Ethan Johnson

Hunt11
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Hunt11
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Joined: April 12th, 2012, 9:04 pm

April 16th, 2012, 3:06 am #1

Name: Ethan Johnson
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th Grade
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Football, working out, construction work, and military history.

Appearance: Ethan stands at 6’1 and weighs 205 pounds, and has a very broad muscular build. Due to his constant training Ethan almost always stands up straight, but as he starts to tire Ethan will often start to slouch. Ethan is a slightly tanned Caucasian male. He has a very broad face with wide brown eyes underneath unusually thick eyebrows. However the most defining feature of his face is his nose, which due to a fight remains permanently crooked. Ethan has very short straight black hair, and almost permanent stubble on his chin.

Ethan always wears a plain t-shirt, a pair of jeans and some well-worn sneakers, but due to how bad the weather can get in Seattle he often has a jacket tied around his waist. The only personal item he wears is a small wooden cross that hangs off a leather string.

Biography: Ethan was born to Judith Wilson and Wallace Johnson in the city of Boston. His father taught at the local high school, and his mom worked as a secretary for a large law firm.

Due to both his parents working for long hours he was often left with the couple next door, Mr. and Mrs. Robertson. At first, Ethan found it difficult to be away from his parents for such a large portion of the day. He would often be a complete brat, much to the chagrin of the Robertsons and their son Jack. However, as time wore on, Ethan adapted to staying with the Robertsons to the point that Ethan started to view them as his second family. Mr. Robertson was a priest at the local Protestant church, and through his teachings installed within Ethan a firm belief in God, and that one should always try to do the right thing. This development concerned his parents, as they both happened to be atheists as they worried it might encourage Ethan to become intolerant of others based on religion. As Ethan grew up his parents were thankful that Ethan never displayed any sort of religious intolerance, but on the inside it was a slightly different story. For while Ethan accepted the fact that he had different beliefs then those of his parents, he did find it harder to relate with his parents, marking the first division that would eventually separate the family.

The Robertsons' son, Jack, became Ethan’s closest friend, even though they were almost complete opposites of each other. Jack was loud and confident, which contrasted with Ethan’s more quite and withdrawn personality. Still, they came to view each other as brothers. Jack and Ethan would do almost everything together, from playing in local little leagues to playing videogames. When they finally become old enough to go to kinder-garden they got lucky and were in the same class.

While Ethan had been able to find his place at school, he had yet to really find one at home. Though he loved both of his parents, Ethan always felt hurt that his parents had been more worried about their careers then finding time to raise their only son. It all came to a head when Ethan called Mr. Robertson Dad after coming home from school. His father heard this conversation and ignored it, believing it was just a slip of the tongue. However, for the next week the pattern repeated, forcing Mr. Johnson to realize that his son was being serious. Ethan no longer considered Wallace as his father. This pained him greatly as he realized that he had become like his own father who never had time for Wallace as he grew up, so he sought a way to remedy the situation. He struggled to find someway to connect with Ethan, as most of the ordinary ways Mister Robertson was already covering, but ironically enough it would be from watching TV that the father and son would start to bond. Whilst Wallace was watching a show about the Battle of Waterloo, Ethan sat down next to his father and started to badger him with questions about said battle. Later when his father asked him why he found it so interesting Ethan would just shrug and replied that it seemed kind of cool, however as he grew up Ethan would come to understand that the true reason why he found it so interesting was the courage that the soldiers displayed in said battles. Through his religious studies he had read many tales of people willingly sacrificing their lives for a cause, but it never really seemed with real, but as he read through various military campaigns he came to see as a natural part of human existence, of giving up ones own life to protect what actually matters. It would soon become a weekly occasion to watch some history show about warfare together, installing within Ethan a lifetime passion for almost all things related with history.

Through Lower and Middle school Ethan did ok in school, for while he loved history it never extended to a universal passion for school in general, but his real love was sports. With Jack, Ethan was always out playing sports, for unlike school he truly felt alive when he was pushing his body to the limit. The only issue came when Jack would start to run his mouth when talking to the other team, as while he could talk tough, he lacked the body to back it up.

It reached a breaking point where at age of thirteen after playing in an intense game of football, where Jack had been unusually mouthy that he was attacked by some of the players on the other team after the game. They attacked Jack as he was walking home after the game, but Ethan seeing Jack in peril launched himself into the fight to defend Jack, as what had been a straight out fight dissolved into a brutal brawl. Even with Ethan’s being much larger then most of the boys his age, they got beaten up rather badly, with Ethan’s nose being severally broken. Finally feeling happy about the damage they inflicted the gang fled the scene, forcing the pair to support each other as they struggled to the hospital. All four parents were horrified about what had happened, but due to feeling ashamed at having lost, Jack and Ethan were unwilling to tell who exactly had done this to them, so the gang was never punished.

The only physical lasting effect of the fight was Ethan’s nose being permanently crooked, for the doctor decided that it would be best for the nose to heal naturally, but when it refused to realign Ethan refused the operation. Ethan wanted a permanent reminder of how he had failed to protect his best friend when he needed it the most. His parents tried to push it, but upon seeing how strongly he felt about it they eventually relented. Though it had nothing to do with the fight, Jack’s parents left to go a mission, and Jack was forced to go with them, but to Ethan it subconsciously felt that Jack had left because of him. After saying goodbye to Jack at the airport Ethan found a present on his bed from Jack. Opening it up Ethan found a small wooden cross necklace that Jack had left for him, and so from that day forward Ethan would always wear that cross as a reminder of the brother that he had basically lost. Thanks to the rise of the Internet Ethan and Jack remained in contact with each other, but while it keeps their friendship strong, it makes Jack’s absence even worse, as Ethan is constantly reminded of Jacks absence. Still feeling disappointed in his ability to protect his brother Ethan started to actively go to the gym, so that the next time something like that happened, he could defend his friend.

Ethan started High school with a group of friends, but he still felt the absence of his close friend greatly. He continued the same patterns in terms of effort, as while his grades were okay, the only place he ever shone was in History. Even though Ethan had stopped being on a sports team, he constantly went to the gym, where he constantly pushed himself to get even stronger. His life had settled into a dull rhythm that was shattered upon his mother’s new promotion. Due to her years of hard work Judith was offered a promotion to work as a secretary for one of the executive directors of the firm over in Seattle. The only member of the family who objected to this move was Ethan who in the months leading up to the move was constantly arguing with his parents, once again driving a wedge between Ethan and his parents. So at the end of his freshman year the entire family moved into the city of Seattle.

Ethan hoped to spend a lot of his summer at the gym, but due to his anger at his parents he was unwilling to ask them to fund his gym visits, so he started to work a part time job as a construction worker. Though he did not work any of the machines, Ethan would often help move heavy loads around the construction sites. With the money from his job Ethan was rarely in the house as he was either at his job, at the local gym, or out at the park. While at the gym Ethan would occasionally run into Coach Lomalli, who upon hearing that Ethan was going to attend Aurora high, started to actively push Ethan to join the Football team. Though hesitant at first Ethan eventually agreed to at least come to try outs and see how he liked the team.

Eventually the summer vacation came to an end and Ethan started his sophomore year at Aurora High. Keeping his promise Ethan attended football tryouts and made the team as a defensive lineman. Happy that he had been able to find a place to fit in, Ethan started to push himself as hard as he could to help the team. Due to being part of the team Ethan’s grades suffered, as his report card once filled with a mixture of high B’s with a constant A in history had a mix of low B’s, with history dropping down to the high B range as well. Worried about this development his parents tried to talk to Ethan, but still feeling bitter about the move Ethan just stood up and left the room. This lead to a month long fight between the family that only ended when his parents threatened Ethan that they would force him to quit the team if his grades were to ever drop. Scared of being forced off the team Ethan promised that it would never happen, and so an uneasy peace filled the house that has lasted to this day. No longer feeling happy with his parents, Ethan has come to depend on his friends as a means of support to not only cover for the family that he no longer feels a part of, but for his brother that could no longer be with him.

At school Ethan can often be seen hanging out with the Football team, whether it is eating lunch together or going to the occasional party. For the most part he has content with his current lifestyle, but his overly trusting nature has led to issues with those who he considers his friends. The more cruel members of the team love using him as the fall guy if they ever mess up, and unfortunately for Ethan he just takes this abuse, for even though he subconsciously knows he is not to blame, he is terrified that if he says the truth, then he will loose the friends that he has.

Outside of school Ethan continues to work part time at the construction company, using the money to fund his life-style with a small amount set aside for college, for even if he doesn’t get drafted he still wants to continue his education.

Advantages: Due to his constant work out regime Ethan’s body is built for power and endurance which allows him to push his body a lot further then an average kid of his age. Through constantly playing sports Ethan has learned how to be a team player, making it much easier for him to work well once within the group.
Disadvantages: Ethan depends on the recognition of others, making him vulnerable to manipulation to those who he, possibly mistakenly, views as friends. Due to said reliance on his friends, Ethan is likely to react badly if anything should happen to them as while they remain alive he will willingly sacrifice himself for the team; however if he should fail to protect them Ethan is liable to have an emotional breakdown as he would believe that he had failed his friends once more when it really mattered.
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Ethan Johnson If you notice anything about my posts that could be improved on, feel free to PM me.
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MurderWeasel
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Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

April 20th, 2012, 12:31 am #2

Hi, Hunt11!

Ethan's profile is a good start, but he is DENIED pending some edits.

I'd like to have a bit more description of Ethan, please. Just some basic stuff, a face shape, his posture, anything else that stands out about him. Also, Seattle is in an area that has very cold weather sometimes, including snow. It's quite often rainy. Having had the misfortune to have been stuck in the snow for maybe five minutes in attire similar to Ethan's described preferences, I'm not really buying him never wearing anything heavier than a t-shirt. Also, if Ethan's cross has significance to him, I'd like to hear the explanation behind that.

Next off, there are a few grammatical errors in the profile. An example is this: "His father taught at the local high school his mom worked as a secretary for a large law firm." which should be like this: "His father taught at the local high school, and his mom worked as a secretary for a large law firm." Similarly, "Misses" is a plural, and should be "Mrs." instead. Also, "threw" should be "through". I'd like you to give the whole profile a good proofreading to catch as many grammatical errors as you can, please.

You note that Jack and Ethan viewed each other as brothers twice in the same paragraph. It'd flow better if it were only noted once.

Next up, I'd like to know what religion Ethan's parents are. How did they feel about Ethan being preached to by Mr. Robertson?

Here: "as most of the ordinary ways Mister Johnson was already covering," you say "Mister Johnson" when I think you mean "Mister Robertson". I'd also like to know a lot more about what prompted Mr. Johnson's realization that he'd been largely absent from his son's life. How did he feel about it? How did Ethan feel about his parents being gone so much as he grew older?

Also, what about military history interested him?

Were there any legal consequences to the fight in which Ethan broke his nose? How did his parents feel about what happened? Was the brawl on school grounds? What consequences were involved?

What job opened up for Ethan's mom in Seattle?

I'd also like to know a whole lot more about Ethan now, and his life since arriving in Seattle. Since Seattle's where pregame is set, and the most recent years of Ethan's life are those of most importance in shaping his pregame interactions and game interactions, I'd like to know a ton about who he is now. Basically, I'd like to see as much focus and space given to Ethan's life after the move as has been given to his time before it. I want to know what sorts of friends he has, how the move affected him, how it changed his family dynamics, what he likes doing in his new home, and anything else you can think of that could help me get a better feel for Ethan and how he fits into Aurora High School.

Finally, Ethan's advantages and disadvantages should be in complete sentences without the summary bits before (drop "Strength and Endurance:" and "Trust:"). I'd also like to see Ethan a bit more rounded, with at least another item of note for both his advantages and his disadvantages. His issues with being overly trusting and depending on others should also come up a bit more directly and should be discussed at a bit more length in his biography.

Post when you've got Ethan edited, and we'll give him another look. Thanks!
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Hunt11
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Hunt11
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Joined: April 12th, 2012, 9:04 pm

April 21st, 2012, 6:18 am #3

I have just completed the first round of edits for Ethan. I hopefully added enough details about Ethan to fill in the gaps that you noticed. Hopefully I caught my grammar mistakes, but I have a real issue with grammar, so if I either failed to address the issue, or create new ones then I am sorry.
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Ethan Johnson If you notice anything about my posts that could be improved on, feel free to PM me.
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MurderWeasel
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Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

April 23rd, 2012, 7:28 pm #4

Hiya, Hunt!

Ethan's looking a lot better, but he still needs a bit of tweaking.

First off, "Robertson’s" should be "Robertsons" everywhere where it's plural, as apostrophes indicate possession, not plurality.

Next off, it looks like a wire got crossed in copy/pasting, as you've still got some notes to yourself in the profile here: "This development concerned his parents, as they both happened to be atheists as they worried it might encourage Ethan to become intolerant of others. All their fears were for nothing. (need to say gave their blessings to his teachings,". I'd like to see the section polished up and fully explained, please.

This sentence runs on really badly: "The son Jack became Ethan’s closest friend as while they were almost complete opposites of each other as Jack was loud and confident to Ethan’s more quite and withdrawn personality, they came to view each other as brothers." I'd split it up like so: "The Robertsons' son, Jack, became Ethan’s closest friend, even though they were almost complete opposites of each other. Jack was loud and confident, which contrasted with Ethan’s more quite and withdrawn personality. Still, they came to view each other as brothers." In general, if a sentence involves a whole lot of commas, it may be worth looking at splitting it up into a bunch of small sentences, as that is almost always easier to read and follow.

"his parents had been more worried about their carriers then finding time to raise their only son." should be "his parents had been more worried about their careers than finding time to raise their only son."

"His father heard this conversation and ignored it, believing it was just a slip of the tongue, however for the next week the pattern repeated forcing Mr. Johnson to realize that his son was being serious, Ethan no longer considered Wallace as his father." should be "His father heard this conversation and ignored it, believing it was just a slip of the tongue. However, for the next week the pattern repeated, forcing Mr. Johnson to realize that his son was being serious. Ethan no longer considered Wallace as his father."

I'd like to know a bit more about how Ethan connects sports to military campaigns and his religion. Does he view sports as a personal test?

This sentence is awkward: "All four parents were horrified about what had happened, but due to feeling ashamed at how they had lost they were unwilling to tell who exactly had did this to them, so the gang was never punished." right now, it sounds like the parents were ashamed at having lost. I'd rephrase it like so: "All four parents were horrified about what had happened, but due to feeling ashamed at having lost, Jack and Ethan were unwilling to tell who exactly had done this to them, so the gang was never punished." Also, you should start a new paragraph after this sentence.

You state that Ethan's nose was permanently broken. You mean crooked, right? Also, since they went to the hospital, why didn't the doctors straighten it out? I'm pretty sure at least an attempt is made in most nose-breaking incidents.

I'd also like to know a little bit more about Ethan and Jack after Jack left. I understand that their relationship wouldn't be as strong, but V5 is set in 2012, meaning that even when Ethan was 13, internet technology and phone access would be decently widespread, and probably available occasionally even in areas without much technology. Did Ethan and Jack ever talk after Jack moved? I'd just like to know a little bit more about how their relationship shifted. It's totally fine if they drifted apart because of the move. It happens to real people all the time. I'd just like a bit more detail.

I'd also like to know the type of construction Ethan worked in, as Washington has some rules about what work minors are allowed to take. If he's mostly working with unpowered machines and isn't driving anything, everything's probably fine.

"At school Ethan can often be seen hanging out with the Football team, weather it is eating lunch together, or going to the occasional party." should be "At school Ethan can often be seen hanging out with the Football team, whether it is eating lunch together or going to the occasional party."

Finally, I'd like to see Ethan's dependence on his friends come up just a little bit more in his bio. Why does he depend on them so much? Is it that he's not on great terms with his parents, and they provide an alternative form of emotional support?

Post when you've got Ethan edited, and we'll give him another look. Thanks a ton!
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Hunt11
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Hunt11
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April 27th, 2012, 6:14 am #5

I think I have hit up on every point you asked me to look at, (still can't believe I missed my own note) so now Ethan is ready for yet another review .
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Ethan Johnson If you notice anything about my posts that could be improved on, feel free to PM me.
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MurderWeasel
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Joined: February 18th, 2009, 7:01 am

April 28th, 2012, 8:00 pm #6

Hi, Hunt!

Ethan's looking way better. Just a few more things need fixing up!

First off, I just noticed his hobbies and interests list is capitalized really oddly. It'd work better like so: "Football, working out, construction work, and military history"

Also, there should be a period in here, between "waist" and "The": "...he often has a jacket tied around his waist The only personal item he wears..."

"At first Ethan found it difficult to be away from his parents for such a large portion of the day he would often be a complete brat, much to the chagrin of the Robertsons and their son Jack, however as time wore on, Ethan adapted to staying with the Robertsons to the point that Ethan started to view them as his second family." is an overly long sentence. It'd work better like so: "At first, Ethan found it difficult to be away from his parents for such a large portion of the day. He would often be a complete brat, much to the chagrin of the Robertsons and their son Jack. However, as time wore on, Ethan adapted to staying with the Robertsons to the point that Ethan started to view them as his second family."

"threw his teachings" should be "through his teachings"

I'd like to know a bit about how the difference between Ethan's spiritual beliefs and those of his parents affected their relationships. Have they ever argued? How does Ethan feel about his parents' beliefs?

Like I mentioned last time, this bit: "The Robertsons’ son, Jack became Ethan’s closest friend, as while they were almost complete opposites of each other. Jack was loud and confident, which contrasted to Ethan’s more quite and withdrawn personality. Still they came to view each other as brothers." would work better as so: "The Robertsons' son, Jack, became Ethan’s closest friend, even though they were almost complete opposites of each other. Jack was loud and confident, which contrasted with Ethan’s more quite and withdrawn personality. Still, they came to view each other as brothers." The punctuation and phrasing differences are actually pretty key in making things readable.

There's another unfinished sentence here: "Thanks to the rise of the internet Ethan and Jack remained in contact with each other but" I'd like you to finish it and fill in the rest of the info on their relationship, please.

"Scared of being forced of the team" should be "Scared of being forced off the team"

Post when you've got Ethan edited, and we'll give him another look. Thanks!
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Hunt11
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May 1st, 2012, 3:30 am #7

I have finally finished the next round of edits. The only area I am unsure I covered was the religious issues within the family, but beside from that I think I am done.
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Ethan Johnson If you notice anything about my posts that could be improved on, feel free to PM me.
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