1901. Westminster, London, England. Fears of world war were mounting, for good reason. Everyone was fearing that the recent absurd increase in aggression from all seven European powers meant there was going to be an all-out war. They were fearing correctly. But nobody was fearing, as they should have been, that shit
... was about to get epic
A grim, shadowy figure stalked hastily through the winding halls of Scotland Yard, eventually bursting through a heavy door with a sense of profound urgency. In the room sat a broad-shouldered, elderly man, built powerfully and with a commanding bald countenance. If this man wasn't a badass currently, he definitely used to be a badass. He appeared to be mired in some official paperwork or some boring shit like that upon the moment of door-bursting, and looked almost relieved to have a break from such an undignified task.
Inspector Pondsworth! yelled the newcomer breathlessly. I've just returned from infiltrating the ranks of the proto-Nazis. Many of them died to my akimbo revolver-katanas, but I uncovered a problem that even they can't handle.
Yes, I've heard the news. You've done well, Agent Dynamite. Montgomery Pondsworth III, head of Scotland Yard's Bureau of Awesome Shit, rose from his impressive chair. You know how I was saying earlier about him potentially not being a badass anymore? Yeah, fuck that, it was now apparent that Pondsworth was ripped as all hell and probably a master of at least six martial arts. He regarded Agent Zachary Attack Dynamite with a steely gaze as he spoke. The entire civilized world is going to war as we speak. This is terrible news.
Sir, with all due respect... terrible? Zack, ever the hot-blooded rookie, stared at his superior quizzically and suspiciously. I just fought proto-Nazis
. If this escalates to a global level, this could be the coup that the BAS has been looking for. Not that I want there to be a war, of course. War is hell, and I'm actually a man of peace deep down. But seriously, I think this has the potential to be some really awesome shit.
Listen, Rookie, I've been working this job for thirty years and I don't like your cocky, fiery attitude. Well, scratch that, I do, it's one of your most badass qualities.
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome. But here's what you didn't know: none of the other six agents returned. Agent Baye was taken out by ninja terrorists in Austria-Hungary. Agent Harris? Killed by vampires in Moscow. Even on our own soil, Agent Black was killed in a shadowy villain's battle of wits / obstacle course of death.
Jesus Christ... so you're worried it might be too
awesome? I mean, I guess it's a possibility
No, Dynamite. Think. Proto-Nazis, even if the concept is technically meaningless to us because this is 1901, could just be a coincidence. But seven agents beset by seven awesome foes? And only one survives? What does that sound like?
Well... it sounds like a plot-convenient conspiracy of some sort. But it just doesn't make sense: why launch a conspiracy against us
, Inspector? Conspiracies are really badass, and that's exactly what we thrive off of!
It would seem like that. But then I realized... what if those were all lures? To get us out of the way, or at least distract us from the true problem? What if they don't want us interfering with their plans for this war? What if the real conspiracy... is to make the Great War as boring as possible
Oh God... you mean like... sitting in trenches for several days and fighting grueling battles of attrition?
Exactly. Think of how boring that would be! We can't let it happen.
But if we only have one agent, asked Zack, fear entering his voice for the first time, what chance do we have?
We don't only have one agent. I've authorized that you be paired with an... outside specialist.
Outside? You mean, like... from the States?
No, Dynamite. I mean from the future
. Tell me... have you ever heard the legend of Lance Uppercut Vanguard: HERO OF THE IMPERIUM?
TO BE CONTINUED