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Mr. Danya
Joined: February 22nd, 2013, 1:59 am

August 28th, 2017, 9:18 pm #196

Godspeed, brave heroes.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
[+] Spoiler
V5:
G063 Natali Greer was just unlucky.
B047 Marcus Leung lost his way. (Adopted from Solomir.)

V6:
B001 Min-jae Parker is locked away.
B021 Crist?bal Morales let his guard down.
G017 Raina Rose got washed away.
G003 Bridgette Sommerfeld got a shock. (Adopted from Aloha.)
G029 Georgia Lee Day went home. (Adopted from frogue.)
Nathan Lovegrove was left behind.

V7 Pregame:
Myles Roux is considering his options.
Dolores Upton is exploring the past.
Andy Silverman is balling out.
Siyanda Nagi is on the run.
Mercy Ames is passing judgment.
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[+] Spoiler

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Emprexx Plush
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

August 28th, 2017, 9:28 pm #197

Boop boop be doop I was told there was a single kid left so this feels like an appropriate time for a
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] Spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] Spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] Spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] Spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] Spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

August 28th, 2017, 9:31 pm #198

[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Emprexx Plush
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

August 29th, 2017, 12:07 am #199

((I'm gonna go ahead and slap a Trigger Warning for Sexual Violence, Nonconsent, and Genital Mutilation up top here))

I actually really enjoy Zachary's profile. There are moments where it's a little try-hardy and goes overboard from what we'd consider standard these days, but it's about being really good at vidya games rather than, say, being a military sharpshooter or the world's expert in experimental new wave parkour so I'm down to give it a pass. I like the details of including aliases like IM names and such, it brings a personal flair and sells his involvement in the online/gaming scene. I also really like the little description of his voice that's given at the end of his appearance, I'm sure there are other profiles that have done this but this is the first time I've noticed it and while I'd love to have a more thorough description it's something that's lowkey really smart. I'm definitely gonna be stealing that for future profiles.

Pre-game's not too notable for him. One thread that's mostly him paling around with Nich and Andrew after a couple other people appear and vanish without explanation. The thread never concluded, but one thing I do like here is that it reinforces the nature of Zachary as a punching bag and a dude who takes a lot of pain. It's something that's mentioned in his profile as relevant and he keeps on selling it in this thread by having Zed biff it and fail throughout, which provides further excuse for some of the try-hardiness in the profile. There's a real average skater punk vibe to the whole thing and I have no idea how accurate any of the terminology or descriptions are because lol I can't even ride a bike, but at least as far as the conversational/attitude vibe goes Laz does pretty okay here, I'm into it.

Welcome to the Jungle has a NC-17 tag on it. I didn't know what to expect from that going in. Zed's got a classic wake-up sequence with some memories of being kidnapped and convinces himself the whole thing is a game. It's a weird jump, to be honest, and I don't think it works as well as the moments where he thinks this is real. The blue text Laz uses for his thoughts is also suuuuper grating on evolution, unfortunately, so I guess I'm getting used to that.

"((The BS in BSOD doesn't mean Blue Screen, if you get what I mean. ;))"<---This is my favorite OOC text note I've ever read and I'm legitimately disappointed that NAFT never parodied this one when he was doing Weiss. Fukn missed opportunities, folks.

Okay. Sidebar here. I...kinda love the start of this scene. Like, a lot. It's cringey and awkward and no one is happy and that all just sort of works for what's happening. There's some extremely uncomfortable issues of consent that I think could have been handled much, much better, but this is an ugly scene. I don't appreciate Zed's complete shift in tone as things continue because I feel it's stereotypical and problematic as all hell, but some of the ideas at play in the beginning here are pretty obvious issues that would come up in a game like this that we tend to steer away from as a sight and it's framed way, way better than I expected it to be. Where the scene really starts to stumble is about the time the actual dick-munching takes place. There's a lot of flailing in the narrative but honestly Zed plays it off a lot easier than I'd expect and it makes the whole thing kinda difficult to take seriously. Less genital mutilation, more that scene in 21 Jump Street where the guy gets his dick shot off. I mean...dude slathers Neosporin all over his open bloody wound. Don't do that kids. That's a very bad idea. The execution just isn't there on this one.

Ignoring that, I also quite like the dynamic that Zachary and Nich have in this thread, and there's some decent payoff to the videogame theming that's going on with the "You Found: Cat's Claw!" and "Nich Joined Your Team" thoughts that pop up here. I would have liked to see more of this before now, but it justifies the turn, and if it wasn't for all the physical pain I could even buy in that that's why Zed's taking having his dick bit off so comparatively well. The cheeky bit in Improvising about the lack of background music being eerie is another good thought for this theme. I think it helps his aggressiveness in Don't Panic, though I wish we could have seen A and B line up a little more directly because I feel like the implication is that Zed is still in video game mode and is playing to win and that's not 100% clear until the latter half of this thread. I also think he belabors talking about "save-points" way too much. It starts off kinda funny and then just keeps cropping up every post or two. Maybe it pays off in the future, we'll see.

""Al- most- done...AAGH!" It was becoming impossible to tell if Zed was either or both of reeling from or enjoying what he was doing."<---I'm leaving this line of Zed trying to patch up the gaping hole where his dick used to be here because I don't have the words to discuss how I feel about it and I just, I just need people to know it happened, okay? Okay.

"Stay calm...it's not like they'd have out-and-out yaoi in video games these days...it's probably going to be censored like that Hot Coffee thing..."<---Also this. I dunno where Zed's latent bicuriosity is supposed to stem from but it jumps out of nowhere in Pale Shelter. It's kind of interesting in a way and I'd like to have seen it elaborated on as more than a physical comedy goof because "consequence-free videogame as space to explore my sexuality" is a decent plot thread that I could have gotten on board with, but unfortunately it seems like it was just played for laughs, which is another problematic element of Zachary's story. It continues on into his death, which...man, V2 culture is weird about multiple characters from the same handler meeting, OOC notes, all that jazz, and Stopping For The Night is a mash-up of exactly why I'm glad we've moved on from that for the most part as a site because I find it very difficult to read and keep track of, there's just too much.

All in all, Zach's pretty readable and has moments where his story is very interesting! It's full of problematic issues mainly around his relationship with Andrew there at the end and the initial scene with Venus, but there's some good stuff in here and I particularly like how he played most of the videogame stuff. There's a lot of room for improvement but I mean, just based on how much I wrote going through him I'd say there's a lot to dissect here and that makes him worth reading. I'd recommend him for learning purposes alone and I think you'll have an alright to decent time along the way as well.



[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] Spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] Spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] Spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] Spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] Spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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Ryuki
Leader
Ryuki
Leader
Joined: June 9th, 2017, 1:56 pm

August 29th, 2017, 1:09 am #200

Okay, I finished reading the threads Alice Nichols was a part of. I'm going to be honest, Alice's story was kind of boring. All I learned about her was that she was considered ugly, had raven hair, and is of Russian/Chinese mixed race. Although, it is hard to expect anything from a character that only appeared in two threads total. In those two threads, she met Matthew Lafferty, then abruptly left like a scene was missing, and then come upon the slaughterhouse where she used her frisbee as a decoy against Roland Kelly. What stood out to me was her death scene. During her death, Roland hallucinated that she was Damien. The hallucination was highlighted in yellow text, which is a nice stylistic choice.

So, all in all, Alice was a short, uneventful read. Would not recommend.
[+] Spoiler
Deviant Art page: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/
[+] Spoiler
V6 Character Portraits 1: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -628674956
V6 Character Portraits 2: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -628677580
V6 Character Portraits 3: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -628707051
V6 Character Portraits 4: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -628790712
V6 Character Portraits 5: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -628826007
V6 Character Portraits 6: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -628872275
V6 Character Portraits 7: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -628917002
V6 Character Portraits 8: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -629018182
V6 Character Portraits 9: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -629104652
V6 Character Portraits 10: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -629224217
V6 Character Portraits 11: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -630645292
V6 Character Portraits 12: http://ryukigraydragon.deviantart.com/a ... -694930675
[+] Spoiler
Ned Jackson Sprite (from Yugikun)
Yuki Hayashibara Sprite (from Yugikun)
Zachary Beck Sprite (from Yugikun)

Ned Jackson (by Mimi)

Yuki Hayashibara (by Mimi)
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
Mains
Ned Jackson- Voice actor extraordinaire
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M1-P1-P2-P3-P4-P5
Yuki Hayashibara- The smart triplet
[+] Spoiler
P1-P2-P3
Zachary Beck- Short, foul-mouthed prankster
[+] Spoiler
P1-P2
Others
Yuko Hayashibara- The tough triplet (to Yugikun)
Yuka Hayashibara- The pretty triplet (to Maraoone)
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Polibyss
Leader
Joined: December 5th, 2008, 10:19 pm

August 29th, 2017, 4:36 am #201

Gregg Archer is one half of a love story plotted out by Megami and Riserugu. Ali Grayston is the queen bee of Bathurst High, and she's secretly in love with her childhood friend Gregg Archer, who goes to Franklin and is unaware of Ali's mean girl tendencies or of her feelings for him. I think the two handlers wanted Ali/Gregg to be one of the big stories of V2, a romance for the ages. it didn't end up that way.

Gregg himself is a pretty down-to-earth guy. He's nice, humble, athletic, intelligent, artistic... maybe he's a bit too much of a dreamboat, but he comes off as a normal guy who's a bit too dense to realize that his best friend is, as today's cool kids would say, "Thirsty AF". He's the more submissive one in the relationship, and he has absolutely nothing going on outside of Ali. She's the protagonist and he's the love interest. That doesn't make him a bad character of course, I like how Riserugu writes him. However, there's problems.

Gregg's pregame consists of one outing with Ali that's stretched over 2 1/2 threads. They go to the mall, go to a restaurant, decide to watch a movie, etc. It's boring as hell. Every post in the thread is around 2,000 words, mostly consisting of the characters dwelling on insignificant nonsense. How will Gregg cope with eating at a fancy restaurant? Will Ali's NPC ex-fling tell Gregg about their relationship? What movie will Gregg choose to have them watch? If you care about the answers to these riveting questions, read Gregg's pregame (except for the movie thing, we never learn what movie Gregg picked, they make me read about it for a fucking eternity and never reveal the result). All of this normal life stuff wouldn't be a problem if it really helped develop the characters, but it doesn't. You can learn everything important about Ali and Gregg by reading the first few posts of the first thread, beyond that it's just retreading the same characters traits over and over in a painfully slow manner. It doesn't have an ending, either, it just drones on until it stops mid-scene.

Okay, wow, the game. That's important, too. Gregg's first two threads in-game are the only threads where he's without Ali. They're pointless. He's just searching for Ali while having short and shallow interactions with Tori and Seth Malvice. In his third thread, he reunites with Ali, which is nice and all, but this is where it really starts to fall apart.

Ali and Gregg only have two threads after this. Riserugu leaves the site and Gregg is adopted by Megami. She does a decent job at writing him, and with Gregg and Ali now being written by the same handler, their story is told in only half of the words! Hooray! They run into everyone's favorite Marivarella Variavel, and in the confrontation Ali's mean girl history revealed in the open. It's all coming to a head pretty quickly. She gets herself shot, and Gregg carries her to the school, where he meets Beth. Suddenly, it just comes to an explosive conclusion. Beth hears a loud noise and runs, and in the very next post Gregg and Ali are incinerated when the school's furnace explodes (which happened because a nearby inactive kill, whatever). in the seconds before they're killed, Ali wakes up but can barely move. Gregg decides to stay and die rather than abandon her. Ali kisses him, he reciprocates, then... poof! They're gone.

As much as I've complained about post length, it's only really a problem in pregame. The in-game posts are still bloated, but they're shorter and have more going on. Gregg is a good character, and what I've seen of Ali is pretty good as well. The biggest problem is that the grand love story set up between Ali and Gregg in peters out and ends suddenly once they meet on the island. It's not a satisfying story. It's clear that OOC issues crippled the Ali/Gregg story. Riserugu stopped posting and Megami was left to handle Ali and Gregg while dealing with a million other problems as the only person holding the site together. She wrapped their story up in a sudden end because she just didn't want to deal with them anymore. Or maybe they were just rolled, I didn't check.

Gregg and Ali are victims to one of V2's biggest problems. Everyone had really big plans for their characters, but almost none of them came to fruition. The version is full of wasted potential and miserable ends to promising characters. Don't read Gregg Archer or Ali Grayston, it's a waste of time. If for some reason you want to read them after reading this, just follow Ali. Ali seems to have some more stuff going on by herself, and Ali is in all of Gregg's threads aside from two short, pointless ones.
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MK Kilmarnock
Mr. Danya
Joined: April 14th, 2009, 10:12 pm

August 29th, 2017, 6:23 am #202

Sorry for taking so long, but I'm reading through Jenna now. Here are my, uh... 'thoughts' (man, wish I could turn my brain off for this).

Jenna has a single thread in the 'distant past' section... sorta. It's a single post by Chase and I read it, then instantly forgot it, then went back and re-read it because it's just such a nothing piece of information that tells me absolutely nothing about the character. It's also not truly a piece of Jenna herself because it wasn't written by the author. Moving on to pre-game.

Oh, but before I go too crazy, let's call attention to Jenna's profile, which is a work of art much in the same way Okalani's was. Her interests are 'The Hellbirds, not much else', which is instantly painting a picture of this character in my head. And the picture is a single line, because that's one-dimensional as fuck. The appearance doesn't do any favors either, with lines such as "... the girl has a rather interesting caboose, that if anyone noticed under her baggy cargo capris they would be castrated" and "First to notice Jenna's pointed nose would get decked in a minute". We get it. She's violent. The biography backs this up by turning her into nothing but a thug in one of the billion gangs apparently filling New Jersey. The only service the bio actually does to her is point out that she's nothing more than a teenage stereotype, a "ne'er do well."

Jenna has, for a V2 character, a decent amount of threads with four pre-game threads and four proper game threads. The first is "How many ways can you define the word 'cow'?", which has a whooooole lot of... something going on. Jenna pops in for a two-post drive-by calling Mariavel a whore, then entering the bathroom... which is where 'Bank on this, Bitch' takes us. You know how sometimes kids have profiles that are a complete mismatch to a character's actions? This is NOT one of those. CATFIGHT, CATFIIIIIIIIGHT!

Ahem.

I thought reading Jenna would have to be the most painful thing I do today, and this is the same day I got a huge blister on my index finger during band practice. Unfortunately, I also have to read Mariavel. Two posts into this thread and I honestly want to call it quits, but instead, let's make it fun: let's tally up all the times somebody should have totally died in this fight but didn't, or does something quite unlikely in the realm of possibility.

1. Mariavel is thrown full-tilt into a bathroom stall and crashes head first into the toilet seat. Dead.
2. Jenna slips off her jacket in between the time it takes Mariavel to come rushing out of the stall (she's already on her way out before Jenna even starts) and to meet her mid-charge, then holds it out like a matador, complete with a shout of 'ole'. Yes, she really does this.
3. In the same breath, Jenna grabs Mariavel's hair and stomps on the rear of the girl's knee, but Mariavel completely no-sells it- nae, LAUGHS IT OFF, claiming that her hair has been pulled out so many times (presumably by her abusive father) that it doesn't even faze her. She then sweeps Jenna's legs.
4. While falling to the ground, Jenna somehow kicks Mariavel in the chest, comes up behind her and locks her in a full nelson.
5. Mariavel manages to headbutt Jenna. While in a full nelson.
6. Jenna manages to lift a toilet seat while locking Mariavel in a full nelson. Psychic powers confirmed.
7. Mariavel's arm is twisted behind her back but she goes for a knife anyway, to 'plunge it into Jenna's arm'. Jenna is only scratched.
8. Jenna slams the seat down on Mariavel's head and stomps on her ankle.
9. Mariavel gets up moments later, acknowledging she'll 'have bruises'.

Now, if I have a reputation as SotF's fight scene guru, allow me to dispense my full analysis of that fight scene: it fucking stunk on ice. Mariavel leaves to go back to "Cow" but Jenna enters a thread called "Down the Stairs Your Ride Awaits", which is unfortunately lost on the Invisionfree site but exists in some fragments in the Distant Past section. In this glorious piece of world building, we meet about Alex Stevens, a character central in Jenna's story (in pregame at least) and the leader of the Hellbirds, the gang she's in. We learn through Alex that Denton is apparently sharing a universe with 'The Warriors' as the area is positively riddled with gangs for miles around. They're even themed!

"He'd much rather go north of his turf with some other Hellbirds and bash up some Jackals, or south to tangle with the Prophets (a Christian gang that dressed in priest robes and shaved their heads, they killed anyone who wasn't Christian or did anything they considered "ungodly". They mainly used knives and guns, but the biggest member of the gang-appropriately nicknamed Goliath by his fellow Prophets, as he was over seven feet tall and all muscle- often used a bike chain as a weapon, and it wasn't unheard of for them to agree to a simple fistfight, as had happened about a year prior in a territory dispute."

Holy shit, a gang of preachers, and they're led by the gang version of Big Show!? That sounds badass! The Bloody Fists sound like total pissants compared to any of these hotshots. At least, that's what the narrative here is trying very, very hard to push. Things go on for a long while between Alex, Jenna and John and unfortunately several pieces of the thread are missing. Beyond those initial bits of 'what the everlasting flavor of fuck' world building we get nothing interesting. Last pregame thread.

Jenna skips every class and then skips the trip to the principal's office because she is a badass and going to class is for SQUARES! John, the hanger-on from the previous thread hangs out with a cheery attitude which of course is met with a less-than-enthusiastic response from the dour Jenna. John speaks a whooooole lotta crazy at her, hits on her a little bit, and then the two go their separate ways. Nothing of major interest happens here except hinting at a bit of a relationship between the two, and also it's heavily implied this takes place after the Mariavel fight... so when did all that shit with Alex happen, then? That seemed like it was another day. Whatever. No more time for questions, only the game proper.

Which will be continued later because it is very late.
[+] Spoiler
Jerry Fury - The man, the myth, the legend
Coleen Reagan - The girl who half-loved the world
[+] Spoiler
V5 Roster:
Cody Patton : That bitch.
Sean Mulcahy : The world was kind to reprieve him of his fear...
Jessica Sanders: She hoped it would be quick...
[+] Spoiler
20:17Sideliner:Toben and Ricky are like a sibling version of the Joker and Batman, only Batman is just as much of a mass murderer. He just hides it better.
19:58LaurelsHow does your dick smell like Fritos?
14:36 MimiI THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE FRIENDS > 14:36MimiI THOUGHT YOU REALLY LICKED HER
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

August 29th, 2017, 3:57 pm #203

Hey everyone. We still have write-ups trickling in and when they're all in I'll make a big post and start collecting together the characters people liked for the V2 Recommended Reading list, a list so that anyone who wants to read V2 can just skip to the high points. That is right, your sacrifice will have not been for nothing.

In the meantime, if you'd like more read-o-thon, but want to go at a less punishing pace (which we did to ourselves for some reason?) with really wonderful stories, please please go to DN's V5 Read-O-Thon. I'll be returning there once I finish Bryan and regain some of my brain cells and I would love it if that version could be read too.

Thanks!
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Dr. Adjective
Cannon Fodder
Joined: January 17th, 2015, 9:59 am

August 29th, 2017, 4:54 pm #204

My word, am I going to be one of the last ones standing?

Here goes, Girl 66, Penelope Withers!
[+] Spoiler
She's 16, in the 11th grade and enjoys design and cooking. Her appearance is very short, but tells us that she's fashionable, has long, dark brown hair in an elaborate braid, hazel eyes and cool glasses, and has perfect skin. No mention of height, weight, build, but okay we'll assume she's average in those regards.

Biography is, at a glance, also short and sweet. And honestly? Compared to the last few characters I've read that could actually be a good thing, it hopefully won't be bloated with childhood abuse, Freudian excuses for random mental disorders, or assorted arson, murder, rape, etc. Hopefully. Let's read!

HA HA NEVER MIND. She was born into a family of performers (who were also well-to-do? okay?) and learned a love of dance and performance (is that not a hobby too?). And then one day they took a wrong turn on a road and got lost, and after a random attack and kidnapping and a week locked in a room for no clear reason, most of her family was dead, leaving just her, her mother and her brother. So we're not skipping the childhood trauma, just writing it in short. So anyway Penelope her brother got dumped in an orphanage for some reason, with her mother claiming she'd come back for her in a year. Shocking surprise, she doesn't. So our plucky not-quite-orphans end up taken in by an old widow. At the age of 15 her previously unmentioned cousin Floret comes out of the woodwork to inform her that her mother had a heart attack, so she moves in with... uh, I was about to say him but we never actually establish Floret's gender, so, them. Brushing all the horrifying childhood under the rug, Penelope has "a lot of fun" in her first year at Franklin Senior, and then V2 happens.

Advantages; friendly and diplomatic, good outdoor skills, clever. Disadvantages; slow on her feet, physically frail, too trusting/sees the best in people.
Not sure how you grow up to be trusting after your defining childhood memory is being kidnapped and locked in a room by strangers, but okay, I like these traits. I'd like them more on a kid without a tragic backstory that makes them make little to no sense but I won't complain. Not a murderous psychopath is a good start. She starts with a mace which probably won't see much use and... oh it's Mitsuko. I hope Mariavel doesn't kill her.
Penny has no pregame, and I'm calling her Penny for short now, so let's move on to...
[+] Spoiler
She begins at the Cliffs in A Withering Flower, whose position in time is hard to gauge beyond that it's in the same area that three kids got blown up in. It's not really explained what she was doing beforehand, only that she was close enough to get slightly burned but not too badly. That quibble aside, she's played pretty reasonably; she's horrified by the gruesome deaths she just witnessed, and scared that she might be next. She's a little scared of her own weapon, and regrets wearing stilettos on her way out of this oneshot.

Next we arrive at the Mall in Prophetic Counterfeit, in which it turns out Penny's arm got burned worse than we thought, now it's hanging limp at her side and probably won't be much use to her any more. Dang. She sees a guy lying in wait with a hockey stick, as though planning an ambush, so... okay that was a quick turnaround, she's no longer scared of her mace, she's going to get the drop on the boy and smash his head in with it. Okay. Poor guy tries to block with his hockey stick, didn't really have enough reaction time to go for the sick parry, and of course it gets smashed in two, and its remains get smashed in to (get it, it's a play on words) his chest along with the deadly deadly mace. Then she tells him to stay down, only to go add insult to injury by pulverising his groin with the mace. He throws up, and then she gets the coup-de-grace with a mace to the head. It seems like it's supposed to be played off as her fending him off in a blind panic after hitting him the first time, but, uh, this is kind of a one-sided curb-stomp battle here. Poor guy doesn't put up a fight at all.

Penny has a one-sentence crisis of conscience about killing the guy, immediately deciding she can't make amends so she might as well jump off the moral slippery slope entirely and into full player-hood. Joy of joys, here I thought we might have some regret from the sweet, naive, trusting girl. Guess not.

To Be The Strongest finds Penny, along with two other Mitsuko characters, on the Expressway. Apparently there were usable cars in V2? But yeah Mitsuko's other two, Carmen and Andrew, are driving along and swerve when they spot Penny standing in the middle of the road. Guess she didn't know you could drive here either. Andrew's a terrible driver and straight up kills himself doing this, while Carmen's airbag goes off and she and Penny are fine. Penelope snaps the stiletto heels of her boots to climb onto the upturned van and help Carmen get out (won't those boots be basically unwearable now, with just a big unsupported gap? I dunno), Carmen asks her to help Andrew, probably knowing full well he's dead, which Penny does... so Carmen runs off with all their stuff. Hey, it's Penny's trusting disadvantage coming into play! Apparently she didn't take Penny's mace though, so that's nice.

Penelope makes her way to the River for In The Darkest of Times, and despite her talk of resolving to play to win in the last post, apparently now she's upset that she can't just escape, and nobody else seems to want to. Girl, you didn't want to five seconds ago. Penny crawls under the bridge to shelter from the rain, and cries. Maybe all the bravado earlier was really just bravado then? Or this character's just really inconsistent. So Stephanie and Matthias join the thread and have a chat about Matthias' missing sister, and Penny leaps out to call Steph out on lying about having seen her, completely abandoning her shelter and the element of surprise for some reason. Then two more guys join the thread, Rob and Matt, and they... drag Stephanie away for some reason? And she just kinda goes with them after they tell her they're not a threat? They all leave together. Huh.

Anywho that weird interlude over, Debrah also turns up and reminds us that she's got her sister's severed head in her bag, lovely. Matthias says Penny can come with him, what a gentleman, and suggests hurrying when he notices said crazed, bloodied axe-wielding girl approaching. She begs them not to leave, she just wants to be loved! Very believable, I'd trust her. Anyway they run off now, and Debrah... I think she follows them? Hard to say, nobody updated their "continued elsewhere"s with links to new threads in this version, apparently.

Last thread, exciting times. Penny goes to the Mall again to uncover some Little Known Facts, where Beth is creeping around thinking of the Pink Panther theme song and hoping she'll run into Adam Dodd. Of all the weird things I've seen in V2, this sure isn't the weirdest, but it might be the most surreal. We're how many days into hellmurder island and you're humming goofy music and tiptoeing around exaggeratedly? What the actual fuck. So Penny sees that Beth has a gun and decides that's a great reason to attack her head on, declaring that she "won't let you kill me!". Could've just hidden, love, might've been easier. A swing and a miss, Beth points the gun at her and tries to act tough. Clearly not a dangerous type, otherwise she would've just shot her and been done with it. Beth shoots, apparently thinking her rifle won't be loaded with live rounds, and gets Penny right in the abdomen. RIP in peace kiddo. The girl who just charged in unprovoked, swinging a goddamn mace, asks aloud "Why?! Why play?" She just wants to go home, after all, which explains why she's attacking people on sight with a mace she claimed to be afraid of four threads ago. Beth, for her part, is genuinely distressed, and holds onto Penny's dying form.

She gets some dramatic... last... words... out, with lots of... ellipses...
Yeah she wonders if her erstwhile companion Matthias will be okay, and his sister Jodeen, who she'd previously made next to no effort to help look for. She pleads with Beth to look for her, make sure she's alright. She tells her dead family to wait for her, she's coming, then expires.
Well, here's the summary. Decent prose, poor content. Penelope's only consistent feature is that she's inconsistent, going from poor put-upon woobie one moment to bloodthirsty berserker the next. I won't say I enjoyed reading her, but it wasn't awful either, it passed the time. Like I say the technical writing skill was there, just let down by the subject matter. You can safely skip Penelope, she doesn't really interact with anyone in a meaningful way besides killing one guy and getting killed by another. I hope at least she served a purpose in bringing Elizabeth Ebert down to earth and out of her "it's all a TV show!" schtick. Maybe I'll read Beth later and find out.

All in all, another resounding "meh". And I do believe we're out of kids now.

It's been real guys, thanks Rugga!
[+] Spoiler
Shipping Thread!

Heather Klein is channelling her aggression into constructive outlets.
  • Seems a bit of a neat-freak, seemingly needs everything of hers to be "perfect"
  • Does wrestling, good at grappling... but she's got a mean right hook too
  • Produces aggrowave music, releases it anonymously, never speaks of it; idolises Klayton, Bret Autrey and Daniel Graves
  • Plays keys and drums pretty good, dabbles in guitar
  • Speaks pretty good German, no comprend? romance languages
  • Budding interest in fashion/design
  • Liberal, leaning libertarian, no love for the Democrats or for the Republicans, likes her news sources "alternative"
  • Atheist too; avoids saying so, being a Chicagoan down South and all
Akiem Hampton is keeping cleaner than clean so he can chase the dream.
  • Chattanooga Owls' premier nose tackle, he's a Big Guy (...for you)
  • At church in his best every Sunday
  • Surprisingly bright, likes to study literature, maybe on the debate team, maybe not?
  • Hits like a truck; but wouldn't hurt a fly off the gridiron
  • 10/10 BBQ master, the manliest form of cooking... not bad in an actual kitchen either
  • Lives and lets live, but he still thinks y'all LGBTerrific folks are sinners
  • Politically apathetic, gets his news from the proverbial grapevine, would err on the side of Democrats if pushed
Robert "Don't Call Me Bobby" Briggs was this close to making Top 8 this time, he swears. (tentative)
  • Competitive grinder at Magic the Gathering, goes to every tournament he can get to
  • Tops the more casual events, still hasn't managed to day 2 at a GP or qualify for a PT
  • Nominally Christian, conservative background, apathetic enough to just roll with what his parents say
  • A general-purpose nerd in terms of interests and school performance; not top of the class but not far off either, likes traditional games

No no no, you're shakin' it all wrong!
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Flare
Contender
Joined: September 11th, 2010, 1:32 am

August 29th, 2017, 5:35 pm #205

Getting to reading my kid, but I'll point out for bookkeeping reasons that Jordan McKiernan has already been rolled and done by CrossbowPig and should be crossed off the master list.
V5 Characters:

Jack McDonald is a SELF-INSERT YAY.
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Deamon
Mr. Danya
Deamon
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 1st, 2011, 8:03 pm

August 29th, 2017, 7:41 pm #206

I heard Mai committed a pregame murder and was instantly sold on this.
[+] Spoiler
Sadly the actual pregame murder isn't great (go figure), it's a retread of the poison kill from Battle Royale but this time it's deliberate and over a play, because if you're going to commit a pregame murder it may as well be over pointless bullshit.


Accurate

I don't think the poison she used would be very good though, it's pretty obvious if someone has been poisoned via it considering the puking blood part. It seems like a fairly obvious tell.


Like so.

I can only assume that the end result of this is the rest of pregame plays out like a game of Pryce High.

Some girl called An Linh eventually comes in and we get some casual godmodding of her implying Mai murdered Kim.

The rest of Mai's pregame passes without incident barring a dance instructor who's method of teaching is just yelling and fat shaming his dancers. Which if I was to guess, doesn't seem like a healthy way of teaching dancers.

Luckily when Mai wakes up on the island she continues being an actively awful person, so we have that.

She meets up with Jack Russell who is her friend but his original handler goes AWOL so Mai and Jack end up being handled by the same person.

Eventually after a lot of not much happening Mai decides to commit suicide with her poison she still has, because the V2 kids still got their stuff on island.

Jack realizes at this point that she killed Kim and runs away. Mai gives chase-somehow-and after eventually catches up to him and pins him down. She then graphically murders him via cutting his arms off and tearing his face off.


I couldn't find anything for this so here's Robert Englund taking off his Freddy Kruger makeup.

Then she commits suicide.

So yeah...
Ok so, to give a serious critique of Mai.

In short, she's not great.

In a slightly longer form:

Besides the entire pregame murder deal, her voice and character just aren't that interesting and we never get to see another side of her other than the ugly person who killed her best friend over a role in a play. Like a lot of V2 and some of V3 there's the basis for some interesting character work there. The jealous friend who sabotages her bestie to get what she wants and there could be some interesting explorations of jealously and self-worth as well as self-esteem issues given her dance instructor and best friends fixation of physical appearance.

Instead what we get is a shallow evil character who just isn't very interesting and going onto the island doesn't help this out much.

Part of this may be that Jack's original handler went AWOL so Mai's handler took over. Now obviously it's not ideal but if you were going to stick with it you'd imagine the greater degree of control over both characters would mean you're able to produce something with a lot of detail and interesting bit. Unfortunately this doesn't happen either. The rest of Mai's threads end up being her having conversations with Jack which means that they all end up being lines of dialogue with no description or thoughts behind them. This ends up really hurting everything because the dialogue we're given doesn't have much depth to it, it's just the kind of the regular conversations you'd expect from characters stuck in SOTF but without knowing what's going on in the characters heads it comes off as fairly bland. That and due to the weird red text stuff we're left waiting for the moment Mai turns on him.

This moment never comes though. Ok that's not entirely true, we do get this moment but it doesn't come in the way that is being built up. Which doesn't mean its a good surprise, it's almost the opposite since the foreshadowing we were being given has us expecting Mai to just kill Jack because she wants to move on and she killed her best friend in pregame. Because of a play.

The other issue is the whole death sequence starting from Mai chugging her poison capsules in an attempt to commit suicide. As soon as this happens Jack instantly realizes she killed Kim. It seems to come too fast as a realization and while I'm aware it's probably for the purpose of getting deaths done it still doesn't quite hit the mark. It's just too soon to reach this point in their stories. This then also causes a continuity snafu as Mai fights off the effects of the poison for a massive amount of time, catching up to Jack and killing him. The death itself, is a bit of a mess as well due to the formatting choices that were made. Also she tears his face off.

Overall I can't say I'd recommend Mai. Not even for the curiosity factor of the pregame murder. She has the potential to be interesting and hit some intriguing themes but she's a victim of most of the early being very similar to Battle Royale in that most characters are exaggerated archetypes. It makes her come off as very flat, and worse boring. It's disappointing because there could be so much more here, but the choices of how her on island story plays out and how it's presented to us undercut all of it.

But hey, she'll always have the pregame murder.

Forrest Quin - At the Zoo
Bret Carter - On a date
Aliya Kimia Nemati - In Training
Arizona - Practicing
[+] Spoiler
Kimiko Kao - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775; - &#9775;
Travis "Trav" Lynch - &#9822; - &#9822; - &#9822; - &#9822; - &#9822; - &#9822; - &#9822;
Cameron Herrig - &#937; - &#937; - &#937;
[+] Spoiler
Gray Emerson - "No. We don't follow."
Yasmin "Yaz" Carroll - "I don't really have a plan anymore."
Christopher Harlin - "You can look me in the eyes and shoot me."
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Laurels
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 4th, 2011, 4:36 pm

August 30th, 2017, 2:53 am #207

So I read Jack Russell. Here we go.

Profile: What the fuck?

"Jack’s grades and musical talent has caused him to have the highest GPA in his class (this causes him to be on National Junior Honors Society)..."

"Jack is known for being a complete and total joker, it is rare for Jack to take anything seriously and this has gotten him in trouble in the past."

Um. No.

So Jack's mom is heavily pregnant with him and still coaching dance classes when " the excruciating pain and the weight of the baby caused her to collapse." Also "the charlatans she had to work" for some reason made a woman seconds from popping a baby out "go up on stage and demonstrate a ballet step."

Then:

"Her ankles where rendered almost useless and shortly after giving birth she was told that she would never be able to dance again she managed to inject her vein with an air bubble… killing her almost instantly. As if Jack’s birth couldn’t get any more disturbing future investigation of Jack’s blood proved that he was the product of an affair his mother had with one of the many male dancers she worked with. In a surprising act of nobility Jack’s father decided to raise Jack as if he was his own"

How do these things lead to one another? How does labor destroy your ankles? How did she inject her vein with an air bubble (I know how you do, but how did she?)? Why is the birth of her son not motive enough to keep going? Why did they investigate his blood? Aren't they concerned with the woman killing herself? Where's Jack's real dad?

Uh, it eventually comes out but doesn't seem to matter.

"A note where Jack fell from social grace would’ve to be in his sixth grade year..."

Oh good, we've gone back in time after describing his high school life.

"Jack found himself being bullied by some eighth graders and was thus panced in gym class and thrown into the girls locker room, with no pants or boxers on. The only catch was that the eleven year old Jack Russell had yet to develop…at all."

I have no idea what "develop...at all" means in this context. I'm guessing it means he has no pubes, but the phrasing makes me think he's 11 and his balls haven't dropped. Yeah, actually, that sounds right. Jack has no testicles. IT'S CANON, GODAMMIT.

"This caused him to become the brunt of many joke thorough the year, however this caused him to cultivate a friendship with Mai. She prevented him from becoming a social pariah and thus they’re very close."

Did he relate to her because she had no testicles too? Whatever. Let's move on.

Pregame: He has two threads, two posts total. One is on the ugly-ass old board and is shared with Jonathan Michaels. They're reacting to the murder and smoking. They're both insufferable, and the shared post makes it hard to tell who's talking.

The second thread is a homeroom. Jack appears once, but honestly, everyone here is so loathsome I didn't want to read too deep. Homerooms seemed better in concept than execution.

Game: Jack has only one thread where he's handled by his original handler. This is also the only thread where he interacts with someone besides Mai.

He wakes up nearly suffocating because his war hammer was in his bag and it was placed on his chest. Mai saves him, they look around for a bit. Tanesha appears, and he makes some really unfunny comments about her weight and skin color to scare her aware. Somehow it works, but now I hate this fucker.

After that is a three-thread continuous chain. He and Mai talk, but at this point, Mai's handler is writing him, so these posts are more Mai's than Jack's. Jack loses any sort of character and just becomes someone Mai has to bounce off and react to. He somehow figures out that he killed that chick in pregame just because he sees her taking pills and runs away (hey, a guy was stabbed to death in Vermont and I used a knife to make dinner tonight. Am I the murderer?)

After that is the final thread between these two. Again, it's Mai's post, really. Jack is just here to have his face and arms chopped off unnecessarily before Mai offs herself. And that's it.

Jack Russell Terrier is unfunny, dull, and solely a prop for Mai's story. Any character that is glimpsed in his profile is muddied under unflattering characterization and one-dimensional complexity. He loses all autonomy and personality once Mai's handler takes him over, and it doesn't make Mai interesting either. Now she's just a psycho who's taking her psychosis off on this dude because he's a friend, and that makes his maiming all the more shocking an action by her.

Oh, and this also made me realize my V7 kid Tanisha is super similar to this Tanesha, so I really have to overhaul the fuck out of this character to avoid comparisons. Also, Mai and Paris suck.
[+] Spoiler
Nadia Riva
"You don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model? And you're telling me while wearing that face?"


Noah Whitley
"You look like you could use a laugh, and I have just the joke for that."


Alba Reyes
"Woo hoo! Three holes in one! That's a new record!"
[+] Spoiler
Girl #007-Rachael Langdon
"I really am going to die, aren't I? Oh god, what am I going to do?"


Armed with a Solar Powered Scientific Calculator
Stabbed with a sword by Marcus Leung.
Girl #018-Claire Monaghan
"You know, I always thought I'd be seen by millions. Fuck Murphy's Law."


Armed with a Shotgun Flashlight (1 Bullet) and a bulletproof vest

Girl #035-Sophie McDowell
"People often find inspiration in the darkest times. I guess I can too."
Killed by a grenade thrown by Summer Simms

Armed with a lead pipe.
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19:10 Laurelena: When octopi eat hamsters, the resulting laughter is a mix of colorful idiocy and dainty ice skating

18:10 Mimi: "how many nipples does Miss Piggy REALLY have?"

16:57 Mimi play Fergaliscious
16:58 Mimi IF YOU EVER WANT FANS
16:58 Mimi YOU NEED FERALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi FERGALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi Omg
16:58 Mimi feral-liscious
16:58 Mimi that's
16:58 Mimi blowing my mind

16:57 KamiKaze Laurie, if you ever become a mod, let it be known that one day you will critique someone's profile who had a girl killing her family friend because he raped her, and the person will insult you by calling you a talking Oshawott doll.

21:42Acidic i AM ANAL WART MAN

00:19Delroy.... I HAVE AN IMAGE OF HANSEL FUCKING TRAVIS WITH A CHAINSAW STUCK IN MY HEAD. HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY GOOD!?


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Rachael Langdon
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Rachael Langdon and Claire Monaghan
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Rachael Langdon


Claire Monaghan
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Claire Monaghan
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Joined: November 19th, 2010, 10:40 pm

August 30th, 2017, 3:22 pm #208

The character who accidentally killed chat, the quotation mark and sanity.

I'm not going to quote that line from Ali's profile here, because of the swathes of destruction left by it's introduction in chat. Megami was probably too innocent to realise what effect her words could have upon future generations of SOTFers.

Ali is a bit of a stereotype at points, the stereotypical rich bitch, daughter of a senator, who cares a little too much about guys. There's an interesting nuance in her profile, she's head over heels for someone who isn't interested back, and she doesn't really understand the ramifications about the way she presents herself on anything more than a surface level.

Pregame:

So Ali's pregame is kinda long. Really long.

Her first pregame thread sets her characterisation from the start. She's a rich kid who never takes no for an answer, and sneaks up on Ian Rico and decides that it'd be fun to snatch Sofie de Wilde's (Sofie seems to be pregame only) not-quite-boyfriend away, insults the friends next to him to his face while buttering him up. And then this drops:
Mitch wrote:“RED CARD! Somebody stop this child molester!”
In a move that brings thoughts of Fiyori to mind, Mitch Gunther, leaps at her, biting her in the arm. She's pissed and slaps him, leaving for the infirmary with an overwrought line.
Ali wrote:"I'll have you suspended for this, you know," she mused, no hint of remorse echoing in her words, "I don't think you understand who you're messing with. My Daddy's a senator, don't you know that I can pull the strings to get whatever I want? You people... I could make your lives a living hell. Remember that."
Herein lies one of the big problems with Ali. There's a little too much focus on how beautiful she is, almost every sentence is laced with a descriptor of either her looks/ her ability to snatch men away. This really is a problem of Ali, most of the writing is good, but it often feels a need to overstate things that are already clear to the reader, or simply unnecessary for the current post. She uses the word 'muses' far too often, and other small things in the use of vocabulary that could be evocative if they weren't overdone. Still, it brings across her character fairly well, even if I feel that a lot of her lines are way over the top.

Her second thread though, is a little more nuanced. Sophie plays off Ali rather well, almost unflappable in the face of Ali's insults and jabbing at how shallow Ali is, while Ali remains oblivious and spiteful, unable to get what Sophie means. The dialogue is a little cheesy, with gems like "Au revoir mon cheri, I do so hope we'll meet again," but it's an interesting thread in all.

She then goes on to meet CJ (our dear hook-handed janitor) Bryan, and Tori, and spends her single post in the thread telling Bryan that he'd missed a spot. It seems a little out of nowhere, but actually helps setup a little bit of the Bryan-Ali and Tori-Ali dynamic for the next thread.

Tori is a character I like from the get go, her personality is rather down to earth, even if her posts are marred by a rather large number of typos. Tori wants to get in with the cool kids, and sees Ali and Preston as a chance to do so, which sets up an really interesting dynamic. Ali hates Bryan for being part of the "Bloody Fists", and his shabby dress, and wants Tori to join her "Sisterhood", while Tori is intrigued by Bryan's kindness and the conversation she'd had with him earlier that they, and yet wanting to be part of the cool kids. It's rather unfortunate that not a lot more comes from this, but it's a quality scene that actually could be the setup for a lot more.

Then comes the part I kinda don't like. Megami and Riserugu spend at least twenty thousand words describing a date between Ali and Gregg and while on a technical level the writing is good, I can't actually bring myself to like it. Gregg doesn't know Ali's mean girl personality and she's head over heels for him. Unfortunately, the thread feels like it wears out it's outcome fairly soon, with so little to actual propel things forward. There are several subtle things that work well, but too often the thread simply meanders on, an it merely comes to an uneventful stop as pregame ends.

Island:

Ali's first Island thread has her exchanging usual island pleasantries like "What weapons do you have?". Mariavel stumbles into this thread, worn and bloodied after a couple battles. The two of them seem to have a personal grudge that goes beyond just the feud between their cliques, but Mariavel refuses to defile a church with fighting, a move that comes across as rather surprising given that this is the very first Mariavel post I've ever read. In any case, the thread gets rather crowded with the addition of the very unfortunate, R. Kelly and Ali decides to get the hell out of there.

There are some interesting inconsistencies in the thread, which unfortunately seem less of a personal contradiciton than a mistake. She notes her disbelief in god, before selfishly praying to god in her first post, and then goes on to deny any thought of religiosity.

But she's off without a single thought of that, and she wanders over to witness Jameson Doeert's death. Skraal's already mentioned this one, but she uses it to good effect. We get a little look into her mind that's different from her regular prissy rich kid thoughts, and notes points which she actually fails to notice herself in the narrative, and is a touch of humanisation that Ali has sorely lacked thus far.

Her next thread is an interesting fight with Tanesha, with an interesting flashback about how Ali had basically coerced Sera into pasting Tanesha's diary, which contained stories about her infatuations, in a place for all to see. I really enjoy this post right up till the last bit when Ali decides that she needs to give a speech about how much better she is than Tanesha, instead of running away with her tail between her legs. Seriously, if Ali would actually stop interjecting everything with "but anyway, I'm better than you" and have some mild introspection, she would be a much, much stronger read.

Well, on to the next thread, and Ali is doing her makeup? But in any case, she meets up with Gregg here, which is a rather nice thread, though my earlier complaint about them taking too long to do anything in pregame starts to rear its ugly head once more.

Gregg goes inactive and Megami picks him up and the two enter the next thread where the pair are accosted by Mariavel. Mariavel, doesn't actually want to kill Ali, which is really making me confused about all these second-hand Mariavel reports, and instead merely wants to humilate her in front of her crush. Mariavel reveals Ali's terrible side to Gregg, and Ali merely responds with vitriol. And so Mariavel shoots her, as Mariavel does.
Mariavel wrote:She’d never know if they hit Ali because the announcements came on after she shot.
That doesn't add anything to what I want to say about Ali, but I just wanted to share that. Somehow Mariavel can't confirm the shot because Danya is speaking. It's amazing.

But anyway, Ali is shot, and her horrible nature is revealed, and Gregg is somehow perfectly fine with that. The horribleness, not the fact that she'd been shot. They travel to the school where he tries to patch her up, and have a short encounter with Beth before the place blows sky high. But as they die, they manage to squeeze in a kiss within a song post.

Final thoughts:

Ali is competently written, but to be honest she doesn't have a strong story going for her. Her relationship with Gregg is the only real focus, and she suffers a little for it. The chemistry between them is shallow in too many ways, and really doesn't deserve the focus it gets. There are several interesting scenes, but they are all too often marred by weird choices and there's a ridiculously large amount of wasted character development potential in her.

In all, not a read I would strongly recommend, but an inoffensive one. If you want to read her, I would recommend you skip all the threads in pregame after the one where she meets Tori. You only really need to know that her and Gregg are a thing, and that she hides her mean side from him before getting into the game proper.
"I have the heart of a young boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk" -- Stephen King
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G040 - Amanda Tan
Pregame 1-2
Island 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-END

B039 - Jordan Green
Pregame 1
Island 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-END
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DECEASED Stephanie Wright
DECEASED Grace Faraday
It's the Grand Map of Doom! v6
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Fenris
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Joined: January 16th, 2015, 11:49 pm

August 30th, 2017, 11:10 pm #209

this is how I die. not with a bang, or with a whimper, but by the immortal words:

"Well, Paris Persephone, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
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okay so you probably know this already but Paris is a character i've been simultaneously dreading and praying to get for ages and the fact that i actually got him is both a minor miracle and proof that i have been cursed by an unfeeling god. paris's posts are all 85 years long and he only has 7 island threads but god does he feel so, so much longer. he feels mariavel long. but i have chosen this path, the path of the Gossip King, and i'm gonna actually read every goddamn word. and i'm going to write a thesis paper, and we're never going to let this happen again, okay?

let's get to the profile.

Paris Persphone is 16, and his only hobby is drama/theater, which makes sense because he's melodramatic as Fuck at all times. he's on the shorter side (his profile says he's "semi tall" which he Isn't, he's 5'7" which is a little below average for a 16-year-old) and super skinny and has eyes that are "light amber which shine when their in the sun" and he wears "Ferriar shirts" which, i don't even know what that typo is supposed to mean. google says Ferrari. does he just wear shirts with the ferrari logo on them?? thats not like a Shirt Brand hes just wearing a car logo on his shirt? also for some reason the fact that his family is middle class is in his appearance section. this is the least offensive part of the profile i'm only dwelling on it because it's gonna get worse

onto the actual bio:
wrote:Paris did have a brother though, his name was Andy.
this being in past tense makes me nervous

basically paris is a normal kid but also kind of a selfish prick which is also normal for kids honestly. anyway paris decides from a young age that he wants to be a Famous Actor, which is again totally fine. i'm waiting for this profile to horrify me but so far it's fine. he'd also... listen to his mother complain about other family members and then call them up to tell them what his mom was saying just to start Delicious Chaos. the king of gossip on his gossip throne

then his brother accidentally gets a blind cord wrapped around his neck and dies

i accidentally read this the first time as paris doing that to his brother intentionally because i'm expecting the worst and it wouldn't surprise me in v2, but no, it was an accident and paris did in fact try to help. ... until he stops trying to help because he realizes he'll get all of the attention if his brother is dead. so he dies and paris does not give even one quarter of a shit. the profile goes straight from there to paris entering middle school and never mentions his brother again. he was a "small child" when this happened btw. i'm imagining like a 7-year-old watching his brother die and then never thinking about it ever again.

apparently upon entering middle school paris Immediately becomes king of gossip the popular kids and everyone loves him, especially when he uses his Magical Gossip Powers to ruin lives. the profile keeps referring to the popular kid clique as "the Populars", capitalized, which is really funny to me for some reason. then he gets to high school and he has "more competition" which angers him but hes still leader of the "popular gang".
wrote: A new ability Paris obtained was to listen to conversations unknowingly. Being stealthy and hidden; and he uses these materials to produce the deadliest venoms out there.
i think paris might be an assassination rogue

then we learn the paris is, wait for it, the Gossip King, and also that no one knows His secrets. i assume his secret is that he let his brother die because that's the only thing that makes sense but seeing as his brother is totally forgotten by the profile after he dies i wouldn't hold my breath on that coming up ever again.

paris's advantages are that he's a good actor and a good liar and can manipulate anyone and his disadvantage is that some people don't like him because of his "snobbish attitude" which never comes up in the profile, i was under the impression that everyone loved him, everyone except Me

he starts with a knife and even the goddamn conclusion calls him the King of Gossip. i am going to drink every time i hear those words and then i'll die before i have to finish this writeup.

anyway overall: considering some of the profiles i've read in v2 this could have been a whole lot worse but holy shit he intentionally lets his brother die. that really happens!! i'm not that surprised but i'm surprised his advantages section doesn't start with "he's killed before". i can't believe i've only read his profile so far this is already suffering.

also before i move on to the game i have to point out the really obvious, which is that Persphone isn't a name. the wiki has this to say:
wrote:It is widely believed that Paris's last name was originally supposed to be "Persephone". Whether his handler, Strawberry_Prince, adapted the last name to "Persphone" to suit his tastes, or whether the spelling was simply a typo at first is unknown. Regardless, "Persphone" is the commonly accepted spelling of Paris's last name.
this is dumb. also paris is part hispanic and i'm just imagining trying to justify Persphone as a latino last name. this is also dumb.

i cant believe i wrote this much just about his profile fffffffff
[+] Spoiler
paris's first pregame thread is a thread that got deleted during a forum crash and is being recreated by Megami and so its super hard to read but as far as i can tell there's only one paris post here so i'm gonna just read that. wait first theres this
wrote:Unlike Paris though, people actually liked Taylor. People only sucked up to Paris because he could be the ultimate twat. Of course Taylor would have never let Paris know he thought this. The two were polar opposites but social equals none the less. Taylor had several one ups on Paris, but the leader of the so called Populars was not someone the pretty boy prince of Hobbsborough's sophomore set wanted to take on.
1. no one actually liking paris makes a hell of a lot more sense than the profile implication that he's Super Popular
2. i feel like i need to start keeping track of the royal family of this school. does this mean taylor is paris's son. so many questions

there was someone named Kim mentioned in paris's profile as one of his friends and it occurs to me at this point that Kim was the pregame murder victim. again i'm gonna make this quick because this thread is really hard to read but basically the class is in lockdown after the pregame murder occurs and paris is cheerfully looking through the rest of the class trying to play detective. not because he's upset about his friend even a little- he seems to be gleefully remembering all the dirt he has on her, actually- but because he's Paris and he's The Best. the thread reconstruction is apparently incomplete according to megami in the first post and there aren't any more posts by paris here so i can move on

next thread: apparently Paris's pregame posts are way shorter than his in-game ones which is a blessing. apparently he has a scar on his face now?? i have no idea where that came from. apparently he was in a fight in the aforementioned thread which i guess didn't get saved??

ok i went back to read and it isn't in paris's own posts but in someone else's they mention that paris was being a prick and gets in a verbal fight w/ someone i dont think makes it to the island, and then adam amanto punches him in the face. i am fine with this

back to the Current Thread, he bumps into garry dodd on his way to the principal's office and gets the shit kicked out of him. seriously. honestly i might feel bad for him if 1. he wasn't such a tool and 2. i didn't know what was coming. as it is i find myself liking garry dodd a little more. then again he literally beats paris unconscious and drags him to the principal's office and apparently just walks away???? how does. what

he gets taken away in a goddamn ambulance and when he wakes up he's like

and he starts plotting vengeance because apparently his pain is secondary to Causing Pain To Others which honestly is what paris is All About. especially to me! he causes me so much pain

the next thread is called A Prince's Recovery and seriously no one is keeping track of the Hobbsborough Royal Family here

anyway paris has a dream about murdering garry. he wakes up and sees that he's bandaged and screams a lot. i thought he already knew he was injured in the Last thread okay whatever. garry comes to apologize to paris which is a poor decision because 1. paris is out of his goddamn mind and 2. to be fair to paris garry did literally put him in the hospital, idk if i'd forgive him easily either. then again i probably wouldn't THROW A LAMP AT HIM, which is what paris does. then he throws a drawer at him. man why paris doesn't have Serious Rage Issues on his profile i will never know.

someone else named Brendan shows up and he's not in v2 proper so i have no idea who he is but apparently they're friends and also apparently they're... dating? or maybe just mutually interested but they don't know the other one's interested, it's hard to tell with the writing. i would've expected paris being gay/bi/pan/w/e to be in his profile but tbh thats about the least egregious problem w/ that profile so whatever.
wrote:He was tired, but he wouldn't rest until he had his venganza......Venganza......Venganza.....The word repeated in his mind.
i know paris is part latino but he never speaks spanish anywhere else so this is hilarious to me

anyway apparently brendan's full name is Brendan Xavier Snipes, which is somehow funnier than Paris Persphone. i'm just gonna quote these back to back:

paris:
wrote:Feelings. Who needs feelings? But this felt all too new to him. He was smart but in this kind of area he didn't know anything. Love was something that had never occured to him before, noone was ever intrested in him. Well they haven't really shown they were intrested, they probably were but they just didn't show it. How can anyone resist his charming looks?
brendan:
wrote:No, he was Brendan Xavier Snipes. He didnt have feelings, he was a cold, ruthless, rich-boy from england. He was the one people would cower of and admire at the same time. He was the one who could destroy a life with a phone call and rebuild one with a text message.
Since when did he care about anyone?

Well...apparently now. Feelings, who needs feelings?
basically these two were made for each other. their characters revolve around destroying the lives of others and not caring about people. it's Super romantic

brendan refers to him as the Prince of Gossip, because they're just going out of their way to annoy me now. basically they both spend this thread dancing around the fact that they both kinda want to kiss but are afraid the other doesn't want to, and it would be kind of cute except they're also both written as basically sociopaths. they're both annoyed by the fact that they're having Feelings. then paris asks for brendan to get him so poison for enacting his revenge. Super Romantic you guys!! there's a time skip, paris has another dream about murder, brendan comes back
wrote:After nearly three hours of phone calls, traveling across town and allowing a body-guard to beat the shit out of some drug dealer, Brendan had gotten the poison.
presented without comment.

brendan also brings him new clothes which paris describes in unnecessary detail and he gets out of the hospital prepared to fucking murder garry.

cool. one more pregame thread.

paris's first line in the thread is ""I hope one of the nerds die today." said Paris Persphone surrounded by a group of 'populars'." which honestly sums up his character and you can stop reading now. apparently he was upset about Kim (pregame murdered girl, remember) for like 8 seconds and now doesn't care because he has more important things to do, like bullying his classmates! lovely.

there isn't really anything else to say here. paris spends the thread bullying people in turn. whatever happened to trying to murder garry dodd that would have Sure Been Something

i can't believe that was only the pregame there is so much worse to come
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god. okay see if there's one blessing with pregame paris it's that his posts are short. they're mostly just a couple of repetitions of how much he hates his classmates or how great he is or how he's going to murder garry dodd. In Game, on the other hand, suddenly Every Paris Persphone Post turns into a fucking novel that no one ever bothered to proofread.

let's do this thing.

paris's narration refers to him as The Gossip King twice in the first five sentences. a great start! basically his first two emotions on arriving in SotF is 1. outrage that this would happen to Him because he's Him (he's got this one in common with Anthony Ainsworth) and 2. glee that all the losers in his class will die and that he might get to take them out. oh, paris. it's like you're a premade villain or something. oh hey he remembered his brother for a second! he's mildly troubled by remembering that he let him die!! this may be as close as i get to seeing paris feel a relatable feeling. i am so happy. he's also a little scared!! another human emotion!!!! i am very proud.

then he decides to stand right by the door of the room he's in and stab the first person to try to come inside. guess we're done with emotions for now

ah yes i remember now, this is franco's first thread!! oh franco. you were a premade villain too, but like, a Fun premade villain. i miss you. franco has Real Emotions and is to some almost genuine extent is looking for an ally. paris doesn't Do allies and is like horrified by the fact that franco said the word "friend" and also mentally calls him an infidel. sorry, "infedel". like the fact that franco is Saying Words is enough for paris to visualize stabbing him in the head. to be fair he was literally planning murder in pregame, i shouldn't be surprised.

anyway he gets mad that franco doesn't come into the room (because he can't murder him easily) and he thinks about how kids who "aren't social" are the most likely to kill people. we're just going to ignore the fact that you were ABOUT TO KILL SOMEONE, i guess. he doesn't actually go anywhere in his last post but he's going to another thread now so i guess he moved. let us go Onward

motherfucker this is the one where he kills brittany ashworth. Brittany is a One Post Wonder who gets murdered by paris in his next post because he's in hiding and surrounded and that makes him mad. seriously. this is his thought process from noticing she's there to deciding to kill her:
wrote: Looking around he suddenly saw another girl roaming about. Paris immediatly hid behind the corner of the stairwell; This was just perfect. Now he was trapped by both sides of the lobby, this greatly annoyed him. What was he to do now? Paris suddenly started calculating in his head, he devised a quick plot on how to deal with the girl and this situation he was in.

The knife in his hand shook as he was about to undertake this procedure. It was nervewrecking as Paris never really killed before.
i don't know why i'm still surprised by paris's Complete lack of moral consideration and yet i am. probably because occasionally he'll display a Feeling for a second before being like nah nevermind its murder time. also im laughing at "Paris never really killed before"

brittany inadvisably calls out looking for allies by calling them Rats, which is incredibly dumb, and paris is of course Incensed by this Personal Affront. for some reason the narration jumps back and forth (not like between posts, between Sentences) between paris being a cold blooded ball of Rage and Need To Stab and being, like, a nervous kid. and the nervous kid parts ring SUPER hollow considering his actions. he stabs her in the face repeatedly Until Dead and apparently he screams while he's doing it, not like because he's upset or anyhting? he just screams?

when she's dead first he's repulsed by her corpse, then he's in disbelief, then he imagines that it was garry dodd that he killed, and then he collapses and starts crying. the paris stages of grief. this could Almost be a reasonable reaction to killing someone except that 1. he was full of nothing but vitriol toward her like 30 seconds ago, 2. he took a moment to imagine he was killing the guy he had Previously Planned On Killing, and 3. in the next post it's implied that all the Emotions were an act anyway. he runs into franco again and basically starts blubbering that brittany had tried to kill him and he was only defending himself. it's weird because he's genuinely afraid of franco (because he has a fucking grenade launcher) but he's also apparently faking being afraid of franco. i don't know anymore

then anna dibenidetti tries to comfort him and he straight up takes her hostage, like with a knife to the throat and everything. he's also thinking about how awesome murder is, so yknow, Emotions??? what are Those?????
wrote:"Now lets go unless you want to end up like her." he whispered making a motion with his knife toward Brittany Ashworths body. Paris didn't plan on killing Anna she could be used as a shield or a way to escape out of other finite situations. He could kill Anna later when her body was too injured to keep up with his......traveling act.
im so tired. sometimes Strawberry Prince indicates that Paris is faking his emotions, but sometimes he doesn't, and i can't tell if i'm supposed to believe that he Did feel that and is being sociopathic again 10 seconds later, or if i was just supposed to intuit that he was faking. i don't know man. he drags anna out of the hotel and toward the park while thinking about how hes Totally gonna kill franco eventually.
wrote:Paris has officially checked out.
[+] Spoiler
in the new thread paris has gained a new personality trait: paranoia! also- guilt! apparently he feels bad about killing brittany!! i would be pleased by this development except his main reason for feeling bad is that brittany is A Popular (please stop using popular as a noun its destroying me inside) and he needs the Populars to be alive to worship him. this is perfectly in character honestly
wrote: The boy did have feelings for the populars, the people who've stood by him. They didn't deserve a death as gory as what he did to Brittany. They didn't deserve a to be bruttaly killed like the losers and nerds out there. Paris thought about this while nervously looking around waiting for something to happen as he would take refuge at a park.

Paris made up his mind, the next time he encounters someone that is popular he will give them a honorable death. He wasn't quite sure what an honorable death consited of or how it was accomplished. Maybe he should have payed more attention in history class. But definatly he would respect the fact a persons popular by the way he killed them. Sure it was sad, but he had to in order to survive. He had no other choice. That philosophy kept repeating inside his head over and over.
presented without comment other than this is hilarious

he runs into Preston and Melanie and sees that they're hugging and is like oh they're not killing each other which means they won't kill Me which means they won't kill me. except that he's still holding anna hostage at this point and preston comes over and waves a gun in his face. paris mentally calls him a "peace loser" under the assumption preston won't shoot him when he's still holding a knife at anna's neck (WAY TO BE INCONSPICUOUS BTW)
wrote:If he had the chance to kill this boy he would die the unpopular way. He obviously wasn't popular and dosn't deserve a clean or honorable death.
i'm sorry i keep quoting things but i cannot do this justice

anyway he demand's preston's gun as a hostage exchange for anna, which works, except preston's gun is a water gun, so paris is unaware when he starts mocking preston for signing his own death warrant that he has a Goddamn Water Gun. once again he transforms into Nervous Paris and starts shaking. he shoots! water comes out! paris turns immediately back into Death To All Who Oppose Me Paris and also mentally calls him an infidel.


wrote:The boy started running, like a lancer would in the Crusades. Carrying his mighty lance Paris would arrive from the duel victorious!
i have nothing to say to this

also paris stabs him in the dick. i have nothing to say to this either. he stabs him in the dick and he dies.

next thread!!

the first post in this thread is 3462 words so STRAP IN. it starts w/ paris becoming Regretful Paris again as apparently now he feels disgusted w/ himself for killing Preston and is in the business of Ruining lives, not Ending them. i keep wanting to bring up how he was going to kill garry dodd in pregame but Whatever.
wrote:Although people portray Paris as an evil person spawned from the devil he did have his values and morals


he thinks about how he needs to get over this Sentimentality. i notice that Strawberry Prince uses the phrasing "he wasn't used to killing" over and over again as though any of these kids are Used to Killing. anyway now he wants to win SotF partly because it'll make him famous, so he's back to Self Obsessed Paris now I guess. he spends a paragraph describing the house he decides to hang out in which is apparently the gay pride house seeing as every room is another color of the rainbow. he takes a shower to "purify himself of kind thoughts" which is another turn of phrase so hilarious that i can add nothing to it, and describes his pajamas which is Also hilarious, and goes to sleep.

most of this super long post is taken up by flashbacks to before and during the kidnapping. i won't bore you w/ too much because it's pretty pointless. mostly just paris complaining about not being in first class and calling Ernest Decarteret a terrorist and using Popular as a noun way too many times. terrorists show up and hes Shocked. this is a compelling view point that we only could have gotten from Paris Persphone.
wrote: Paris started to feel exhausted, as if he'd been through a rough day at Disneyland. Walking from attraction to attraction.
not the analogy i'd use to describe being drugged but you know what, sure.

now paris is going through christmas decorations in the attic which gives him flashbacks to his family at home, which is pretty much the handler's way of saying LOOK, HE'S HUMAN, HE MISSES HIS FAMILY, SYMPATHISE WITH HIM!! i do not. i refuse. he's back to being annoyed about feeling feelings (i thought you purified yourself of your kind thoughts!) he sees someone wandering around outside and suddenly decides the Catholic thing to do would be to let him inside and be nice to him. so Catholic Paris goes and says hello to him. like, nicely. it is a minor miracle. i check the wiki and find that paris is going to kill him. i am less enthused.
wrote:The Gossip King decided on some kind of ice breaker, hopefully this will get the ball rolling and the ice melting. Paris tried to become good, the good guy for once. Maybe being nice and kind will get you far? Then again so far acting like a goody goody made paris persphone the King of Mean positivley sick.
how many titles do you even HAVE

holy shit it's garry dodd. maybe something interesting will happen now.
wrote:"Well, Paris Persephone, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
the best line in v2. don't bother disagreeing w/ me on this i will not budge

anyway now that garry's here paris's cover as not the worst person on the planet is kind of blown but somehow he thinks its an A+ idea to just keep pretending he's Nice? he's obviously planning to kill garry because duh. also he excuses the christmas decorations by saying he wants to decorate for the holidays. it is June. you keep telling yourself that paris

anyway garry is convenient just as out of his gotdamn mind as paris is and paris takes that as enough of a reason to start chucking glass ornaments at both of them. garry gets hit w/ one, goes unconscious, and si somehow FIXED BY BEING SHOCKED W/ HIS 85% LETHALITY TASERCANE (i know i'm not reading Garry Dodd but i need to point this out: what the fuck). anyway this happens after paris leaves i guess because paris is under the impression that he killed both garry and darren. he chokes darren w/ a string of christmas lights and has a flashback hallucination of his family again (really pushing the HES RELATABLE thing hard here) and smashes his head in with a christmas star. tragically beautiful.

next thread, most of paris's posts are mercifully short except the first which is mostly taken up by yet another flashback. literally there's no point in talking about the flashback it's just him in the car with his parents arguing over directions and him being annoyed w/ them. that's it. this is supposed to explain why paris hates being at the expressway. now he's apparently Grumpy Paris. not thinking about any of his kills at all he's just Grumpy because there's an expressway. i don't know man

he runs into Licinia Vinici and is nice to her. not Catholic Paris nice because apparently it's not genuine this time, it's just Manipulative Paris. he introduces himself as Andy so she doesn't recognize him from the announcements and suddenly he's feeling guilty about his brother???? i have no idea how this kid's mind is supposed to work. she hugs him because she's a scared human person and paris suddenly switches back to Human Paris since he seems to be genuinely comforting her god i have NO IDEA what's genuine and what's fake w/ this kid. the announcements tell him that mai oshinari is dead which first he finds hilarious and then he's scared and then he's kind of sad? i don't know.
wrote:Paris made a fist in his hand to show his apparent 'anger' to this inhumane campaign set off by the government.

Acting is reacting as they say.....
wait so is he Not angry about SotF happening???????? uuuugh i know i'm repeating myself but like 90% of reading paris is just having no idea which of his emotions are real and which aren't. anyway paris decides that he likes Licinia because she's happy that a guy she hates is dead. in his paraphrased words, she's a loser, but the fact that she wanted revenge for what he did to her and has "the fire within her" is what Really counts. as stupid as this is i'm kind of happy that paris has found another human to interact with that might be interesting. then i notice on the wiki that he kills her. god fucking dammit paris

anyway he completely bullshits a life story to tell her even though according to the narration he genuinely likes her a lot (the narration also isn't clear at all whether he just thinks she's a good companion for SotF or whether he actually wants to befriend her or even if he kind of has a crush on her with lines like "And that was sort of attractive in his eyes, he felt drawn to her personality mroe so than her looks") and they head off toward the lighthouse together.
[+] Spoiler
just kidding!! the lighthouse became a danger zone so Paris and Licinia end up in the residential district again instead. there's only one more thread left, and then one more Post. The Death Post. i look forward to it so, so much.

now that he's been with Licinia for a few hours he decides he might as well kill her. the return of Death To All Who Oppose Me Paris!! except she isn't actually opposing him. in fact they've been getting along great. paris just wants to kill her because he's an asshole i guess. wait no he Does still like her but he's trying to Eliminate His Feelings. take another shower paris. licinia bless her heart realizes somethings wrong w/ paris and attacks first and runs. runs Directly into garry dodd and it turns out that they were half siblings the whole time and garry figures this out in ten seconds. sorry i'm supposed to be dissecting paris not garry dodd but jfc

anyway paris somehow still thought he killed garry despite announcements having already gone by. he stabs licinia without thinking about it for more than .3 seconds bc Garry Is Here And Must Die. paris is at full Death To All Who Oppose Me mode now, all of the other thoughts and feelings that he may or may not have been genuine about (i have NO IDEA you guys) are gone and all he wants to do is reduce garry dodd to nothing. hey at least that hatred has been consistent even if nothing else has been!! good job paris

garry is now considering the most painful possible way to kill paris. both of these children need therapy. like garry is literally contemplating flaying paris. i know he's a prick but please calm down. paris on the other hand just wants to turn garry into swiss cheese, which is much more dignified. both of their fight posts are so fucking godmoddy that i'm praying that they talked this out ahead of time because every post is like "garry pinned him and put a knife to his throat" "paris escaped somehow and pinned garry and put a knife to His throat" (not literal examples but you get me)

aaaaaand suddenly paris is hallucinating garry as his brother. what is WITH v2 kids and hallucinations, they are a plague. he's remembered his brother twice in the game so far and i've had no idea how to process how paris Actually feels because he swings back and forth between "whatever" and "crushing guilt" because his writing is super inconsistent but i guess we're coming down hard on the crushing guilt side now.
wrote:He wasn't a bad person, he was just a normal boy.


this is all just very dumb. it feels like garry should have been killed but obviously he wasn't rolled. or it feels like garry should have killed him but paris's handler wanted him to commit suicide and came up with this weird hallucination thing as an excuse. he threatens the shadow of his brother and freaks out a lot and then runs off to his Deathpost which i am really looking forward to because i am so, SO tired.

the first line in said death post describes paris as Disgruntled, which, is not, the right word. honestly this whole post is really easy to sum up. he hallucinates the people he's killed as ghosts with the wounds that he caused them, and freaks out a whole lot.

also paris's handler wrote two paragraphs and i guess accidentally copy and pasted those two paragraphs again right at the end of the first iteration of the second paragraph, so i was confused as hell for a minute.

anyway paris screams at his hallucinations to back off or he'll kill them again and stumbles backward off the roof and DIES.

tl;dr/final thoughts:

"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
[+] Spoiler
Dante Luciano Valerio - Looking for penguins.
Then: None Now: [x] [x]
Ivy Langley - Holding hands.
Then: [x] [x] [x] [x] Now: [x] [x] [x]
Apollonia "Nia" Karahalios - Drawing.
Then: [x] Now: [x] [x]
Axel Fontaine - Totally surrounded.
Then: [x] [x] Now: [x] [x] [x] [x]
Artem Fyodorov - Looking for a story.
Zen Alicea Feliciano - Hanging out with squirrels!
Then: [x] Now: [x]

[+] Spoiler
Gwendolyn "Gwen" Carlisle - Looking for attention.
Moira Bellamy - Looking for help.
Rory Wrona - Looking for some quiet.
Salvador "Sal" Mendoza - Looking for an argument.
Dylan MacKenna - Looking for a revolution.
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CrossbowPig
Contender
Joined: June 28th, 2016, 7:37 pm

August 31st, 2017, 2:33 am #210

Let's finish our journey strong, friends. We've seen long runs and short runs, obnoxious godmodding and touchingly open scenes. V2apalooza is coming to a close, and so is my tenure in it. My final kid of the version is Kristey Burrowell, and she has 11 threads, but, as always, we're starting with the profile. Spoilered again for length, but nowhere near as organized as Mariavel.
[+] Spoiler
Kristey has a profile wrote:Hobbies and Interests: Plotting, scheming, revenge, reading, studying, piano
Being that half of her interests amount to "exacting revenge on people who have wronged her," I'll take the other three actual interests as the gift from god that they are. Kristey Burrowell is a tall girl, aged fourteen and in the ninth grade. She goes to P.J. Gilroy High School, and overall is somewhat average looking, with blond hair and blue eyes-

Wait a moment. Something's wrong here.
KRISTEY HAS A PROFILE wrote:Long, straight blonde hair, sometimes wears glasses, has blonde eyes, rather pale complexion, shoe size is female 8, light blue eyes
I added the italics myself, to highlight the error here. I don't exactly know which one is canon yet, but the fact that this error managed to make its way through the critique process - or what little critique process there was, back in the day - doesn't really bode well for how the rest of the character will turn out.
KRISTEY wrote:Kristey was always the tall, blonde haired, blue eyed bombshell, but she never fit the personality type associated with it.
I guess the blue eyes are the canon ones. Neglected by her mother, who left another, older child with her birth father - whom she left after seven years - all she really knows about her mother is her pessimistic worldview. The only real influence on Kristey that has left is conservative values and right-wing views, though it has also made Kristey a more callous person. I'm guessing that in the years of V2, these two went hand in hand. Kristey also has no sexual desire whatsoever. Her mother's job, whatever it is, is good enough to afford a maid, a maid that Kristey renders obsolete by means of her own cleaning. Somehow, this intimidates the maid, but if I was the maid I'd spend my new free time cleaning out their fridge, or abusing whatever absurdly expensive television package they have.

Oh, there's also a lot of not-so-passive godmodding in here when it talks about most people as being afraid of her. Regardless of this, she's a huge narcissist and never praises anybody for anything. The rest of the profile is about how much she hates her younger brother Andi, the one her mother Claire hid from her. Through hidden diaries and photographs, Kristey has learned how this brother looks, and seeks him out in order to meet him, the profile noting that whether or not she'd hurt him is somewhat questionable. Her advantage? She's calm and level-headed, and is fine on her own. Her disadvantage?

Too violent.

...Let's start pre-game.

Kristey gets all pissy about her mother going on a business trip, then goes to school to practice playing Moonlight Sonata, which she always does when she's getting frustrated, this time about, who else, her brother. I don't exactly know why she's so mad. I understand the anger at her mother, but the kid himself has done nothing wrong! It's not like her mother still has visits with Andi, or something - she walked out of the marriage! I don't exactly trust hatred like this to be rational - or hatred to at all ever to be rational I mean come on what I am doing here writing myself into a corner - but right here and now I'm not all that sure that it even makes sense in a small way. Anyway, she walks into her classroom, repeating this name Andi in her head and setting herself up for a bad day, and sits down.

This kid named Francis sits next to her, asks her what class it is, and as she acts all annoyed with him he attempts to steal her pencil. Noting this, she grabs his wrist and throws him to the ground in a huff. Other students in the room take notice as she beats the snot out of him, apparently before the teacher appears. Francis attempts to retaliate via pencil stabbing, but she just claws him across the face like it's no big deal. The violence in this thread is being played so cartoonishly that I don't know exactly how much of it is canon!

This all catches the attention of Marvin Hendrick, who starts paying attention just in time to spot Francis steal Kristey's water bottle just as she finishes beating him up, prompting another round of beatings, this time with scissors. How useless are the goddamn teachers in this version, seriously?! Marvin calls in his clique to surround the girl, noting that she's far more psycho than any of their own members. This circle is noteworthy enough to attract Damien Carter-Madison, who notes that the circle is mostly comprised of his own tormentors. Kristey ignores the larger numbers of the group and threatens Marvin, bringing up how scared of her he must be. Shockingly enough, he actually is! Kristey rejects his attempts at recruiting her, pushing him away. The gang falls back, letting the teacher interrogate her, which goes...badly.

The teacher just kind of ignores it, though, even if Tiffany Kristey mocks her from the hallway. What Kristey takes note of here is, instead, Marvin bullying Damien.
Wiki Page wrote:Kristey's relationship to Damien Carter-Madison and why she felt the need to protect him from the Valenti Syndicate in school is never explained in-game.
I don't like this at all. Unexplained character relations, especially one as out of character for Kristey as this one, are forced and unrealistic. Unless some kind of relationship thread is hidden in the annals of the invisionfree board, I think that this not being explained is a pretty huge drawback, all things considered. I did some sleuthing through the site, actually, and while Xaldien had a thread in the pregame discussion section, it was for her other kid, so there's actually no documentation of any established relationship between these two kids.

Anyways, Kristey throws her scissors down when she realizes Tiffany is as much of a bitch as she is. She plays it off as "recognizing one of her own," which is kind of odd because the profile notes her inability/lack of tendency to give people compliments, but, whatever, this makes a little more sense contextually. Then, this guy named Kojiro Isuka shows up and starts bugging Tiffany. He's apparently from one of the other schools, and wastes no time in starting shit with Kristey for no reason, an attack which she is happy to reciprocate. The appearance of Kojiro, however, piques Marvin's interest. Kojiro does some flips or something and fights Kristey, Garrick shoos Kojiro away while Kristey keeps Marvin from hurting Damien, blah blah, then homeroom dismisses and Kristey goes into the hallway to skip class and run off to Hobbsborough where she notices Damien stalking her.

How she notices him is pretty unclear as well, but it's probably just her being observant, somehow, given the packed hallways. Damien is intimidated by this as all living hell, but Kristey seems to not be handling this through violence - instead, she interrogates him about where Hobbsborough is. Then, she does it again, because they start the thread over. The same thing happens, but a little quicker this time, and she puts a hand on his shoulder while she thanks him for the info. I don't know if posts are out of order here, or something stupid happened to the invisionfree board, but there was some kind of issue here and it's much harder to read. The gang surrounds the two, Kristey grabs a kid - Rowland Kelly - and threatens to kill him unless the others let go of Damien and leave him alone personally. She manages to renegotiate the deal, and walks out of it unscathed with Damien. However, she can't stick around, because she has to go to the other school, so she calls a cab on the disposable phone that the gang gives her and heads over.

It's much more of a mess to read than I just put it.

Kristey goes outside for the cab, but decides that it's likely a trap and then goes back inside to sit on a bench in the hallway, deciding to go back to the other school at some other time. She freaks out Damien with her approach, but plays it off cool all of a sudden. This whole suddenly-taking-a-liking-to-Damien thing is starting to grate on me. Kristey walks away after a little while, and Damien goes back to his class to take a test, which is the end of him in the thread, but not for Kristey. She follows Marvin in the hallway until he hides in the bathroom, only coming out because she threatens to drag him away.
Kristey wrote:"Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?"
Marvin manages to break away to go to some other place, in order to "get to class" or something, while Kristey reminds him that eventually the two will have the talk she was aiming to have, but part of me is guessing that they never will. Oh well, it's not exactly the biggest missed opportunity, after all I've seen.

The next thread is post-board jump, and takes place in the Sweet Bay Coffee area. Renee sits around, reading an invitation to a party that Damien was invited to. Kristey walks by the building on a stroll downtown to release some steam because the engine powering her eternal anger had some rusted valves so that all the excess anger had to be let out manually via funnel, but decides that the better receptacle for the hot air is Renee, and she opens with a timeless and simple insult appreciated by those of all ages and backgrounds.
Chris D wrote:"Well, if it isn't the one who put the 'whore' back in 'horrible."
Apparently this Renee girl is on some show or something, and most of the thread is spent with her mentally debating whether or not Kristey knows what this show is, while also running some insults at her that don't ever seem to land because for some reason Kristey figured out how to remain calm all of a sudden. Sticking up for Damien just compounds the weirdness here into a weird squishy ball of "Why are you doing what you're doing?" Kristey eventually gets up to leave, but first gets the address to a party from Renee, a party at Franco's place or something. Calls her Raggedy-Anne. Leaves. Meh.

At the party, the first thing Kristey does as she arrives is to insult...herself? She calls herself "the bitch in the red dress," and I don't know what kind of insult that's really supposed to be, but it doesn't really sit right with me at all. Franco welcomes her to the door and introduces her to the party arrangements while Marvin and Renee bicker amongst themselves while Damien makes his way to the door, his mother Nicole holding his hand all the way. Damien seems to want to be holding his mother's hand at this point, likely sensing that something is off. Kristey doesn't interact with the thread for a while, having gone to another room, as the gang's plan to humiliate Damien is set in motion. Kristey finally makes her way over to Renee, asks what there is to do, and sits through another speech before Damien is dragged into the room. Then, the thread ends, because it's V2 pre-game.

So far, my thoughts of Kristey aren't all too great. She gets away with gratuitous violence without so much as a slap on the wrist, displays irrational anger in everything she does, and then sometimes doesn't, for no apparent reason. She gets an aluminum baseball bat as her weapon, and the first thing she does on island is, fittingly, to start breaking things. Amusingly enough, she claims that it's all Renee's fault that she's here, which somehow makes less sense in-character than Damien thinking that it's his mother's fault.

And speaking of Damien, here he comes, fresh out of his first thread, attracted by the sight of the Pagoda and the sound of things breaking, and I can't decide if he's supposed to be startled or happy that the person he ran into is Kristey. She seems welcoming enough to him, and shares her belief that everything is Renee's fault. We learn a little more about what happened, which amounts to "Damien got beat up," right before Peter Rosenthal decides to make himself known, and while Kristey is distracted by him, Damien tries to hit her but is caught up in a psychological break. She talks him down, realizes he's kind of beat up and that it was probably the gang that hates him, asks where they went, and decides, finally, to hunt them down, letting Damien exact revenge. From what I've heard of and read of this kid in the past, I'm guessing that their island time will be spent primarily hunting down these gang members for some reason, as well as her brother for a slightly more informed of a reason, and as hard to get through as this has been, I'm cautiously curious as to how that'll all play out.

God, I wish I could stand to be more thorough with this, but so much of it plays out in such an uninteresting way. It's really painful to get to, and maybe that's just because of how many javelins, how many pointed edges made of incomplete visions and handles made of splintering narratives that I've been struck through with, but right now I'm just having a hard time understanding what exactly is happening or why I should care. In the past, I've been upfront about how many sittings something has taken me, so I'll be honest here and now: Kristey has taken me seven separate sittings so far, and I'm only now just starting her pre-game. No amount of red squiggle lines will stop me from completing this, but my own lack of drive and inner hunger might. Kristey has moved into the territory where she's now highlighting her own narrative consistencies, which is especially painful. Just because you lampshade something does not mean that you can get away with it, for god's sake!

It's really sad that, when Damien brings up Marvin planting the idea of it all being his mother's fault in his mind, I don't feel any kind of reaction, neither of revulsion nor bemusement. I think it really speaks to the quality of what it is, exactly, that I'm reading. Kristey and Peter, sneaking off to make plans to kill Damien if he ever becomes trouble, is kind of funny reading exactly who kills Kristey on her wiki page, but what's more notable here is that it takes her this long to realize that Andi could be here, or to even think of him, which is even funnier considering that Andi is who Peter has been looking for this entire time!

I'm using funny very loosely here, guys. What I mean to say is "mind-numbing."

Damien has been writing a list of people to kill, or something, and he just gets to Kristey's name before he stops when Kristey shows up. I don't know how Damien can twist Kristey's protection into something negative, conflating help with harm, and I can't fathom the mental gymnastics required to accomplish that, but he did. Kristey shoos him out of there, and he revises his list to include some more people while Laz tries his best to make everything seem dramatic and edgy and meaningful with his red text and his big text and his OOC text and gems such as
LaZ pLeAsE wrote:((Cue the opening theme from Shadow of the Colossus...))
Kristey looks around for Peter in the Pagoda and manages to find him, because she lost him earlier while searching for Damien. In the meantime, she wrote her own name, Peter's, and Andi's onto the list, which is just kind of sick in my eyes. She adds Peter's name to get him onboard with the hunt, but Andi is only on there for her own personal game, and his addition to the list only works retroactively once she learns Peter's connection to Andi.

SUDDENLY, SAM SORENSON SHOWS HIMSELF!

And then he's gone again, because he just shows up and leaves, and that's all he contributes to the thread. Bryan and Tori similarly show up, but their purpose is to give Kristey and Peter a real reason to leave, even though the literal naked man running around wasn't enough to convince them that maybe they should be going. As if they needed any further reminder, the announcement goes off, and they run off in the general direction of the hotel, though they instead end up in the Botanical Garden.

Oh, how tempting it is to just read the mid-game eval on the wiki and skip to the end! But I cannot do that. I am held to the oath. That said, I did just skim the next thread up to when Kristey showed up, because Megami and Riserugu post entire novels when they post for some reason, as does LadyMakaze in this instance. Damien is also here, and he accidentally beans a kid across the face just as Peter shows up. Kristey shows up right after, the two having just barely made it out of the Pagoda zone alive. They got semi-lost/panicked on the way, but here they decide to avoid whatever shitshow is occurring in the hotel - good, because I've read approximately what it is that happens in the hotel at this point and I don't like it - to go to the hospital, though that decision doesn't come until after Peter decides he should start rethinking his trust in Kristey, up until they notice Damien still in the bushes, though technically Damien has already fucked off to another thread, but Kristey still feels the need to dissuade him from coming over, and this whole thread people were making references to each other being there when they had already done a thread exit, and I'm just so confused but I'm going to just roll with it, okay? Okay.

They're going to the hospital now. She says it loud enough for him to hear. Peter thinks this is a bad idea, but they keep walking regardless. I get to skip around four pages of the thread here, because the kids I care about don't come in for a while, right up until Peter runs into Vesa and realizes that they've been pen pals or something. What I really care about, in this musty and crowded basement that we call a thread, is Kristey, and Kristey sees Andi, through a window. Peter is what takes Andi's focus, though, as the two have a big reunion hug, and joy, and tears, and suddenly this Matthew guy sneaks up and shoots at them. Andi chases Matthew down, and Kristey gives chase, and in the ensuing brawl she realizes that Andi is a fearsome killer on his own. While Peter patches him up, Kristey has this growing realization that she fears Andi.

This is probably the only positive thing I'll say in the whole write-up, but I like this story on paper. Put into a situation where you can exact revenge on someone you've been meaning to harm, could you really do it? What if you're unable to, because through all this they've proven to be stronger than you? Would you try anyway, or back down?

This Ernest guy comes over too. He introduces himself to Peter, asks how he knows Andi, and Peter finally confesses to being Andi's boyfriend. Kristey can't bring herself to watch this whole thing, but eventually she brings herself to speak and, eventually, to tag along as Andi tries to board things up, but this doesn't last long. While the other two are distracted, she slips away into a thread I'm all too familiar with.
Christ-y wrote:"It's very rude to eavesdrop."
Speaking completely in character, it's all too likely that Kristey saved Mariavel's life, here. This alone is a cardinal sin, and not one I can altogether condone. However, I think it's funny that the first time I clicked the thread for Kristey, I scrolled through the whole thing and couldn't tell where she was, which kind of is telling to just how little she contributes here. She sneaks up on Chiaki, takes a punch, and then whacks her with a bat, strolling off into the distance. She returns now to the Pagoda, runs into this guy named John Davies, a guy who fancies himself a samurai. Standing off to the side, she watches as this guy takes off parts of his uniform, sitting down to rest. Seeing this completely boring guy who can't notice her for some reason reminds her of how much she wants to kill Damien, so she goes off and finds Damien next, because she should have just done that in the first place and spared herself the trouble of accidentally sort of saving Mariavel.

Wouldn't it have been all nice and poetic if they ended where they started, in the pagoda? Nah, instead they're in the forest for this one. Kristey decides that after hearing that Damien has killed someone, she should call out his name when she sees him? Damien doesn't really seem to want to approach her, though, staying behind a tree while the two shout back and forth to each other. She gets all confessional in front of Damien, revealing her weakness and her inability to kill, which is, again, not smart to do in front of someone you know has a grudge against you and has killed other people at this point. She really tries to sell this to Damien, like she's found peace or something. Maybe not the best time or place to do that. Comparing each other's situations with their mothers to each other, and it's kind of like they're having a pissing contest over their own suffering, which does nothing but rub me the wrong way, here.

The only interesting thing we get out of this verbal exchange is Kristey crying. She's finally broken down, all of her anger and rage and hate giving way to a broken interior, the crumbled remains of the heart she once possessed. She wasted her energy fighting and threatening to kill in her past life, but now, when it counts, she's useless. Again, a good idea on paper.

…

A good idea on paper, until she decides to fight him, and rushes at him with the baseball bat. For a while, it really looks like she's going to win - even with a shield of sorts, she still whoops his ass, knocking him to the ground. It's only when he's thrown to the ground again does Damien realize that he still has some fight left in him, and even this fight wouldn't have been enough if Kristey didn't purposefully open herself up for him to take a shot at. Damien hits the jugular, and Kristey crumples to the ground, spitting off some last words that fall a little flat before she bleeds out.

And that's the end.

I read Kristey Burrowell, and I didn't like it. She crosses paths with enough noteworthy characters that eventually someone who's really into V2 will have read all of her just by association anyways, and her presence in pre-game is big enough that future scholars will pick up the gist of her character eventually just by osmosis there as well. There were a few interesting moments and ideas throughout her run, but they were few and far between. I don't recommend you read this character, because there just isn't that much to gain from it. The time would be better spent reading one of the kids that deserves it, or a kid that's just so bad that they're entertainingly horrendous. Kristey is just kind of a mediocre read at best.
I think that's it? This writeup turned out a lot longer than I thought it would have, just a couple thousand short of Mariavel's writeup, which surprised me a bit more than I reckon it would surprise most other people. It was a very draining read, and I'm glad it's over. The V2 read-a-thon may be winding down, but the memories will live forever. I'll let other people take it away now. Thanks for everything, and I'll see you all in another place.

~CBP
~~~~~ Creativity's Burning Pyre ~~~~~
[+] Spoiler
- Violet Schmidt: "Well, sure, I guess I can try and help with that. Ever read Corpus Hermetica? It'll make understanding this easier." Memory-1, Facebook, Pregame-1, Pregame-2, Pregame-3

- Lucas Diaz: "I'd apologize, but I don't want to dig things up all over again, y'know?" Memory-1, Facebook, Pregame-1, Pregame-2

- Max Rudolph: "What the people need is a common banner under which to unite. It might not be what you want, but the fact of the matter is..." Facebook, Pregame-1, Pregame-2

- Liberty "Bert" Wren: "At eight? Let me see if that fits into my schedule. Been real busy lately." Facebook, Pregame-1
[+] Spoiler
/ - G051: Lili Williams: "Stop..." Memory-1, Pregame-1, Island-1, Island-2, Island-3, Island-4, Island-5, Island-6, Island-7, Island-8, Island-9, Island-10, Island-11, Island-12, Island-13, Island-14, Island-15, Island-16, Island-17, Island-18, Island-19.

/ - B043: Arthur Bernstein: "I...I'll...I'll..." Memory-1, Meanwhile-2, Island-1, Island-2, Island-3, Island-4, Island-5, Island-6, Island-7, Meanwhile-1
[+] Spoiler
- insert of lucky br8k!!!!!!!!
- insert of O.B. - white kid who is involved in politics and has divorced rich parents and issues with feeling emotions
- self-styled detective
- normie
- lou reed doing a gay voice
- insert of F.G.D. - black kid who wears a pizza hat and plays trumpet
- cute thing
- Darl from As I Lay Dying
- insert of A.B. my dorkass little brother who fancies himself a linguist and gets on my nerves
- good lives make bad stories
- insert of N.T. another floutist because I havent done one of those already
- hillbilly
- someone who doesnt "have a good time making allies" as an advantage
- pine barrens monster from the family that has a ghost butler
- David Foster Wallace
- furry
- myself again
- insert of K.D. a pianist and if you thought bert was smol, hohohohoho
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