Riki
Winner
Joined: July 7th, 2012, 6:39 pm

February 22nd, 2016, 11:03 pm #11

You are a person whose opinion I appreciate highly. Hearing your opinion of
Fiyori Senay
would be lovely!
[+] spoiler
Hycanthe Eickenhorst
Piet Lick
Cedric Matsumoto [INSPO]
[+] spoiler
Lucilly Peterson wrote: Lucilly Peterson 0 % ♪Laing - Paradies Naiv♪ Porno Magazine
||Seeds||Day||Still||
||Dream|Island|Sideshow|Soul|dr36m|Paradies||
Johnny Ray McKay wrote: Johnny McKay Dead Tracking Bug and Transponder
||Breaths||Pizza|People 2||Fortune||
||Girlfriend|Needles|Thanos|Blanc|Demons|Hasty|Another|Hyphaema|Minus|Anemia|Eternal Happiness||
[+] spoiler
O B014 Joachim Lovelace - Ballistic Knife, MP 18, Obsidian Knife - "It doesn't matter. They lost, he lost, I'll lose. That's the nature of the game."
O G042 Aileen Aurora Abdallah - Pair of MMA Gloves, Golf Club & Table Leg -
B059 David Zimmer - Sabre -
[+] spoiler
SnoopDommyDommmy: specialist subject in Mastermind is "History of Defecation in Wrestling"

Ruggahissy: We are the law now and our law keeps the streets clean O_O
Kilmarnock: XD Good.
Kilmarnock: Yaaaay for being the law.

Kermit: I asked a kid who had a crush on me. But I pretty much only gave him a hug so I guess that wasn't nice of me
Kermit: My friends said I was rude not to have at least offered him a blow job
Kermit: Apparently that would have been the polite thing to do

SpiralAgnew: Here, have something sad-looking
Bikriki: I must add this to my collection of pics that show people crying.
SpiralAgnew: XD You actually have one of those?
Whirly: I was going to say "Ian, of course he has a collection like that. He's German."

cos frankly the idea of trying to turn all your straight female characters into lesbians amuses me hugely

Uno: You seem excited. did Bambi's mom get reincarnated as a bug you just swatted?

Skraal: would it be correct to say you've sucked on a lot of black ones?
TtMaR: They taste nicer
TtMaR: Better shape, too.
TtMaR: They fit neatly into your mouth,.

Bikriki: My hometown is not a very indication of my personality.
Bikriki: Because as far as I can recall, I am neither ugly nor full of minorites
Bikriki: Though I would not mind the latter.
Bikriki winks

Shangela: Facials for the greater good.

Shangela: I work you into climax, what happens afterward is none of my concern.
Wes: Says the world's most detached sexecutioner.

OH NO DECISIONS
CAN I AGONISE FOR ATLEAST 3 WEEKS CONSTANTLY CHANGING MY MIND??

Shangela: Did you stop high school genocide with your cock, Sansa?
Sansa: yes yes i did
Sansa: sunshine and happiness wasn't working so i had to take drastic measures

Wes: Welcome to SotF chat
Wes: Your weekly forecast: Nipples n' butts, if the pattern holds

Ruggawork: Yeah Aloha was a zygot with a keyboard shoved up his mom's uterus

<WES> Riki would never say or do anything sexual. He is a flower of innocence and purity.
<WES> If he was heroin, he'd be blue magic

Ruggahissy - Today at 11:10 PM
When I was 10 a kid kept calling me "Victoria's Secret" so I chased him, knocked him down and then stomped on him
He stopped
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Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

February 22nd, 2016, 11:36 pm #12

And that's 10! I'll get started on these as soon as I can
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

February 23rd, 2016, 6:01 pm #13

Boop boop it's a Kimiko Kao Critique V1

THE COMPELLING

One of the great things about Kimiko right now is your sense of communication with her. When you have a character like this, it's easy to make something like being mute/deaf/blind/etc. be the only thing about them, or the most interesting thing about them, but you weave Kimiko's muteness in very naturally and don't hang up on it. It's there and it's present but it's something she has a pretty good handle on and seems comfortable with, so it becomes complementary to her narrative rather than the center of it, and that's an excellent way to handle it in my opinion. This is going to get more challenging once the game moves from pre-game to the Island since she will no longer have her cellphone and that's one of her primary means of communication, and pen/paper may not be readily available for her, but I think you're laying a solid foundation for her to kick off on there.

Another thing I like about Kimiko is that she's very cool and collected. Whether Bradley's being an ass or Jerry's making an insensitive comment or she's getting a chance to geek out with Junko, she takes things in a measured stride that feels natural, like she has a good sense of herself. This scaffolds well from her profile comments as someone who pushes herself to be outgoing and not let her disability control her. It's easy to say that a character is social or easygoing, but Kimiko is having that kind of thing tested and acing it in terms of characterization, and I think you're doing some solid work there.

THE DRAGGING

One thing we haven't seen much of from Kimiko is her athleticism. Gymnastics is a big part of her life according to her profile, but I don't see it having much presence at all in her pre-game so far. I'd like to see some expansion and maybe a thread with her hanging out with other athletes or a one-shot of her performing to get a sense of how this hobby shapes her and what it means for her, given that she's been doing it for twelve years and it features prominently in descriptions of her school life, family life, and advantages.

Another thing I'd like to see is what makes Kimiko's collected, outgoing nature crack. You've established the consistency of her attitude pretty well and had her throw out a couple jabs towards Bradley, but I'm wondering what, if anything, can make her break from that and get under her skin? Consistency is good, but it's also sort of bland unless you break it up with spikes of something else. Character traits like that are such a juicy testing ground for conflict and later hooks in the main game, and I think it would be a beneficial area to keep in mind when looking for places to throw Kimiko in the future.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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General Goose
Winner
Joined: June 23rd, 2010, 1:18 am

February 23rd, 2016, 6:23 pm #14

Oh, oh, Bradley Floyd please oh Grand Empress!
V7 peeps:
Nick Ogilvie
Ashlynn Martinek
Bill Winlock
Camille Bellegarde

V6 peeps:
Kiziah Saraki
Bradley Floyd
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Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

February 23rd, 2016, 6:27 pm #15

General Goose wrote:Oh, oh, Bradley Floyd please oh Grand Empress!
The queue is currently full and closed, my fowl friend, but I'd be happy to do him if you want to pop him into the next one when it opens, these queues likely won't take very long to empty
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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Primrosette
Winner
Joined: June 6th, 2015, 2:05 am

February 23rd, 2016, 6:34 pm #16

Why isn't there a nitpicky section? I'm just curious to know.
Their Time Is gone wrote:
[+] spoiler
V6
B030 - Brendan Harte: "F-Family..... Thank you, thank you, t-thank.... you, Alba, Jon...."
G014 - Scarlett McAfee: "I always liked you, y-you know...?"
G044 - Maria Cucinotta (Adopted): "Hah..."
[+] spoiler
Emmett Bunnell: Artistic Loner
Violet Quinn: Quiet Goth

[+] spoiler
Travis Levenson: 'Me? Nice? Please! You're being delusional...'
Tia Sullivan: 'This is a complete waste of my time....'
Molly Doe: 'Why don't we just get with the party lovers and have a crazy, wild experience?'
Ravan Sharpe: 'Uh.... H-Hi.'
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General Goose
Winner
Joined: June 23rd, 2010, 1:18 am

February 23rd, 2016, 6:39 pm #17

Whoops, missed that queue closed post. Damn my selective illiteracy!
V7 peeps:
Nick Ogilvie
Ashlynn Martinek
Bill Winlock
Camille Bellegarde

V6 peeps:
Kiziah Saraki
Bradley Floyd
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Emprexx Plush
Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

February 24th, 2016, 6:47 pm #18

Primrosette wrote:Why isn't there a nitpicky section? I'm just curious to know.
Good question! I have sort of a love-hate relationship with the nitpicky section. In a lot of critiques you'll see I leave it blank, chuck in a joke or throw-away comment, that kind of thing, because it's overall the least useful and relevant section of the critique. However, sometimes it allows me to talk about something that doesn't really fit in either section but feels important to discussing the character at large, so I don't want to just chuck it from my big critiques.

With this kind of format, though, I personally don't feel like it fits well with the purpose and anything worth mentioning in nitpicky can probably be folded into one of the other two sections with caveats? Since this is a more broad and process sort of critique, it just doesn't feel necessary or appropriate for me to include it. If people are like, super-into the nitpicky section as feedback for whatever reason and what it included, though, I'm open to it, I just didn't see the point on my end XD
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

February 29th, 2016, 7:49 pm #19

Boop boop it's a Raina Rose Critique V1

THE COMPELLING

There is a sort of light, breathy quality to the way Raina's narrative describes things that I think suits her overall character. A nice combination of the abstract and concrete that almost borders on cliche at times but never quite crosses that line for me. She has a sort of broad spectrum focus of perspective that suits her interest, like the way her introductory post spiders from absentee parents to childhood memories to her diet to the other diners around her, all while being chockful of little details that slip their way into her thought process. This also lends well into the way she conceives her actions and the way people react to her: Raina has the double-edged sword of being someone who sees a lot, and thus understands a lot, and falls into the fallacy of believing that means she understands everything. I like that you aren't going over the top with this and making her an outright snarky, pompous little shit to everyone, because it makes her more of a human being and shifts how I, as a reader, am understanding her complex. From the way you've set it up, Raina doesn't think she needs to be better than anyone else. She just flat out is, and that's a fact so basic that she doesn't have to call attention to it. I like that as a trait and I'm interested in seeing what you do with it.

THE DRAGGING

Raina's dialogue is pretty flat right now. She doesn't speak the way she thinks at all, to me, it tends to be pretty straight and to the point, clear and concise. Sometimes she bounces around topic wise, but I'm not seeing that spider-web process that defines her worldview. When she switches to dialogue, a lot of her personality squeezes off somewhere into the ether.

That's problematic because there's a lot of great Raina stuff for people to interact with, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with communicating her thoughts as an idea, but so much of what is there never makes it to the surface. What does feels diluted. Going forward, I would really focus on her conscious speech and punch it up to be on a similar level as her narrative.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
Quote
Like
Share

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Mr. Danya
Joined: June 26th, 2011, 8:09 pm

February 29th, 2016, 8:12 pm #20

Boop boop it's a Conrad Harrod Critique V1

THE COMPELLING

Conrad is so oblivious to everything that goes on in the world and I kind of love it. He's not necessarily innocent either, he seems to just genuinely not care for anything that is not directly his problem, and shift the blame for stuff that is onto other people. You characterize this really well from the beginning with his commentary on the alarm clock, and it carries through into moments like his encounter with Taranis at the school. You have made a character that is genuinely self-centered and self-absorbed without making him a jerk or an outright villain we're supposed to hate. When Taranis calls him an asshole, yeah, it's kind of true, but it twinges something in me and I feel bad for the poor baby. I like the dynamic you have at play here and I think it's something really interesting and unique that you should explore further.

THE DRAGGING

Conrad's posts tend to be real thin. Almost no physical descriptions, no thoughts, and short, clipped dialogue. This doesn't make a lot of sense to me because he's supposed to be really smart and hyper-talkative to the point of being annoying, and I know you don't write like this usually. Right now, instead of being sociable and mile a minute, Conrad comes off as awkward and shy and like he doesn't pick up anything, period. That doesn't jive with his profile and the archetype you've set up, to me. Revisiting his sense of social openness and getting him chattering away to bring out that annoying quality would do a lot for him.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
G056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
[+] spoiler
B062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
[+] spoiler
B014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
Isaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars

NPCs:
Jacob Brooks: ... Character Theme: 1812 Overture-Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
[+] spoiler
Blaise d'Aramitz: Blonde Hair, Black Lungs-Sorority Noise
Helena 'Hel" Fury: Okay, but riddle me this: where in the rulebook does it say it's not a series of automatic critical hits if I Flurry of Blows an ogre's nutsack like a speedbag? Bad Liar-Selena Gomez
Jeremiah Widdlestone: NOT--FOR--YOU 911/Mr. Lonely-Tyler The Creator
Damian Riccardo Maradona Reyes: I'll go all day, all week, all year if I gotta, big guy. Just try and stop me. Years Of War-Porter Robinson
Barbara "Babs" Mulaney: One. Deux. Tres. Vier. Fem. Yug. Haft. Aath. Dyev-yat. Dez. Might Tell You Tonight-Scissor Sisters
Zyzzx Rigs: Last of the first, folks. Light me up.You Know You Like It - DJ Snake ft.
AlunaGeorge
[+] spoiler
Some Guy Probably: A thing he said? Character Theme: Flyers-Bradio
Alex Darby: Let's weigh what everyone brings to the table, and find a suitable compromise. It's in your best interest. Character theme: Devil's Gift-Shaman's Harvest
[+] spoiler
Plush Wants To Read Your Dead Things and your Living Things! As of 8/14/2017, the Living Queue is Closed, and the Dead Queue is Open!
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