Espi Reads: V5

This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.

Espi Reads: V5

Espi
Winner
Joined: November 20th, 2012, 9:32 pm

November 20th, 2013, 12:20 am #1

Eh, I'm bored and need to get back into V5.

Critique notes:

1: I kind of suck at reading things so don't expect a super fancy/in-depth critique. This is just a casual thing.
2: 5 to a queue at once so I don't get overwhelmed. Once I've done those 5 I'll reopen the queue.
3: I'll be critiquing in the thread unless you specifically request it be PMed to you.
4: Which you probably don't need to because I will try to say nice things and offer suggestions rather than go "THIS SUCKS AND IS BAD"

Queue 1 (complete)
1- Ami Flynn (Ciel/Seel)
2- Venice Pennington-Johannes (Un-Persona/Unpy/Persy/Un/Santa-Sona)
3- Alice Gilman (dmboogie)
4- Mirabella Strong (SansaSaver)
5- Madeline Wilcox (TurtleTyrant)

Queue 2 (Open)
1-Natali Greer (Backslash/Zarina)
2-Owen Kay (Pippin)
3-Jack MacDonald (Flare)
4-Zoe Leverett (Kalopsia/Rachel)
5-Ian Williams (VysePresident)

(INB4 thread gets 8 posts in 3.5 seconds)
V5: Cut Short
Theodore Fletcher
Nina Clarke
Gwen O'Connor

V6: Broken Down
Alice Baker (->Aura)
Henry Spencer
Blair Moore

V7: Unprepared
Rhonda Lawson[/b
Toby Underwood
Paloma Salt
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Ciel
Mr. Danya
Joined: May 26th, 2007, 12:17 am

November 20th, 2013, 12:21 am #2

3.4 seconds.

I'm going to be a jerk and ask for Ami Flynn plz. Keep it casual, I like it casual.

Edit: you weren't joking...
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Un-Persona
Mr. Danya
Joined: February 28th, 2012, 2:09 am

November 20th, 2013, 12:22 am #3

Venice Pennington-Johannes. Links in the sig. Please and thank you.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ & ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
V7 - ❤ ❤ ❤ - PV3 - {❤} ❤ ❤ - TV3 - ❤ ❤ - V8 - ❤ ❤ ❤
[+] spoiler
21:33RattlesnakeIf you can't ninja roll the solution is to get naked until you can ninja roll

Justice for Natali - Today at 4:21 PM
Your adorable face will not save you from the long dick of the law

Gianni - Today at 8:05 PM
Sometimes the big tru tru different than the small tru tru
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dmboogie
Winner
Joined: December 9th, 2008, 10:33 pm

November 20th, 2013, 12:23 am #4

Could you please critique Alice Gilman for me?
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
Asha Sur: GIRL 018, armed with a TASER. "Let's all embrace nihilism and be nice!"
Cass Prince: HUMAN 001, armed with a MOP. "It's all falling apart, isn't it? We're unravelling."
[+] spoiler
V6
Harold Porter: BOY 034, armed with a COFFEE POT. "Hey - none of this... none of this is your fault, alright?" Messed up. Plain and simple.

V5
Daniel Whitten: BOY 074, armed with an INDIANA JONES REPLICA WHIP. "Oh, hey, sorry. Didn't think there was anyone else-" Died early.
Alice Gilman: GIRL 064, armed with a ROTATO. "Just... Just wanted you to drop the gun. Thought you were gonna shoot." Died stupidly.
Michael Mitchellson:BOY 019, armed with a FUCKING AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN. Died a failure.

[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
Daniel Whitten

By Violent-Medic

Michael Mitchellson

By Violent-Medic



By Mimi

Alice Gilman


By TurtleTyrant

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SansaSaver
Player
Joined: November 18th, 2012, 7:49 pm

November 20th, 2013, 12:25 am #5

Ah, critique threads, the things that fill up faster than... some other threads or something. I dunno.

Anyhow, could you please critique Bella for me? c:
Version Seven:
Tristan O?Hara
Dorothea Rodriguez
Ariana Simpson
[+] spoiler
Version Five:
B049 ? Maynard Hurst
G060 ? Mirabella Strong

Version Six:
B004 ? Joshua Bracewell
? Adopted by Ciel
G026 ? Hazel Jung ? Adopted by Ruggahissy
B027 ? Oskar Pearce ? Adopted by NAFT
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VoltTurtle
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 14th, 2012, 12:10 am

November 20th, 2013, 12:33 am #6

I don't normally get into these things but what the hell. Put Madeline up there.
[+] spoiler
My SOTF Mini Profile
I draw things sometimes in this thread
Join my cyberpunk horror tabletop!

V7 Roster
[+] spoiler
Marceline Carlson
Pregame: -#->
Memory: -#->

Richard Smith
Pregame: -#->
Memory: ->

Ming Robinson
Pregame: -#->
Memory: ->

Amber Yates
Pregame: -#->
Memory: -#->
V6 Roster
[+] spoiler
Wiki Pages:
G013: Penelope Fitzgerald
G046: Isabel Ramirez

V6 Meanwhile:
|-#-#-|
V5 Roster
[+] spoiler
Wiki Pages:
G005: Madeline Wilcox
G030: Sara Corlett
Chat Quotes:
[+] spoiler
17:32 Mimi: Everyone has their place in society. His is with tractors.

19:26 Harbinger: Manhunt is like victorian porn
19:26 Monad: Isn't that bad like, quality? Or isn't as bad as they say in terms of nastiness?
19:26 Kilmarnock: Aside from Piggsy's shadowy schlong.

22:45 SpiralAgnew I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS TO WORK AT NINTENDO
22:45 Medic SPIRAL
22:45 Courtney Hey Medic
22:45 SpiralAgnew IN FRONT OF MK
22:46 Outfoxd ..Wait, do we punch Spiral in the dick now?
22:46 Outfoxd FUCK YOUR DREAMS
22:46 Outfoxd OoO
22:47 TurtleTyrant we are punching him in the dick?
22:47 Courtney That'll be the most attention his dick has gotten...ever.

22:47 Guest13519 He'd probably like getting punched in the dick though.
22:47 Courtney Only if by androgynous looking girls.
22:48 Guest13519 Who look and act about 12?
22:48 Courtney I really don't know.
22:48 Courtney Ask him.
22:48 Courtney I mean he's right here.
22:49 SpiralAgnew Sorry, I couldn't hear you
22:49 Outfoxd I gotta go to bed
22:49 SpiralAgnew I was too busy riding that Nintendo high

22:26 Mumu: robots are sexy
22:26 Mumu: like that bitch from The Jetsons
22:27 TurtleTyrant: do you find this robot sexy?
22:27 Slayer: :|
22:27 TurtleTyrant: [Image of Bender]
22:27 Lancer: Who wouldn't?
22:27 Kilmarnock: If anything, Bender's sexier than Rosie.

21:42 Flarez: MurderWeasel - You can tell what kind of site we're on because we get confused on which particular infirmary massacre we're discussing.
21:42 MurderWeasel: Welcome to chat and SOTF!

21:21 Espi: I want to have at least one non-white person perversion.

20:44 Raft: Um.
20:44 Raft: Can't tonight Ricky. I'm promised to another.
20:46 Kilmarnock: YOUR ANUS IS MINE

22:37 Mimi: SOMETIMES I DO PENIS

22:00 Sansa: Vagina. <3 OTP till the end of time.

18:30 Outfoxd: that would be the slow inexorable path of evolution mocking you

20:00 Naft: Jokes on you
20:00 Naft: Turtle replaced my mind with a turtle on a hamster wheel

13:00 Zarina: I DON'T ONLY PLAY HORRIFIC YAOI H-GAMES RACHEL
13:00 Zarina: SOMETIMES I PLAY OTHER THINGS
13:00 Zarina: LIKE HORRIFIC HETEROSEXUAL H-GAMES

23:33 Zarina: I tried to buy condoms discreetly once
23:33 Zarina: I ran into my mom at the register

19:35 Christian: I JUST LIKE SHAGGING HANDLERS, KAY?

14:56 Slam: but then I wonder where's the romance without a schlong
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Espi
Winner
Joined: November 20th, 2012, 9:32 pm

November 20th, 2013, 1:08 am #7

Okay queue full.
V5: Cut Short
Theodore Fletcher
Nina Clarke
Gwen O'Connor

V6: Broken Down
Alice Baker (->Aura)
Henry Spencer
Blair Moore

V7: Unprepared
Rhonda Lawson[/b
Toby Underwood
Paloma Salt
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NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

November 20th, 2013, 4:44 am #8

Oh hey look a new critique thread aaaand it's full.
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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Espi
Winner
Joined: November 20th, 2012, 9:32 pm

June 22nd, 2014, 4:05 pm #10

OKAY SO I SUCK BUT THIS IS GONNA BE A THING NOW BECAUSE IT'S SUMMER AND I HAVE LOADS OF FREE TIME

AMI CRITIQUE COMING PROBABLY SOON
V5: Cut Short
Theodore Fletcher
Nina Clarke
Gwen O'Connor

V6: Broken Down
Alice Baker (->Aura)
Henry Spencer
Blair Moore

V7: Unprepared
Rhonda Lawson[/b
Toby Underwood
Paloma Salt
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