Jonathan Gulley

Primrosette
Winner
Joined: June 6th, 2015, 2:05 am

July 31st, 2015, 1:16 am #1

Name: Jonathan Gulley
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 11th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests; Playing pranks, skateboarding, video games, parties, playing the guitar and horror movies.

Appearance: Jonathan is a very short and a skinny teenager who is at the height of 5'1" and at the weight of 124Ibs. Jonathan is Caucasian and he has a habit of wearing one diamond earring on his left ear. His hair is the color of a snowy blond that is cut short and he spikes it up messily with some hair gel. His eyes are the color of a light blue and the shape of his face is slightly rounded. His lips are a bit pouty and he makes sure that he has a neat shaved appearance. He is seen as more cute-looking than handsome and he has a small scar on his right cheek due to an incident when he was younger.

Jonathan loves to wear anything that he thinks that is cool to him and he might wear anything randomly. He will sometimes wear bright-colored t-shirts and dark-colored jeans or he will do the opposite of that. He normally loves to wear black trainers and a red hoodie that is too bright for people's eyes to gaze at. He wears a golden necklace that is in the shape of a cross around his neck that was a gift from his mother for his fourth birthday.

Biography: Jonathan was an only child that was born on February 14 to Harold and Mary-Jane Gulley in Kingsman, Arizona. His parents had married at a young age and they planned to have a child together. They were both happy when their son came into their lives and they raised him in a loving home. Harold was working as a bus driver and Mary-Jane had a job as a hairdresser. When they were too busy with work; they would either have a babysitter take care of Jonathan or Mary-Jane would take him to work with her as her friends loved to spend some of their time looking after her son.

Jonathan was quite a troublesome child in elementary school as he would like to disturb other students from learning, he would steal other students' belongings, he would get bored of lessons and fall asleep in class and he would refuse to hand in his homework. His teachers and his parents were very concerned with Jonathan's insensitive behavior towards other students and they tried to make him do things that he would enjoy. Jonathan did like playing with other kids and he has a huge love for music. His parents brought him a guitar which he struggled to play at first, but he was determined to practice and he got better and better. Jonathan was very good at making friends and enemies in elementary school as he loved to play silly pranks on other kids that would either make them laugh or yell at him. Jonathan is very clueless in knowing if he had hurt other people's feelings or not and he would either apologize or cry when someone is mad at him. He still loves to play pranks on people who he thinks that deserves it for being mean to him, his friends or someone who is getting bullied by that person.

Jonathan was first introduced to skateboarding at the age of ten by one of his friends when they went to the skate park to watch the older kids skateboarding and Jonathan thought that it was cool and fun to do. He begged his parents to buy him a skateboard and his parents told him to be careful not to get himself hurt. Jonathan was very energetic and reckless when he and his friends went to have fun together at the skate park and this is where he had his incident. He was doing a trick near an older guy who accidentally knocked him over and his face got cut by a piece of glass on the ground. His parents panicked when he came home with his friends and he was bleeding and crying. They took their son to the hospital to get his wound stitched up and they were worried that this would scar their son for a long time. However, Jonathan was grinning the next day and he told them that he was still loving skateboarding as he enjoyed doing it with his friends. He would come home with new bruises and grazes and he would tell his parents not to worry too much about him.

In middle school, Jonathan was still a bit of a prankster and he would make sure to back off of other students if he thinks that his pranks went too far. Jonathan has started to make sure that he focuses more on his schoolwork to impress his teachers and his parents. Jonathan noticed that he would get picked on by other students because of his small height and how feminine his face looks like. Jonathan was really bothered by this and he quickly lost his temper by getting into fights with them. The teachers told his parents about how Jonathan reacted to his bullies and his parents had a word with their son about how the bullies made him feel. He told them that the bullies made him feel angry and his parents got him something that they thought would cheer him up; a video game. Jonathan actually enjoyed the game as it helped calm him down and he continues to play video games to this day as it would help calm his temper down. He will try to hold back on bullies, but he sometimes struggles to and he will feel sorry for causing trouble for everyone else.

At the age of fifteen, Jonathan would really enjoy watching horror movies with his friends and he loves to see blood and gore in them. He just wished that some of them weren't so repetitive or dull and for some of them not to have plots that were too confusing to him. But he is still a big horror fan at heart. Jonathan is also a lover of parties that he has with his friends and he loves to flirt with many boys at these parties. Jonathan always laughs it off when he is rejected by these older guys, but he is secretly insecure about himself being gay and he thinks that he should open up to everyone just to see what they will think about his sexuality. His parents don't know that he sneaks out at night to drink and party with his friends and he continues to keep it a secret from them.

At Cochise High school, Jonathan is a struggling student and he really dislikes studying. His mother really wants him to try to focus more on his studies and his father tells him to take it easy and just do the best that he can. His grades are of Cs and Ds and he feels like that is good enough. His mother is very worried about her son's future and his father told him to get a part-time job. Jonathan doesn't really like the idea of a job but he doesn't want to disappoint his parents more and he managed to get a part-time job at the Diamondback Ice Cream Parlor. Although, he doesn't like working there much, he is just glad that his parents are pleased with him working somewhere. Jonathan is not planning to go to college and he is trying to save up money to travel around the world to play his guitar to many different people out there.

Jonathan is a very friendly person who loves to have fun and he will only get serious if anyone hurts his friends and his parents or when he thinks that he screwed up a skateboarding trick, working at his job or when he is failing at his schoolwork. He has a very good relationship with his parents. However, he does get into arguments with his mother about his bad grades and he knows that she is just worried about his future. He has a closer relationship with his father and he knows that his father is proud of him trying to get better at things. He is very loyal to his friends and he told everyone in school that he was gay. Some people tease him about it, some people bully him about it and some people support him about it. He still has a very short temper and he still tries to keep it under control at school.

Advantages: Jonathan is very good at making friends due to his friendly nature, he is loyal to his friends, he is very trusting of other people and he will try to protect anyone in danger.
Disadvantages: Due to his short-tempered and his love for playing pranks on the other people; there is a good chance that he may have a few enemies, he may be too trusting, he can be insensitive to other people's feelings and he can lash out quickly when he thinks someone is being mean or unreasonable.
Their Time Is gone wrote:
[+] Spoiler
V6
B030 - Brendan Harte: "F-Family..... Thank you, thank you, t-thank.... you, Alba, Jon...."
G014 - Scarlett McAfee: "I always liked you, y-you know...?"
G044 - Maria Cucinotta (Adopted): "Hah..."
[+] Spoiler
Emmett Bunnell: Artistic Loner
Violet Quinn: Quiet Goth

[+] Spoiler
Travis Levenson: 'Me? Nice? Please! You're being delusional...'
Tia Sullivan: 'This is a complete waste of my time....'
Molly Doe: 'Why don't we just get with the party lovers and have a crazy, wild experience?'
Ravan Sharpe: 'Uh.... H-Hi.'
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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

August 18th, 2015, 8:49 am #2

Jonathan Gulley is temporarily DENIED pending revision.

There's some things in the profile that don't really make sense or lack enough explanation and detail for it all to flow together. Let's go over the profile.


Name: Jonathan Gulley
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 11th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests; Playing pranks, skateboarding, video games, parties, playing the guitar and horror movies. ((Should be a colon there, not a semicolon))

Appearance: Jonathan is a very short and a skinny teenager who is at the height of 5'1" and at the weight of 124Ibs. ((While not necessarily wrong, these two sections of the phrases just seem a bit off to me. A simple, straight forward "who is 5'1" and weights 124 lbs" will do.)) Jonathan is Caucasian and he has a habit of wearing one diamond earring on his left ear. His hair is the color of a snowy blond ((Do you mean that he is a towhead? I'm unfamiliar with snowy blond as a descriptor.)) that is cut short and he spikes it up messily with some hair gel. His eyes are the color of a light blue and the shape of his face is slightly rounded. His lips are a bit pouty and he makes sure that he has a neat shaved appearance. He is seen as more cute-looking than handsome and he has a small scar on his right cheek due to an incident when he was younger. ((How long is a slight scar? What shape is it? Where, exactly, on his cheek is it? Closer to his eye, his mouth, his nose, or his ear? I need a little more information so that other readers can better visualize him.

Jonathan loves to wear anything that he thinks that is cool to him and he might wear anything randomly. He will sometimes wear bright-colored t-shirts and dark-colored jeans or he will do the opposite of that. ((This description tells me nothing other than he wears clothes. While his style might be eclectic and varied, I'm going to need some specific examples of outfits we could expect to see him wearing.)) He normally loves to wear black trainers and a red hoodie that is too bright for people's eyes to gaze at. ((Does this hoodie glow? Does it emit radiation or something? If not, I'm not sure how it's "too bright for people's eyes to gaze it". It could be a very vibrant red but you're going to have to fix the wording here.)) He wears a golden necklace that is in the shape of a cross around his neck that was a gift from his mother for his fourth birthday. ((Unless this necklace was huge on him four year old, he would have had to have outgrown the chain. And how is the necklace in the shape of a cross? Do you just mean it is a cross necklace? And if so, what type of cross? Plain? With Jesus on it? Embellished? Celtic? Please be more specific.))

Biography: Jonathan was an only child that was born on February 14 to Harold and Mary-Jane Gulley in Kingsman, Arizona. ((KINGMAN. Singular, not plural. No s. )) His parents had married at a young age and they planned to have a child together. They were both happy when their son came into their lives and they raised him in a loving home. Harold was working as a bus driver and Mary-Jane had a job as a hairdresser. When they were too busy with work; ((No semicolon here. Use a comma.)) they would either have a babysitter take care of Jonathan or Mary-Jane would take him to work with her as her friends loved to spend some of their time looking after her son.


Jonathan was quite a troublesome child in elementary school as he would like to disturb other students from learning, he would steal other students' belongings, he would get bored of lessons and fall asleep in class and he would refuse to hand in his homework. His teachers and his parents were very concerned with Jonathan's insensitive behavior towards other students and they tried to make him do things that he would enjoy. Jonathan did like playing with other kids and he has a huge love for music. His parents brought him a guitar which he struggled to play at first, but he was determined to practice and he got better and better. Jonathan was very good at making friends and enemies in elementary school as he loved to play silly pranks on other kids that would either make them laugh or yell at him. Jonathan is very clueless in knowing if he had hurt other people's feelings or not and he would either apologize or cry when someone is mad at him. He still loves to play pranks on people who he thinks that deserves it for being mean to him, his friends or someone who is getting bullied by that person. ((To be honest, this entire paragraph is problematic for a variety of reasons. There's lots of run-on sentences, switching of tenses, and things are very contradictory. Let's take it line by line.

Jonathan was quite a troublesome child in elementary school as he would like to disturb other students from learning, he would steal other students' belongings, he would get bored of lessons and fall asleep in class and he would refuse to hand in his homework.

There's a whole lot of ideas in this sentence. Plus, he would like to disturb other students from learning? I think that part got away from you a bit. You might want to go with something like "he disturbed other students and disrupted learning" or "he was a disruption who bothered his classmates". Plus, this is quite the laundry list of behaviors for a kid who's under 10. How old is Jonathan when this is happening? What grade is he in? Is this a single year or does this go on for multiple years? Coupling this behavior with other things he does, including his being "clueless in knowing if he hurt other people's feelings" leads me as a teacher to wonder if this kid doesn't have an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

The other big question with all of these behaviors is WHY? Why is he disturbing others? Why is he stealing people's belongings? Why is he bored? Why is he falling asleep? Why, if he's done the work, is he refusing to turn it in? These first two behaviors are going to land him a run in with a Student Study Team and potentially with an IEP to figure out what his major malfunction is unless they’re isolated incidents. School is as much about children learning socialization skills as it is about them learning facts. Keeping others from learning is not okay and he will be disciplined if these are serious, on-going behaviors. As for him being bored? Is he uninterested? Is he just confused so he's acting out? Is he gifted and this is too easy so he's acting out? I don't know because this isn’t explained?))


His teachers and his parents were very concerned with Jonathan's insensitive behavior towards other students and they tried to make him do things that he would enjoy.

((Wait. So this kid is a continuous behavior problem and his parents and teachers want to REWARD this behavior by trying to get him to do things he enjoys doing? This doesn't make any sense to me. Why would this kid stop acting out if people are rewarding him for being a little shit at school? What kinds of things are they trying to him him to do that he already enjoys? I'm very confused.))

Jonathan did like playing with other kids and he has a huge love for music.

((And there's that tense issues. You start off in the past and then are up to the present. Please fix that.))

His parents brought him a guitar which he struggled to play at first, but he was determined to practice and he got better and better.

((How did he get better and better? Did they arrange for him to take lessons? Did a parent work with him? Did he watch youtube videos? There has to be some form of instruction. What kind of guitar? Is it acoustic or electric? Was it a kid-sized guitar or a full-sized? EXACTLY HOW OLD WAS HE WHEN HE BEGAN PLAYING THE GUITAR? What about playing the guitar does he enjoy? What type of music does he play? What are some of his favorite songs/pieces? Who are some of his favorite guitarists? Who are his influences? Why are these his favorites? Please elaborate. Also, if their only child is such a behavior problem, which grows to include "pranking" people at school (which, as a teacher, yeah, HELL NO), why are they rewarding him? This is counter-intuitive parenting.))

Jonathan was very good at making friends and enemies in elementary school as he loved to play silly pranks on other kids that would either make them laugh or yell at him. Jonathan is very clueless in knowing if he had hurt other people's feelings or not and he would either apologize or cry when someone is mad at him. He still loves to play pranks on people who he thinks that deserves it for being mean to him, his friends or someone who is getting bullied by that person.

((Let's just deal with this whole section at once since it all builds on each other. How is Jonathan good at making friends? You're constantly disrupting class, you're keeping people around you off-task which makes more work and potential discipline issues for them, you steal people's stuff, and you have no idea when you've upset them until they're pissed off. That's not even factoring in the pranking which could really come across as bullying behavior to the people who are on the receiving end. What about this says "excellent friend material"?

Also, I'm really not seeing how the kids getting pranked would be laughing since you follow all this up with "loves to play pranks on people who he thinks deserve it for being mean to him, his friends," or by pranking people who are bullying others. This tells me that these pranks aren't really funny but are a punishment. So in reality, Jonathan's pranks are a form of bullying. I'd really like to know what sort of things Jonathan is doing as his "pranks" and what repercussions there were at school. And yes, there would be disciplinary repercussions for his behavior for the reasons outlined a few minutes ago.))


Jonathan was first introduced to skateboarding at the age of ten by one of his friends when they went to the skate park to watch the older kids skateboarding and Jonathan thought that it was cool and fun to do. He begged his parents to buy him a skateboard and his parents told him to be careful not to get himself hurt. ((If his parents are concerned about injury does he have a helmet and pads? Are they supervising their only child's behavior? Who is watching him at 10? Is his babysitter taking him? Does he still have to hang around Mom's work?)) Jonathan was very energetic and reckless when he and his friends went to have fun together at the skate park and this is where he had his incident. He was doing a trick near an older guy who accidentally knocked him over and his face got cut by a piece of glass on the ground.

((Okay, a few questions. First, what trick was Jonathan doing? Secondly, most skate parks are fairly well-kept due to cities and counties wanting to avoid liability issues. Since skate parks are known to attract large groups of minors, glass containers are prohibited. Even if there was glass, given the way Jonathan is falling, he'd have to drag the glass against his face. A wound like that would bleed a lot but wouldn't be deep enough to need stitches. So how big and deep is this cut? Third, how far is this kid from home? Head and face wounds bleed PROFUSELY. Kids tend to lose their minds when they see minor amounts of their own blood, let alone large quantities. How'd they get him home?))

His parents panicked when he came home with his friends and he was bleeding and crying. They took their son to the hospital to get his wound stitched up and they were worried that this would scar their son for a long time. ((The event will scar him or the glass will scar? Again what does the scar look like?)) However, Jonathan was grinning the next day and he told them that he was still loving ((loved)) skateboarding as he enjoyed doing it with his friends. He would come home with new bruises and grazes and he would tell his parents not to worry too much about him.

((And his parents just took a 10 year old's word for this? That they shouldn’t worry? After he came home with a sliced open face that needed stitches? Also, I get that this is supposed to be the paragraph about Jonathan's skateboarding hobby but there's a couple problems with this. First, he's ten here. This is the only mention of skateboarding. So does he no longer skateboard as a 17 year old? If he's still skating, I'm going to need to know a LOT more about his 'boarding. Let's start with what kind of skater is he? Is he a freestyle skater? Vert? Street? Park? Downhill? Stunt? What type of board does he favor? What's his favorite trick and/or maneuver? What's he decorated his deck with? What skaters are his inspiration and why? What is it about skateboarding that he enjoys that's kept him doing this for the better part of a decade?))


In middle school, Jonathan was still a bit of a prankster and he would make sure to back off of other students if he thinks ((thought)) that his pranks went too far. ((Again, going to need some examples of pranks. And how did this kid who had no clue if he went to far suddenly know when he's going to far? Please explain this change.))

Jonathan has ((had. Watch your tenses.)) started to make sure that he focuses more on his schoolwork to impress his teachers and his parents. Jonathan noticed that he would get picked on by other students because of his small height and how feminine his face looks like ((The face with the scarred cheek? Also, this is the first mention of Jonathan having feminine features. Earlier it was said he was "cute" rather than handsome which tends to imply a "baby face" or features that make one appear younger than one is, not the opposite gender.)).

Jonathan was really bothered by this and he quickly lost his temper by getting into fights with them. ((So now he's "pranking" people AND getting into fights? This kid must live in the office at school.)) The teachers told his parents about how Jonathan reacted to his bullies and his parents had a word with their son about how the bullies made him feel. ((Yeah, the teachers told his parents as they were coming to pick their suspended kid up...))

He told them that the bullies made him feel angry and his parents got him something that they thought would cheer him up; a video game. Jonathan actually enjoyed the game as it helped calm him down and he continues to play video games to this day as it would help calm his temper down.

((Again, placate instead of deal with the issue. So your kid gets suspended for fighting because school's don't care who started it. If you swung, it's an automatic suspension. And his parents' response is to buy their kid a video game. What game? For which system? Why did they pick that game to help his temper? Why did they think video games would do ANYTHING for his temper? But really, my big question is that these presumably are the same kids that he grew up with so why in middle school are they suddenly picking on him?))

He will try to hold back on bullies, but he sometimes struggles to and he will feel sorry for causing trouble for everyone else.

((What does this sentence mean? Can he control himself or not? And we've run into the same problem with Jonathan's video game hobby that we ran into with his skateboarding hobby. This has him in junior high. There is no current mention of him playing video games. I'd like to know what system(s) he's playing on, what games he's playing, how frequently he's playing, what some of his past and current favorites are, what's his favorite genre of games, who he plays with, how he gets his games and equipment, and what it is about video games that he enjoys. This hobby needs more details and development.))

At the age of fifteen, Jonathan would really enjoy(ed) ((Watch your tenses.)) watching horror movies with his friends and he loves to see blood and gore in them. He just wished that some of them weren't so repetitive or dull and for some of them not to have plots that were too confusing to him. But he is still a big horror fan at heart.

((Why? Why is Jonathan a fan of horror movies? What types of movies does he like? Are we talking the old black and white B movies? Psychological horror? 80s slasher films? Zombie flicks? Asian ghosts? Torture films? I'd like more information. Specifically, I'd like to know some of his favorite titles, directors, and actors. Why are this his favorites? How often does he watch these movies? How do his parents feel about this, given his earlier issues? Also, his sudden love of blood and gore seems a bit red flag-ish to me as perhaps an indicator that Jonathan might become a Player on the island right off the bat.)) NEW IDEA, NEW PARAGRAPH. Parties is it's own section.

Jonathan is also a lover of parties that he has with his friends and he loves to flirt with many boys at these parties. Jonathan always laughs it off when he is rejected by these older guys, but he is secretly insecure about himself being gay

((Why is he insecure? You said IS insecure, meaning his is CURRENTLY insecure. Do his parents know? Were they supportive? Was this the cause of the bullying in middle school? Obviously his friends know and don't care since he's flirting with "many" guys at parties. How often are his friends throwing parties? Where are they throwing parties? How are they getting booze to drink?)) and he thinks that he should open up to everyone just to see what they will think about his sexuality.

His parents don't know that he sneaks out at night to drink and party with his friends and he continues to keep it a secret from them. ((How has he kept this hidden from them? How long has he been doing this? Does this affect him in school? This needs more details.))

At Cochise High school, Jonathan is a struggling student and he really dislikes studying. His mother really wants him to try to focus more on his studies and his father tells him to take it easy and just do the best that he can. His grades are of Cs and Ds and he feels like that is good enough. His mother is very worried about her son's future and his father told him to get a part-time job. Jonathan doesn't really like the idea of a job but he doesn't want to disappoint his parents more and he managed to get a part-time job at the Diamondback Ice Cream Parlor. Although, he doesn't like working there much, he is just glad that his parents are pleased with him working somewhere. Jonathan is not planning to go to college and he is trying to save up money to travel around the world to play his guitar to many different people out there.

Jonathan is a very friendly person who loves to have fun and he will only get serious if anyone hurts his friends and his parents ((What? Why would anyone hurt his parents? This comes out of left field. Also, there's no mention of there being a resolution to him stealing things. This kid still a thief or what? He still "pranking" people? You mentioned that he toned it down in junior high but there's nothing about it currently.))

or when he thinks that he screwed up a skateboarding trick, working at his job or when he is failing at his schoolwork. ((This seems like a lot of things to be serious about, especially since he's pulling Ds in school. He must see failing grades fairly frequently. Is he serious by nature?))

He has a very good relationship with his parents. However, he does get into arguments with his mother about his bad grades and he knows that she is just worried about his future. He has a closer relationship with his father and he knows that his father is proud of him trying to get better at things. He is very loyal to his friends and he told everyone in school that he was gay. Some people tease him about it, some people bully him about it and some people support him about it.

((Whoa. Hold up. Earlier in the profile, you had him still in the closet. So when did he come out to everyone? I need an age or a grade. Also, who did what? How was this dealt with? How did it make Jonathan feel? Who supported him? How did they support him? What happened? DETAILS since this is kind of a big thing.))

He still has a very short temper and he still tries to keep it under control at school. ((Examples, please. And he didn’t wind up in fights or anything, despite having a long history of exactly that behavior? What kept him from fighting this time that was missing earlier? To be frank, between the sudden love of gore, the "protecting his friends and parents" line from earlier, and this pattern of behavior that is never really addressed by teachers or his parents, it looks like you're trying to set up the groundwork for a Pre-Made Player. This is the first mention of a short temper. It seems like Jonathan is being positioned via his background and history to start killing on the island because he lost his temper.))

Advantages: Jonathan is very good at making friends due to his friendly nature, he is loyal to his friends, he is very trusting of other people ((In what way is he good at making friends? I don't see that outlined anywhere in the profile. And he’s very trusting after being bullied? There is no mention anywhere in the entire profile of a trusting nature.)) and he will try to protect anyone in danger. ((Protecting others is not a survival advantage.))
Disadvantages: Due to his short-tempered and his love for playing pranks on the other people; (Comma, not semi-colon) there is a good chance that he may have a few enemies, he may be too trusting, (Nope, for reasons outlined above) he can be insensitive to other people's feelings and he can lash out quickly when he thinks someone is being mean or unreasonable. ((I don’t understand how you can be super friendly and trusting and then be insensitive and quick to lash out. These things really don't go together. Rethink your combination of traits.))

So...looks like that might do it for now. Once you've made the necessary adjustments, reply to this thread and I will give Jonathan another going-over.
[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

September 2nd, 2015, 4:43 am #3

This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.
[+] Spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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Share