Sabrina Luz

decoy73
Winner
Joined: November 29th, 2009, 3:46 am

January 14th, 2016, 6:06 am #1

Name: Sabrina Luz
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Ballet, cooking

Appearance: Sabrina Luz has thick black hair that goes down to her chest, and kept straight most of the time, but becomes wet when wavy. She normally wears it down, however, when she is dancing, she ties it back when her costume requires it.

Sabrina is on both sides of her family a mixture of Spanish and Native American, and it shows in her tan skin. She has hooded brown eyes, defined eyebrows that she keeps plucked, a small upturned nose, and full lips. When she is not exercising, she wears makeup that matches her skin tone.

Sabrina is 5 feet, two inches tall, and weighs 115 pounds, both due to exercise and being naturally slim, with the only exception in this being her bust size, as she is naturally busty. When she exercises, she wears T-shirts and shorts, but when she doesn't, she normally wears collared shirts, skirts, and heels.

Biography: Sabrina Luz comes from the Luz family, which had been in Kingman for generations. Emma's grandfather, Gregory Luz, earned a significant amount of money working as a mechanic for Ford Motor. He, along with his wife Avee, had eight children, Sabrina's father Tomás being the third eldest. As his children grew older, they purchased land in Kingman, and began a small neighborhood in the area. Hence, Sabrina grew up with her extended family as her neighbors. She also has a sister, Emma, who is about a year older.

Like some of the other Luz family members, Sabrina's parents identify as preppers. Gregory had made it a goal to be able to sustain himself and his family as much as possible after the Depression. Both Tomás and his wife, Lucia Aguilar, understand how much Gregory had dedicated to keeping the family afloat. They also felt like they wanted to be able to sustain themselves if a crisis occurs. As such, they made it a point to prepare for potential crises as much as possible. For example, they tend to keep non-perishables stored inside the house, invested in a portable back-up generator, own a chicken coop and have their own vegetable garden. Tomás works as an electrician under the business name "Luz Electric." Lucia, meanwhile works in the Human Resources department of the county office.

Sabrina's parents often organized camping trips growing up. They liked camping as a hobby, and wanted to take their children out with them on trips. While Emma enjoyed spending the night in the wilderness, Sabrina was simply there because the rest of the family was, and didn't participate with the same enthusiasm as her parents or Emma. During these camping trips they would often provide Sabrina with information on what to do if she was lost. Most of the things they taught her were pretty simple, such as knowing how to contact a park ranger, or start a fire. Sabrina didn't retain much of the knowledge, but she still remembers how to navigate by the stars.

As preppers, Sabrina's parents have taught that independence is something to strive toward. They do so not only by teaching and extolling preparedness, but also through being able to perform basic tasks, such as cooking. Sabrina has known how to cook for most of her life, and she took to it very quickly. She always helps her family cook, and quite a few times makes her own dishes. In addition, she has bought a few cookbooks, and her favorite shows are cooking shows, especially Hell's Kitchen and MasterChef, which she especially watches due to Gordon Ramsay, whom she hopes to meet and train under.

During her youth, Sabrina was friendly and sociable, being on good terms with many of the students. While she didn't take a particular interest in academics, she still did good due to a combination of intelligence and studying.

When Sabrina was young, she was fascinated by the grace and poise of ballet, and begged her parents to sign her up for lessons. She was very good at it, due to a natural ability as well as genuine interest allowing her to practice while not at her lessons, which allowed her to retain the abilities more quickly than other students.

When Sabrina was thirteen, she started high school. It was at this time when she started physically maturing, going from simply cute to very attractive. She also started feeling sexual attraction towards women instead of men. Over the course of about a year, she did some internal reflection with help from her cousin Hayley, she came to the conclusion that she was a lesbian. Sabrina has yet to reveal this to her family and the public, as the reactions from the community and the family to Hayley being agender have not been ideal. On the side of the community, she is afraid that she would be shunned if she came out as a lesbian, partially due to the generally conservative slant of Kingman. On the side of her family, the fact that the reaction from Hayley's parents was lukewarm was compounded by the fact that her parents are casually homophobic. While they aren't malicious about it, they show ignorance towards gender and sexuality issues. They have used slurs before, but the reason why is less out of hatred and more out of lack of knowledge of LGBT issues. Even so, this has caused Sabrina to keep her sexual orientation a secret.

Academically, Sabrina has been a gifted student since freshman year, getting almost straight A's in the advanced classes, due to the fact that she spends her weeknights and Sunday nights studying when she is not at a ballet lesson, only planning to relax on the weekend. Because ballet takes up quite a bit of her time, she has no other extracurricular activities. Currently, she has a 3.85 grade point average, and has applied to many highly-ranked colleges, which she has yet to hear back from. Socially, she is friends with the popular group, due to her good looks and good nature. While she doesn't hang out with them a lot during the week, she does go out with them during the weekend.

Sabrina loves her parents, but doesn't feel all that close to them, mostly due to the differences in their views. Whereas Tomás and Lucia are both preppers, Sabrina herself is much more relaxed on that front, with cooking the only thing that is common ground. Sabrina's ballet is something that her parents allow her to do and show pride that she is good at it, they have no interest in it outside of Sabrina being fulfilled. The family commonly goes out on camping trips, but Sabrina, while cooperative, simply feels carried along, and is quite bored during the trips. Emma and Sabrina were enrolled in self-defense class between freshman and sophomore years, but Sabrina, due to her other commitments, stopped going when sophomore year started.

Sabrina is closer to her sister Emma. Part of this is due to the fact that they are sisters of similar ages, and as a result they not only have some intersection in classes, but also in their social groups. While Emma has compared herself to Sabrina on occasion, Sabrina does not do the opposite. Since Emma was diagnosed with narcolepsy with cataplexy late freshman year, Sabrina has been concerned for Emma. While this mostly revolves around keeping an eye on Emma in the event of another cataplectic episode, this also means that Sabrina insists on driving when the two of them are going someplace.

Advantages: Physically, Sabrina is, due to her ballet, very agile and resilient. Mentally, Sabrina is intelligent, and she has some basic survival ad self-defense skills. She has an ally in her sister Emma, and is popular and friendly enough to be able to ally with a wide variety of people.
Disadvantages: Compared to the average high school upperclassman, Sabrina has no particularly negative qualities. While she is not perfect, she is simply not bad enough at anything to qualify as truly being bad at it, being average or untested at worst.
Female #16: Jaime Schanbacher; Status: ACTIVE 0
Female #42: Sabrina Luz; Status: ACTIVE 0

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Male #9 - Zubin Wadia; Status: ACTIVE, "... and for those three reasons, good fences make good neighbors."(-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10)
Female #32 - Katarin "Kat" Tolstoff; Status: #70 ELIMINATED, "How's Miles? He must really be in a lot of pain right now."(-2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5)
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Male #28 - James "Jimmy" Robertson; Status: #97 ELIMINATED, Final Location: Darken Your Clothes and Strike a Violent Pose - "Stay strong ..."
Male #41 - Simon Telamon; Status: #213 RESCUED, Final Location: A Slight Change of Plans - ??? ?????????, ? ?????????, ? ???? ??? ???????? ?????, ? ????, ?? ????? ??? ????????? ???????? ???????, ??? ?????? ?????. ?? ?????????? ?? ??????? ????? ??? ?? ????.
Female #31 - Charlene Norris; Status: #189 ELIMINATED, Final Location: Everyday is like Sunday - ""You're my ... BFF. You ... were the best ..."
Female #50 - Tiffany Chanders; Status: #161 ELIMINATED, Final Location: Legoland Empire - What is she going to do with that now? It's not like (Adopted from selphie_trabia)
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Female #17: Jaquilyn Locke WINNER
Female #9: Cassidy Kant SECOND PLACE
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Female #39:Lana Torres JURY MEMBER #6
Female #12: Cassandra Black JURY MEMBER #5
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Female #32: Kat Tolstoff JURY MEMBER #3
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Deamon
Mr. Danya
Deamon
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 1st, 2011, 8:03 pm

January 23rd, 2016, 7:40 pm #2

Hey Decoy, I'll be critiquing Sabrina for you today. Right now Sabrina is Denied pending some changes.
wrote:Hobbies and Interests: Ballet, cooking
Sabrina needs one or two more hobbies. Only having two really isn't enough to adequately represent a character or what she's like as a person.
wrote:Sabrina Luz has thick black hair that goes down to her chest, and is kept straight most of the time, but becomes wet wavy when wet wavy.
wrote:Sabrina is 5 feet, two inches tall, and weighs 115 pounds, both due to exercise and being naturally slim, with the only exception in this being her bust size, as she is naturally busty.
This sentence could do with being split into two as right now its very long. Also the information about her bust size isn't really necessary.
wrote:but when she doesn't, she normally wears collared shirts, skirts, and heels.
I don't think a 16 year old is going to be wearing heels on a daily basis, maybe heeled sandals or boots but not out and out heels.

The first two paragraphs of the biography for your profile are directly copied and pasted from KamiKaze's profile for Emma Luz. I want both of these rewritten because even if they are sisters and the details would be the same this is not your own work.

Please also be aware that the timeline and some of the details you have given for the building of the compound directly contradicts or do not match the information given in Eliza Luz's profile. This will need to be amended.

The fact that there is only one small paragraph dedicated to ballet, something that turns up in both Sabrina's hobbies and interests and advantages isn't enough detail. I'd assume its a major hobby of hers but it only turns up after this once or twice in the rest of the profile. How often does Sabrina practice ballet? Where does she practice ballet? Does she take part in any shows? This will need to be greatly expanded as right now it just tells us she does ballet.
wrote:Academically, Sabrina has been a gifted student since freshman year, getting almost straight A's in the advanced classes, due to the fact that she spends her weeknights and Sunday nights studying when she is not at a ballet lesson, only planning to relax on the weekend.
But she studies on the weekend as well? How long do her ballet lessons last? What does she do in her free time? Does she even have free time between all this ballet practice and studying? What happens when she a project due but there's also a show coming up? How does she juggle that to maintain her straight A's and GPA. This sounds like it would all be very stressful.

Straight A's in almost all the advanced classes is quite an impressive feat for someone who didn't take much of an interest in learning when they were younger. What changed to make Sabrina put this much effort in? Since this is a large turnaround.

She's also 16 and in 12th grade meaning she's skipped a grade at some point but this detail isn't in the profile at all. When did it happen? Why did it happen? How does Sabrina feel about it? This is a fairly significant event in someones school life so I'd like a lot more detail regarding it.
wrote:Socially, she is friends with the popular group, due to her good looks and good nature. While she doesn't hang out with them a lot during the week, she does go out with them during the weekend.
Ok I'm going to have to stop you with the good looking thing here. Beauty is subjective, please amend the profile to make it less of a fact that Sabrina is good looking. Also how does she have time to go out on the weekends? She doesn't have time for any extracurricular activities between ballet and studying.
wrote:Advantages: Physically, Sabrina is, due to her ballet, very agile and resilient. Mentally, Sabrina is intelligent, and she has some basic survival ad self-defense skills. She has an ally in her sister Emma, and is popular and friendly enough to be able to ally with a wide variety of people.
Ok here's where we encounter so more issues. Twice before during the profile you've mentioned how Sabrina really doesn't enjoy going out on the camping trips her family goes on. Now while I'm not saying she wouldn't have picked up anything from these trips, but if she spent most of her time bored or disinterested she would not have picked up an adequate level and knowledge of survival for it to be an advantage.

Another major issue is that you've said how she'd be able to ally with a wide variety of people...how? It's hard to gauge this because there's not enough information in the profile that corroborates this statement. Sabrina barely has a personality right now besides being friendly, sociable and studying a lot. That doesn't tell us enough about her. What are her opinions on LGBT issues? I'd assume she'd have an opinion since she's a lesbian but there's no mention of it in the profile. You've not said what she likes to do in her free time really. She looks after her sister I guess?
wrote:Disadvantages: Compared to the average high school upperclassman, Sabrina has no particularly negative qualities. While she is not perfect, she is simply not bad enough at anything to qualify as truly being bad at it, being average or untested at worst.
Ummm no. Everyone has flaws, especially in a scenario like the island where people are put in a high stress situation. I want some real disadvantages for Sabrina before I can approve this profile.

And that's it. Make those changes and then post back here and I'll give Sabrina another look.
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MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

February 1st, 2016, 10:39 pm #3

With the start of V6 Final Applications, this profile has been moved to the abandoned section. It is eligible for immediate resubmission for final applications pending edits requested by staff.
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