((Asuka continued from Ship's A Goin' Down))
And in the end, it turned out she still wasn't ready.
Asuka sat, best as she could, cross-legged, Lili's gun--not the gun that she'd been shot with, which made things less poetic maybe, except maybe that was poetic and sent a message in and of itself-- across her lap. Her shoulder was screaming, but not as much as it should've been. Shock, or adrenaline, or damaged nerves. Anyways, it looked like she was gonna bleed out and fall unconscious within a few minutes. Enough time to choose her manner of dying, to decide which platitude would define her death, and her life. Shoot a camera, or shoot herself, or just sit here and enjoy what time she had left, or
Quick, think of some nice and warm and comforting thoughts.
Hey. It's okay. It'll be okay. You're okay.
Give me a hug. There, there. It's okay, I understand. Even if the only reason I understand is because I'm literally you. So, like, let's tell each other stuff, okay? That'll, like, knock out two birds with one stone! Not that efficiency is the goal here.
Go take a bath. Take a walk while wearing your favorite outfit, and breathe in the smell of spring. Don't wear it for days on end, though. The outfit, I mean. That would just make you hate yourself more. Eat your food pyramid. Then eat a bar of chocolate. Brush your teeth. Smile, even if it's not real. You just might make someone else smile. And then go give that someone a hug; it'd make both of you feel good. Don't be shy. Both of you already smiled. No takesies-backsies. Deep breath in. Release. Relax. You're doing fine.
But Asuka, you say, this is all stuff related to the body! My body's bleeding and rotting and very quickly completing the transition to corpse! And besides, I don't know how to take the small pleasures in life, to live in the moment. Even now, you're imagining this letter to yourself partly because you like the concept of comforting yourself, not just because because you want to get some comfort before you die. Die alone, of course. But anyways, yeah, I don't expect you to follow that advice. You'd be dead long before you could finish it. You just needed someone to fuss over you, remind you that someone cares about you enough to notice that you've been neglecting your body. And besides, your mind isn't separate from your body. Unfortunately.
That doesn't change the fact that you're feeling nihilistic, though. That really sucks. But hey, it's okay. We can be nihilistic together! We can die alone together! You don't have to be alone anymore!
So yeah. That's it. I'm sorry I'm the one writing this, instead of literally anyone else. Just pretend I'm not me, okay? I'm sure there's someone out there who would care about you like this, if they knew you. Take care of yourself. Say hi to the void for me.
That'll do, right?
Faint whispers of sobs. That'll do.
ASUKA TAKAHARA: ELIMINATED
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- Joined: June 15th, 2016, 7:57 pm