This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.
Maraoone
Player
Joined: October 27th, 2012, 1:53 pm

March 27th, 2016, 2:25 am #11

Have fun with Cathryn Bailey c:
V6 Characters:
G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: S?gl?pur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.
[+] spoiler
V5 Characters:
Dead:
B045 - Juhan Levandi - An Estonian wanna-be journalist with a fear of the dark who wanted to bring them all down in Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien [18/152]
Weapon: Party Bag (contains a noisemaker, party hat, two single-serving bags of candy, and a Hotwheels car)
Pre-Game Threads: Wiping All Out - Quixotic
Previous V5 Threads: Despair - The Real Folk Blues - The two people in the distance were Paulo and Becca - Mischief Managed - Sleeper Cell - Tell No Tales - So, How Was Your Day? - And I'm Not Sleeping Now - Intermission - Glass - A Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy
G067 - Carmina Maliksi - A Filipina car junkie with a /slight/ obsession with Korea and Japan who has finished things up (somewhat) in Red as Blood [139/152]
Weapon: Non-Functional Flamethrower (left in the Clubhouse)
Previous V5 Threads: Finding Center - Wish I Could Breathe - The Visionary
Memories: Offended?
B054 - Oscar Trig (adopted from Greg the Anti-Viking) - An artist who desperately needs a pencil, paper and a cigar and thought with his heart in Fumble [76/152]
Weapon: Binoculars
Pregame Threads: Taking it to the Streets
Previous V5 Threads: Waking Up at the Beginning of Time - Steadier Footing - Handoff
[+] spoiler
Ruggahissy Me: *on my hands and knees picking up beads* Conner: I'M A BACK PACK *LATCHES ONTO MY BACK*

*** Gianni joined #sotf
22:27Muu GIANNNNNNNNIIIII
22:28Maraoone hai gianni
22:28Gianni MIIIIIMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
22:28Gianni Hey Mara!
22:28Gianni Sup guys?
22:28Maraoone Not much. About to get off soon
22:29RuffDesperado gross
22:29RuffDesperado tmi
22:29Maraoone ?
22:29Gianni LOL
22:29Muu LOL AW
22:29Maraoone NOT LIKE THAT

12:18DuckyBWe're like Urban Dictionary, except we only turn incredibly classy things into deeply disturbed sexual deviancy.

10:09Dom"excuse me I would like to order a giant dildo to beat someone around the head with"

11:46NaftBacon, pick up your breasts. They keep hitting the floor.
11:46NaftJeez.

07:52MoonlightDriveat least
07:52MoonlightDriveyou didn't get RIC FLAIR'S TURGID OLD-MAN COCK
07:52MoonlightDrivefor your forfeit name

09:31Gianniwell, the Mississippi is the Democratic Republic of the Congo to Alabama's Republic of the Congo

09:40ShangelaDemonic slumber parties always have cute plastic slides.

12:38ChainmailleAddictI am so square that I have 89 degree angles.

19:14DeamonThis is way more semen talk than I expected at 11:15am
19:14Mumuit's 6am here
19:14Mumusemen for breakfast yall

20:47KalopsiaBioshock Infinite can jam a fork in its metaphorical urethra

11:37WesIn some ways, the sex undies were part of all of us, all along.

11:08Naft"The carbon-coated steel flayed a little due to the erosion from the lubricant, but Gavin paid it no heed."

21:43*** Medic joined #sotf
21:43MedicYarrrrh.
21:44Maraooneugghhrhghrsrh
21:44MedicYes

18:23MaraooneDeath by dildo. That would be fun to put on the wiki.
18:23OhmWhich I don't regret giving to Vahka
18:24MedicI mean didn't someone trip on a vibrator and drown in v4?
18:24--- Namira is back
18:24Namirayaaaaaaaay
18:24Namira...
18:24Namiradat context
18:24NamiraI MEAN
18:24NamiraYAY
18:24NamiraI FINISHED MY FIRST EXAM
18:24MedicYaaaaaay
18:24NamiraNOT YAY FOR DILDO MURDER
18:24Ohm
18:24MedicnO IT'S THE LACK OF DILDO MURDER THAT SADDENS ME

Loretta - Today at 8:21 AM
i wa nt to eat necroplush dick now

Zee - Today at 5:00 AM
roasts Aloha
Aloha - Today at 5:00 AM
winces at heat
Kyoko Sakura-chan - Today at 5:01 AM
Wait, that's not how you roast Aloha
Here's how:
Espi - Today at 5:01 AM
saves Aloha with a bucket of cold water
Kyoko Sakura-chan - Today at 5:01 AM
In Hawaiian, Aloha means "Hello" and "Goodbye," the latter of which is appropriate considering how fast his V6 cast died

Pancapples - Yesterday at 12:38 PM
What is the record for shortest time spent between orgasm and death?
Ekanselttar - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
:thinking:
🕷man's control - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
I dunno but there was this guy who masturbated 42 times in a row before he died of dehydration
Pancapples - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
In-game, I mean.
🕷man's control - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
oh

jimmydalad - Today at 1:42 AM
Also, how much protein and stuff is in human meat?

Professor Fether - Today at 12:46 PM
Also now you've gotta do me.
Zee - Today at 12:46 PM
oh bby
The Homeless Beard(e) - Today at 12:46 PM
I do you, you do me.
Tell me when you get here how serious we're being.
Cause I will go in.

Ruggahissy - Today at 1:30 PM
I dont know if v6 had an all beige girl or boy
Aura? - Today at 1:30 PM
The streak is broken?
Ekanselttar - Today at 1:31 PM
if you streaked would that count as all beige? :eyes:
Ruggahissy - Today at 1:31 PM
No

Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
to be fair
rolle don top - Today at 10:24 AM
looks cross
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
i thought a fleshlight was like
rolle don top - Today at 10:24 AM
I'm innocent
not pure
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
a sexy flashlight up until now
Lolo - Today at 10:24 AM
SFH?SDIHTGEWSAIPTHEWAIUT
rolle don top - Today at 10:24 AM
ok Yugi is more pure than me
I at least knew it was a sex toy
Zee - Today at 10:24 AM
how would you make a flashlight sexy, I'm curious
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
well like
a flashlight you would use in sexual intercourse
like
Lolo - Today at 10:25 AM
WHAT
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:25 AM
shine a light up the butthole I guess
[+] spoiler
Character Pimping Pledge (stolen off Kami)

For v5v6, I have come to a decision. To help lessen character pimping, I have vowed not to talk about my characters, any characters closely related to mine, or any threads I've been involved in, in any of the following places:

- Chat
- General Discussion thread
- TV Tropes
- Random Thoughts
- Anything else I missed

I am not allowing myself to talk about anything relating to my characters or scenes I'm in unless they are brought up in conversation by another handler. I am not allowed to use my characters' names OOC or mention anything relating to that character until another handler mentions them. This is not currently in effect for pre-game; these self-imposed rules do not apply until v5v6 starts. However, they will be in effect the second v5v6 is announced. When one of my characters die, escape, or are otherwise removed from the game, these rules are lifted for that character, and I am free to talk about that character as much as I want. However, the others will have to wait until they too are out of the game.

Private Thread Pledge (Stolen from Toben)
Let's show that private threads aren't necessary! I pledge not to start any private threads (EDIT: EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE THREAD IM SORRY) on island in V5v6. If I started a thread, you are welcome to join it.
"Mara was a mistake." - Cicada, 2017
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Flare
Contender
Joined: September 11th, 2010, 1:32 am

March 28th, 2016, 5:36 am #12

Filling up that last spot with Colin Pigeon.
V5 Characters:

Jack McDonald is a SELF-INSERT YAY.
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Cicada Days
Winner
Joined: March 27th, 2015, 4:13 am

March 29th, 2016, 4:13 am #13

removed
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
"C'mon! It's just a prank, bro."

- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4
Unofficial Theme : 'When it's clear to everybody I'm always the last to know.'
Extra art by Mimi! (1)
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
Sprite credit to Yugikun (Beryl Mahelona, Gyu-ri Christensen, and Demetri Fustcher) and Fenris (Charelle Chernyshyova, Ramsey Cortez, and Joanne Coleman).
[+] spoiler
Character Relationships (no longer updated)
Hero | Swap
[+] spoiler

B036 - Dead
(Adopted from Yugikun)
[+] spoiler
"And you were the one looking to pick a fight. Don't complain when you don't get the one you want."
- Memories - 1 2 3 4 5 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 - Sadie Hawkins - 1 2
[+] spoiler
"Hope that's good enough."
- Arsenal - Bag of dried chipotle chilies (LOST)
- Island - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
- Meanwhile - 1 2
[+] spoiler

G047 - Dead
[+] spoiler
"It's Tina."
- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 - Sadie Hawkins -
[+] spoiler
"You're nothing."
- Arsenal - The 'Man Catcher' (LOST)
- Island - 1 2
- Meanwhile - 1
- ??? - 1
Sprite credit to Fenris (Ben Fields) and Yugikun (Tina Luz).
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MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

March 29th, 2016, 4:35 am #14

Thanks so much for taking the time to go through all of this, and the depth with which you've broken everything down. I super appreciate it, and I'm sorry about tossing you someone super obnoxious right off the bat not sorry enough not to do it again sometime later though.
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1245
Winner
1245
Winner
Joined: June 29th, 2013, 5:06 pm

March 29th, 2016, 1:31 pm #15

That review was long and in depth. I really loved reading it. It had so many details I did not get and the last notes were hilarious xD
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Cicada Days
Winner
Joined: March 27th, 2015, 4:13 am

March 30th, 2016, 2:53 pm #16

removed
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
"C'mon! It's just a prank, bro."

- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4
Unofficial Theme : 'When it's clear to everybody I'm always the last to know.'
Extra art by Mimi! (1)
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
Sprite credit to Yugikun (Beryl Mahelona, Gyu-ri Christensen, and Demetri Fustcher) and Fenris (Charelle Chernyshyova, Ramsey Cortez, and Joanne Coleman).
[+] spoiler
Character Relationships (no longer updated)
Hero | Swap
[+] spoiler

B036 - Dead
(Adopted from Yugikun)
[+] spoiler
"And you were the one looking to pick a fight. Don't complain when you don't get the one you want."
- Memories - 1 2 3 4 5 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 - Sadie Hawkins - 1 2
[+] spoiler
"Hope that's good enough."
- Arsenal - Bag of dried chipotle chilies (LOST)
- Island - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
- Meanwhile - 1 2
[+] spoiler

G047 - Dead
[+] spoiler
"It's Tina."
- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 - Sadie Hawkins -
[+] spoiler
"You're nothing."
- Arsenal - The 'Man Catcher' (LOST)
- Island - 1 2
- Meanwhile - 1
- ??? - 1
Sprite credit to Fenris (Ben Fields) and Yugikun (Tina Luz).
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Cicada Days
Winner
Joined: March 27th, 2015, 4:13 am

July 29th, 2016, 1:48 pm #17

Alright. I hate to do this because it feels lame and like a cop out, but I'm going to formally suspend my TV2 associated critiques. The simplest reason for it is that TV2 just doesn't engage me from a critiquers perspective. Let me explain. It's well written, the characters are interesting, don't get me wrong; I just don't particularly feel like reading too much into it, if that makes sense? Like, approaching TV2 characters is approaching something I wasn't personally invested into. I wasn't there, I didn't witness the meta culture that surrounded what happened in those posts, and I can barely construct it if at all from what OOC content for TV2 does exist. That's personally a big part of it for me, and without that my critiques feel empty and lacking to me personally and I don't particularly enjoy it.

Like, I guess my point is since I wasn't there I don't quite care enough to really get into it like I feel I should as a critiquer. Reading an RP as is can be a bit difficult for me due to the shifting narrative styles from post to post and the sometimes awkwardly forced caesuras caused by arbitrary post-to-post breakage. Like I like reading the occasional TV2 character casually but really digging into it requires a passion for the character that really isn't there if I don't share the RP world with them.

AKA, would critique V6, really don't want to critique anything else because I don't have the same analytical hype for them.

So, assuming people still care for the idea of a critique from me after this asinine stunt I'm going to gather some V6 characters. I'm following them all at least loosely as is, but when they die they'll then be slated to formally receive a critique from me. Slam, you're first on deck if you want to transfer Nate over. In case I ever change my mind I'm maintaining the TV2 characters in their queue, but it is very unlikely I will ever return to them.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
"C'mon! It's just a prank, bro."

- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4
Unofficial Theme : 'When it's clear to everybody I'm always the last to know.'
Extra art by Mimi! (1)
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
Sprite credit to Yugikun (Beryl Mahelona, Gyu-ri Christensen, and Demetri Fustcher) and Fenris (Charelle Chernyshyova, Ramsey Cortez, and Joanne Coleman).
[+] spoiler
Character Relationships (no longer updated)
Hero | Swap
[+] spoiler

B036 - Dead
(Adopted from Yugikun)
[+] spoiler
"And you were the one looking to pick a fight. Don't complain when you don't get the one you want."
- Memories - 1 2 3 4 5 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 - Sadie Hawkins - 1 2
[+] spoiler
"Hope that's good enough."
- Arsenal - Bag of dried chipotle chilies (LOST)
- Island - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
- Meanwhile - 1 2
[+] spoiler

G047 - Dead
[+] spoiler
"It's Tina."
- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 - Sadie Hawkins -
[+] spoiler
"You're nothing."
- Arsenal - The 'Man Catcher' (LOST)
- Island - 1 2
- Meanwhile - 1
- ??? - 1
Sprite credit to Fenris (Ben Fields) and Yugikun (Tina Luz).
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Cicada Days
Winner
Joined: March 27th, 2015, 4:13 am

July 29th, 2016, 2:47 pm #19

Yep! I've decided against doing predictions mostly because my tenure here so far has proven I'm way better at hindsight than foresight.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
"C'mon! It's just a prank, bro."

- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4
Unofficial Theme : 'When it's clear to everybody I'm always the last to know.'
Extra art by Mimi! (1)
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
Sprite credit to Yugikun (Beryl Mahelona, Gyu-ri Christensen, and Demetri Fustcher) and Fenris (Charelle Chernyshyova, Ramsey Cortez, and Joanne Coleman).
[+] spoiler
Character Relationships (no longer updated)
Hero | Swap
[+] spoiler

B036 - Dead
(Adopted from Yugikun)
[+] spoiler
"And you were the one looking to pick a fight. Don't complain when you don't get the one you want."
- Memories - 1 2 3 4 5 - Pregame - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 - Sadie Hawkins - 1 2
[+] spoiler
"Hope that's good enough."
- Arsenal - Bag of dried chipotle chilies (LOST)
- Island - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
- Meanwhile - 1 2
[+] spoiler

G047 - Dead
[+] spoiler
"It's Tina."
- Memories - 1 - Pregame - 1 - Sadie Hawkins -
[+] spoiler
"You're nothing."
- Arsenal - The 'Man Catcher' (LOST)
- Island - 1 2
- Meanwhile - 1
- ??? - 1
Sprite credit to Fenris (Ben Fields) and Yugikun (Tina Luz).
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