

PREGAME

The tragedy here is he didn't have to be this bad. The writing in pregame was, for the time, actually rather good. Laz was good at setting a scene, getting a good look into Damien's head and the way he interacts with people, and we even get a good look at Damien's mother Nicole (who, as chat will have you know, is probably the best parental figure in v2 alongside CJ the Hook-Handed janitor), and he even had some interesting interactions with some very v2 characters e.g. a girl who stabbed someone's throat in the middle of a classroom fight, and some random who offered to skip school with him because he was bored. There's hints as to what Damien will become, what with the intense focus on the bullying he receives, what his mother does to help him, and the delusions he will go through both IC and OOC that end up defining him.

1
And for about 90% of his first v2 game thread, the good writing continues. I'd say apart from a few technical niggles (that's not how blood pressure works Laz, that's not how any of it works), it's pretty much one of the best written introductions for a character you can get on SOTF...until the last bit, where suddenly he's got a voice speaking to him in his head, implied to be his dearly departed father or the devil or something? But I press onward, because I'm desperate to see if this will end up interesting. I STILL HAD HOPE.

2

He runs into throat-stabby girl Kristey at the Pagoda as well as everyone's favourite gay Peter Rosenthal where they agree to team up with him. He's nervous about this because he, despite how half his threads had random NPCs being nice to him, was still not used to people being nice to him. Turns out his fears are founded, however, since Kristey takes Peter aside to be all "k so we kill Damien if he becomes a problem right?" and then Damien hears that and this is where he gets the excuse to run into the plot that Laz wanted all along: Damien Takes Revenge On The Popular People Who Wronged Him, and he was going to run through with this plot regardless of whatever happened to him, and that's a no-no when you're in a collaborative RP. Half of the people who've been mean to Damien so far have been his own other characters/NPCs so it feels really self-contained to go through with something like this. Anyways, he dramatically writes a Death List even with potential allies/list members like 5 feet away, Kristey discovers him, tells him to fuck off, and fuck off he does.

3/4

He fucks off to some random garden where he meets up with Eli McConnell and they bro down for a while until Eli goes inactive and Damien kills him in a needlessly gory way for cool points, because you gotta have the Revenge storyline get its start somehow and plain killings are for loser non-main character kids, not Damien. It's at this point where Damien pretty much starts blaming his mother for everything that's happened, and to Laz's credit it's pretty much framed half and half Damien being crazy and Nicole /actually/ being an evil matriarch from hell, so when Damien starts blaming Nicole for kidnapping everyone I think it's /supposed/ to come off sort of crazy? But then it's intercut with scenes of Nicole's co-workers blaming her for her son killing so idk, shrug.

5

Damien meets back up with Kristey who notices he's begun his revenge plot and proceed to read him into the ground for being no better than the people he torments, which was fun, but then he just kills her so womp-womp. All throughout this is still being framed as everyone else being wrong and Damien being The Chosen One, so idk. I'm beginning to think the namechoice was less than subtle.

6
So Damien wins best kill award and gets to share the glory with Huy which is like 10% funny because he blames Nicole for this and 90% ":/" because he then turns racist out of nowhere, calling Huy/Sonia the Viet Cong and other delightful turns of phrase. I didn't know SOTF writers made tenure.

7
He then has an entire scene in the middle of a Paris/Garry fight scene where he dresses up as Sailor Mars and of course I'm rolling my eyes but I actually hate both the other characters just as much so it's a slight reprieve I guess. He then teams up with Garry Dodd in order to go hunt down Paris because Cartoon Recognizes Cartoon. I then pull out a bottle of duty-free mandarin vodka I had stored in my fridge that I hadn't opened because I am literally not getting paid enough to read a single thread that has both Garry Dodd and Damien Carter-Madison in it, let alone two.

8
In my hangover-induced state I see to remember them finding Paris's suicided body and Garry cuts his head off because he's Garry Dodd, and Damien decides to kill Garry because broken clocks are right twice a day. Garry's exit post contains lyrics to a Boney M song because nothing is sacred.

9
Damien chases Garry down and dramatically shoots him off the cliff, so we're officially down to one self-important narcissist in a scene instead of two. This is good only because I am glad Garry Dodd is dead. This is bad because we have to listen to the same self-serving narrative about Damien Taking Revenge repeated for the tenth time, and bolstering Damien's hundreds of NPC characters including his v3 flagship. We get it Laz, Damien is the main character of v2 (on the plus side, we find out what Nicole's up to this post - she's sleeping).

10
Damien then enters a thread where Nealosi kills a bunch of his own characters I think? idk I'm only contracted for reading Damien. He then engages in one of the only parts of his entire story where he acknowledges another character's actions besides his own when he connects both Kristey and Garry calling him weak as they die, which is both factual and correct. Anyways, he meets Franco and the two have history which was apparently Damien getting the crap beaten out of him at the party in his last pregame thread which, surprise, he blames Nicole for! Franco is OTT in a bad way but doesn't treat himself as though he's the main character so I guess I like him slightly more than Damien. I love grading on this scale. This also happens:
wrote:He reflexively put a hand to his face as Franco recoiled into a large unit of industrial machinery, and immediately felt something slippery and smelled and then tasted something quite rusty. As soon as his taste buds felt it, he forced a smile and licked his chops.

"Tasssty...."

He'd tasted his own blood, trickling from a fairly busted nose. Not that he had too much time to savor every drop.
we get it Laz Damien is Evil. their fight is cut short when Mitsuko2 kills three of Nealosi's characters in a hilariously short inactivekill post which also robs Damien of the chance to gloat over more kills so thanks Mitsuko2.

11/12
Damien's next two threads are threads where he once again gets to pimp out Damien by culling inactives at his alter and these are neither interesting scenes, scenes which develop Damien's character in any meaningful way, or even scenes that are worth recapping because you already know the drill at this point. Damien Is Evil, Damien Is Crazy, Damien Blames Nicole, Damien Has Gotten His Revenge.

13/FINISH
His penultimate thread is an extended battle sequence between Damien and Mariavel that is notable in that Megami actually comes in to tell them they're taking too long and they're delaying endgame, so Mariavel gets a mortal wound in for Damien before skulking off to go take part in the saddest SOTF thread ever written, while Damien goes and dies alone on a park bench while Nicole considers disowning him. Fair decision I'd say.

*

The one word I can use to describe Damien is "selfish". His narrative has no consideration for any other character but Damien and Damien's hundreds of NPCs, many of whom are culled at his feet to raise his profile (the number of characters not written by Damien who get killed by him? 2). Damien's story itself is, in spite of the technically good writing, shockingly bad and immature and deployed for shock value almost just as much as any of Bukowski's characters. Half of anything that happened in Damien's story would have had him laughed out of v3, let alone v4 and beyond, and I'm pretty sure if you asked Laz as he wrote this he would be unaware that anything else happened in v2 besides Damien Carter-Madison. A cursory glance of the v2 era wiki pretty much has him cheering on Bryan to win v2 because Mariavel killed Damien. It's that kind of character.

I've always been a bolster of v1-3 as products of their times and something that should be judged accordingly, but no amount of nostalgia goggles will filter out just how insultingly bad Damien is. I hesitate to call anyone the worst character of a version or the worst character of all time but if I was to make such a decision, Damien would be up there for just how bad he was and how badly he was deployed. There was hope at the beginning, but it was dashed against the rocks by the end of his second in-game thread. He's nothing but revenge fantasy disguised as an SOTF character and is not worth reading even one post of.

Avoid like the fucking plague.

#NicoleForParentOfTheYear #NicoleDidNothingWrong

[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
v4
Brendan Wallace is a coward.
Clio Gabriella wanted to go home.
Paige Strand needed to run.
Jacob Charles had to put back his pieces.
Aston Bennett was better than you.
Ma'afu Tuigamala made the ultimate mistake.
[+] Spoiler
v5
Janie Sinneave wanted to ride in the clouds.
[+] Spoiler
v6
Maxim Kehlenbrink did nothing wrong.
[+] Spoiler
Ezra Landau - "Pretty sure the point of life is to indulge and be pretty." - Philosophy
Hayden Lockwood - "Come to the march this Saturday and I'll show you a good time." - Pride
Allegra Varley - "Bet you I can jump from here to that boat." - Risk
Truann Coleman - "Please stop saying that." - Rage
Anya Van Doren - "Dunno why I did it. Dunno why it's your business." - Duplicity
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Inge
Player
Inge
Player
Joined: March 29th, 2013, 9:02 pm

September 17th, 2017, 8:24 pm #222

Thank you for the song Naft, it touched my darkened, cynical heart in a way only Marimar could.

Brief history on Nathan. He's a thin, balding drug addict whose hobbies include Marijuana, fighting and alcohol who gradually eroded away all his other hobbies for his vices and drove his friends and family away. A story of a fall that could go a few ways in the game. Let's see how it goes.

Nathan doesn't do much in his first thread as he shows up at the third page long after all the action happened and everyone but Franco and Russ had left. At this point Franco for some reason ropes this guy into an alliance. Nathan goes along with it because Franco has a gun and he don't. He also keeps calling him a fag so that docks him points in my book.

Either way they continue onwards to his second thread which is more mundane, just him and Franco moving to their next location while having a small talk, while at the same time building up a mutual distrust between the two which begs the question of why Franco took this guy with him in the first place? Easy Kill? Your guess is as good as mine.

Either way a few problems become apparent with this thread. Nathan's posts are riddled with typos and writing mistakes throughout that become distracting, it's also here I notice that all of Franco's stuff is more interesting to read than Nathan's. His posts are longer than Nathan's and just has a lot more for the reader to chew on than Nathan's. He also doesn't link his threads so another few docked points there.

In his last thread, his and Franco posts are mixed into one and so you get two perspectives in one making it more difficult to make things clear as well as give a proper voice to a character, which is arguably among the most important thing to do when a character is dying. At least it fits in line with his thoughts throughout his threads, Nathan tries to betray Franco for his gun, but messes up and ends up dying for it. But at the same time, it's done away in the first post, after which he's forgotten so Franco can have his confrontation with Damien.

For a character with a profile that hints at much action to follow along with a more exciting story. Nathan didn't do much, if anything. He is immediately accosted by Franco and Russ who are both being given a lot more to work with than Nathan who just ends up following Franco around till he's unceremoniously killed in Nealosi's post in his third thread. He gets overshadowed so badly by him that I might as well have made this a Franco writeup cause Nathan's entire story revolved around the guy.

Can't really recommend him.
[+] Spoiler
Serena Waters
Will Mckinley
[+] Spoiler
Seth Dunn
Sean Leibowitz
I do let's plays on my youtube channel here.
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

September 17th, 2017, 9:25 pm #223

Announcement!

Ricky Callahan has been returned to the pool. I'd love to read him, but I thought i'd give other people a chance since I've had a lot of kids already. Ricky will be available to grab for 24 hours. Otherwise I'll just grab him. NOTE: ACTUAL GOOD CHARACTER, MINIMAL TYPOS, GENTLY USED IN GOOD CONDITION.

Be aware though that he is one of the longest V2 kids surviving to third place and consisting of 21 threads including pre game so be prepared to read
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Kotorikun
Survivor
Kotorikun
Survivor
Joined: October 14th, 2015, 11:59 am

September 17th, 2017, 9:51 pm #224

yooo I'll take him
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

September 17th, 2017, 10:17 pm #225

Looks like I won't be reading him

[Sounds of Rugga canceling a therapist appointment]

Ricky goes to the lovely Kotorikun who I in no way have a crush on.

Ricky Callahan
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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