Laurels
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 4th, 2011, 4:36 pm

August 27th, 2017, 4:12 am #121

Well, that was quick. Let me make the review more entertaining than this guy.

PROFILE:

This profile is full of contradictions and odd lines. Let's start with the appearance.

"Because of his farmer's tan, Randy prefers to keep his shirt on..."

Ok.

"...but with his toned abs and pectorals Randy has no problem going topless if the time is right."

So, he's okay showing his pasty abs and pectorals even though his farmer's tan embarrasses him? Why not just tan?

"Along with his impeccable pecs and abs, Randy has the tightest calves imaginable and can run a 4.65 second 40."

THE TIGHTEST CALVES IMAGINABLE. I imagine the skin wraps around and looks like stretched Play-Doh.

"can run a 4.65 second 40."



"Randy is known throughout the school as being a flirt. A real lady's man. Randy is a strong catholic in his beliefs, but maybe not so traditional in his views. Randy flirts with all the girls, but if he is serious with one, he cools it with the others, and never leads anyone on. He is a firm beleiver of God's laws and that includes "Thou shalt not kill", but Randy has come to learn that sometimes it is your life or theirs."

This is the first thing we learn about Mr. Blailocke. I like that his dating history also somehow relates to "Thou shalt not kill." As if his dating life tends to be riddled with danger.

"During the spring of his ninth grade year, the brunette learned the hard way that not all men are nice."

You're a late bloomer, clearly. Also, "brunette" is generally used solely for women. And why is that the descriptor you use? Why not "The Pasty-Abbed Catholic Lothario?"

tl;dr Randy gets in a fight with some guy trying to attack a kid and wins and barely suffers because of it. It never comes up again.

The rest of the profile blazes through his football playing and chess hobby (what happened to track?!?)

"...continued to play as a reason to stay out of the house and away from his mother."

Why? Last paragraph he was calling her because he was stabbed in the leg.

Annabelle also matters because they're workout buddies, but that's it. She's peripheral.

"Advantages: He is a really fast runner and has high stamina.
Disadvantages: He can't swim very well and knows very little of outdoor survival skills."

Surprised his whole "I know I may have to break one of the commandments to survive" isn't here.

PREGAME:

There is none, let's move on.

IN THE GAME:

There's three posts in two threads. Let's go through them one at a time.

Post One:

"His head ached a little but was not as worried about his pains as those of his classmates, especially Annabelle."

His head was worried for Annabelle?



"He knew the rules of the game, and though the brunette didn't want to be there(who did?), he was ready to what was required to win and get home."

He falls asleep twice in two threads. I'm jumping ahead, but his priorities are not in order.

"Randy really wanted to know what he would have to kill with this time."

THIS TIME?!?

"The last time he had to win big he had to do it with his fists."

Oh, that fight. So it did matter. Sort of. Kind of. Not really.

"Randy had always been against killing."



"Randy was disgusted by SOTF, but knew there was a chance that he would be selected, so he had gotten used to the idea of murder being a requirement to survive, and that God would not hold it against him if he was forced to be the bad guy."

A chance? The game's happened only once before? How did you know it'd happen the next year?

Also, I'm pretty sure God doesn't like people being bad guys. But you're clearly a lapsed Catholic, so do your thing.

"After finially getting to his feet, the boy decided to go take a look around. He had not gotten very far before he fell to the ground and realized that he would have to stretch and that even though he was knewly awaken, would have to sleep."

Let's go back a bit.

"Advantages: He is a really fast runner and has high stamina.
has high stamina.
has high stamina.


He woke up, stood up, walked a few paces, then immediately collapsed and needs to sleep.

"So, Randy stretched his cramped calves and his under used quad, and he got ready to search for somewhere to sleep."

Well, you've done a lot today (what day is this anyways? There's no time marker anywhere), so I guess you've earned that.


Post Two:


Oh, finally looked at the Death Order. He made it to Day 2. This post tells us why.

"After walking towards what he believed was the center of the island, Randy noticed a building lying to his left. Randy decided that if he was quick maybe no one would notice him and he could find somewhere to sleep inside."



You sure "narcolepsy" wasn't a disadvantage?

"Randy felt very quickly like he was in a familiar place. In the room he saw desks, textbooks and a chalk board. "A school... no duh" Randy thought to himself. "

...

He enters a classroom, goes into a classroom across the hall, goes in a closet and sleeps on the floor.

Me:



POST 3

So only now is he told he went into a Danger Zone. He's traded off to another handler for the last post, meaning his handler consciously sent this asshole to a DZ and then did nothing so a mod could kill his kid.

Me:


So Randy and his poorly managed priorities has a moment where he realizes he's in SOTF, especially since he's been asleep for hours again. He also just remembered he's had a bomb around his neck which has apparently been blinking for hours and is only now telling him to GTFO. So, he of the tightest calves and impressive "stamina," runs as fast as he can and manages to exit the school building, but settles to just being at the bottom of the steps. After some irony, his neck blows up.



CONCLUSION

Randy is three posts of contradictions, poor management, and absolutely nothing of note. He's poorly written (numerous spelling and grammatical errors) and has absolutely no story. He walks. He sleeps. He walks. He sleeps. He runs. He blows up. He's not offensive, but there's really nothing here, so don't bother.

My final reaction:

[+] Spoiler
Nadia Riva
"You don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model? And you're telling me while wearing that face?"


Noah Whitley
"You look like you could use a laugh, and I have just the joke for that."


Alba Reyes
"Woo hoo! Three holes in one! That's a new record!"
[+] Spoiler
Girl #007-Rachael Langdon
"I really am going to die, aren't I? Oh god, what am I going to do?"


Armed with a Solar Powered Scientific Calculator
Stabbed with a sword by Marcus Leung.
Girl #018-Claire Monaghan
"You know, I always thought I'd be seen by millions. Fuck Murphy's Law."


Armed with a Shotgun Flashlight (1 Bullet) and a bulletproof vest

Girl #035-Sophie McDowell
"People often find inspiration in the darkest times. I guess I can too."
Killed by a grenade thrown by Summer Simms

Armed with a lead pipe.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

19:10 Laurelena: When octopi eat hamsters, the resulting laughter is a mix of colorful idiocy and dainty ice skating

18:10 Mimi: "how many nipples does Miss Piggy REALLY have?"

16:57 Mimi play Fergaliscious
16:58 Mimi IF YOU EVER WANT FANS
16:58 Mimi YOU NEED FERALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi FERGALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi Omg
16:58 Mimi feral-liscious
16:58 Mimi that's
16:58 Mimi blowing my mind

16:57 KamiKaze Laurie, if you ever become a mod, let it be known that one day you will critique someone's profile who had a girl killing her family friend because he raped her, and the person will insult you by calling you a talking Oshawott doll.

21:42Acidic i AM ANAL WART MAN

00:19Delroy.... I HAVE AN IMAGE OF HANSEL FUCKING TRAVIS WITH A CHAINSAW STUCK IN MY HEAD. HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY GOOD!?


[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon and Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler


Rachael Langdon


Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler

Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler




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Aura
Winner
Aura
Winner
Joined: December 9th, 2011, 6:39 pm

August 27th, 2017, 4:15 am #122

Melanie DeSilva did not impress me very much.

Her bio tells us that she is a highly intelligent student who hates studying, other students, and pretty much everything about school in general. It's stated that her only real joy in life was going shooting with her grandfather, who died when she was 14. It also says that she's willing to do whatever it takes in order to win, so one would expect her to be a fairly ruthless aspiring player.

However, on the island, Melanie spends almost all of her time panicking, and never shows the determination to survive the ordeal despite her profile claiming that she would "sure as hell adapt to it". There's also some pretty odd writing moments, like when she goes from freaking out about Preston's existence to calling him her first friend over the course of one paragraph and the space between posts. In the end, she winds up begging for Debrah Dollop to kill her, which she does.

I wouldn't recommend Melanie. She wasn't an interesting read, and her actions on the island clash greatly with the way her profile described her.

Another character, if you please.

[+] Spoiler
v5 Characters:

B029- Matt Masters- DECEASED (114/152)

B043- Adonis Alba- DECEASED (124/152)

G051- Stacey Mordetsky- DECEASED (136/152)
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

August 27th, 2017, 4:23 am #123

[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Fenris
Player
Joined: January 16th, 2015, 11:49 pm

August 27th, 2017, 5:53 am #124

yknow sometimes I want to be optimistic but Seth Malvice's advantage section is "Seth is unfeeling, unremorseful and uncaring, and so the lives of the others on the island with him mean very little to him." which is one step above "she's killed before" and, relatedly, he's killed by Mariavariavemel, which is basically never good

anyway so this guy. i already don't like him. his description is okay (it's super weird tone-wise but at least it boils down to Seth Is Ordinary Looking which okay fine). his bio starts off okay, and then suddenly turns into "toward the end of middle school he suddenly stopped caring about everything and he still doesn't care about anything and he's probably down w/ murder". i just scrolled down to the bottom of his profile and i'm astonished that he doesn't have any kills because that's obviously what the profile is setting up?? either that or he's so apathetic he just lets someone kill him early except no he's in six goddamn threads what the fuck

he has one pregame thread in which he doesn't care about anything and his first post has the line "Of course, Seth could do anything he wanted, his talent for everything he attempted was remarkable." so that's good, he's an apathetic wunderkind, i'm sure he's super interesting. basically the thread is him being bullied, except he doesn't care, so there are no stakes and i don't care either

island. the extent of Seth's thoughts on being in SotF are basically "might as well just sit here I guess". he hears a girl yelling in panic and immediately decides to throw a dart at her face, which she dodges before running away from him, which seems like the right move if his first thought is throwing darts at people?? another girl turns up, they talk, she tries to empathize, Seth cannot Do Empathy because he Doesn't Care, she rightfully gets annoyed and leaves, Seth's handler (Jotun) inexplicably brings in another one of his characters for one post so him and Seth can attack each other and leave. this is SO BORING. characters with no motivations and who don't care about anything are boring!!! i am bored!!! please do something interesting that isn't murderfucking or rape or whatever other godforsaken things are happening in v2 you know what i take it back this isn't so bad at least sam sorenson isn't here

next thread. Seth screams for the sake of it. he hears people coming and makes more noises to scare them off and Prepares To Fight (meowth that's right). this time he doesn't decide to immediately throw a dart at the guy and they have a conversation that basically goes "are you okay" "yes" "okay because i heard screaming and i was worried" "i'm fine" "... okay i'm gonna go now" "okay" and then they both leave. riveting stuff here people

seth just passes through his next thread with one post (which is otherwise a oneshot so i have no idea why Jotun had him come here at all) to investigate a chemical plant fucking exploding (whoever's reading garry dodd please explain to me what happened here) and deciding to go after the kid who blew it up because he's a Danger to seth's very well-thought-out plan to sit and do nothing for the rest of the game. he actually does follow him to their next thread where garry dodd is angsting over adam dodd some more and seth appears out of nowhere to make some pointless remarks at him. then the area they're in becomes a danger zone and they leave. thank god and also jesus that this is Almost Over

final thread: seth becomes another victim of the mitsuko massacre of 2006-2007 and as written by her he suddenly feels fear and is "psyching himself up" for murder. i still don't care, walter smith attacks him, then mariavel kills him basically by accident while trying to kill walter. i still don't care.

final thoughts/tl;dr: i've read Way Worse but my level of apathy here may actually exceed seth's like there isn't even a fraction of a second where i feel anything for seth whatsoever. most of the "not great but not horrible" kids i've read so far at least have moments of humanity? but seth's character is built from the start to be Unfeeling Prodigy Boy. which sucks. he's not brandon cuthbert or anything but still don't read him

throw me another
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
[+] Spoiler
Dante Luciano Valerio - Looking for penguins.
Then: None Now: [x] [x]
Ivy Langley - Holding hands.
Then: [x] [x] [x] [x] Now: [x] [x] [x]
Apollonia "Nia" Karahalios - Drawing.
Then: [x] Now: [x] [x]
Axel Fontaine - Totally surrounded.
Then: [x] [x] Now: [x] [x] [x] [x]
Artem Fyodorov - Looking for a story.
Zen Alicea Feliciano - Hanging out with squirrels!
Then: [x] Now: [x]

[+] Spoiler
Gwendolyn "Gwen" Carlisle - Looking for attention.
Moira Bellamy - Looking for help.
Rory Wrona - Looking for some quiet.
Salvador "Sal" Mendoza - Looking for an argument.
Dylan MacKenna - Looking for a revolution.
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

August 27th, 2017, 7:08 am #125

Last kid I'll be tossing out until morning. Will try to work on Bryan

Fenris: Matthew Lafferty
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

August 27th, 2017, 7:19 am #126

I'll take one in the morning, then!
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

August 27th, 2017, 7:47 am #127

An exception is made

MurderWeasel: Jackie Kovacs
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Polibyss
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Joined: December 5th, 2008, 10:19 pm

August 27th, 2017, 6:57 pm #128

Andi Ayala

Andi Ayala is a nice friendly gay boy who enjoys jogging and knives. He takes care of his disabled father, Daniel, along with his best friend Siouxsie Sioux (???) and he has a boyfriend named Peter Rosenthal who he started dating in a pregame thread that doesn't exist anymore because of course it doesn't. He's a self-insert of his handler, Xaldien.

In the first half of his story, Andi's story is defined by the fact that Xaldien seems to want to play more with himself than with the other people. Andi's post constantly flash to Daniel and Siouxsie (the fuck?) to show how they're handling Andi's kidnapping. It's like a meanwhile thread is constantly running right in the middle of Andi's posts. He also starts talking to his friend Siouxsie (that's her name?) in hallucinations. He spends some time with a group of guys, but his posts just consist of flashes to home and him talking to his hallucinations while he mostly ignores the people he's supposed to be roleplaying with. As if that wasn't bad enough, Xaldien's other characters also come into the picture. In the meanwhile scenes, Andi's long lost mother shows up to reveal that Andi's evil half sister, Kristey, who he doesn't know about is also on the island and is trying to kill him. What follows is a clusterfuck where Kristey and another Xaldien character, Matthew, show up along with Andi's boyfriend Peter (Xaldien is controlling three characters in this scene while Croco is controlling two). Matthew is sacrificed so that Andi can score a kill, and then Kristey decides not to kill her brother so she fucks off to somewhere else.

After this, Andi and Peter are together, and the story shifts dramatically. All of the hallucinations and flashes to home are just gone. Andi becomes a sadistic/masochistic psychopath and he and Peter decide to kill everyone on the island until it's only the two of them, for survival and pleasure. They kill a guy, and shortly afterwards Andi is suddenly adopted by RePeate. The most noticeable change under repeat is that Andi seems to have forgotten about his goal to get back to his father entirely, and now he decides that he can't go on living if Peter were to die. They have sex and then Peter kills them both to spare them the pain of inevitably losing each other. After Andi's death, Xaldien suddenly comes into the thread to write an epilogue for Andi's parents and Siouxsie (fucking hell). Then R. Kelly shows up and takes their shit.

I did not like Andi Ayala. Xaldien's writing is competent, aside from some weird formatting early on, but he tried very hard to write an emotional love story and I just didn't care. Early on, Andi spends too much time up his own ass with his supporting characters, and his later personality shift is jarring and makes it hard to feel anything for him. He's pretty obviously set up as a villain from the start, but when it happens he just becomes so over the top evil. The secret sister plotline is stupid, but the fact that it's just dropped suddenly without a proper conclusion makes it even worse. His conclusion was underwhelming. RePeate and Croco didn't seem to care at all about Andi's storyline, they just wanted to write a gay sex scene with a tragic end.

Andi isn't terrible, he's just mediocre and boring. Don't waste your time on Andi when you could be reading something good or something amazingly terrible that makes you go insane.
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Kermit
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Joined: March 31st, 2017, 3:30 am

August 27th, 2017, 7:25 pm #129

Hah, wow, Ernest's writeup is so much longer than I expected it to be, so it's spoiler'd. have funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
[+] Spoiler
Well, now that I’ve mostly recovered from that experience, I’m glad to be reading this guy. From what I remember of him, Ernest Decarteret has no right being as good as he is.

His profile starts with some “promising” hobbies, which are as follows: Chess Club, Occult, and Scottish reinactment. (sic)

So, like, yeah…

Ernest is a scrawny nerd albino. His hair is a “bird’s nest” (i know what it means but goshdangit I want to imagine him with an actual nest on his head). His eyes are red and stuff and he wears sunglasses because albinism. Apparently, his voice can be anywhere from slow to fast. So, like, that’s literally normal tho.

His bio is also fun. Right off the bat, we’ve got a dead brother. yay! Ernest feels like he’s living in his brother’s shadow and wants to live up to his perception of his brother. Also his brother’s name was Clark. Clark and Ernest. Jeez, their parents really liked old-white-person names.

anyways Ernest is apparently a psychopath even though his handler doesn’t really understand what psychopathy is and so it’s just used as an umbrella term to define “Really fucking crazy”. His parents found out about this when he was caught flaying a squirrel. When he was six. like ok. Literally a future serial killer. dank u danya 4 keeping the streets safe. also his dad taught him how to shoot guns for some reason. *shrug*

Ernest got meds for his “problem”, so that’s good for him. Also he does tarot card stuff now.

“Once, Erenst refused to take his medication for a week, in eighth grade.”


NO ERENST! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

so basically he goes crazy and tries to summon the devil and is then institutionalized for a while. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Take your fucking meds.

mmmmmmmm anyways Ernest is a big fan of military history and battle tactics, having read The Art of War “several” times. Also, he’s a biiiiiiiiig fan of Erwin Rommel, because he was a good tactician apparently. Maybe, like, choose someone who isn’t a nazi that’s a good tactician, i dunno. Also his IQ is 143 (sorry murdergoblin’s got you beat, Ernest.). Also, he has a cat named Rommel.

His cat is literally named after a nazi. I don’t know if I can reiterate this enough. HIS CAT IS NAMED AFTER A NAZI! WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? MY MENTAL DEGRADATION IS STARTING AGAIN I NEED TO GO TO BED!




*8 hours later*





wow hi im back!

Ernest is bad at social skills because he is a smelly nerd. The end.



Now, you might be seeing a few problems with Ernest so far. buuuuuuuuuuuutttt……

He makes them work.





PREGAME:

The first sentence of his first post is “There was a ghost in line”. Ernest is the ghost (also it’s a lunch line). Ernest realizes he neeeeeeds his meds, and so while trying to take them, he spills coffee on himself. well okeydokey. And then Megami points out that Ernest is at the wrong school. Like, okay, but he’s written in a way that makes him seem like a normal person, (BUT HE’S NOT!). He’s got a similar thing to Greg Moyer—another one of his handler’s kids; like, based off of their concepts, they should be completely unbelievable and shitty. BUT THEY’RE NOT! If only the same could be said for the rest of V2’s wild children….



BAM BOARD CHANGE!



The first sentence of Ernest’s second post is “A ghost whispered into the room, carrying a brown beverage full of caffeine.” So, either Ernest’s life is like, groundhog day level repetitive, or that last thread was non-canon. I don’t know which. Anyways, it’s homeroom time! Ernest is in Ms. Saranna’s homeroom. Ernest is the first one to show up, and he starts reading a chess booooooooooook(!?) . Maggie “Powerline” Heartgreeder is here too. OH! OH YES! THE GOSSIP KING! MY LOVE!



“"I hope one of the nerds die today." said Paris Persphone surrounded by a group of 'populars'.”




I can tell you THE GOSSIP KING and Ernest are gonna have a wonderful friendship already. Oh, THEGOSSIPKING literally thinks “He was some emo punk freak show who just happens to share the same homeroom as the Gossip King himself.” about Ernest so you know it’s gonna be gud. uh oh





See, the disparity between the respective quality of Ernest and THEGOSSIPKING is such a good way of demonstrating Ernest's goodness. Both are whack AF V2 concepts, but while Paris gets bogged down with, like, his writing and the way his character is portrayed, Ernest just feels right.

Ernest internally snarks at Paris and then IMAGINES FLAYING HIM ALIVE ERNEST NO STOPIT! But then Ernest realizes flaying people alive is bad. I’ll agree with you on that one, Ernest. Then Ernest whispers something creepy in THEGOSSIPKING’s ear. Ernest stahp. Adrian’s here too! Everyone in the thread hates THE GOSSIP KING blahblahblah end thread.

Ernest goes to geometry class and then has a flashback in blue. It’s nice, and my heart was warmed by it (ouch my heart i need doktor).

Last pregame thread! Ernest’s walking home from school, has another flashback in blue, and gets accosted by a psychic acting like how drug dealers act in drugs r bad PSAs. Ernest is like “okay” and then the psychic does her stuff and Ernest is like “no you’re full of shit”.

Overall, Ernest’s pregame was a pleasant experience. Like, compared to some (most) of the other V2 pregame kids, he seems outwardly normal and his mental illness is only mentioned when Ernest A. needs his meds, or B. THE GOSSIP KING is being THE GOSSIP KING, and it’s not in a way that is like “Oh yup he’s gonna be a murderer.”




Islanddddddddddddddd!: Ernest’s eyelids blink a few times. Ernest doesn’t blink, His eyelids do. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ohh noooooooo! Ernest’s meds got spilled! OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO! He has four pills left, which is two days worth of meds. I really like his “Oh god I need to escape before my meds run out and I go craaaaaaaazy” kind of storyline, and it’d be pretty much impossible for someone to pull it off in modern SOTF because realism ugharoooooooo.

nextthread! It’s a Mitch and Cathalie thread at the school! Ernest arrives, and he’s momentarily worried about there being scary murderers in the school, but then he realizes it might be better for him to die before he goes crazy. I really like that. He heards Mitch/Cathalie being sad in a classroom and knocks on the door, asking if anyone’s there. Mitch and Cathalie are one character, so I’ll be calling them Mathalie. The M of Mathalie is like “go away debt collector” and I’m like “mitch how are you in high school with that level of crazy?”. Mitch bothers me, but that's okay because everything bothers me nowadays. Mathalie is like “Go away or we’ll kill you like [insert V1 reference here]” and Ernest’s like “no.” and then Mathalie’s like “okay you can come in”. Ernest hears Mathalie talking about chloroform and is like “wait maybe not” and runs the fuck away. Bye Mathalie!




Oh. Heeeeeeeeeee’re Johnny! jonathan michaels BOXING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. Ernest’s in some bushes or whatever and pops out and waves at BOXING CHAMP. ERNEST NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Also BOXING CHAMP is coming straight off of killing Brad Wilson.

I skipped over all of Jonathan’s post except for the dialogue because I want to keep my sanity relatively intact today. Jonathan angsts, which is all he ever does other than kill/be killed by Chad’s other characters. Ernest is like “hi im ernest what’s your name?” and Matthias pops up and he’s watching them from some bushes and Vesa pops up and then leaves in the same post and then Whitney pops up and then Andi pops up and neither Jonathan or Ernest have had any posts calm down V2 there are other threads to join jeez. Jonathan’s like “hey r u whitney acosta” because chad’s SI was like “whitney is blonde nd has big boooooooooobs” before Jonathan 'sploded his head.


kermitscreaming


no.






NO! I CANT LET V2 DO THIS TO ME AGAIN! I HAVE TO STAY STRONG!

Ernest hates Jonathan almost as much as he hates THE GOSSIP KING. Also he recognizes Jonathan as THE BOXING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, so that’s good. Whitney and Matthias leave because Jonathan. Andi’s still here for some reason even though his group left before he arrived in the thread (he was with Vesa) and he has a flashback/flashsideways that is about Siouxie Sioux or something and I’m grumpy right now >: (((((((((.






Sorry, I got distracted by chat talking about Mariavel’s enormous breasts.

hmmm

I’ll just leave this little excerpt from one of Ernest’s posts here: “Ernest spent 32.23 hours listening to glass shattering.”

That’s how V2 feels.










Anyways Ernest leaves because Jonathan amirite?

His next thread is 6 pages and I DONT WANT TO READ THAT so I’ll just go off memory. Felix Travertil is obviously evil and he/Ernest team up because Felix is a liarface. also this is at the hospital. Ernest’s like “i’m gonna see if they have my meds” and then some people show up and steal the spotlight and one of them is Alex Ovechkin and Ernest comes up with an escape plan but everyone leaves.

Ernest is in the thread where Adrian falls off of a ladder and dies because it’s raining. i love it. Marimar’s also here, hi Marimar. Ernest shows up and is like “Jesus stop fighting u idiots” and then Dan Johnson’s like “hey casper i’m big and strong and you’re little and weak so fuk u” and then Adrian falls off a ladder and dies. lol adrian. Ernest’s just like “well this was pointless.” and begins leaving, but Dan’s all like “HEY U PASTY COCKSUCKER I’LL BREAK UR TEETH IN" and tries to...stab(?) Ernest with a syringe. Ernest is like “fuck off” and leaves. Iloveuernest.



Wait…

Oh no...

M-Mitsuko? B-But I thought Ernest was handled by Endless_Helix?





“Mariavel, Carmen, Marimar, Micheal, and Earnest Continued from: all over the place”

Oh

Oh god…

I-Is it a Mariavel massacre?

It is, isn't it?

rip ernest









I’ll just copy+paste the part of this post relevant to Ernest below.

Thou shalt not; how ironic these words may seem at times when one views the “slings and arrows” of another’s misfortune. After all, no infant is born into the world prepared to sin against God. Nor do children wish to disappoint or hurt their parents but some often do through their actions and deeds. More often than not, people by their very nature attempt to experiment with life never fully examining the consequences.

And that’s why Miss Carmen Somerset wasn’t Catholic.

She despised the ideals, and hated the increasingly idiotic tendencies of the religion. It infuriated her, to think that a religion such as that could even be put into existence. Maybe Christ was a good person, she wouldn’t know. How could anyone know that any of those stories were true. Religion was just another way for the public to control you.

Carmen thought all these things as she sat here, in the back lobby of the hotel, speaking with a boy whom she’d learned was named Earnest Decartet. They spoke about religion, and about family. And of many other things. It was nice, she guessed.

“Earnest…. Why is it that everything seems to be mashing together? It… it seems as if everyone is just… we’re not trying to survive…. Just to melt into each other and ignore the entirety of what’s been happening…” she curled her knees into her chest and rested her chin on them. He looked up at her. The albino boy seemed to think for a moment before speaking.

“I suppose everyone doesn’t want to face the truth. Everything’s getting tougher by the second… over seventy people are dead now. It’s down to the wire.” She nodded her head in agreement, remembering that Mariavel Varella, whom she’d bullied profusely in Bathurst, was a top killer on the island. That scared her in a back part of her mind.

“Yeah… I guess.” Suddenly she felt nature’s urge grasping her. “If you’ll excuse me earnest, I need to go to the little girl’s room.”

He nodded simply and Carmen trotted away.

===============================================================

The vile Ursula had finally abandoned her lair. Now, as the princess of Atlantica, she had the chance to rid the kingdom of Ursula’s final cohort. She would save her people, no matter the cost. As crown princess of Atlantica she was destined to do this. To defeat the evil!

Marimar Perez watched as Carmen Somerset, or Ursula to her, strode from the lobby. This was her chance. She’d kill him here, and then finish Ursula in one final attack. She took the Machete from the sheath on her leg and held it close. The boy stood from his seated position and stretched. It was time to strike.

She ran in quickly. He seemed to hear her because he turned to them noise. He saw the Machete and screamed out. He tried to defend himself but couldn’t. She slashed. His right arm held a new gash. She slashed again. He fell to his back as the blade cut through his stomach, causing blood to spill from his mouth.

She looked at the fallen boy with a crazed look in her eyes. She jumped on him, jamming the Machete into his shoulder. He cried out again. From far off you could hear Carmen’s yell of his name. She was returning. Marimar had to complete her mission quickly. She pulled the Machete from him and slammed it into his neck, cleanly severing his head from his body. Marimar stood and grabbed the head by the hair. She head a scream from behind. She turned, bloodied and holding the head. Carmen screamed again. Marimar Smiled. She threw the head to her side.

“It’s time to die.”

THE END!






>: (





So, like, he just becomes a NPC for Carmen and then gets killed in what ends up being a Mariavelassacre thread (though he dies before she shows up thanks marimar). Also Marimar doesn’t see Ernest as a fish for some reason, even though she hallucinates Carmen being Ursula? That’s not even mentioning my biggest gripe with this.



M’kay, so remember how Ernest has two days worth of meds left? Well, all of his posts before this were within two IC days, but…







Ernest dies on day six.

WHAT!?

WHY IS HE ACTING COMPLETELY NORMAL THEN? MITSUKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




like, according to like everything about him, he should be going fucking mental, trying to summon demons and fun stuff like that. BUT NO! “Carmen thought all these things as she sat here, in the back lobby of the hotel, speaking with a boy whom she’d learned was named Earnest Decartet. They spoke about religion, and about family. And of many other things. It was nice, she guessed.”

: (

Well, darn.










Conclusion: Ernest is a character who would only be accepted into V1/2. Despite this, while he’s handled by Endless_Helix, he’s not a bad character. He’s somehow believable and entertaining to read. I really dig the “limited amount of crazy meds left, have to escape before they run out and I go mad” concept, too. But then...


Yeah.




I’m really bitter about this.

Another kid, please.



EDIT: Took out much of my angry screaming. I'll try not to get as emotional (and mean) next time (i hope).
"Kermit you are the guy in the horror movie that finds a book bound in human skin and decides to read out loud what is inside for fun" - some mean lady named Ruggahissy
[+] Spoiler
V1 art!

v2 art ;~;
Sadly kermit looked at a mariavel. It was so sad... such a sad mariavel... like him... he only waned a normal life... was that too much to ask? was it?
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Skraal
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Skraal
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Joined: January 23rd, 2012, 11:55 am

August 27th, 2017, 7:33 pm #130

wrote:Venus Gwendolyn is your average everyday Malibu Barbie.
With the very first line of the profile, you can tell exactly what kind of character this is going to be. Her profile and only pregame thread paint her as a stereotypical “popular girl”, that is, shallow and extremely focused on status. She also seems to be an extremely bad judge of character, immediately falling for the guy who tried to provoke her ex-boyfriend into beating her up. Seriously, here’s how the sequence of events goes:
  • Venus tells her boyfriend, Kurt, (who she knows has “anger management issues”) that she wants to break up with him.
  • Kurt grabs Venus roughly and begins to yell at her for being a slut.
  • Felix Travertil walks up and, in a bold-faced lie, tells Kurt that Venus was cheating on him and that Felix and Venus were now a couple.
  • Venus reacts fearfully, rightfully scared that her ex-boyfriend is going to react with violence, and begs Felix to stop joking around and tell the truth.
  • Felix escalates the situation and begins insulting Kurt.
  • Kurt freaks out and assaults both Felix and Venus before being dragged away by a security guard.
  • Venus slaps Felix, and as Felix walks away, she decides that she’s attracted to his bad boy attitude and begins planning to “get with him” later.
Now, on to the island.

Venus wakes up with a (surprisingly uncommon for V2) post where she freaks out about the fact that she’s in SOTF. Her main concern is how that the injuries will damage her looks. You got that right. She cares more about losing her beauty than actually dying. She then walks up to the Zed, who had woken up nearby, and then attempts to seduce him (of course >_<) in order to make an ally who will defend her on the island. Zed responds to this exactly as you would expect for V2, excited that he’s finally going to get lucky despite being surrounded by people who want to kill him. After a few posts, Zed finally realizes that this is a bad idea, but it’s already too late, as Venus pushes him down and rapes him while he weakly tries to escape.

The wiki describes what happened as "he eventually succumbed to her beauty and charm", but LaZ's narration makes it rather clear that despite the involuntary physical reactions resulting from his body being stimulated in that way, Zed really doesn't want this to be happening, and is expecting her to kill him at any moment. Seems like a pretty clear cut example of sexual assault to me.

I don’t know about you guys, but it seems to me that, considering the purpose of seduction is to get somebody to put their guard down, escalating it into rape would accomplish the exact opposite. It doesn’t really even make sense, as Venus’ narrative talks about how she finds this guy to be a disgusting nerd and hates the idea of having sex with him, yet she just rapes him anyway because, well, V2. The rape scene continues for a bit and then…

Oh.

She bites his dick off.

The narrative lovingly describes Venus’ sadistic enjoyment of the torture visited upon Zed’ genitalia. For some reason, Venus views it as punishment for being a “nerd”. Clearly established as an exaggerated one-dimensional stereotype at this point, Venus then steals the poor guy’s weapon (an American flag) and runs off as a couple other “nerds” happen upon the scene. While running, she thanks God for giving her great dancing legs, which allows us to check off another point on the V2 stereotype bingo.

In her next thread, Venus wishes that she could meet up with Ali or Carmen, other members of the “sisterhood”. Instead, she meets up with a guy named Darren, who she immediately attempts to seduce (>_<). Unfortunately for her, this guy isn’t having any of it, and pulls out a katana and immediately attempts to kill her. She then begs for her life in the middle of a songpost. The song? Barbie Girl, by Aqua.

Yeah. If that’s not tonal dissonance, I don’t know what is.

Darren hesitates, overcome by guilt due to the fact that he just tried to murder someone. In another songpost with the same song as before, Venus immediately takes advantage of his hesitation to knock him down and steal his weapon. In yet another songpost (guess which song), she contemplates whether or not to kill him, before deciding that committing murder would compromise her “perfection”. Venus loots Darren’s bag for supplies, than leaves.

So… stabbing a dude with a sword means that you’re not “perfect”, but biting a guy’s dick off is A-OK? Seems a little...never mind, let’s keep going.

Venus then enters an abandoned school, where she reflects on the fact that, as a member of the Sisterhood, that she was in effect part of the school’s aristocracy, and most other students were essentially cockroaches to her. She begins to cry, homesick for a life where she could basically shit on everyone around her with no consequences, before things take an even stranger turn. She begins to hallucinate a strange woman, pale as a ghost and dressed in Victorian-era clothes, berating her for not being “perfect” enough. The “barbie”, as the narrative calls her, ignores the several other students in the school as the ghost woman gives her several lessons on being “perfect”. After Venus passes these tests, the ghost deems Venus to be “officially perfect” and gives her permission to kill as many people as she needs to, because she deserves to live more than they do. Because she’s “perfect”.

Yes, I get that she thinks that she’s better than everyone else, okay?

Venus then makes it to the Botanical Gardens, where she meets up with Matt and Rob, everybody’s favourite buddy comedy duo. She tries to, you guessed it, seduce them, but it doesn’t this work this time either, as Matt and Rob seem to be in possession of one of the most scarce resources on the V2 island, common sense. They rightfully anticipate that Venus is trying to get them to put their guards down so she can kill them, and they exit the scene post-haste.
Venus stands there confused at why anybody would turn down sex with a “perfect” girl like her, when Felix Travertil, from pregame, enters the thread. I think it’s obvious at this point what Venus’ next course of action is. This seduction attempt is almost immediately no sold, followed by Venus going to plan B and kicking Felix in the balls. They fight for a bit, flirting with each other for some reason. At the last moment, just as Felix is about to stab her, he kisses her instead. They make out for a bit before realizing that they are both madly in love with each other. The two lovers then resolve to stay together, and walk off hand in hand into the sunset…

...ending up in separate threads for no explained reason other than "Venus got lost".

She enters a thread with John Davies before immediately leaving, as she obviously doesn’t want to be in the same place as a man who is so far beneath her. She runs off to find Felix, somehow under the impression that both of them will be able to make it home. (We don’t get to see John’s reaction to this, sadly, as he immediately goes inactive.)

Her final thread leads her back to the Botanical Gardens, where she futily searches for Felix. She begins to despair as she realizes that Felix has abandoned her, as she finally realizes that the two of them won’t be able to both win the game. Her thoughts are interrupted by the reappearance of the Ghost Lady in one of the most horrificly structured paragraphs that I have read over the course of this read-a-thon. I’ve had to spoiler it here, due to the length, but take a look at it. Seriously. Did the writer proofread this at all?
[+] Spoiler
wrote:The whole situation blew out of proportion, Kurt almost faught with Felix and ended up getting him kicked out. She was angry at Felix for a time, but she easily succumbed to his charming personality. Even though it was embarassing it didn't matter, it was still one of the best days of her life. Since then her heart welled up and it was head over heels from that point on. "Oh Felix, I'm going to miss you so much..." she said calmly, trying to force back her tears. A butterfly lazily flew in dotted circles around the various roses, landing on the one she happened to be feeling. Venus smiled at the creature, it was an electric blue butterfly; the wings blazed like neon. The butterfly flew from the rose and landed on Venus' head. She giggled a little, happy to be of some company for such an elegant insect. "Thanks for keeping me company. I'm tired of being alone.....But I'm not anymore..." she said to herself realizing this. She had Felix and she had the butterfly. "What do you think your doing!?" Venus turned startled to see the grey headmistress from her 'perfect' class back at the school. "I-I'm not doing anything...." she said quielty. The grey lady had a expression of disapproval on her face and slowly came foreward. Her grey dress swept the floor; the whole area around her felt eerie and dark. "Have you forgotten what I have taught you? You completley just threw away more precise teaching and for what? Love?" The grey lady snottily laughed at her own statement. "You'll gain nothing from love. He's not coming back don't you realize that? Your just standing here like a ninny doing nothing! The game has dwindled down.....This is yoru chance to strike!" she said.
Venus then kills the ghost, before turning her katana on herself. She cuts upon her stomach, bleeding out dramatically over the flowers as she thinks of Felix. The girl who thought that she was the most perfect person on the island, the one most deserving of life, kills herself over a guy who has done nothing but harm her since before the game started. Doesn’t really make sense, but that’s V2 for you.

Content-wise, I would say that while she’s not as bad as Sam Sorenson, she’s definitely on the same continuum of horribleness. In some ways, she’s even worse, because at least Chad was technically competent as a writer, with the main shock value being in the subject matter of his writing. Venus is a nonsensical, one-dimensional character who commits horrific acts with very little motivation behind them, just like many others in V2. Unfortunately, when compared to even those, the writing quality is abysmal, sinking in quality as the story goes on. By her final post, Strawberry Prince’s prose is basically unreadable. Would not recommend.

...I don’t really know why I’m still doing this, but I’ll take another character anyway.
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Characters:
Timothy Abrams
Weapon: Replica Flamethrower
Current Status: Deceased
Kyle Fitzpatrick
Weapon: Bulletproof Vest
Current Status: Deceased
Eliza Patton (Adopted from laZardo)
Weapon: M-1 Garand
Current Status: Deceased
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Characters:
Oliver Lacroix Current Status: Alive
William "Bill" Dover Current Status: Alive
Salvatore "Sal" Bonaventura Current Status: Alive
Scott Fischer Current Status: Alive
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Aura
Winner
Aura
Winner
Joined: December 9th, 2011, 6:39 pm

August 27th, 2017, 7:55 pm #131

Seth Mattlock is a unique figure in SOTF who requires some explanation.

v2 took place at a transitional point in SOTF's history. The site moved to a new board, and many old handlers and staff members left at various points during the version. As a result, the remaining staff was stretched very thin when it came to making and enforcing the rules, up to and including inactivity guidelines. When it comes to these turbulent times, Seth Mattlock might as well be the poster child.

Seth went inactive shortly after his first scene, which was fairly early in the game. He was never inactive-killed and no one ever did anything with his death rights, even though he was rolled multiple times. As a result, Seth was simply a ghost for most of the game until his handler returned, realized that he was still alive somehow, and killed him off in his second scene, which took place near the end of the game. To my knowledge, the board hasn't experienced a situation quite like this before or since, so Seth has his own place in history in that way.

In terms of his actual character, Seth has a very over-the-top backstory involving his dad being a former cop who joined the mob, and now he hangs out with mobsters all the time and deals drugs for them. He also claims that the Bloody Fists are not a criminal gang, which clashes with Mariavel's backstory in which she kills someone while doing work for the game. All in all, he reads like another one of v2's premade players.

Then Seth reaches the island, and winds up being surprisingly heroic. True, he only has two scenes, so it's hard to say what would have happened had he been active the whole time, but his story details him saving Mariavel from Walter Smith before disappearing into the night, then unexpectedly reemerging at a crucial moment days later to save Bryan and Tori from Felix Travertil. He winds up coming off as a bit of a deus ex machina character because of this, but his scenes are well-written and his fights are pretty good, so I'm willing to forgive that. His death is also quite heartfelt, and I feel like Slayer really wanted to do right by Seth. And honestly, I think he succeeded.

Seth Mattlock may not have been around very much, but he saw more than his fair share of action. And since he's part of one of my favorite v2 scenes as well as one of the most vital parts of Bryan's story, he's definitely worth checking out. My only real gripe is that his paragraphs can get way too long for my taste, but at least the contents of said paragraphs are usually good. If you want an action-oriented character, you probably won't find many more suited to the job than Seth Mattlock.

Another character, if you please.

[+] Spoiler
v5 Characters:

B029- Matt Masters- DECEASED (114/152)

B043- Adonis Alba- DECEASED (124/152)

G051- Stacey Mordetsky- DECEASED (136/152)
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Fenris
Player
Joined: January 16th, 2015, 11:49 pm

August 27th, 2017, 8:20 pm #132

I was happy for a minute when I saw Matthew but then I remembered the good Matthew was already taken rip me anyway this kid. Matthew Lafferty's profile is short and needs proofreading and is tonally super off but honestly it's not bad. He sounds like an athletic, temperamental, spoiled, fairly normal kid. and he Doesn't get killed via Mitsuko Massacre so maybe he doesn't go inactive???? I just checked his killer and it's Andi Ayala who Polybius just read and apparently Matt was sacrificed to one of his handlers other characters which isn't actually much better than inactivity deaths imo. whatever let's do this

Matt's first thread (no pregame) starts with.. a double post sure okay. we learn that he's had suicidal impulses which doesn't come up in his profile anywhere you'd think that was important. Alice Nichols shows up, they both freak out for a second and then talk to each other and laugh and it's kind of cute. Then they both fuck off to different threads w/ zero resolution. I assume they were in a danger zone or in danger of inactivity or Something idk i'm kind of disappointed there was a possibility of something good here

second thread god fucking dammit this is the thread where the boxing champion of the world shoves a gun down chad's throat again isn't it. anyway I get to skip all of that because Matt only runs through the thread for one post. basically all he does is decide to go to the hotel because there are beds there, which would probably be my state of mind at this point too, so I won't complain. his last thread is 6 goddamn pages but for most of them Matt isn't there so I'm skipping through. anyway he turns up at the end of page 4/6, i thought he was going to the hotel this is the hospital? whatever it's fine. also his handler's other character refers to him as "amazingly handsome" in his thoughts. Matt wanders into the hospital and displays what are at this point really OOC-seeming fits of paranoia and rage to basically provoke Andi Ayala into shooting him. His death is described in 6 really short and mostly mechanical sentences, and then he dies.

final thoughts/tl;dr: nothing much here. Matt's not a bad character and his writing isn't bad either, but he just doesn't really do anything and turns into fodder for one of his handler's other characters. I feel like if he'd actually stuck around w/ Alice Nichols there might have been something to recommend but he doesn't and there isn't. (wait alice dies in her next thread anyway so there probably wasn't much there either)

gimme another please!
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
[+] Spoiler
Dante Luciano Valerio - Looking for penguins.
Then: None Now: [x] [x]
Ivy Langley - Holding hands.
Then: [x] [x] [x] [x] Now: [x] [x] [x]
Apollonia "Nia" Karahalios - Drawing.
Then: [x] Now: [x] [x]
Axel Fontaine - Totally surrounded.
Then: [x] [x] Now: [x] [x] [x] [x]
Artem Fyodorov - Looking for a story.
Zen Alicea Feliciano - Hanging out with squirrels!
Then: [x] Now: [x]

[+] Spoiler
Gwendolyn "Gwen" Carlisle - Looking for attention.
Moira Bellamy - Looking for help.
Rory Wrona - Looking for some quiet.
Salvador "Sal" Mendoza - Looking for an argument.
Dylan MacKenna - Looking for a revolution.
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Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

August 27th, 2017, 8:42 pm #133

A reminder from on high to keep things constructive and focused on the characters rather than the people who wrote them (me included >_>), though joking and saying something is not good are acceptable. WITH THAT LET US KEEP RIDING TO THE END:

Kermit: Mitch Gunther
Skraal: Russ Gofis
Aura: Elizabeth Ebert
Fenris: Caitlin Evans
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
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Polibyss
Leader
Joined: December 5th, 2008, 10:19 pm

August 27th, 2017, 8:45 pm #134

Rolling again, hope I don't get fucked
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Dr. Adjective
Cannon Fodder
Joined: January 17th, 2015, 9:59 am

August 27th, 2017, 8:46 pm #135

Oh go on then give me another, hopefully I can steal the King of Gossip™ from Fenris.
[+] Spoiler
Shipping Thread!

Heather Klein is channelling her aggression into constructive outlets.
  • Seems a bit of a neat-freak, seemingly needs everything of hers to be "perfect"
  • Does wrestling, good at grappling... but she's got a mean right hook too
  • Produces aggrowave music, releases it anonymously, never speaks of it; idolises Klayton, Bret Autrey and Daniel Graves
  • Plays keys and drums pretty good, dabbles in guitar
  • Speaks pretty good German, no comprend? romance languages
  • Budding interest in fashion/design
  • Liberal, leaning libertarian, no love for the Democrats or for the Republicans, likes her news sources "alternative"
  • Atheist too; avoids saying so, being a Chicagoan down South and all
Akiem Hampton is keeping cleaner than clean so he can chase the dream.
  • Chattanooga Owls' premier nose tackle, he's a Big Guy (...for you)
  • At church in his best every Sunday
  • Surprisingly bright, likes to study literature, maybe on the debate team, maybe not?
  • Hits like a truck; but wouldn't hurt a fly off the gridiron
  • 10/10 BBQ master, the manliest form of cooking... not bad in an actual kitchen either
  • Lives and lets live, but he still thinks y'all LGBTerrific folks are sinners
  • Politically apathetic, gets his news from the proverbial grapevine, would err on the side of Democrats if pushed
Robert "Don't Call Me Bobby" Briggs was this close to making Top 8 this time, he swears. (tentative)
  • Competitive grinder at Magic the Gathering, goes to every tournament he can get to
  • Tops the more casual events, still hasn't managed to day 2 at a GP or qualify for a PT
  • Nominally Christian, conservative background, apathetic enough to just roll with what his parents say
  • A general-purpose nerd in terms of interests and school performance; not top of the class but not far off either, likes traditional games

No no no, you're shakin' it all wrong!
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