Brackie's Whacky-Tacky Critiques

This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.
Maraoone
Player
Joined: October 27th, 2012, 1:53 pm

August 6th, 2014, 10:13 pm #11

Juhan Levandi pleaaase.
V6 Characters:
G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: S?gl?pur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.
[+] spoiler
V5 Characters:
Dead:
B045 - Juhan Levandi - An Estonian wanna-be journalist with a fear of the dark who wanted to bring them all down in Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien [18/152]
Weapon: Party Bag (contains a noisemaker, party hat, two single-serving bags of candy, and a Hotwheels car)
Pre-Game Threads: Wiping All Out - Quixotic
Previous V5 Threads: Despair - The Real Folk Blues - The two people in the distance were Paulo and Becca - Mischief Managed - Sleeper Cell - Tell No Tales - So, How Was Your Day? - And I'm Not Sleeping Now - Intermission - Glass - A Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy
G067 - Carmina Maliksi - A Filipina car junkie with a /slight/ obsession with Korea and Japan who has finished things up (somewhat) in Red as Blood [139/152]
Weapon: Non-Functional Flamethrower (left in the Clubhouse)
Previous V5 Threads: Finding Center - Wish I Could Breathe - The Visionary
Memories: Offended?
B054 - Oscar Trig (adopted from Greg the Anti-Viking) - An artist who desperately needs a pencil, paper and a cigar and thought with his heart in Fumble [76/152]
Weapon: Binoculars
Pregame Threads: Taking it to the Streets
Previous V5 Threads: Waking Up at the Beginning of Time - Steadier Footing - Handoff
[+] spoiler
Ruggahissy Me: *on my hands and knees picking up beads* Conner: I'M A BACK PACK *LATCHES ONTO MY BACK*

*** Gianni joined #sotf
22:27Muu GIANNNNNNNNIIIII
22:28Maraoone hai gianni
22:28Gianni MIIIIIMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
22:28Gianni Hey Mara!
22:28Gianni Sup guys?
22:28Maraoone Not much. About to get off soon
22:29RuffDesperado gross
22:29RuffDesperado tmi
22:29Maraoone ?
22:29Gianni LOL
22:29Muu LOL AW
22:29Maraoone NOT LIKE THAT

12:18DuckyBWe're like Urban Dictionary, except we only turn incredibly classy things into deeply disturbed sexual deviancy.

10:09Dom"excuse me I would like to order a giant dildo to beat someone around the head with"

11:46NaftBacon, pick up your breasts. They keep hitting the floor.
11:46NaftJeez.

07:52MoonlightDriveat least
07:52MoonlightDriveyou didn't get RIC FLAIR'S TURGID OLD-MAN COCK
07:52MoonlightDrivefor your forfeit name

09:31Gianniwell, the Mississippi is the Democratic Republic of the Congo to Alabama's Republic of the Congo

09:40ShangelaDemonic slumber parties always have cute plastic slides.

12:38ChainmailleAddictI am so square that I have 89 degree angles.

19:14DeamonThis is way more semen talk than I expected at 11:15am
19:14Mumuit's 6am here
19:14Mumusemen for breakfast yall

20:47KalopsiaBioshock Infinite can jam a fork in its metaphorical urethra

11:37WesIn some ways, the sex undies were part of all of us, all along.

11:08Naft"The carbon-coated steel flayed a little due to the erosion from the lubricant, but Gavin paid it no heed."

21:43*** Medic joined #sotf
21:43MedicYarrrrh.
21:44Maraooneugghhrhghrsrh
21:44MedicYes

18:23MaraooneDeath by dildo. That would be fun to put on the wiki.
18:23OhmWhich I don't regret giving to Vahka
18:24MedicI mean didn't someone trip on a vibrator and drown in v4?
18:24--- Namira is back
18:24Namirayaaaaaaaay
18:24Namira...
18:24Namiradat context
18:24NamiraI MEAN
18:24NamiraYAY
18:24NamiraI FINISHED MY FIRST EXAM
18:24MedicYaaaaaay
18:24NamiraNOT YAY FOR DILDO MURDER
18:24Ohm
18:24MedicnO IT'S THE LACK OF DILDO MURDER THAT SADDENS ME

Loretta - Today at 8:21 AM
i wa nt to eat necroplush dick now

Zee - Today at 5:00 AM
roasts Aloha
Aloha - Today at 5:00 AM
winces at heat
Kyoko Sakura-chan - Today at 5:01 AM
Wait, that's not how you roast Aloha
Here's how:
Espi - Today at 5:01 AM
saves Aloha with a bucket of cold water
Kyoko Sakura-chan - Today at 5:01 AM
In Hawaiian, Aloha means "Hello" and "Goodbye," the latter of which is appropriate considering how fast his V6 cast died

Pancapples - Yesterday at 12:38 PM
What is the record for shortest time spent between orgasm and death?
Ekanselttar - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
:thinking:
🕷man's control - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
I dunno but there was this guy who masturbated 42 times in a row before he died of dehydration
Pancapples - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
In-game, I mean.
🕷man's control - Yesterday at 12:41 PM
oh

jimmydalad - Today at 1:42 AM
Also, how much protein and stuff is in human meat?

Professor Fether - Today at 12:46 PM
Also now you've gotta do me.
Zee - Today at 12:46 PM
oh bby
The Homeless Beard(e) - Today at 12:46 PM
I do you, you do me.
Tell me when you get here how serious we're being.
Cause I will go in.

Ruggahissy - Today at 1:30 PM
I dont know if v6 had an all beige girl or boy
Aura? - Today at 1:30 PM
The streak is broken?
Ekanselttar - Today at 1:31 PM
if you streaked would that count as all beige? :eyes:
Ruggahissy - Today at 1:31 PM
No

Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
to be fair
rolle don top - Today at 10:24 AM
looks cross
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
i thought a fleshlight was like
rolle don top - Today at 10:24 AM
I'm innocent
not pure
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
a sexy flashlight up until now
Lolo - Today at 10:24 AM
SFH?SDIHTGEWSAIPTHEWAIUT
rolle don top - Today at 10:24 AM
ok Yugi is more pure than me
I at least knew it was a sex toy
Zee - Today at 10:24 AM
how would you make a flashlight sexy, I'm curious
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:24 AM
well like
a flashlight you would use in sexual intercourse
like
Lolo - Today at 10:25 AM
WHAT
Vole dog yo bro - Today at 10:25 AM
shine a light up the butthole I guess
[+] spoiler
Character Pimping Pledge (stolen off Kami)

For v5v6, I have come to a decision. To help lessen character pimping, I have vowed not to talk about my characters, any characters closely related to mine, or any threads I've been involved in, in any of the following places:

- Chat
- General Discussion thread
- TV Tropes
- Random Thoughts
- Anything else I missed

I am not allowing myself to talk about anything relating to my characters or scenes I'm in unless they are brought up in conversation by another handler. I am not allowed to use my characters' names OOC or mention anything relating to that character until another handler mentions them. This is not currently in effect for pre-game; these self-imposed rules do not apply until v5v6 starts. However, they will be in effect the second v5v6 is announced. When one of my characters die, escape, or are otherwise removed from the game, these rules are lifted for that character, and I am free to talk about that character as much as I want. However, the others will have to wait until they too are out of the game.

Private Thread Pledge (Stolen from Toben)
Let's show that private threads aren't necessary! I pledge not to start any private threads (EDIT: EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE THREAD IM SORRY) on island in V5v6. If I started a thread, you are welcome to join it.
"Mara was a mistake." - Cicada, 2017
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Aura
Winner
Aura
Winner
Joined: December 9th, 2011, 6:39 pm

August 6th, 2014, 10:55 pm #12

Adonis Alba, pretty please?

[+] spoiler
v5 Characters:

B029- Matt Masters- DECEASED (114/152)

B043- Adonis Alba- DECEASED (124/152)

G051- Stacey Mordetsky- DECEASED (136/152)
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Brackie
Winner
Joined: October 19th, 2009, 6:02 am

August 6th, 2014, 11:05 pm #13

And with that, I think this is a good cutoff point for v5 characters.

Each time I finish critiquing a character I'll open up a spot in the queue, but for now I won't be accepting any more requests.

However, if anyone does have a non-v5 character they'd like me to review I have a side-queue with a max of 3.

[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
v4
Brendan Wallace is a coward.
Clio Gabriella wanted to go home.
Paige Strand needed to run.
Jacob Charles had to put back his pieces.
Aston Bennett was better than you.
Ma'afu Tuigamala made the ultimate mistake.
[+] spoiler
v5
Janie Sinneave wanted to ride in the clouds.
[+] spoiler
v6
Maxim Kehlenbrink did nothing wrong.
[+] spoiler
Ezra Landau - "Pretty sure the point of life is to indulge and be pretty." - Philosophy
Hayden Lockwood - "Come to the march this Saturday and I'll show you a good time." - Pride
Allegra Varley - "Bet you I can jump from here to that boat." - Risk
Truann Coleman - "Please stop saying that." - Rage
Anya Van Doren - "Dunno why I did it. Dunno why it's your business." - Duplicity
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Laurels
Mr. Danya
Joined: October 4th, 2011, 4:36 pm

August 7th, 2014, 12:07 am #14

For a non V5 kid, can you look at Taylor DeVasher?
[+] spoiler
Nadia Riva
"You don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model? And you're telling me while wearing that face?"


Noah Whitley
"You look like you could use a laugh, and I have just the joke for that."


Alba Reyes
"Woo hoo! Three holes in one! That's a new record!"
[+] spoiler
Girl #007-Rachael Langdon
"I really am going to die, aren't I? Oh god, what am I going to do?"


Armed with a Solar Powered Scientific Calculator
Stabbed with a sword by Marcus Leung.
Girl #018-Claire Monaghan
"You know, I always thought I'd be seen by millions. Fuck Murphy's Law."


Armed with a Shotgun Flashlight (1 Bullet) and a bulletproof vest

Girl #035-Sophie McDowell
"People often find inspiration in the darkest times. I guess I can too."
Killed by a grenade thrown by Summer Simms

Armed with a lead pipe.
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

19:10 Laurelena: When octopi eat hamsters, the resulting laughter is a mix of colorful idiocy and dainty ice skating

18:10 Mimi: "how many nipples does Miss Piggy REALLY have?"

16:57 Mimi play Fergaliscious
16:58 Mimi IF YOU EVER WANT FANS
16:58 Mimi YOU NEED FERALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi FERGALISCIOUS
16:58 Mimi Omg
16:58 Mimi feral-liscious
16:58 Mimi that's
16:58 Mimi blowing my mind

16:57 KamiKaze Laurie, if you ever become a mod, let it be known that one day you will critique someone's profile who had a girl killing her family friend because he raped her, and the person will insult you by calling you a talking Oshawott doll.

21:42Acidic i AM ANAL WART MAN

00:19Delroy.... I HAVE AN IMAGE OF HANSEL FUCKING TRAVIS WITH A CHAINSAW STUCK IN MY HEAD. HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY GOOD!?


[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler

Rachael Langdon
[+] spoiler

Rachael Langdon and Claire Monaghan
[+] spoiler


Rachael Langdon


Claire Monaghan
[+] spoiler

Claire Monaghan
[+] spoiler




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Brackie
Winner
Joined: October 19th, 2009, 6:02 am

August 7th, 2014, 5:18 am #15

Added.

Now, everyone, brace yourselves for my first. EVER. CRITIQUE.



Aileen Aurora Abdallah, by Bikriki

Because it seems easiest, I'm going to divide my thoughts into three sections: Story, Personality, and Narrative.
[+] spoiler
So basically, this chick wakes up inside the hospital and we get to know a little bit about her throughout her first thread. She meets Owen and the two form sort of a friendship/uneasy alliance, and they spend a small chunk of the thread looking for supplies and it's during this that we get a bit of insight into her goals - mainly, it's surviving for now, but it'll change somewhere down the line. Along comes Lauren Rowe, who they're immediately distrustful of and it all goes downhill from there, mainly because Aileen asks Owen for the scalpel right in front of her while interrogating her. She runs, they decide to stick together.

Later on they meet up with Naomi and Cammy, who they form a bigger alliance with, but Cammy leaves and it's just the three of them. She plays somewhat of a passive role in this scene, but we still get to know more about her personality. She wants to escape now, even though it's highly likely it's impossible. They head on over to the Apartments and it's there Naomi plays the big role of realizing that the feeds aren't on and they have to rethink their goals and their plans. Aileen once again plays more of a passive role in this scene but she does serve a purpose - mainly to show how her normal paranoia actually helps her remain calm in the situation (which I'll go into in her Personality). Stuff happens, Naomi gets gutted and eaten by Summer, and they scatter.

It's upon being on her own that Aileen stumbles across Joe and Matt V. Being pragmatic as always she defends Joe and sides with him during the argument that goes on during the thread, and the two decide to team up for the meantime, which is cool because I like their chemistry. They tag along with each other for a while and have some cute little scenes. Eventually they find Owen again and Aileen basically ditches Joe for him, and I'm all NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO because I was liking the former's chemistry with Aileen more. But it's all for moot as Hansel Williams shows up with a hostage in Claire and demands their bags. Aileen isn't having it and tries to take him down but he ends up shooting her in the leg and taking their stuff anyway, what a bastard. Once again she shows her calm in the situation and once she's patched up she and Owen head off together again. They end up finding Lauren's body and search the haunted house they're in for more supplies, since they've got fuck-all thanks to Hansel-robbage, but they don't find anything and Aileen starts to show off a softer side in the process.

[insert non-important attempted burglary scene with Jessica that just has Aileen being unsettling again and nothing really happening]

In her final scene they finally manage something good - they find Benjamin's neato Shopping Mall Fortress and he lets them stay there in spite of having nothing and being sort of useless guard dogs, but he gives them food and since they haven't eaten in days they're all for this. Eventually he leaves (to go murder a poor innocent girl who did nothing wrong BEN YOU MONSTER ahem) and Aileen has some more cute little character scenes with Owen, and suddenly Joe shows up with another killer in Travis, and because Aileen trusts/likes Joe (despite her basically telling him to sashay away a few days ago) she lets down the barrier for him, only for everything to go wrong. Travis gets in a scuffle with Owen who refuses to let him in and starts a fight in the process. Aileen tries to stop them but Travis ends up slashing her throat open with a scalpel. Irony I think?
--
Anyways, I liked Aileen's story. It wasn't super exciting and she was sort of a passive character throughout with bursts of action (which I liked from her) but she had some neat interactions with other characters. While her story probably would have ended up different had she gone with Joe I do wish they'd have stuck together longer, but I think it's fitting that the person she gets along with in the best quality throughout her stay on the island ends up indirectly being her downfall. Especially someone like Aileen who puts up a front of being so pragmatic and calm all the time.
[+] spoiler
Aileen is very scattered throughout, in terms of motivations and actions. One thing I love about her is her fashion, because while it looks weird on the surface she reminds me a lot of girls I know, not necessarily in personality but in fashion sense. What I also like about her is that while I never read her pre-game (v5 I think just for me and if there's any memory threads linked in a post I'll read them but until then I'll stick with the main game) she strikes me as someone who is very paranoid and guarded back home, way more than other people tend to be when they're not in the game. In terms of paranoia she's constantly operating at a 4-5 while everyone else is on 0-1. However, rather than being multiplied throughout the game, she remains at this 4-5, possibly even 6, while everyone else around her is overclocking on 11. Normally one of my biggest gripes with characters is how they're too normal in the face of imminent death, but for some reason it really fits with Aileen because you see this seamless transition and it doesn't feel that out of place. Her thoughts are also effectively chilling when she's got her guard up.

What does feel a bit out of place, though, is her language. Normally it's not too noticeable when someone speaks robotic, but when she's around characters with notable speech patterns such as Owen, Joe, Travis, Hansel, etc, it becomes apparent. She does get characterized by other people as "that chick who uses big words to make people think she's smart" and there are times when that characterization fits fine. Other times though it just feels a bit clunky and robotic and, once again, extremely noticeable.

Her characterizations with other people are a mixed bag too. She's usually either suspicious or hostile of anyone she meets (Lauren, Jessica, Naomi, Cammy, etc) or she warms up to them pretty fast in her own way (Owen, Joe). The former to me goes a bit overboard. The latter, however, are where I kind of like her. When she's not using big words to make herself sound smart or being an over-pragmatist she has a sense of vulnerability about her that I don't think she likes to let people see. She lets down that guard to interact with the people who she's traveling with the most, and it's all the more noticeable with Joe. In fact, like I said, I really liked the chemistry between the two and would have preferred them traveling together more. However, I did like how the one person she actually did let her guard down the most to ended up being the one who indirectly lead to her death. She trusted him, and for a moment she trusted his friend well, and she paid the price.
[+] spoiler
Unfortunately, her biggest strike against her is the writing. I know English isn't Bik's first language and he did his best, but there's a fair few grammar, tense and spelling problems in the narrative and it's hard to overlook. When it's alright, it gets the job done. There's not much there, but it's not a bunch of one-line posts either. She's not overly flowery but she doesn't really do much to paint a picture either. It matches her character far too much. But it's fine, like I said English isn't Bik's first language so I don't expect him to chug out gold and paint vivid pictures for me because as a reader I demand it. The mistakes in grammar/spelling/tense/etc are the biggest problems with the story I'd say.

Also the gunshot barely played into the story after that one thread, which was sort of questionable.
I wasn't planning on doing a scorecard but I'll see if I like doing it or not:

Story: 3.5/5
Personality: 3
Narrative: 2.5

Overall: 3/5

The main thing that can be improved upon is the bare necessities, such as spelling/grammar/etc. After that, I'd say the biggest thing to improve on would be making sure she flows consistently as a character, maker her motivations move through the story with her and mold her. It did feel like she was a passive force at times just floating along and her personality swathed around a bit too much (such as going from having genuine moments with Owen in the haunted house to coldly threatening Jessica in the next thread, not much insight as to why, only that it happened). Nail it down and shape the story to that next time.

When she was consistent though, I liked her. Like I said she worked great IMO with Joe and good with Owen, her pragmatic personality meshing well as a contrast. When she let down her guard we saw a side of her that I liked to see.

I'd mostly recommend reading Aileen for her story, because she does intersect with some pretty big characters and she bounces well off some better than others. It's the story of a girl who puts up a barrier for herself because most people hate her, she tries to stick along with people in spite of that, she makes some genuine connections, she makes the wrong move at the wrong time and pays the price for it.

Alright, up next, Marcus Leung.

And someone else can request a single v5 character now.

[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
v4
Brendan Wallace is a coward.
Clio Gabriella wanted to go home.
Paige Strand needed to run.
Jacob Charles had to put back his pieces.
Aston Bennett was better than you.
Ma'afu Tuigamala made the ultimate mistake.
[+] spoiler
v5
Janie Sinneave wanted to ride in the clouds.
[+] spoiler
v6
Maxim Kehlenbrink did nothing wrong.
[+] spoiler
Ezra Landau - "Pretty sure the point of life is to indulge and be pretty." - Philosophy
Hayden Lockwood - "Come to the march this Saturday and I'll show you a good time." - Pride
Allegra Varley - "Bet you I can jump from here to that boat." - Risk
Truann Coleman - "Please stop saying that." - Rage
Anya Van Doren - "Dunno why I did it. Dunno why it's your business." - Duplicity
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NotAFlyingToy
Winner
Joined: April 9th, 2013, 1:26 pm

August 7th, 2014, 5:39 am #16

I'd love to see your thoughts on Hansel Williams, Inky.
A list of the dying, a list of the damned.
[+] spoiler
We've yet to live and soon will fall.

B027: Oskar Pearce has his shields up -- Step back from it, Jane. (Adopted from SansaSaver!)
[+] spoiler
We've fought and fought and lost it all.

G063: Natali Greer fell into sadness and couldn't get out -- Everything was going to be alright. (Adopted Posthumously from backslash!)
B067: Brandon Baxter died as he lived -- On his own terms.
B076: Hansel Williams wasn't wrong, in the end -- I wouldn't change anything. Not a goddamn thing.
[+] spoiler
Here in the wings, we wait for the call.

Jaden Bertelli wants you to be better -- Work harder, no excuses.
Miley Sacramento isn't looking for the long-term -- Like, why are the democrats an elephant, anyway?
Robert Munnings hates your favourite teacher -- We hurt ourselves so that others can't.
Kelsey Hamilton is going to be the best in the world -- Out of my way, dead man.
Asher Glas really admires the way you carry yourself -- Oh, hey - let me get that for you.
"Skinny" Trevor Sharpe would sell the shirt off of your back -- Pick your poison.
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Riki
Winner
Joined: July 7th, 2012, 6:39 pm

August 8th, 2014, 6:06 am #17

You have my sincere gratitude, this will help me become much better in the future, because truth to be told, I was a bit aimless with Aileen (well, I was in general pretty aimless, but anyway) so it does is super awesome you took the time to review her.
[+] spoiler
Hycanthe Eickenhorst
Piet Lick
Cedric Matsumoto [INSPO]
[+] spoiler
Lucilly Peterson wrote: Lucilly Peterson 0 % ♪Laing - Paradies Naiv♪ Porno Magazine
||Seeds||Day||Still||
||Dream|Island|Sideshow|Soul|dr36m|Paradies||
Johnny Ray McKay wrote: Johnny McKay Dead Tracking Bug and Transponder
||Breaths||Pizza|People 2||Fortune||
||Girlfriend|Needles|Thanos|Blanc|Demons|Hasty|Another|Hyphaema|Minus|Anemia|Eternal Happiness||
[+] spoiler
O B014 Joachim Lovelace - Ballistic Knife, MP 18, Obsidian Knife - "It doesn't matter. They lost, he lost, I'll lose. That's the nature of the game."
O G042 Aileen Aurora Abdallah - Pair of MMA Gloves, Golf Club & Table Leg -
B059 David Zimmer - Sabre -
[+] spoiler
SnoopDommyDommmy: specialist subject in Mastermind is "History of Defecation in Wrestling"

Ruggahissy: We are the law now and our law keeps the streets clean O_O
Kilmarnock: XD Good.
Kilmarnock: Yaaaay for being the law.

Kermit: I asked a kid who had a crush on me. But I pretty much only gave him a hug so I guess that wasn't nice of me
Kermit: My friends said I was rude not to have at least offered him a blow job
Kermit: Apparently that would have been the polite thing to do

SpiralAgnew: Here, have something sad-looking
Bikriki: I must add this to my collection of pics that show people crying.
SpiralAgnew: XD You actually have one of those?
Whirly: I was going to say "Ian, of course he has a collection like that. He's German."

cos frankly the idea of trying to turn all your straight female characters into lesbians amuses me hugely

Uno: You seem excited. did Bambi's mom get reincarnated as a bug you just swatted?

Skraal: would it be correct to say you've sucked on a lot of black ones?
TtMaR: They taste nicer
TtMaR: Better shape, too.
TtMaR: They fit neatly into your mouth,.

Bikriki: My hometown is not a very indication of my personality.
Bikriki: Because as far as I can recall, I am neither ugly nor full of minorites
Bikriki: Though I would not mind the latter.
Bikriki winks

Shangela: Facials for the greater good.

Shangela: I work you into climax, what happens afterward is none of my concern.
Wes: Says the world's most detached sexecutioner.

OH NO DECISIONS
CAN I AGONISE FOR ATLEAST 3 WEEKS CONSTANTLY CHANGING MY MIND??

Shangela: Did you stop high school genocide with your cock, Sansa?
Sansa: yes yes i did
Sansa: sunshine and happiness wasn't working so i had to take drastic measures

Wes: Welcome to SotF chat
Wes: Your weekly forecast: Nipples n' butts, if the pattern holds

Ruggawork: Yeah Aloha was a zygot with a keyboard shoved up his mom's uterus

<WES> Riki would never say or do anything sexual. He is a flower of innocence and purity.
<WES> If he was heroin, he'd be blue magic

Ruggahissy - Today at 11:10 PM
When I was 10 a kid kept calling me "Victoria's Secret" so I chased him, knocked him down and then stomped on him
He stopped
[+] spoiler
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Aloha
Contender
Joined: January 28th, 2012, 3:16 am

August 9th, 2014, 6:20 am #18

Could you possibly provide feedback on one Leah Bissard?
[+] spoiler
[+] spoiler
G025: Veronica McDonald is DEAD and armed with a tire iron (formerly J.R. Rizzolo's) >> "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
Current: Left unheard in Dreams Walk on Powerlines

B033: Jason Meyers is DEAD and armed with a Smith & Wesson .357 Revolver >> First one to die is the first one out, even if it's to heaven instead of home.
Current: Went home in In Situ

G049: Natalia "Koala" Kowalski is DEAD and armed with a Tufts 17/23 Dental Explorer, a small metal rod, and an empty syringe >> "J-Joey?"
Current: Dead again in Once Again
[+] spoiler
G003: Bridgette Sommerfeld is DEAD and armed with a toothbrush & toothpaste >> ""You-y-y-y-y-"
Current: Safer than sorry in In This Starless Night (handled by backslash)

B007: Jasper Bustamante is DEAD and unarmed >> "Don't let me die like this."
Current: All alone in Thanatophobia (handled by Cicada Days)

B031: Samuel Howard is DEAD and armed with a crossbow (20 bolts) >> "Fuck you."
Current: Never stood a chance in Into the Veil

~*~

Haley Juarez is ALIVE >> Living life to the fullest
Current: Being immature in Everything You've Always Wanted to Know
[+] spoiler
Alison Bernhiesel is ALIVE >> A born leader
Current: In Transit
Mark Nathan "Nate" Malaqui is ALIVE >> Head in the clouds
Theodore "Teddy" Nunes-White is ALIVE >> Recovering pessimist
Robin Mireles is ALIVE >> Grand slam
[+] spoiler
Karen "Shiloh" Legere >> She's free
[+] spoiler
wrote:[21:51] Zarina: "and then Naft rode Aloha's large purple crab all night long, in a hypothetical future where Aloha is at the age of consent"
[21:51] Zarina: the end
wrote:[19:06] Aloha: Oh jeez one of my ACNL villagers gave me a shirt they were just wearing
[19:06] Aloha: warning me that it was "still warm"
...
[19:09] Aloha: My other ACNL villager just gave me his toilet w h a t
[19:09] Skraal: "It's still warm"
wrote:[00:15] Zarina: I think we're pretty lighthearted for a bunch of people writing about mass murder
wrote:Kyoko Sakura-chan - Today at 5:01 PM
In Hawaiian, Aloha means "Hello" and "Goodbye," the latter of which is appropriate considering how fast his V6 cast died
[+] spoiler
G025: Veronica McDonald by Mimi
B033: Jason Meyers by Mimi (now with a dead version courteous of Naft!)
Two sprites of Bridgette Sommerfeld by Fenris
Two sprites of Jasper Bustamante by Fenris
Open to constructive criticism!
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