Carlos didn't feel anything. Imagine a boat getting hit by two tidal waves on opposite sides. Alone, they are a one-two punch, but together, at the exact moment, they can work to right the ship. Imagine Cooper as one wave, Cody as another, and Alice as the ship, then you'll understand why Carlos didn't feel anything.
Cody was on the ground. Cooper was on the ground. Alice was on the ground. Carlos was the only one on his feet.
Carlos turned his head a smidgen, looking at Cody for only a second before returning to Alice.
Said Carlos. Said was a strong word. It implied direction and purpose, none of which Carlos had.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Wasn't like we were together or anything."
Rambled. Hacked up. Rushed. Thought, out loud, without thinking.
"You don't care though. Danya said kill, you delivered."
Explain it away. Blame it on the deceased, not like they can defend themselves. Say it was an accident. Pretend it's all a game. Curl up into a ball and bury your head in the sand. Do anything you can to avoid taking responsibility.
Carlos took a step back.
"I," Carlos said, "have to go now."
He took another step.
"Gotta see a man about a dog."
And another. Then another. All the while he kept his eyes squarely on Alice. He continued walking until he felt a snag on his leg and he fell.
Technicolor stars blinded his vision and his mind went out for a smoke, but even then he understood that he landed on a corpse.
Carlos was on the ground. When his vision cleared, he felt the pain. He lay on his back and looked down at his hand. The pullsaw landed on the ground, the edge stained with fresh blood.
He stared at his throbbing hand then tried not to heave.
"What the fuck,
" he said, "what the fuck what the fuck
what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.
Carlos got up and reached for the saw and snatched his bag and spun on his heel and ran and ran and ran until he had to stop and throw up.
He cried the whole way though.
This was some serious shit.
(Carlos Lazaro continued in "Though We May Not Survive It..."