Rachael Langdon

Laurels
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 4th, 2011, 4:36 pm

January 13th, 2012, 5:02 pm #1

Name: Rachael Langdon
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Writing, Music, Yoga, Kickboxing

Appearance: Rachael is only about 5'1” tall and weighs around 112 pounds. Her body is fairly toned from her kickboxing and yoga, but not too muscular. Her breasts are around A-cup sized. Rachael's clothing choices tend to hide her body shape. Cold weather clothing means she will wear a lot of big sweaters and floor length skirts, while in hot weather she will wear loose blouses with very large and open sleeves and skirts that reach her knees. She also prefers to wear sneakers instead of high heels and usually carries her items in a large mail courier bag.

Rachael's skin is blemish free and pale. Her oval shaped face is fairly small, mostly due to her fairly large emerald green eyes. She has long chocolate brown hair that falls past her waist. Rachael tends to wear her hair in a very large and thick braid that usually falls over her right shoulder and is tied with green hair ribbons. She also wears a green headband behind her fringe bangs and small green studs in her ears.

Biography: Rachael Alma Langdon was born May 9th, 1994, in Newport News, Virginia. She was the second child of Aaron and Leanna Langdon, their first child being Rachael's sister Bridget, born eight years earlier. Aaron was an engineer at the Northrop Grumman Shipyard while Leanna was a music teacher at Hampton Roads Academy.

Rachael spent her early life living in historic Hilton Village, attending Hilton Elementary School. Home life was fairly average for young Rachael. Her parents dotted on her as the baby of the family, but did not spoil her. She looked up to her big sister, who in turn was very kind to her, although their age difference did mean that Rachael had to accept that Bridget would sometimes rather play with kids her own age. Most of the time, Rachael would only speak if someone first spoke to her. At home, she would usually be off on her own doing whatever activity interested her, staying out of the way of her parents and sister.

Since late elementary school, Aaron and Leanna began to worry that Rachael's shyness might be a sign of some antisocial tendencies. Rachael was very shy in school, often choosing not to play with any of the other children and sitting alone reading. They tried to talk to Rachael, but their conclusion was that she was simply afraid of getting involved with people other than her family. School psychologists said that Rachael was just an introverted girl and would probably grow out of it if she got older.

To help her grow out of her shyness, Rachael's parents tried to get her involved in various activities and group to influence her social skills. They saw how much she enjoyed reading and tried to get her to join a writing club at the local library when she was eight. While Rachael didn't have much fun with the other kids in the club, she did flourish in the subject of writing. She found such joy writing about fantastic lands and whimsical characters that she would tend to spend her free time working on some writing project to show her family and only her family. Aaron and Leanna decided to not get too worried about Rachael's development, and hoped that their encouragement of her talents in the hope that she would grow out of this behavior.

For the most part, Rachael didn't grow too much out of her shy nature. She would still be hesitant to approach new people, but she at least attempted to make friends. She at most would have two or three good friends, and tended to stay with them throughout elementary and middle school.

Towards the end of eighth grade, Aaron received a great promotion to manage one of the shipyards in Seattle, Washington. At the time, Bridget had finished her undergraduate studies at the University of Virginia and was going to attend law school there, so Aaron, Leanna, and Rachael packed their bags and moved to Seattle.

Starting her Freshman year of high school in a new city, Rachael was initially nervous and decided to simply fly under the radar for the first few months. This garnered the attention of some girls who would notice her doormat qualities and try to harass her for it. However, it was in this time that she did become friends with classmates Alina Rivette, Garret Booth, and Lisa Grzybowski, who reached out to her and helped her begin to let down some of the guards she set up. Rachael was still shy, but she showed an appreciation for her friends and try to be good to them.

In high school, Rachael also continued to flourish in new activities. She continued with her writing hobby and joined English club. She also joined the school newspaper and began to write articles on school events. Rachael began taking yoga in middle school, which she carried over when they moved to Seattle. While at the gym, her mother thought it might be fun for Rachael to get involved in a sport of some kind. After a bit of browsing, Rachael decided to get involved with kickboxing, as she found the sport to be cathartic and good at building strength. Rachael has been practicing kickboxing for three years, although she prefers practicing to stay in good shape than pursuing an actual interest in fighting, although she has entered some junior tournaments at the request of her coach.

Rachael's mother also introduced her to a lot of music. Aside from having an appreciation for classical and operatic music, Rachael was also introduced to lots of popular musicians, some of her favorites including The Beatles, Radiohead, and Bjork. Rachael is always open to listening to new music and creating playlists for workouts and writing sessions.

At home, Rachael's life is pretty average. Rachael is a bit more open around her family. She talks to her parents at dinner and family movie night, and is always open to speaking with them about her issues, even though she tends to keep her voice at a reasonable level and only speaks when spoken to. Rachael only gets to see Bridget during summer vacation, and they are still fairly close, with Bridget being the kind older sister. However, Bridget tends to spend a good amount of her vacation time interning at a local law firm, so Rachael has to accept that her sister can be busy during the break.

Rachael has never been in a relationship before, although her friend Garrett tried to introduce the idea of dating his friend Alfred Stoke. Rachael tried not to think to much about dating since she is still in high school, although she has shown an interest in the idea of being in a relationship.

Rachael hopes to attend a state school and major in Education and English. She hopes to be a novelist, but as a safety net she hopes to become an English teacher and encourage young writers and poets. She is on the A-B honor roll, doing well in classes like English, and History while not being that proficient in Science or Math.

Advantages: Rachael has experience in yoga and kickboxing which keep her in shape. She is also a very quiet person, which might allow her to fly under the radar.
Disadvantages: Rachael hardly talks to anyone and is tough to let her guard down around others, so it might be hard for her to make friends and/or allies.
[+] Spoiler
Nadia Riva
"You don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model? And you're telling me while wearing that face?"


Noah Whitley
"You look like you could use a laugh, and I have just the joke for that."


Alba Reyes
"Woo hoo! Three holes in one! That's a new record!"
[+] Spoiler
Girl #007-Rachael Langdon
"I really am going to die, aren't I? Oh god, what am I going to do?"


Armed with a Solar Powered Scientific Calculator
Stabbed with a sword by Marcus Leung.
Girl #018-Claire Monaghan
"You know, I always thought I'd be seen by millions. Fuck Murphy's Law."


Armed with a Shotgun Flashlight (1 Bullet) and a bulletproof vest

Girl #035-Sophie McDowell
"People often find inspiration in the darkest times. I guess I can too."
Killed by a grenade thrown by Summer Simms

Armed with a lead pipe.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

19:10 Laurelena: When octopi eat hamsters, the resulting laughter is a mix of colorful idiocy and dainty ice skating

18:10 Mimi: "how many nipples does Miss Piggy REALLY have?"

16:57 Mimi play Fergaliscious
16:58 Mimi IF YOU EVER WANT FANS
16:58 Mimi YOU NEED FERALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi FERGALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi Omg
16:58 Mimi feral-liscious
16:58 Mimi that's
16:58 Mimi blowing my mind

16:57 KamiKaze Laurie, if you ever become a mod, let it be known that one day you will critique someone's profile who had a girl killing her family friend because he raped her, and the person will insult you by calling you a talking Oshawott doll.

21:42Acidic i AM ANAL WART MAN

00:19Delroy.... I HAVE AN IMAGE OF HANSEL FUCKING TRAVIS WITH A CHAINSAW STUCK IN MY HEAD. HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY GOOD!?


[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon and Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler


Rachael Langdon


Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler

Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler




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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

January 14th, 2012, 2:08 am #2

Hi Laurelena. I'm Betaknight and I'll be your mod for the approval process. Let me begin by saying that you have a very nice profile. However, Rachael is DENIED pending some revisions and expansions.

To begin, the biggest issue currently is the lack of information about Rachael's relationship with her family. There is no mention at all about how she feels about her parents and sister, what type of relationship they have, or what her homelife is like. Is she as withdrawn from them as she is with strangers? Does this concern her parents/sister at all? Information like that is important, especially with a character like Rachael who has such limited interaction with her classmates.

Now that we've addressed that, I'm going to take the rest of the items in order of what I've noticed. Please bear with me.

"Since Kindergarten, Aaron and Leanna would have to speak to the guidance counselors who suspected that Rachael exhibited antisocial tendencies. "

I understand that you are emphasizing Rachael's shyness with this statement, but shyness in a kindergartener does not classify as an 'antisocial tendency', especially when speaking to a school psychologist (because more than likely at an elementary level, that is who they would be talking to). Terms like 'antisocial tendencies', when used by counselors and psychologists, generally describe behavior that violates the rights of others, society, or the law. Also, I don't think it is so unusual to have shy kindergarteners. I could understand her parents being concerned, but I think it is a bit early for school professionals to notice.

"To help her out, Rachael's parents tried to get her involved in various activities and group to influence her social skills. They saw how much she enjoyed reading and tried to get her to join a writing club at the local library. While Rachael didn't have much fun with the other kids, she did flourish in the subject of writing. Her written work never suggested any serious issues with her personality, as they were all happy stories with fantastic characters and settings."

Could you please indicate at what age Rachael joined the writing program? When I reaad it, I was a little confused and wondered if this was something they enrolled her in while she was in kindergarten or first grade. And I don't know that the content of her stories would indicate a personality issue or a lack of one, unless you are infering that authors have some serious issues.

Next, there are some pieces of information that seem to contradict what has been previously stated in the profile, like the following: "Starting her Freshman year of high school in a new city, Rachael once again retreated to her shy behavior, choosing to remain in the background and not be noticed. "

"However, it was in this time that she did become friends with classmates Alina Rivette, Garret Booth, and Lisa Grzybowski.

In high school, Rachael also continued to flourish in new activities. She continued with her writing hobby and joined English club. "

I'm not sure if she's slipping back into the super-reclusive behavior of her early elementary years or if she's coming out of her shell and socializing with the people around her. How long did this withdrawl last? When did it begin to reverse? What spurred on this increased socialization?

"Her mother also wanted her to get involved in something athletic at a local gym to help her stand up to people who were harassing her, and Rachael found an interest in kickboxing. Rachael has been practicing kickboxing for the last three years and has participated in a few tournaments at the request of her coaches."

"Rachael also began taking yoga in middle school with her mother, so she continues to take classes every weekend."

"She is on the A-B honor roll, doing well in classes like English, Math, and History while not being that proficient in Science or Physical Education. "

"Advantages: Rachael has experience in yoga and kickboxing which keep her in shape. "

There are some contradictions here that I would like to see clarified, please. Rachael kickboxes well enough to compete at the request of her coach, which implies that she must have some skill. And she kickboxes at her mother's request for her to be doing something atheletic. Does Mom not consider their yoga classes together to be atheletic enough? How did Rachael decide on kickboxing? What about kickboxing appeals to her? Does she enjoy competing? Also, if Rachael is a skilled kickboxer, why is she not proficient (proficient implying that she is not doing well at all) in P.E.?

Finally, there are a few places where you switch tenses (going from past to present tense) in the profile, like this paragraph: "Rachael has never been in a relationship before, although her friend Garrett tried to introduce the idea of dating his friend Alfred Stoke. Rachael isn't entirely certain about the idea of dating someone, and is mostly hoping that if Alfred is interested in her, then he would be the one to approach her. "

Overall, Rachael Langdon is a very solid start for a profile. She is very believeable and once you have addressed the items raised in this critique, I will be happy to look at it again.
[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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Laurels
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 4th, 2011, 4:36 pm

January 14th, 2012, 2:54 am #3

Edited! Here's to hoping this flies!
[+] Spoiler
Nadia Riva
"You don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model? And you're telling me while wearing that face?"


Noah Whitley
"You look like you could use a laugh, and I have just the joke for that."


Alba Reyes
"Woo hoo! Three holes in one! That's a new record!"
[+] Spoiler
Girl #007-Rachael Langdon
"I really am going to die, aren't I? Oh god, what am I going to do?"


Armed with a Solar Powered Scientific Calculator
Stabbed with a sword by Marcus Leung.
Girl #018-Claire Monaghan
"You know, I always thought I'd be seen by millions. Fuck Murphy's Law."


Armed with a Shotgun Flashlight (1 Bullet) and a bulletproof vest

Girl #035-Sophie McDowell
"People often find inspiration in the darkest times. I guess I can too."
Killed by a grenade thrown by Summer Simms

Armed with a lead pipe.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

19:10 Laurelena: When octopi eat hamsters, the resulting laughter is a mix of colorful idiocy and dainty ice skating

18:10 Mimi: "how many nipples does Miss Piggy REALLY have?"

16:57 Mimi play Fergaliscious
16:58 Mimi IF YOU EVER WANT FANS
16:58 Mimi YOU NEED FERALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi FERGALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi Omg
16:58 Mimi feral-liscious
16:58 Mimi that's
16:58 Mimi blowing my mind

16:57 KamiKaze Laurie, if you ever become a mod, let it be known that one day you will critique someone's profile who had a girl killing her family friend because he raped her, and the person will insult you by calling you a talking Oshawott doll.

21:42Acidic i AM ANAL WART MAN

00:19Delroy.... I HAVE AN IMAGE OF HANSEL FUCKING TRAVIS WITH A CHAINSAW STUCK IN MY HEAD. HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY GOOD!?


[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon and Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler


Rachael Langdon


Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler

Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler




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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

January 15th, 2012, 12:21 am #4

Hi. I still need to you discuss Rachael's current relationship with her family since she is so shy and withdrawn with others. I see that you mentioned how her family responded when she was a baby, but I need to know how they interact now. Once that is added, we can get her approved.
[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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Share

Laurels
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 4th, 2011, 4:36 pm

January 15th, 2012, 12:37 am #5

Edited again! Let's make this the one!!
[+] Spoiler
Nadia Riva
"You don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model? And you're telling me while wearing that face?"


Noah Whitley
"You look like you could use a laugh, and I have just the joke for that."


Alba Reyes
"Woo hoo! Three holes in one! That's a new record!"
[+] Spoiler
Girl #007-Rachael Langdon
"I really am going to die, aren't I? Oh god, what am I going to do?"


Armed with a Solar Powered Scientific Calculator
Stabbed with a sword by Marcus Leung.
Girl #018-Claire Monaghan
"You know, I always thought I'd be seen by millions. Fuck Murphy's Law."


Armed with a Shotgun Flashlight (1 Bullet) and a bulletproof vest

Girl #035-Sophie McDowell
"People often find inspiration in the darkest times. I guess I can too."
Killed by a grenade thrown by Summer Simms

Armed with a lead pipe.
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

19:10 Laurelena: When octopi eat hamsters, the resulting laughter is a mix of colorful idiocy and dainty ice skating

18:10 Mimi: "how many nipples does Miss Piggy REALLY have?"

16:57 Mimi play Fergaliscious
16:58 Mimi IF YOU EVER WANT FANS
16:58 Mimi YOU NEED FERALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi FERGALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi Omg
16:58 Mimi feral-liscious
16:58 Mimi that's
16:58 Mimi blowing my mind

16:57 KamiKaze Laurie, if you ever become a mod, let it be known that one day you will critique someone's profile who had a girl killing her family friend because he raped her, and the person will insult you by calling you a talking Oshawott doll.

21:42Acidic i AM ANAL WART MAN

00:19Delroy.... I HAVE AN IMAGE OF HANSEL FUCKING TRAVIS WITH A CHAINSAW STUCK IN MY HEAD. HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY GOOD!?


[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon
[+] Spoiler

Rachael Langdon and Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler


Rachael Langdon


Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler

Claire Monaghan
[+] Spoiler




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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

January 15th, 2012, 1:10 am #6

APPROVED
[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

Like
Share