In the moments before Johnnys slow awakening, before she moved far enough away for him to notice her absence, Raina turned to the camera.
She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again, considering. Did she know what she wanted to say? Did she even want to say it? Saying anything out loud made it real.
Well, shit, it was all real, wasnt it? She was long past the point that she could try to pretend she was dreaming. She hadnt let anyone else have the luxury of denial except for Penelope, and look where that had gotten them. So she spoke.
She paused, swallowed, and started again. Hey, so
I dunno who exactly is watching this, but Im going to give some of you the benefit of the doubt and believe that youre decent people. So, for you decent people, I need a favor. Assholes need not apply. The corner of her mouth lifted in a slight smile before dropping again.
This is the last will and testament of Raina Barbara Rose, and I need you to pass it on to the people Im going to name.
Raina inhaled shakily.
The idea had been there for a while, she had realized shortly after leaving the library. Maybe it had been there from the beginning, maybe all of Penelopes talk about everyone killing themselves together had put it in her head. But Raina had also known from the outset that she wasnt going to kill, no matter how she had snapped at people since then. She had known since she weighed the grenade they had given her in her hands and had felt her little moment of kinship with whoever it was that had invented the nuclear bomb and made that quote about becoming death.
She wanted to say something eloquent about transformation, about alchemy, and about making yourself into a monster because you thought you could cheat death. She couldnt quite make it work in the spur of the moment, but she wanted to think that somebody somewhere would understand her reasons. Penelope probably would have, but Penelope had died blind, deaf, and screaming, and Raina wasnt about to let that happen to herself either.
And honestly? She was just goddamn tired of being in this place.
One way or another, she was going to get off this island.
first of all, sorry in advance to everyone for when you get bombarded with messages. I know some of them are going to be nasty, because even though I specifically said no assholes, we all know that some crusty fuckboy in his parents basement is going to get a kick out of trying to upset you.
Raina took another deep breath of the sea air. It wasnt much steadier. She steeled herself and made sure to look straight into the camera, meeting her faint reflections gaze.
First, my older brother, Cameron: hey man. Sorry I didnt get to say goodbye differently. Youre going to do great, awesome stuff, and I-I just want you to know that I believe in you one-hundred percent, okay? You and Leila need to take care of each other. And Leila, listen to Cameron. Listen to our parents too, I guess. Theyre
trying to do a good job. I know youre going to do something awesome too, whenever you figure it all out. Be good but not too good. Its okay to break the rules sometimes. Raina flashed the camera another wobbly smile. You two can divide up my stuff and donate whatever you dont want. And Leila gets my college fund, I guess.
Mom and Dad. I know we didnt get along all the time, and
well, I know you guys cared, at least. I know you were doing your best to give us a good life. And you did. You really, really did. Sometimes I wish parts of it had been different, but you tried, and thats more than a lot of parents do. Listen to Cameron and Leila when they want you to listen, okay?
Raina clasped her hands in her lap so that she wouldnt fidget so much. She needed to focus and not be twitchy for this. Best face forward.
Who next? Raina bit her lip as the name came to her, but she kept going.
H-hey. I miss you. Im glad youre not here, but I miss you. I know that all of this is probably harder on you and your family than almost anybody else, but I need you to not give up, okay? You can feel bad, but dont feel bad forever. Youve still got a whole lot to do, and I know that you might not believe me right now, b-but its going to be worth doing.
Raina smiled again, though tears were pricking at the corners of her eyes now. I love you, Cris. Maybe not in a forever way, but it still matters.
She blinked several times to try and clear the tears away, but they wouldnt stop. She quickly swiped her sleeve across her eyes before continuing.
Darren. This one is for Darren McKay. Hey, Darren. She lifted one hand in a small wave. I know its been a while since we talked, and this is a shitty way to say hi again, but Im here with Johnny. Um, I never told him. About you, I mean, you and Cam. I promised I wouldnt say anything, and I didnt, but I just want you to know, I dont think he would have cared. I mean, he might have cared, but, you know
hed still love you. I know he would. I know you love him too, probably more than anybody else does, and I know that
Raina had to pause so she could sniff and blink more tears away. I know he wouldnt want you to let this destroy you either. You got out, and you can do whatever now.
And, you know
maybe hell win. Raina let out a watery laugh. You know what, I hope Johnny wins. I hope he makes it home and becomes rich and famous and, like
opens a bird sanctuary or whatever. Survival of the fittest, ha.
Mean. But she meant it, too, the good and the bad. She had always been frustrated that Johnny never seemed to want to make something of himself, but maybe he still had a chance.
um, to the anime club at Cochise, stop showing Naruto to new members. Seriously. And to the faculty and staff of Cochise, get a new computer lab. Actually, yeah, you know what- somebody out there start a Kickstarter for my school or something. Get them some new buildings and good stuff.
to God, or whatever might be out there, I dont know if I really believe in you or what. I guess its kind of late now to ask you to take care of my family and friends, but
dont let anything worse than this happen to them, at least.
Raina sniffed. She was still crying, but not nearly as hard as she had earlier that day. She couldnt think of anything else to say, so she supposed it was time to sign off.
yeah. Thats all. Im Raina Rose, of sound mind and mostly sound body and all that, Im leaving all my stuff to my siblings and whatever charity they decide to give it to, and
yeah, thats all. Sorry if I forgot anybody who wanted a message from me or something.
She sat for another minute, listening to the noise of distant seagulls and the water lapping at the sand. Then, she stood and peeled her shoes and socks off, leaving them in a pile in front of the camera. She took a deep breath and nodded.
Im going now. Bye.
Raina turned away from the camera and made sure not to glance back. Johnny was still asleep near their bags. He could have the grenade and whatever was left of her food and supplies as Rainas unspoken will and testament to him. He wouldnt understand if she woke him up for goodbyes.
The water was cold around her ankles, but her body started to adjust as she waded out.
She didnt have second thoughts until it was waist-deep, and then she froze, then she wanted to take it all back, but she thought of Penelope dying slowly and she couldnt do that. She couldnt die pathetically like that, she had to make whatever statement she could, and all she had left was not giving them any more entertainment.
Raina threw herself forward into the water, gasping at the cold, chest seizing up as she was unable to draw deep enough breaths. The first wave washed over her head and she instinctively tried to buoy herself up again, but all she managed was flailing. She lost touch with the sandy bottom of the shore.
When her head briefly broke the water for the last time, getting her one final glimpse of the fading sunset, she thought she heard someone calling to her.
She thought of calling back to them, asking them to help her, and then she thought no more.
Statement made. Maybe someone, somewhere, bothered to listen.
G017 RAINA ROSE: DECEASED