David Schwartz

Polibyss
Leader
Joined: December 5th, 2008, 10:19 pm

August 13th, 2016, 12:55 am #1

Name: David Schwartz
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: History, hiking, camping, film, socializing, learning

Appearance: David is a solid 6'0” and weighs 152 pounds. He's thin with a lanky frame and a bony-looking face. He's Caucasian and has naturally pale skin, but he has spent enough time in the sun to have gotten a tan. David has deep-set brown eyes, a pointy nose and a thin mouth. His stringy brown hair reaches down to his upper back; he usually keeps it loose but sometimes ties it into a ponytail. He has a thin, wispy mustache, the only result of an attempt to grow facial hair. His teeth are slightly crooked and he has a barely-noticeable under bite.

David has simple tastes in clothes. In warm weather, he wears t-shirts and cargo shorts with sneakers. In cool weather, he switches the shorts for jeans and wears a jacket over his shirt. He prefers loose fitting clothes, and as a result most of his clothes can look too big for his thin body. He has a fondness for trucker hats and usually wears one in sunny weather.

Biography: David Schwartz was born on February 12th, 1997, the first and only child of Herman, an electrician, and Linda, a hairdresser. Linda's parents lived within walking distance of their home, so they played a significant role in raising him. David has always had a very good relationship with both his parents and grandparents. They have provided him a comfortable upbringing, and they always encourage his interests.

Many of David's interests were inherited from his family. As a child, David would often spend hours looking through his grandparents' large collection of old books on American history. The stories of famous people and wars enthralled him; eventually, he would branch outside of just American history and read about all sorts of countries and time periods. His favorite areas of history are the time of the Founding Fathers and World War II.

His grandparents also introduced him to film. They had a few old movie tapes that they would play over and over, like The Wizard of Oz, Singing in the Rain, and and half a dozen Abbott and Costello movies. Because of this, David is a big fan of old movies, especially musicals. He likes modern films as well; with newer movies, he tends to prefer comedies. David has briefly toyed with the idea of trying to make his own short film, but has found himself distracted with other interests and schoolwork.

David's father was an avid camper in his youth, and he started bringing David on camping trips as soon as he was able. David and his father have hiked and camped through both organized sites and wilderness in Arizona, Utah, and California. Along the way, his father has taught him some basic wilderness survival skills: he knows how to navigate the wilderness, make a fire, and find clean water. He knows some edible plants and has basic knowledge on how to capture small animals, although he's never actually done so.

David's family always encouraged him to be open about learning new things, and he's taken to that eagerly. David loves making friends with all sorts of different people and learning about their interests. It doesn't matter who they are, he'll talk with anyone about whatever they're interested in, asking questions for as long as they let him. He tries to assume the best of everyone: even if he doesn't like someone at first, he may like them after learning more about them. David has ended up making a fair amount of friends this way, and annoying some others. He can unintentionally come across as nosy or persistent, and has a hard time realizing when someone doesn't want to talk to him. Even when he realizes that a conversation isn't going anywhere, he tries to salvage it and draws it out until he's firmly rejected. He usually leaves someone alone for a while if they reject him, but he rarely stays away forever. David thinks that he can make friends with anyone if he tries hard enough.

Most of his grandparents' books tended to tell a more heroic than strictly accurate account of American history. These heroic tales instilled David with a strong sense of patriotism towards the United States. Over the years, David has gained a less idealized view of history, but the feelings towards his country remain. He believes that America is the greatest country in the world, and that every American has a duty to uphold the country's values. However, he tends to stay out of current politics: he doesn't like the persistent negativity and finds himself too easily swayed by others' arguments.

Owing to his strong relationship with his parents and loyalty to his country, David strongly respects law and authority. He always tries to be respectful towards teachers and policemen and strongly opposes being involved in anything that would break the law. He knows that this sometimes makes him appear too uptight to his peers, so he tries not to be too pushy about it. He tries his best to completely ignore common teen activities like underage drinking and drug use: he doesn't want to snitch on anyone but he doesn't want to feel compliant.

David is very serious about his schoolwork, he never misses homework and studies for every test. He gets A's in most classes, history being his clear favorite. He gets a few B's every now and then: he struggles with chemistry and fiction writing. It bothers him when he can't fully grasp a subject despite his efforts, and consistently tries to improve.

David tends to drift around clubs. If they let him, he'll sit in on one or two club meetings before moving onto another. As he just wants to learn about new things, he rarely involves himself in these meetings. The one club that he's consistently involved in is the student council; though he doesn't run for elected positions, he enjoys assisting with their efforts to improve the school.

Advantages: David knows nearly everyone in his grade and has made many friends in various social groups. When he sets his mind to a goal, he's persistent about achieving it. He has basic knowledge about wilderness survival.
Disadvantages: David has a hard time noticing when he makes people annoyed or uncomfortable. His desire to think the best of everyone can lead him to be too trusting of people he doesn't know well. His strong principles can get in the way of pragmatism.
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Slam
Mr. Danya
Slam
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 11th, 2009, 7:39 pm

August 13th, 2016, 8:21 am #2

Hi, Polybius. Before we can critique this profile, please fix your profile format so that it matches the profile template exactly. Specifically, you need to bold the headings of your sections and make sure there's a space between them and the start of the section (see your advantages section).
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Polibyss
Leader
Joined: December 5th, 2008, 10:19 pm

August 13th, 2016, 1:45 pm #3

Done
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MK Kilmarnock
Mr. Danya
Joined: April 14th, 2009, 10:12 pm

August 18th, 2016, 2:01 am #4

Hey there, Poly. Now that your formatting is all squared away we'll deal with what's left and you'll be good to go.

Add what David was wearing on the day of abduction so people have a clearer picture of what he looks like.

About at what time did he start reading his grandparent's history books? For a really young kid, that sort of thing might be too complicated. Also what drew him specifically to the Founding Fathers and WWII as time periods of interest since they're pretty far apart in time?

When you say his grandparents had "movie tapes" do you mean VHS tapes? What kind of modern comedies does he like since we've got some great examples of his taste in old cinema?

I'd like some more detail on the camping David and his dad do, since it's a pretty big advantage. How long has his dad been doing it? How long have they been camping together? How long to they stay out? To what degree are they roughing it on these trips? How often do they go on trips? If he's only learned about trapping small animals, but never done it, he's not going to be successful.

When I saw "learning" up top in the interests and hobbies I thought it was sort of vague and made a mental note to see how it was expanded on in the profile. The "learning" he likes, which seems to be making friends and learning about people and their interests, fits pretty neatly into "socializing" which is already up there. Go ahead and remove that from the interests and hobbies list.

Does rejection hurt him or does he feel hurt if people think he's annoying?

Since he's past reading his grandparent's history books, where does he go for history now?

Fiction writing isn't a class on its own, so is it English he struggles with sometimes?

Why doesn't he run for elected office? He seems really into civic participation and he loves to socialize, so what's holding him back?

What are David's plans after high school? Also his mom kind of drops off the face of the earth after the first part of the profile, so more info on their relationship would be good. Does she get after him since he's got stringy long hair and she's a hairdresser?

What's his friend situation? Does he have any close friends or does he just have a ton of people he talks to and is friendly with, or some combination of the two?

It says in the advantages that when he sets himself on a goal he's persistent, but there isn't much of that in the profile. Is there an example of that?

Also, there's not a ton about is formative years. What was he like in school and with peers growing up?

That's it. Mostly just asking for elaboration on different points. Post when you're done and I'll take another look.
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Slam
Mr. Danya
Slam
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 11th, 2009, 7:39 pm

September 1st, 2016, 10:03 pm #5

This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler in V7 or in minis upon alterations requested by the staff.
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