Name: Kelly Peterson
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Volunteering, softball, choir, and student council.
Appearance: Kelly stands at 58, and weighs 145 pounds. She has a rather athletic build, with narrow hips and a slim bust. She has straight, dark brown hair that reaches her shoulder blades. She has bright green eyes which she considers her best feature. Her skin is rather pale, as she has to wear a lot of sunscreen when outdoors to avoid sunburns. Her face is a bit gaunt, with a noticeable lack of fat in her cheeks. She has a small scar above her left eyebrow from injuring herself during a softball game.
Kelly wears rather conservative attire, avoiding low cut shirts or particularly tight clothing. Generally she wears light pastel colors, disliking dark colors that she considers moody or overly bright colors that attract attention. Usually she wears either jeans or a knee length skirt. For tops she often wears t-shirts or blouses in warmer months and sweaters or long sleeve t-shirts in the winter. She also wears a cross necklace around her neck. As for makeup, she normally keeps it very light; usually using it to cover up a rare bit of acne, or mascara to give her eyes a little extra attention.
Biography: Kelly was born in Dodge City, Kansas to her parents Christopher and Lisa. Her dad worked for oil companies in Kansas, while her mom was a stay at home mother. Kelly has three older brothers, Tim: seven years older, Jeff and John: twins who are three years older and she has a younger sister, McKenzie, who is two years younger than her.
Just before her first birthday, the Peterson family moved to Seattle, as her dad was offered a higher paying job in the oil industry there. The move was almost necessary due to the demands of a family of six. About a year later her sister was born. Her years prior to school were relatively peaceful as her mother soon had the stress of the twins off of her during the day. In addition, Kelly and McKenzie were rather peaceful children, rarely causing trouble.
Throughout her childhood many of Kelly's friends were from other Catholic families. This was due to the Peterson family making sure to go to church every Sunday, or oftentimes more frequently. Making friends there made Kelly much more accepting of the faith, as all the people she saw as "good" followed it too. Oddly enough, Kelly's parents opted not to send her to a Catholic school, feeling that, like it or not, she would have to deal with people who were different.
During elementary school Kelly rarely got in trouble, being well behaved. She got along decently with other kids, having a rather large group of friends with the other girls. She wasnt friends with many boys at that point. In fifth grade, she joined a youth softball league, a sport she immediately enjoyed.
As she grew up she had different feelings and relationships towards her siblings. Tim usually ignored her because he felt he was too good to hang around with what he saw as little kids. The twins enjoyed spending time with Kelly and McKenzie until they were done with elementary school, then the combination of their time on the middle school track team and their desire to do well in school took care of a lot of that attention. McKenzie and Kelly remained really close until Kelly got to high school, which was about the time McKenzie gravitated towards the emo scene.
In middle school, Kelly got some trouble from other students due to her strong Catholic faith, partially due to her being rather outspoken about it. Her parents were conservative Catholics, having very religious views on society, especially marriage and birth control. Her parents told her to stick to their beliefs, despite some of the negative effects it was having. Her refusal at the time led to her having fewer friends, besides a few from the school choir and student council.
Throughout middle school Kelly had a very good relationship with her mother. Her dad was more distant, having to work a lot of hours at work. This led to Kelly asking her mom for advice more than her dad, something that provided a little bit of tension between them due to his in charge attitude. One downside of the relationships was that her mother tended to try to shelter Kelly from parts of the real world, being afraid that if Kelly knew about them that she would go out and try them. This sheltered attitude continues to the present day to an extent, making her a little immature compared to some of her classmates.
Once she was in high school Kelly started to be a little more open minded to other viewpoints. She still maintains that certain religious ideas should be obeyed, such as abstinence. This has led her to gain a few more friends who were otherwise opposed to her due to her uptight views.
She also made it onto the softball team her freshman year, the junior varsity team, which she stayed on her sophomore year. She made the varsity team her junior year. In softball shes best as a batter, having a good amount of power in her swings as well as accuracy. Shes also a good runner so making it from base to base isnt a big issue. She isnt as strong at fielding and is normally an outfielder.
She also stayed on the student council in high school, feeling it was important to try to improve the school. Part of her staying on student council was that she saw no reason to quit once she got to high school, and it helped as a way to meet new friends during freshman year. Matching this idea, she also volunteers a few hours on the weekends at a soup kitchen after a friend from church told her that they needed some more volunteers and Kelly stepped up.
Choir is more of a side interest than anything else. She enjoys it and has friends in choir, but she isn't particularly interested in any higher level of singing, either professionally or as part of a community choir. Additionally, it takes up a slot in her schedule which helps her avoid taking too many filler classes.
Socially, she gets along decently with most classmates. She rarely has a class where she has no one to talk to. She rarely gets in trouble for talking though, usually getting in trouble for talking at the beginning of the year as she gets adjusted to being in school again. Afterwards, she normally is able to find a decent medium. However, with some classmates she winds up being a bit condescending to those with reputations involving sex, drinking, or drugs. Unfortunately, she doesn't always realize that reputations are often exaggerated. This attitude has led to her being seen as stuck up in some circles, but not in those of well behaved, "good kids". Outside of school she often hangs around with friends from church or from school. Generally, they go to the mall to hang out or shop, but once every few months they'll go out to a nice dinner together.
Kelly has a pretty good relationship with her family. She avoids bringing up her changing viewpoints on society though, in fear of disappointing them. She doesnt see much of her oldest brother, as he alienated himself when he failed to get into college and joined the workforce. Jeff and John to college in Oregon but come back during breaks from school and they get along well. She gets along well with McKenzie, but they dont have much in common, as McKenzie is in a very different crowd, hanging out with the emo kids. Kelly thinks its just a way to rebel against their parents.
Academically, Kelly is decent, getting mostly Bs in her classes. She has a particular knack for math, taking calculus this year. Shes a lot weaker at science though. She understands the math, but isnt nearly as good at applying it. She isn't sure exactly what career this would lead to after high school, although she has been accepted to the University of Seattle without a declared major.
Advantages: Shes in good shape from softball, which would help with running away, at the least. Her batting experience would also guarantee that shed be a pretty good hitter with a melee weapon.
Disadvantages: She could have problems with getting people on her side due to her condescending attitude towards some of her classmates. Her immaturity could lead to issues as she is used to being able to talk to her mother about problems.
Hello Bacon, I'm Greg the Anti-Viking and I will be reviewing your profile today.
At this point and time, Kelly is temporarily DENIED for a few reasons of which I will discuss with you.
Concerning Basic Info:
Everything is in order.
There does not seem to be anything wrong in this particular section, so I will not be requiring any editing here.
This is when we get to the part of the profile in need of the most editing. While you do have many of the aspects about Kelly covered, it is at times, quite sparse. In particular there are a few sections that I would like to see some more elaboration upon.
First of all, I get a basic sense of Kelly's family, and to some extent how they have helped influenced her life. But I would like a little bit more information about her younger life, particularly about her Catholic upbringing. Was she eager to accept it when she was young? Did her parents have any particular sayings in regards to their stances? Was she in Sunday School? Did she get along with her older and younger siblings when she was growing up? It is good that you have some info in regards to her current relations with the family. But it would be good to get some more of the past, as it is just as important to talk about in regards to family bonds.
Continuing on with the theme of elaboration, I notice that all of her hobbies are rather sparse in detail. Softball is probably the closest to being what I'd like, it is a paragraph or detail. The other hobbies just suffer from the lack of detail. I would consider if possible to make a paragraph about the hobbies that she partakes in.Using volunteering as an example, consider things such as this: Why did she volunteer? Was it faith based? Was it a desire to help out her community? Is it part of a church group?
In simple terms, you have a decent start in regards to what her hobbies are, but I would like elaboration on what she does in these hobbies, when she partakes in these hobbies, and most importantly of all, why she partakes in these hobbies? Asking these questions can help better define your characters personality currently, which leads into the final part.
You have discussed her relation with her family at the start of the game. But there is little there about how she acts and behaves currently. Does she get along with her student council team members? Is she modest about her abilities? Is she more prideful? What is her circle of friends like? Is there certain things she dislikes about her student body? What does she do for fun outside of school?
You have a great skeleton to work upon, but I would really like a lot more detail on Kelly's past and present life as she just feels like she's missing pieces that can help me define who she is.
The advantages you have are fine, they fit with what you have in the profile and I have no problems here.
On the other hand I have to really stop and talk about Disadvantages here. First of all, it is good that she has enemies sure, but I have to say that enemies made four years ago, thus they may take revenge on killing her is rather flimsy. This is probably due to the problem discussed earlier in which we don't have a lot of detail about current relations with people. I would either consider substituting it for another weakness(and make the added disadvantage made known on the bio portion) or spending a lot of time focusing on why people would have such a deep seated hatred for Kelly.
Secondly, just like willingness to kill is a really bad advantage, a reluctance to not kill people, for religious reasons or otherwise, is a bad disadvantage. While it is nice that you are incorporating her religious values and noting that they may be problematic to her, it could be brought in other ways that shift the focus away from obvious problems that all the characters will have to face on the island. In this case, I suggest scrapping it as there are a lot of other character flaws that can be added in. Personality, physical, and emotional flaws, can help bring in more life into Kelly and even provide new insight on what your character is and can become on SOTF.
Please post when the appropriate edits have been made and I will give Kelly another look then!