Ryuunosuke Yoshida

Firedog
Cannon Fodder
Joined: August 14th, 2012, 9:00 pm

April 26th, 2015, 4:15 pm #1

Name: Ryuunosuke "Ryuu" Yoshida
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Grade: 11
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Acting, reading books, cooking, dancing, drama, playing the drums, watching movies, playing music, playing the piano, and swimming

Appearance: Ryuu has a lean build standing 5' 6" tall and weighing 130 lbs. He is of Japanese descent and has light skin with a moderate tan. His hair is black and kept in a high up pony tail more often than not, with the hair being long enough for the tail to reach back down to his neck. His hair is silky and straight. His eyes are naturally brown in color but Ryuu wears green colored contacts. When the contacts are out his eyes are much darker brown on the inner circle of the iris. With contacts the entire eye keeps an even green color. He keeps his face clean shaven so that stubble in never seen around his square jaw. He has a medium sized nose with an almost rectangular shaped bridge.

Ryuu takes good care of himself and as such keeps smooth lips, trimmed nails, and a relatively acne free face. He has thin eyebrows and typically short eyelashes. He has smooth moisturized skin and deep lines on the palm of his hands.

When it comes to clothing Ryuu prefers to wear more form fitting choices so they don't tend to hang loose around his body. Generally going for solid color shirts on the brighter side of the spectrum, with the occasional band t shirt thrown in, he is rarely seen in anything darker than royal purple. He'll wear jeans most of the time sometimes mixing in cargo pants if he wants the extra room. For footwear Ryuu will almost always run around in tennis shoes or alternating colors unless there is a special occasion.

Biography: The Yoshida family came over to America from Japan starting with Ryuu's grandparents. In 1940 they married and moved over so that they could share their cooking with people outside of Japan. Though times were tough initially, with them even being taken away to a Japanese internment camp, they loved it there and decided to stay. In 1960 they gave birth to their first child, Ryuu's father, Ichiro. A year later they gave birth to their second child, Ryuu's uncle, Jirou.

Ichiro trained in making sushi, due to a family tradition of first-borns being sushi chefs, and cooking Japanese cuisine, because he loved the dishes and wanted to honor his heritage. With these skills Ichiro became a chef in a Las Vegas casino. There he met Ryuu's mother, a half Japanese half American woman named Alexis. They dated for two years and then married. Soon after Alexis became pregnant with their first child. She gave birth to Takumi, Ryuu's brother, on September 6th, 1994. Ichiro kept working hard at the casino and eventually became the executive chef. With that Alexis and Ichiro decided to try for another child. Ryuunosuke was soon born on February 4th, 1999.

Home life was easy as Ichiro had a good paying job and could afford many luxuries for his family. He was sure to get them fresh ingredients for food and almost anything the children wanted. Ichiro and Alexis weren't too strict on the children about respecting their Japanese heritage as long as they learned Japanese and appreciated the family tradition of sushi. Many meals they ate were traditionally Japanese, but it was more because of Ichiro's love of this dishes and ability to prepare them.

Ryuu's parents loved their children very much and did what they could to make sure they were happy. Alexis remained a stay at home mom long after she could have gone back to work so that she could spend more time with Ryuu and Takumi. Ichiro didn't get to spend much time with his kids due to his demanding job, but took what time he could to interact with them and bought things he thought would give them joy. Ryuu got to be close with both his parents and was able to seek advice from them when needed.

During Ryuu's earlier years he was very attached to Takumi, trying his best to share his interests and spend time with him. One thing he picked up on was Takumi spending a lot of time with Ichiro learning how to prepare sushi and cook. Since Ryuu wasn't bound by tradition Ichiro never thought about teaching him, but Ryuu began showing an interest around 1st grade and Ichiro began teaching him the same as Takumi. Both boys showed prowess in the craft and seemed to enjoy it, though Takumi was the only one forced to continue, Ryuu still joined him for many years.

Later Ryuu realized that cooking wasn't what he loved to do most, although he did enjoy it and would continue taking lessons with his dad and brother, he sought other things to give him enjoyment. Through trying out many things Ryuu learned to swim, and found out that he enjoyed it quite a bit and began to swim competitively. He enjoyed having his body tested and strained as he strived to swim faster. Ryuu would swim nearly every day and in 4th grade joined a local children's club where he was challenged and got to have fun with other kids who enjoyed the same thing. After the first year of swimming Ichiro even had an endless pool installed in the backyard of their house to allow Ryuu a better area for practice.

Similar to cooking, Ryuu's interest in swimming waned after a few years; it was still something he enjoyed but it would never be what he loved most. Ryuu went back to focusing on cooking for a bit and realized that he enjoyed the creative aspect of it, the creation of something by him and the ability to modify it should he desire. With this in mind Ryuu went on to wanting to try out acting and music. Alexis had spent some time in her youth playing instruments and began to teach Ryuu how to play the piano in 7th grade. It took Ryuu a few months to get down the basics but his learning sped up from there. It was amazing to him all of the music he could make gliding his hands across the keys. The sounds put him at peace and he loved that he was the one performing it.

Ryuu had trouble finding opportunities to indulge his acting itch but would jump at any opportunity for small roles in classroom pieces at his school. Due to the lack of possible roles Ryuu's parents allowed him to take dance lessons, ballet and hip hop in particular, around the same time he was being taught to play the piano. This overjoyed Ryuu as he got the opportunities to build up skills he could potentially use. It also held similar type of interest to him as swimming, as he was able to train his body during. Ryuu thought of other things he could do to build up experience and began reading more books and watching more movies. In his favorite books, usually Mystery, Action, or Adventure, he would find scenes and adapt them for him to act out in front of his family. The movies Ryuu enjoyed watching were similar to the books he read, usually being Action, Adventure, or Super Hero movies. When watching movies he would observe the acting styles of the cast and used it as reference.

With Ryuu reading so much it was soon discovered that he had vision problems. Though they had never been too serious Ryuu's parents realized he was struggling to read what was on the pages and got his vision tested. After being diagnosed with near sightedness Ryuu needed to get glasses, and though they helped with his vision Ryuu didn't much like the way they made him look; Ryuu soon convinced his parents to let him switch to contacts.

Takumi left for college around the time Ryuu entered high school. It was a hard adjustment for Ryuu to no longer have Takumi around, his brother had always been a great sibling to him. He would help out Ryuu whenever he needed help and would spend enough time with him that Ryuu could be considered one of his closest friends. Even with Takumi away though, they still would talk regularly over internet IM services.

Cochise High School had a good theatre program which allowed him to audition for roles in plays and even help out backstage if he didn't get a role. Though it was uncommon for him not to receive any role in a production, he would help out others with choreography and direction if he had to be backstage.

Playing piano was a great way of musical expression for Ryuu, but after entering high school he felt like trying out different genres. With rock being the top of his mind Ryuu was able to get a drum set. Ryuu received lessons from a local who was in a start up rock band. Ryuu knocked around on the drums trying out different rhythms and playing along to his favorite songs. It didn't take more than two months for him to become moderately skilled at this as well. As well as the genre change, Ryuu decided to go for a change in look and switched to color contacts. Although it wasn't much Ryuu felt that green contacts would adequately reflect his change.

Ryuu felt more of a spark in acting and music than he had felt in any of the other things he loved doing. It allowed him to create, to perform, and let him continue honing himself for different roles. He felt like it was something he could see himself doing for life. He continued with cooking and swimming, but they would never be more than hobbies for him.

With so many hobbies and interests Ryuu didn't focus too much on school, he was smart enough to maintain a B average in his classes, but he would never take the chances to get higher than that and if he felt his grade could survive skipping homework, he would. Ryuu's parents were never too involved in his school life anyway so they didn't notice if his grades didn't deteriorate.

Ryuu enjoyed the social aspect of many of his hobbies and made many friends where possible. Ryuu is a very sociable person and knows how to get along with many people, though he dislikes those who talk about others behind their backs. Even if someone he knows does something he dislikes he will give them many chances to do better, which has led to him being taken advantage of more than once. He does his best to be kind to everyone, even those he isn't close to. It is hard for him to maintain the kindness around people he has grown to dislike, but he will remain respectful when he can to avoid worsening the relationships.

Since Ryuu's father works in Vegas as a chef, it is not uncommon for him to spend a bit of time away from home when major events are happening. Occasionally Ryuu's mother will join his father on these trips. On such occasions Ryuu takes the opportunity to throw a party. Though Ryuu prefers to keep them tame so that it is easy to clean up, it is not always his choice if word gets out and someone disreputable shows up. He has been punished several times when a party got out of hand and his parents found out, though it doesn't discourage him for throwing another one.

Though Ryuu does enjoy life in Kingman he plans to move away when he is given the chance so that he may better pursue his passion of acting.

Advantages: Ryuu is a good actor, that paired with being well liked by his classmates would allow for him to manipulate people easier; he has the skills to be convincing and they would want to believe he was telling the truth anyway. He is physically fit and has a good amount of stamina due to his physical activities, so he should be able to beat someone in a fight and he would be able to last for a while.
Disadvantages: Since Ryuu has never had to work very hard to get what he needed or wanted it will be tougher for him to adjust to being on his own and will need others to fill in for his gap in experience. Ryuu is also quite a bit more trusting than he should be, giving multiple chances before giving up on them even in situations where second chances should not be given. Ryuu has never spent much time outside and has little to no survival skills in outdoor environments.
V5 Characters
B008 Alexander de Gaulle
V5 1 | 2 | 3
Pregame 1 | 2
Memories 1
Like
Share

Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

April 27th, 2015, 1:03 am #2

Howdy Firedog! I'm Ruggahissy, I'll be your moderator for this app. You've got a really great base right now that could use some editing and some tweaks.

Hobbies
Should be "reading books" and "watching movies." Is his hobby listening to music or playing music? List the hobbies so they are the actions he would be doing. Also more on hobbies in the bio.

Basic Info

- I know it's a real name, but it's a mouthful. This one is more a suggestion than a part of the critique but kids are lazy. Maybe think of a shortening or nick name that most kids around school would call him?

Appearance

- Looks good! All your bases covered, great job. Moving on.

Bio

- There is a whole lot of information on the parents and grandparents that you could cut down a bit. It took me 6 paragraphs in to even get to Ryuunosuke. I WOULD like a sentence on why the grandparents chose America. However past that, I really don't care that much about the dad and his journey to becoming a sushi chef. I don't really care about uncle Jirou not becoming a chef. Just the straight facts of the dad becoming a chef and then getting employment at the casino are enough. Everything from the beginning to the paragraph where the dad starts working at the casino should be condensed down a bit to just the facts of what happened, involving just the grandparents and dad.

- Additionally being an expert in sushi is just being an expert in that one specialized field of Japanese cuisine which does take years of training. That doesn't mean a knowledge of Japanese cuisine in general.

- An executive chef in a Las Vegas casino makes about $85,000 a year. Just noting it for helpfulness.

- The swimming thing is brought on kind of suddenly. Did he know how to swim before?

- Also this is a bit of an issue throughout the profile, but I have a hard time figuring out when anything is happening and how old he is when he picks up different hobbies. If you could layout Ryuunosuke's history somewhat chronologically with the introduction of hobbies happening as he gets older with some time makers (saying what grade he's in or how old he is) that would be helpful.

"and joined a local children's competitive league"

This part's a bit off. Swimming doesn't really happen in leagues. Prior to high school you swim with a "club" and then when competitions (meets) happen children sign up as individuals, usually with more than one club participating. It's mostly just that the terminology is off.

"After the first year of swimming Ichiro even had a pool installed in the backyard of their house to allow Ryuu a better area for practice."

This would be hugely expensive to put in a lap pool of 25 yards across one way. If it's a small pool normally found in backyards, it would be sort of useless for practice.

"Similar to cooking, Ryuu grew tired of swimming after a few years;"

He got tired of cooking? I thought he was still doing it.

"Ryuu also thought of other things he could do to build up experience and began reading more books and watching more movies. In his favorite books he would find scenes and adapt them for him to act out in front of his family."

Okay, movies I get. Books though? Why not plays or something? Books aren't going to be as useful for acting, especially since there's nothing to emulate since books are static. On this note, books and movies are listed as hobbies. What kind of books and movies does he like? That's very broad. I would say I like movies, but I love horror movies and I hate romances.

"With Ryuu reading so much it was soon discovered that he had vision problems. Though they had never been too serious, the additional strain on his eyes caused his vision to deteriorate much more."

Reading won't deteriorate your eyesight. Reading in poor light will make your eyes tired, but that's temporary. If you want him to need glasses just say that they noticed he was having trouble seeing and got him glasses. Happens all the time.

- About the drums thing. Seems a little weird that someone could get moderately skilled with zero help over the course of a few months. Just say he got some lessons.

- How do the parents feel about him skipping homework? Actually, what's his relationship like with his parents at all. The most mention I see here is the mom teaching him piano. Some more elaboration on his relationship to his brother would be great too, and maybe about hoe he felt when he went off to college and if they still keep in touch.


Advantages and Disadvantages

"To some extent Ryuu knows how to prepare raw fish so that it may be fit for consumption, though this requires adequate materials and a clean workstation."

Not really an advantage. Salt water fish can actually be eaten straight out of the ocean because the salt water destroys a lot of the bacteria and parasites. No special preparations needed, just cut it open and eat it. Also sushi-grade fish or sashimi are further sterilized by freezing the fish to kill anything that survives. Unless Ryuunoske has a flash freezer on the island, his abilities to prepare raw fish for consumption will be the same as everyone else's. Double unnecessary because everyone is given enough food to survive the full two weeks. No need to scavenge.


- I feel like you're missing some big advantages here. He can act! That means he might be able to manipulate people if he needs to. If we're assuming he's a good actor, which there isn't much information on. Additionally, he has great stamina if he's a swimmer and dancer. He sounds well liked. All things that can be advantages.

"As Ryuu has been spoiled most of his life he does not know very well how to manage on his own and would likely need to rely on others for various things. Ryuu is also quite a bit more trusting than he should be, giving multiple chances before giving up on them even in situations where second chances should not be given."

None of this appears in the profile, but I wish it would. Is he spoiled? Do his parents and older sibling coddle him sort of? Is he not that independent? Is he trusting? Has there been a time he trusted someone too quickly or gave someone multiple chances?


END NOTES

Like I said, great base. I want to know a little more about Ryuunoske's personality though. Something that would really help with that would be if you tell me WHY he likes his hobbies. Does he like acting because it draws attention to him? Maybe he gets really horrible stage fright and hates attention, but loves pretending to be another person? This plus the interactions with his family and maybe more about how he interacts with friends would go a long way to helping me understand what this kid is like.

Make the edits, post in the thread and I'll go over it again!
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
Like
Share

Firedog
Cannon Fodder
Joined: August 14th, 2012, 9:00 pm

May 2nd, 2015, 11:20 am #3

I believe I have made the requested edits, excluding what I PMed you about. Thanks for the critique and I hope I edited satisfactorily.
V5 Characters
B008 Alexander de Gaulle
V5 1 | 2 | 3
Pregame 1 | 2
Memories 1
Like
Share

Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

May 9th, 2015, 6:52 am #4

Apologies, I've been busy and fallen ill. Will do this tomorrow
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
Like
Share

Ruggahissy
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 10th, 2010, 2:07 am

May 10th, 2015, 6:52 am #5

My apologies for the wait. Will be quicker from here on out.

- So first thing now that I'm doing a second pass on this. The family coming over in 1940 and going to an internment camp causes a lot of issues.

In 1940 there was already a pretty heavy racist sentiment against the Japanese and by February of 1942 placement in camps started. So I could not think of why of all countries this family would choose to come here in this environment.

In addition to that, families that were put in internment camps were only allowed to take what they could carry and many lost all of their possessions, homes and business. It's likely this family would be back at square one financially by the time they were released and have a huge impact on all of them, but the issue of internment is never mentioned again.

Easiest fix? Have them come over in 1955 or something. The dad isn't born until 1960 anyway.

- Speaking of the family move, did they move straight to Las Vegas or did they come to Arizona? Where did they come to live?

"Ichiro trained in making sushi, due to a family tradition of first-borns being sushi chefs, and cooking Japanese cuisine, because he loved the dishes and wanted to honor his heritage. "

This sentence is awkward. Would read better without the "and cooking Japanese cuisine" clause.

"Soon after Alexis became pregnant with their first child. "

Missing a comma after "after."

"With that Alexis and Ichiro decided to try for another child."

Missing a comma after "that."

"Since Ryuu wasn't bound by tradition Ichiro never thought about teaching him, "

Missing comma after "tradition."

"Due to the lack of possible roles Ryuu's parents allowed him to take dance lessons, ballet and hip hop in particular,"

Why did they sign him up for dance classes if he wants to act? They could probably sign him up for acting class or community theater.

"usually Mystery, Action, or Adventure,"

genres don't need capitalization

- Also the genres are interesting for an aspiring actor to take inspiration from. Action movies especially aren't usually notable for subtle, realistic acting. The genres of choice make use of very bombastic acting styles. Does he enjoy more over-the-top acting? Does he really like being loud and attracting attention with his acting?

"With so many hobbies and interests"

He doesn't have THAT much on his plate. He has no obligations towards cooking and swimming. His only real responsibilities are to acting if he's in a play and music if he's taking lessons or in band class.

"Ryuu's parents were never too involved in his school life anyway so they didn't notice if his grades didn't deteriorate."

Get rid of "anyway." It's a bit informal and it's redundant.

- is there a reason this family lives in Kingman if the dad works in Vegas and the mom doesn't work? Why not just move to Vegas, where he has been working since the kids were born? I'm under the impression the kids were born in Vegas and Ryuunoske wants to move anyway. Why are they in Arizona at all?

- I wish I could see an example of someone taking advantage of him because he's too trusting.

- On examples, could you give us an idea of what books/movies/music he likes in the appropriate paragraphs? It would add some character to know if he likes Con Air or if his favorite band is Arcade Fire or what have you.

"Ryuu is a good actor, that paired with being well liked by his classmates would allow for him to manipulate people easier; he has the skills to be convincing and they would want to believe he was telling the truth anyway. "

- This is a really clunky sentence. Maybe break it up into parts.

That's about it. More grammar on this pass. I feel like I've gotten a bit of a better handle on what Ryu is like. The most helpful paragraph was the one about how he tries to be respectful even to people he doesn't like.


Lemme know when these are done and I'll respond in less than a lifetime.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
- Today at 8:38 PM
imagine this happening in life
and you pissed off a cop and he made you live with some incontinent sodafreak

05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not kill a policeman
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal his helmet
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not defecate in his helmet and mail it to his grieving family.
05:57 NotAFlyingToyYou would not steal it again

17:06 Ruggawork An orison is a prayer
17:07 trash i don't know why i thought it was a bird
17:07 trash who looks at random ass words and thinks "huh what does that mean? whatever it's probably a bird"

14:11 Kalopsia I HEARD FURRIES AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.
14:11 Imehal Lovely.
14:11 Imehal Read that again.

20:16Outfoxd I SAID I'M TAKIN IT BACK FROM THE SALTINE ESTABLISHMENT
20:16Meeemz Half the drag queens on Drag Race would beg to differ.
20:16Outfoxd EVERYONE KNOWS ALL DANCE CAME FROM AFRICA
20:17Outfoxd YOU CRACKAS NEED TO PUT SOME CHEESE ON YOSELF AND GO SIT ON A SNACK TRAY SOMEWHERE

21:07craft i
21:07craft am a fan of blowjbs.
21:07craft nods sagely
21:07Rugga ?
21:07Rugga Does that mean you get a lot of them or give a lot?
21:07craft yes
21:07craft wait
21:07Rugga ....



22:31Mimi THATS WHAT I THPGUTH
22:31Mimi THOUGHTU
22:31mudkip MIMI'S TURN
22:31Ruggahissy Thougt
22:31Ruggahissy THOUGHT
22:31Mimi HOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy We got it
22:31Mimi THOUGHT
22:31Ruggahissy WE GOT IT
22:31Mimi we did good
22:32Mimi we're a good team

22:46 Meeemz I love dicks, though
22:46 Meeemz er
22:46 Rugga Sig quote
22:46 NaftUm
22:46 Meeemz dicky characters
22:46 Meeemz GOD NO

19:45 BikrikiI am pretty sure we can built a bridge to jerking off

00:11 Mimi DOESN'T FOAM BREAK EASILY
00:11 Ruggahissy Not if you wrap it in duct tape
00:11 MurderWeasel There's a fiberglass core.
00:12 MurderWeasel And the foam is some special sort you buy directly from another dimension using souls as currency or something.
00:12 Ruggahissy.........

14:42 Bikriki JA! Stick it in ze boot!
14:43 Rugga I LOVE THIS KID
14:43 Bikriki adds that to list of sexual euphemisms
14:43 Skyler_Phone You have a list?
14:43 Bikriki <.<
14:43 Bikriki >.>
14:43 Bikriki No...

Victoria says:
Oh wait, I totally forgot to tell you last night because I was busy whoring
Mimi says:
STORY
OF
MY
LIFE

16:42 KamiKaze I've always wondered what using a fleshlight feels like.
16:42 KamiKaze Too bad I'm not special because God didn't give me a penis. ):

17:46 Dom LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR VAGOO

Ruggahissy this dress makes me feel like I should be having tea with the mad hatter. Not getting felt up by drunk Germans
Dom don't let them go down the rab-
Ruggahissy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dom SO WORTH IT

09:51 Vicky We did a good job, didn't we, Meemz?
09:51 Mimi not really, no

03:19 GeneralGoose*BUT HE'S GONNA THINK IT'S A SPOON. OR MY PENIS. WHICH IT ISN'T*

23:15 Cluevara ICE CREAM MAKES YOU FAT YOU LARDY LARD BUTT.


[+] Spoiler
Jonah Heartsgrave: If you need to talk I'll listen.
Lori Martin: You're so stuck up.
Tirzah Foss: Let's have some fun.
[+] Spoiler

v6
Caleb Diamond: Silly sacrificer
Hazel Jung: Abandoned actress
v5
Amaranta Montalvo: Pageant Winner
Michelle Wexler: Vegetarian sweetheart
Paris Ardennes : Scheming holy man

v4
Ethan Kent : The smartest jerk
Sally Connelley: Dainty meanie
Nick LeMonde : Eternal optimist
Isabel Guerra: Sad little girl
Autumn O'Leary: Lonely redhead
Mary-Ann Warren: Crumbling romantic
Like
Share

MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

May 25th, 2015, 10:30 am #6

This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.
Like
Share