((Asuka and Nate continued from Judas
Asuka had always imagined that getting two quiet kids together was a good idea. Nobody trying to talk over you, and you can bond over being awkward and shy. Or at least bond in comfortable silence. Or something. The comfortable silence thing is only supposed to really work when you actually know the other person, but you had to dangle some straws for Asuka to clutch at.
Yeah. Neither of them could hold a conversation. It sucked.
They'd winded up wandering around the island, Asuka trying to come up with something to look for. It'd been quiet. They probably should've been quiet anyways, seeing as they were essentially helpless, but Asuka wouldn't have minded finding out a little more about Nate. That was the whole point of staying around, the only reason she'd bothered to do anything other than hide in a corner, think whatever pretentious things she felt like thinking, and wait for death. She'd gotten up and about to tell her story, to help other people tell their stories. To make sure that at least one of these stories was better than the narrative they'd been handed. She hadn't done her part very well. Anxious depressives don't make very good protagonists. But if she didn't try to interact with somebody all she'd be doing is walking around and looking at all the nice scenery. Not that the scenery was bad. But she could imagine better ones anyways. If she was going to venture out into the real world, it'd better be godfuckingdamn beautiful.
Truth be told, she'd been looking for people. That's what she'd decided on after the first ten minutes or so of walking. Find someone, anyone she'd met before. Be all like "Oh brave new world, with what people in it!" Except it wouldn't be ironic, cuz Asuka knew. This was a brave new world, and it was crawling with murderers and suicidals and heroes and all of it was fucking wonderful. Asuka was sure it must've been wonderful.
A shame wonderful things terrified her, then. That's why she'd turned down Penelope's offer. Because even here she was doomed to walk the path of
Ennui, again. Why couldn't she escape it, even when she'd centered her whole existence around fighting it? Around making wonderful flighty romantic fantasies? You know why, but there are other culprits.
Blame the depression, blame the anxiety. Blame the fucking system. She'd blame herself, but she already does, and look at where that got her.
And in the end, she couldn't find anyone. They'd ended up falling asleep a couple hundred feet away from some cabin. The map said it was a hunting cabin. It looked cute. She wasn't willing to sleep in it, though, because self-preservation was apparently a bigger priority to her than comfort. When you've been wearing the same clothes for three days, without a bath, you either become miserable or you forget your body exists.
Asuka was tired enough that she only made cursory efforts to make herself hidden, but then she couldn't fucking fall asleep. Nate probably thought she was a dumbass by now, for suggesting they sleep after not finding anything. You know what? She doesn't fucking care.
Oh, she could tell him that he'd found himself or something. Maybe he'd think she was deep or something. Hopefully not. Asuka was pretty sure she looked about as useless as Nate looked to her, right now. She doesn't like being judgmental, and she reeeally doesn't like it when she finds out that she was right while being judgmental. Not that it stops her from, y'know. Doing it.
If someone went and killed her in the middle of the night, that would've been one hell of a last thought. This one was okay though. And so was this one. And so was--
She's being pretentious again.
The announcements woke her up. Some of the names registered as repeats, but she didn't have anything to write stuff down on. Not that she was gonna run away if she saw a killer or anything-- actually, she probably would, but let's pretend for a second that Asuka isn't a fucking coward and somehow overcomes her aversion to existing in the real world-- but she would need to change her approach depending on who it was.
The list of names stopped. Danger zones, natch. Asuka waited for the pang of what happened to come, the realization that-- 8? 9? fuck, she couldn't even remember how many had died-- ways of perceiving the world, 8 or 9 whole universes of thoughts and personalities and memories were deleted and irretrievable, but it wouldn't come, and she couldn't entirely blame it on the grogginess affecting her ability to process her thoughts and emotions. No. She'd gotten desensitized.
Well. How many times does she repeat this narrative to herself?
FUCKING CHANGE THAT, YOU DUMBASS BITCH.
Yeah, yelling at yourself doesn't seem to do anything.
She walked over to Nate. Shook him awak-- he was already awake, eyes wide. A hunting-we-would-go?
She probably should've asked Nate if he was okay after hearing the announcements, if his friends had been on there. Dumb of her not to think of it, when he'd been freaking out about that earlier. She couldn't even remember their names. But it was too late to say anything helpful now. Fuck her.
Asuka hat-- strongly disliked hunters.