Will
Player
Joined: January 24th, 2012, 7:55 pm

December 6th, 2013, 6:23 pm #31

Thanks guys! I pretty much agree with most of what you say. My writing is definitely not the greatest and I think that's the biggest thing I need to work on. I do think that I'm slowly improving though, if you look at some of my posts in pre-game I personally can see a big difference, so hopefully it will continue. As you've said, a big problem of mine has been people not joining Finn's threads (the latest one included) and I think that's slowed him down quite a bit and he hasn't been able to develop as well as other characters. I can sort of see where you guys are coming from with the bus driver/parachute thing, but keep in mind that on the island he has only been in 2 threads with other people. The latter of the threads was sort of messed up due to me being away during the end of it, which is why Finn is on his own again currently. But yeah, thanks a lot for the critique guys! I will take the advise and try to improve on him. And Naft, I kinda see where you're coming from with the vampire thing XD. (and I also feel so special having one of my characters in someones top 10, never thought that would happen XD)
V6 Characters:
------------------
----Cassandra "Cassie" Venus--------------------------------Eleanor "Elle" Duval----------
[+] spoiler
------------------
--------B011: Finn Grant ------------------------------------- G020: Stacy Ramsey------
----------Weapon: Megaphone--------------------------Weapon: Bryan Calvert's SPAS-12
---------------------------Multishot---------------------------------------------- Caught in a Moment-------------------
[+] spoiler
Finn Grant: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Stacy Ramsey: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

December 18th, 2013, 1:29 am #32

A NoëlAttunedSantaSona Public Service Announcement!

Hey there, folks! Some sad news - Un-Persona has come down with a terrible, terrible illness known as The Spirit of Christmas.

Ho Ho *Hack*. Also finals week this week. Naft has a job or something. What I’m saying is that we’re going on a temporary, short, hiatus. Well, you can probably tell we’re already on one, but semantics.

We just figured that we’d make it official. We’ll resume our critiques (next up: Megan!) when we’re both back in a position to dedicate time to carefully reading over your human sacrifices submitted kids and then spew walls of colourful text about their experiences.

You’re all getting shit for Christmas. We’ll maybe also start shooting back out critiques at that time, miraculously.

From all of us here at NoëlAttunedSantaSona industries, we bid you an adieu, a happy new year, a happy Kwanza, and whatever jewish people celebrate - fondu or whatever.

V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ & ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
V7 - ❤ ❤ ❤ - PV3 - {❤} ❤ ❤ - TV3 - ❤ ❤ - V8 - ❤ ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

December 21st, 2013, 7:02 am #33

Who's gonna saaaave the wooooorld toniiiiight!?

Critique: Megan Emerson

Happy Holidays sotf~

Today we have Megan Emerson, kicking us off on our seasonal critiques. Now then, this character rubbed me the wrong way from the get go. As a person, anyway. Whether that be intentional or not, it’s a part of her character that isn’t fair at all for me to dig on, and should actually be seen as a positive thing, because writing is suppose to make you have a response, whether that be negative or positive. Still, I think it’s really only her general personality that got me on the wrong foot, and at the very least she isn’t just a bland snark machine. Let’s talk about how she plays with the other children. We have her meeting Mirabella and Aria, two very unstable people where we get to see Megan play the straight man. When Aria ducks and jacks their shit, it’s Megan who makes sure everything remains static and sane through all the zaniness of the world around her.


Something endears me to Megan - especially the fact that she clearly possesses the traits of a leader and the skills to back it up, but when encountered with any real leadership she shies away from it instinctually. In her first thread, she’s twice in a position to really seize the reigns of her relationship with Mirabella, and take charge, and she doesn’t - waffling and asking for opinions, quietly doubting her own plans, and seemingly unwilling to really take the wheel in any significant way. I liked it; it made me believe her as a character.

Yeah, Megan messes up a lot because that’s just how she rolls. It’s nice, seeing the person taking charge making mistakes, it’s human. I think something that’s an understated part of Megan is that she is really, really, shady. Like, she knows Mirabella is losing it, but knows that trying to deal with that directly is not going to fix anything. Fragile minds like that need time. Enter Francis. Now, I was totally on Francis’ side during the whole ordeal hearing the first announcements. But again, I can’t fault a character being who they are, so even when I’m flipping tables as I watched it go down, it’s just who she is. Then she pushes him. The push isn’t what’s disappointing. It’s what happens after. I’ll let Naft go on before I get what’s coming up off my chest.

Well, with that incredibly forboding leave off, I’ll keep on my thought process. Megan’s interesting in that, to me, at the beginning, I was really enamoured by her leadership qualities without well and truly taking the reigns. However, the spurt of self doubt that has her rethink her entire game plan after Francis takes a bad tumble comes across as slightly forced and not as natural as it could be. I agree with the choice - though it seems to me that there was some heavy OOC motivations behind it, because it’s sloppily done - but it just is a big hitch in terms of the consistency of Megan thus far. Also, I see you’re a fan of formatting changeups! Not my preference, but you don’t make me want to scoop my eyes out with a spoon, which makes this very well done in my book.

And so we have Megan breaking her promise to Mirabella and running away to cry. Sounds a lot more pathetic when I put it like that, but it’s the gist of it. And it was really soon, split-second even. I’ll even tack on with Naft and point at OCC being the reason for that, but, you know, I was looking forward to this seemingly bright chance of development, besides that. Here, we have her finally having to realize that there are gonna be consequences for her actions, that all her faults and bad decisions are gonna have some bite and are gonna come up to get her. And then she meets Gavin. And everything is okay again. This is my problem, and just to make it clear: She isn’t affected by anything, or at least, not for more than a few hours of a day. Yeah, she contemplates what she did and what happened, but it’s more of a reminder of what happened then something that contributes to her character. It’s like taking notes for a class and then not studying them which means you don’t learn anything. I read up all the way till her current thread, even through the monstrous multi-shots, and I just get left with static. There were plenty of opportunities for it to happen as well, and there’s even good bits in the middle somewhere. I liked her meeting Mirabella again and having some kind of movement, but that’s not enough. Even with the Straight man and leadership parts aren’t even a thing anymore, so not only is she not affected by her past, it seems like she’s just going along for the ride through her current story, like none of it matters, which is a big let down because there’s so much more crazy stuff for her to react to which would have been great. What I’m trying to get at is that there was potential here, it just didn’t ever follow through.

Feel better?

No. Where the fuck is Donner, he’s the designated driver...

Since Persy fairly covered the story elements that stick out to me from Megan, I’ll also add my two bits. Firstly, Persy feels much more strongly than I do regarding the decline of Megan, but I read it more or less as a handler somewhat losing interest in their kid - what with shorter and shorter posts coming forward from Megan, less and less content. I won’t bemoan the multishot, but I did enjoy Mirabella’s and Megan’s collaboration post - collaborating on a single post is something that I love doing - though caution you slightly in its use in the future. Collabs should never be about fighting for control, and I did get that sense a few times. All in all, Megan’s a great idea that I feel fell short of her potential, whether it be because of OOC reasons, a lack of interest in the character, or a multitude of other factors that affect a good roleplay over time. If nothing else, you’ve proven with her that you can lay a good foundation for interesting development.

Ah, Donner’s here, you insolent lush. Let’s get your drunk ass home.


I drink because...uh…merry...festivus...what day is it...
Favourite Quotes:
Naft
wrote:Whatever Gavin was writing, he sure didn't want Megan to see it. Whatever secrets he had on there, though, was now on her mind. What could it be? She had to see it for herself.

Call it the Streisand Effect.
This is just a fun, lighthearted quote after a bunch of heavy plot stuff. I like it because it shakes up the rhythm.


Persy:
wrote:"I fucked us up."
This is a nice quote because it shows all that potential I was talking about, and there was a ton there, and just gave me a more fair view on Megan.

Final Grades:
Persy: F+
Naft: C
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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Jilly
Leader
Jilly
Leader
Joined: April 14th, 2012, 4:13 pm

December 21st, 2013, 7:48 am #34

Thanks for the brutally honest critique. No, I really do mean it.

There's not much I can say since Megan's on the chopping block and I may as well just save it for the finals thoughts section on her wiki page, but I'll sum it up and just say that I agree with the both of you about her decay after Francis died. There's a lot that I really wish I would have taken a third look before posting, but I don't want to go into a lot of detail here. But seriously, thanks for your opinions.

I also want to apologize for the massive back-to-back oneshots. I'm sorry you had to read through those avalanches of text.
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

December 23rd, 2013, 4:40 am #35

Critique: Katy Warren
Just a friendly PSA to please fix your kids’ links on the wiki/signatures! It makes things so much easier for us if errors don’t pop up. Also errors hurt our self esteem.
Our regular readers should recall that I love snarky bitches, but I’m going to drill down today and add a caveat wherein the snarky bitch has to be written correctly. Essentially, I need to believe that said snarker exists as a person, has thoughts and feelings, and isn’t a total bitch all the time. This is usually accomplished by having a character attached to a handler that doesn’t leap into the introspective too much, so as to keep up the realism while allowing the character to shine through thought, dialogue, and action.

Katy Warren does everything right on my checklist, and it’s largely attributed to Outfoxd’s amazing ability to keep the focus of his characters strictly to what needs to be said. Her posts are short and no-nonsense, her personality is a lightningrod for good reading, and she feels absolutely real and present, a character that lives and breathes.


Snarky bitches. Snarky. Bitches. I hate snarky bitches so much. They only succeed in making me apathetic to everything involving them and that orbits their massive lack of fucks in terms of being interesting. But I fucking love Katy. She’s just so Goddamn repugnant. Usually what happens is that snarky bitches are treated with an “oh you rascal” attitude when they’re so vile and mean, that it is so irritating to just watch. But not Katy. Everyone can just tell she is a bitch and they react as best they can, whether that means they have to put up with her crap or not. And can I just say how much I love the short posts? Because I really love the short posts and how they manage to do everything they need to do. It’s a skill I’m jealous of, really.

Katy’s been graced with a few very excellent interactions throughout her story - starting off with one of the most popular starting threads, purely off of chat reaction. She threw a flashbang and broke her hand on Yaz’s face - a very interesting choice in terms of roleplay - immediately starting off in a superiority dance that I’d call penis envy if it wasn’t for Katy’s lack of one. What’s great about this is that she starts a fight, finishes it, and then makes amends in the space of a single thread, and it all feels logical, it’s easily read, and there was great narrative throughout the thread. With such a solid start, Katy’s established and cemented in her characterisation. However, she doesn’t retain this solid stance throughout her whole story.

Mmhm. As Naft alludes to above, Katy’s explosive beginning was her best scene on the island (FALSE), and it got me high hopes for the other threads she would be partaking in. To be fair, it wasn’t a stark drop in quality, but more of a stalling to reach the previous standards. Her next two threads aren’t very interesting and never actually lets the relationships between Katy and the other girls grow, which is especially unfortunate for the, um, team-up with her and Yaz, never getting any kind of closure from it. Maybe the threads couldn’t handle as many as they had, maybe it was a general slowdown in activity, but it was just a whole package of bleh. It’s not anybody’s fault at all and probably couldn’t be helped at all, but the fact remains that, whatever it was, it yacked Katy hard with the bland bat.

Okay, so I’ll keep the fanboying to a bare minimum and just mention that Katy’s death thread is at this moment my favourite thread of SotF. And what makes it so good is that Katy, Paris, and Sunny were all firing on all pistons. Paris, the scheming mastermind. Katy, the unknowing victim, probably for the first time in her life. And Sunny, the unaware would-be murderer. The way that the thread builds and builds, inches up and over like a lit fuse, is something to be envied and seriously, seriously appreciated. The payoff is Katy dying over Paris’ maniacal laughter and Sunny’s vicious kick - a death that at this moment is one of the most shocking things I’ve ever read. The bottom line, I suppose, is that Katy both began and ended with a bang.

Yeah, and similar to her beginning and ending, their doesn’t feel like anything came to a proper close in my opinion. The relationship between her and Yaz stopped before it could really go anywhere, and her overall story feels like she never got anything real special to go for her. At the very least, that provides an interesting contrast to her backstory and pre-game, where she always got her way. But hey, what was good, was pretty good.

Unlike your love life.

Don’t be mad that the judge gave me the house and the dog.

Whatever. Leaving you was the best decision I ever made.

Favourite Quotes:
Naft:
wrote:Katy died with her face in a rictus, her anger with her even in death.
Such a simple, quiet statement, that sums up the entire ending thread. This kind of simplistic poignancy would top the list of why I enjoyed Outfoxd’s writing style, and it’s showing itself in full force here.


Persy:
wrote:"Just... come with me for a little bit. You know, until we find somewhere good for your worthless ass to hide for awhile."
Aw, this was nice. No, really. I mostly picked this because it’s just a nice thing to say hidden under a healthy amount of gigantic bitch.

Final Grades:
Persy: B-
Naft: B+
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ & ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
V7 - ❤ ❤ ❤ - PV3 - {❤} ❤ ❤ - TV3 - ❤ ❤ - V8 - ❤ ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

December 23rd, 2013, 5:56 am #36

SONIC HEROESSSSS! (Because we're super fast)

Critique: Sophie McDowell

Today we have Sophie McDowell, as you can see by the big header above this sentence. To start off, Sophie didn’t have the greatest start off, in more the one way. She sees David Russell, the boy who she went to prom with, jump off a cliff and die. While this made it a bit interesting, I feel it was a bit...coincidental. That goes without saying that thread is a gigantic clusterfuck where most of the characters had no place being there and didn’t add anything good into it, besides Virgil and Michelle. The thread literally jumped off a cliff after a guy jumped off a cliff. Sorry, just had to get joke in there. Moving on to where things are actually okay, I think her companionship with Alex is decent. They’ve got a good platonic relationship going, work well enough off each other to where I can enjoy the casual conversations, so not much to complain on yet besides that first thread. Before moving anymore forward, let’s see Naft’s opinion on her beginning.

I’m going to be a lot less lenient in terms of Sophie’s beginning, mostly owed to the fact that I never really got the sense of traction. If you flip back through the few pages of critiques we have so far, one of the key things we look for is movement of story and development of character. To add on to Persy’s point, I get one single thing from Sophie in her first three threads.

She’s sad.

Not in a realistic, grounded way, either. Her narrative paints it in an over the top, soap opera-y way that comes across as making me roll my eyes rather than sympathise with her. She’s sad when she wakes up, she’s sad when she meets up with Alex. I do like some parts of the Alex-and-Sophie bits, when we got to see her reaction to what Alex said, but as a lone character, Sophie is hard to read and hard to sympathise with, especially when she keeps making grand, dramatic statements that are very much ‘woe is me’. As a character trait, this is fine. But the narrative very much treats it straight, rather than painting it as melodrama, and that’s what doesn’t sit well with me.


Who feels strongly about characters now, hmmm Mr. Man? As you can tell, Naft has a much more vibrant opinion on Sophie then I do. I think this is because I have trouble actually feeling anything when I read her. I don’t really get anything bad or anything good when I read her. There’s nice things, not so nice things, but nothing that is exceptionally noteworthy or memorable. And then we have the 3 longest, wordiest threads in all of V5, and probably in all of SOTF. This isn’t bad, per se. It’s just that they add nothing to her story and doesn’t have anything to do their, so we’re put through this long haul that neither has build up or a resolution. It’s just something that happened we had to tread through. The big thing, if you can’t see what I’m getting to, is that Sophie needs to be spread out and get some stable direction going.

Okay. I can find lots to harp on about Sophie that wouldn’t be constructive, so I’m going to point out what I liked about her, and what really worked. In The Red Shoes, Laurels introduced an overarching narrative regarding shoe shopping with Sophie in the first post. I started to get intrigued, and got the sense of ‘where is Laurels going with this?’ that always predates an interesting thematic element. Unfortunately, the overarching theme ended after the single post, resulting in it feeling like a minor waste of time and a moderate let down. It’s clear that Sophie has a voice, but that voice is weighted down by lots of inner-monologue asides, and questionable focus choices, and that voice is also too weak to carry a post-to-post approach to writing the character. When Alex offers to share a blanket with Sophie, Sophie makes an internal comment to the effect of ‘Oh he’s moving fast, tee hee’, but doesn’t delve any further to her thoughts on the fact that he may be hitting on her. I feel like Sophie’s focus is more on things that need no elaboration (why she’s sad about Dave dying) and less on things that could benefit from it (her more impulsive decisions (telling Gavin that everyone was telling jokes).

Now, saying all of that? Sophie’s made progress - I feel like splitting off of the escape group was a solid move for her narrative, and gives her more room to find her stride and hit it. She’s still relying heavily on those italicised asides that are hit or miss, but their importance fluctuates now, rather than being emphasised every single post. There are a lot of issues with Sophie, but I like seeing the attempt to steer the ship.

My three things to improve readability of Sophie are thus: ease off on the italics inner monologue, utilize theme and metaphor rather than statements of fact, and try to inject some overarching elements to her story, rather than taking it post by post and seeing how it goes.


Seriously, it’s like backwards day in this bitch. WHERE WE’RE STILL MAKIN IT RAIN.

Totally. Or we would be if I hadn’t paid off that security guard at the club.

This is why we can’t have good Thursday afternoon’s together.

Favourite Quotes:
Persy:
wrote:"ALEX! LET'S GO!"
See, more of this. More short, but still strong emotions that are appropriate of the situation at hand. The capability and opportunities are there, you just gotta get after them.


Naft:
wrote:"I guess anything's better than playing the game," Sophie said. "I don't want to give into that temptation at all. I'd rather stay indoors than do that."
Rather than pick a favourite quote, I’m highlighting this because it’s a consistent theme with Sophie that playing the game, or deciding to play, is a constant niggle in the back of her mind. It’s something that I’d love to see expanded on, as it borders on obsession - playing, the capability to play, and what makes a player are mentioned in nearly every single thread that Sophie’s involved in.

Final Grades:
Naft:D-
Persy: C
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

December 23rd, 2013, 8:05 am #37

Critique: Owen Kay

When I was preparing for this critique, I sat down to read Owen’s profile. After about an hour, I was finished it, and had forgotten how it began, so had to re-read it. It was a very good sign that Owen would be a fascinating read, because his handler - Pippin, another handler I find consistent in my enjoyment of their writing - had clearly thought out all of the angles, and had a well rounded, big ol’ lovable dude on his hands.

And that’s exactly what Owen is: Thought out, well rounded, and definitely lovable. It’s refreshing to see a very casual relationship with prose that Pippin’s struck with the character, one that reminds me of an on again off again relationship: Always there when he needs it, but he’s comfortable straying away from it when it’s not needed for the scene.


Hot damn do I love self-inserts. I truly, truly, truly do. Unless I’m misremembering Pippin saying Owen was a self-insert, then please forgive me for that. But yes, as Naft said, a lot of effort put into here and a lot of knowledge about the character. He really does work as a character and has very consistent and regular narrative, while always being able to show how very scared and yet kind Owen is on the island. Oh yes, he is very cowardly, but you understand and sympathize. Cowardice is handled poorly a lot in just general fiction, and especially in a setting like SOTF, so when you show that a regular person can be like that too, it’s super cool to me. I think a lot more people in reality would be like Owen, but he’s actually a very unique person on the island.

What I liked? His narrative. It’s very goal oriented and paints a picture, though it does drag on at parts in unnecessary detail. Pippin just needs to be reminded once in a while that less is sometimes more, and that it’s okay to let the audience do some of the legwork in terms of figuring out a character’s motivation. I also liked Owen’s voice and characterisation - the fact that he’s physically capable and never really uses that capability. What I think can be improved? The stuttering seems off and awkward at times - especially when dashes and dots are utilized in conjunction, meaning the eye is stopping and starting constantly. Try using phonetics instead of straight dashes and dots when portraying a stutter - it’s a lot less awkward to read.

Also update your links to threads. You got hit pretty badly by that crash.

Man, these sure do turn out short when you don’t have a lot of bad things to say.


Pippin’s Avatar is ugly. We can say that. Oh, and all of his thread titles are super nerdy.

You shush your face, whatever his avatar is is amazing. Got me on the threads though. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Can you be sober for once when we do this shit?

Favourite Quotes:
Naft:
wrote:Owen dropped the table leg, grabbed a rusting golf club leaning against one of the carts, raising it up before smashing it against the vehicle, over and over again, hearing the metallic smack, seeing the club dent and bend, before he finally chucked it aimlessly away. It felt like a horrible reprise of the first day. Owen slumped against a golf cart, head in his hands, completely drained. He couldn’t even cry any more.
Poor fella. Owen’s had a pretty rough go of it so far, and nothing captures that more than this segment.


Persy:
wrote:“Step... Step back. Step back, Lauren, I swear to God. O-one more step...”
Not his best moment, but a shining one. You can pretty much tell he wasn’t exactly sure what he would do if Lauren had taken that extra step.

Final Grades:
Persy: A
Naft: B
The Alphabet: C
The Jackson 5: Easy as 123, simple as do re mi

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


GODDAMN IT PERSY.

RD.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ & ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
V7 - ❤ ❤ ❤ - PV3 - {❤} ❤ ❤ - TV3 - ❤ ❤ - V8 - ❤ ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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Laurels
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 4th, 2011, 4:36 pm

December 23rd, 2013, 10:15 pm #38

Clearly, you guys misunderstood the purpose behind those briefcases. Give 'em back.

But in all honesty, thank you for the thorough and constructive critique. It's definitely something I needed to read and I'm going to be sure to apply it as I write Sophie from here on out.
[+] spoiler
Nadia Riva
"You don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model? And you're telling me while wearing that face?"


Noah Whitley
"You look like you could use a laugh, and I have just the joke for that."


Alba Reyes
"Woo hoo! Three holes in one! That's a new record!"
[+] spoiler
Girl #007-Rachael Langdon
"I really am going to die, aren't I? Oh god, what am I going to do?"


Armed with a Solar Powered Scientific Calculator
Stabbed with a sword by Marcus Leung.
Girl #018-Claire Monaghan
"You know, I always thought I'd be seen by millions. Fuck Murphy's Law."


Armed with a Shotgun Flashlight (1 Bullet) and a bulletproof vest

Girl #035-Sophie McDowell
"People often find inspiration in the darkest times. I guess I can too."
Killed by a grenade thrown by Summer Simms

Armed with a lead pipe.
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19:10 Laurelena: When octopi eat hamsters, the resulting laughter is a mix of colorful idiocy and dainty ice skating

18:10 Mimi: "how many nipples does Miss Piggy REALLY have?"

16:57 Mimi play Fergaliscious
16:58 Mimi IF YOU EVER WANT FANS
16:58 Mimi YOU NEED FERALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi FERGALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi Omg
16:58 Mimi feral-liscious
16:58 Mimi that's
16:58 Mimi blowing my mind

16:57 KamiKaze Laurie, if you ever become a mod, let it be known that one day you will critique someone's profile who had a girl killing her family friend because he raped her, and the person will insult you by calling you a talking Oshawott doll.

21:42Acidic i AM ANAL WART MAN

00:19Delroy.... I HAVE AN IMAGE OF HANSEL FUCKING TRAVIS WITH A CHAINSAW STUCK IN MY HEAD. HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY GOOD!?


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Rachael Langdon
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Rachael Langdon and Claire Monaghan
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Rachael Langdon


Claire Monaghan
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Claire Monaghan
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Riki
Winner
Joined: July 7th, 2012, 6:39 pm

December 27th, 2013, 10:39 pm #39

Could kindly please take a look at Amanda White and then give me a detailed list on what is wrong with her and why she is a symbol for the economic impact of Japanese robot tardigrades on the Polish Sausage Market?
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Hycanthe Eickenhorst
Piet Lick
Cedric Matsumoto [INSPO]
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Lucilly Peterson wrote: Lucilly Peterson 0 % ♪Laing - Paradies Naiv♪ Porno Magazine
||Seeds||Day||Still||
||Dream|Island|Sideshow|Soul|dr36m|Paradies||
Johnny Ray McKay wrote: Johnny McKay Dead Tracking Bug and Transponder
||Breaths||Pizza|People 2||Fortune||
||Girlfriend|Needles|Thanos|Blanc|Demons|Hasty|Another|Hyphaema|Minus|Anemia|Eternal Happiness||
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O B014 Joachim Lovelace - Ballistic Knife, MP 18, Obsidian Knife - "It doesn't matter. They lost, he lost, I'll lose. That's the nature of the game."
O G042 Aileen Aurora Abdallah - Pair of MMA Gloves, Golf Club & Table Leg -
B059 David Zimmer - Sabre -
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SnoopDommyDommmy: specialist subject in Mastermind is "History of Defecation in Wrestling"

Ruggahissy: We are the law now and our law keeps the streets clean O_O
Kilmarnock: XD Good.
Kilmarnock: Yaaaay for being the law.

Kermit: I asked a kid who had a crush on me. But I pretty much only gave him a hug so I guess that wasn't nice of me
Kermit: My friends said I was rude not to have at least offered him a blow job
Kermit: Apparently that would have been the polite thing to do

SpiralAgnew: Here, have something sad-looking
Bikriki: I must add this to my collection of pics that show people crying.
SpiralAgnew: XD You actually have one of those?
Whirly: I was going to say "Ian, of course he has a collection like that. He's German."

cos frankly the idea of trying to turn all your straight female characters into lesbians amuses me hugely

Uno: You seem excited. did Bambi's mom get reincarnated as a bug you just swatted?

Skraal: would it be correct to say you've sucked on a lot of black ones?
TtMaR: They taste nicer
TtMaR: Better shape, too.
TtMaR: They fit neatly into your mouth,.

Bikriki: My hometown is not a very indication of my personality.
Bikriki: Because as far as I can recall, I am neither ugly nor full of minorites
Bikriki: Though I would not mind the latter.
Bikriki winks

Shangela: Facials for the greater good.

Shangela: I work you into climax, what happens afterward is none of my concern.
Wes: Says the world's most detached sexecutioner.

OH NO DECISIONS
CAN I AGONISE FOR ATLEAST 3 WEEKS CONSTANTLY CHANGING MY MIND??

Shangela: Did you stop high school genocide with your cock, Sansa?
Sansa: yes yes i did
Sansa: sunshine and happiness wasn't working so i had to take drastic measures

Wes: Welcome to SotF chat
Wes: Your weekly forecast: Nipples n' butts, if the pattern holds

Ruggawork: Yeah Aloha was a zygot with a keyboard shoved up his mom's uterus

<WES> Riki would never say or do anything sexual. He is a flower of innocence and purity.
<WES> If he was heroin, he'd be blue magic

Ruggahissy - Today at 11:10 PM
When I was 10 a kid kept calling me "Victoria's Secret" so I chased him, knocked him down and then stomped on him
He stopped
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

December 27th, 2013, 10:42 pm #40

wrote: Could kindly please take a look at Amanda White and then give me a detailed list on what is wrong with her and why she is a symbol for the economic impact of Japanese robot tardigrades on the Polish Sausage Market?
That's a no good buddy. The cap is full, but you can try again when it isn't.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
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&#10084; &#10084; &#10084; &#10084; & &#10084; &#10084;
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V7 - &#10084; &#10084; &#10084; - PV3 - {&#10084;} &#10084; &#10084; - TV3 - &#10084; &#10084; - V8 - &#10084; &#10084; &#10084;
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21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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