Blair Moore

Espi
Winner
Joined: November 20th, 2012, 9:32 pm

June 8th, 2015, 7:24 pm #1

Name: Blair Moore
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Poetry, roller skating, internet debating, Tumblr, science, Doctor Who

Appearance: Blair is 5’4” tall and weighs about 95 pounds. She is very skinny, with bony limbs and no curves to speak of. A natural brunette, Blair’s hair is dyed black and worn in an unkempt shaggy bob, just above her shoulders in the back with long, parted bangs, which are dyed with red highlights. Her eyes are upturned, round and dark brown and she has dark shadows under them due to sleep deprivation, as she spends hours up late online. Blair is Caucasian; her skin is pale and she burns easily, leaving her with a streak of freckles across her nose. She often develops acne around her nose as well. Blair’s round face is somewhat androgynous feature-wise, with a straight nose, a high brow, thin lips and arched eyebrows. She isn’t especially pretty, and has a flat chest.

Blair dresses eclectically, sometimes wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans and other times dressing in more elaborate skirts and dresses. In general, she dresses for the weather and her mood, wearing nicer clothes when feeling more upbeat. When abducted, Blair was wearing a black t-shirt, jean shorts and dirty white sneakers with black socks. She occasionally dabbles in makeup, wearing red lip gloss and dark eyeliner, but usually forgoes it. She has no piercings.

Biography: The middle child of Damien and Theresa Moore, both natives to Kingman, Blair was two years younger than her sister Cynthia and a year older than her sister Miley. Damien worked as an electrician, while Theresa was a secretary. The family of five was of average middle class, and Theresa and Damien, an older couple who married late in life, invested much of their free time in their children’s lives.

Shortly after Blair’s birth, she developed meconium ileus, a condition where a newborn’s bowels become obstructed. After receiving treatment, it became necessary to test Blair for cystic fibrosis, a genetic condition where mucus obstructs the lungs and causes problems with the digestive tract, among other serious medical issues. After a sweat test, it was determined that Blair did have cystic fibrosis. The family was subsequently devastated by the news. Cystic fibrosis was a life-threatening condition, and sufferers rarely lived past their forties. While they wanted her to live as normal a life as possible, Theresa and Damien feared for Blair for most of her life.

From an early age, Blair needed to be coddled somewhat, as she frequently experience lung infections and coughs, plus was quickly issued medication to thin the mucus buildup in her lungs and help her breathing. While as a toddler she was rambunctious and energetic, she missed school frequently due to sickness and had trouble with extended playing due to her cough and poor lung function. This frustrated her as a child, feeling that she was underprivileged and unable to keep up with other children. Blair’s attitude was not helped when she began struggling with school, even as early as elementary school. Repeatedly missing school, combined with an innate difficulty with most subjects, led her to struggle with most of her courses. However, Blair performed quite well in the sciences, and actually enjoyed those classes.

Blair began seeing a child psychologist at age 8, in order to help her cope with her situation and help her deal with her mortality. Blair appreciated the outlet, and the social worker, a woman named Ms. Cole, proved to initially help with regards to Blair’s concerns. Ms. Cole encouraged Blair to find hobbies to focus on and dreams to fulfill to avoid falling into a depression, which directly led to Blair’s interest in poetry at age 10. Writing poetry had been something she’d done in grade school, but after trying it out independently Blair found it a very rewarding means of expressing herself, occupying time and dealing with stress. Her style tended towards being non-linear and chaotic, and more stream-of-thought than planned. She also favored dark and sad subjects such as death, as the morbid topics made her feel better about herself by getting out unhealthy emotions on paper.

Blair’s medical doctor also made recommendations for her in her youth, and he encouraged her to exercise to help clear her lungs and assist in breathing. Blair didn’t really find sports appealing, considering them a waste of time, but after receiving a set of roller skates for a present when she was 12, Blair became interested in skating. Though she struggled with it at first, she eventually picked up skill and agility as a roller skater, becoming fairly proficient. She likes the speed and feeling of weightlessness of skating, and though she hasn't partaken in any competitions, she hopes to do so when she leaves Kingman. Until then, she can be found at the local skate park on weekends and holidays.

Because of her condition, Blair was somewhat spoiled by her parents. Her older sister Cynthia took well to this, being even-tempered and similarly concerned with Blair’s well-being. Miley, though, often felt neglected by her parents, who generally sided with Blair in disputes and focused on her needs over her sister’s. This led to at least one argument over the fairness of Blair’s treatment, which Blair won. This, combined with being spoiled with praise and affection, caused Blair to slowly begin to develop a proud streak, which continued as she got older. She had trouble admitting her own follies and rarely took blame, preferring to shift it onto others instead.

When Blair was about 13, she started spending time online, as her parents had purchased her a new computer. She liked the widespread information, and the chance to meet and talk to new people excited her, as she was somewhat bored with her small town. She frequented many political forums and other places of discussion, especially poetry boards, and found herself enamored with the opportunity to discuss and argue with people. It gave her the opportunity to both express herself, take pride in winning a debate and occasionally to vent by taking her feelings out on others without consequence. An abrasive attitude quickly became apparent, however, as she refused to back down in disagreements and never accepted her own mistakes. She received a few warnings and even bans from some sites, but rather than change her attitude simply moved on to different groups that agreed with her more. She generally dismissed abuse or insults, being thick skinned and not one to take criticism to heart anyway.

Going into middle school, Blair’s attitude problem gave her a reputation for being a problem student, as she was audacious enough to challenge teachers when she didn’t agree, leading to punishment. Still, she started improving her grades as she became more determined to be successful despite her poor health. Blair had some friends, but also a penchant for making enemies, as she quickly caused conflict with her cocky attitude and refusal to back down or admit that she was wrong. She consequently became somewhat binary, with most classmates receiving either positive or negative treatment with little room in between. She tended to start arguments, though was never involved in physical confrontations. When her parents were brought in, Blair swayed them to believe that she was not at fault, which they were eager to accept, as they were unwilling to punish Blair anyway. Still, after a while she began toning down direct conflict, and instead talking badly about others behind their back while being more polite to their faces.

Blair also became interested in roller derby in 8th grade. While she was never one for sports, she found interest when her older sister introduced a roller derby competition on television to Blair, who was fascinated by the toughness of the people involved as well as the skill and projected attitudes. While Kingman did not have a large roller derby community, Blair became interested in the sport, following it obsessively and practicing at the local skate rink. She appreciates the speed of the game as well as the aforementioned attitudes, and plans to partake in it when she is more skilled. She has planned to give herself the moniker, "Blair's Witch Project" in reference to the film.

Encouraged by her science teacher who took note of her enjoyment of the subject, Blair also began looking into the sciences outside of class. She found the functions of the natural world fascinating, especially biology and astronomy as the most coherent fields to a novice, though most fields interested her on some level. She primarily read articles and nonfiction books, as well as using the internet to research facts and information.

In high school, Blair remained mostly unchanged. Her contrary nature and often pompous attitude continued to alienate others, but Blair took little mind of this, seeing many of her classmates as simple-minded hicks. She looked down on others and wasn’t above poking fun at people with those she considered friends, who tended to be intellectual or artistic. She didn’t get along well with those she perceived to be geeks or jocks, thinking of them as weird and dull-witted, respectively. She got decent grades, averaging a B- in most classes, but excelled in sciences, getting an A on most grades. Her improvement in schooling was largely the result of improved attendance, as Blair was not unintelligent and spent less of her ill days at home, instead toughing it out to avoid looking weak.

After browsing the internet for a few years, Blair stumbled across Tumblr when an online friend recommended it. While at first she struggled with the layout, Blair quickly became enamored with the site and its culture. She loved the enthusiasm, discussion and subtopics of Tumblr, and quickly established her own blog, where she discussed her feelings and illness. She also began taking up various opinions on different subjects, adopting a feminist stance after reading a number of convincing articles and blogs on the subject. She became rather aggressive and quick to jump on people if they disagreed with her stances.

While on Tumblr, Blair became interested in discussion on certain TV shows, especially Doctor Who. The long history and deep culture made it somewhat intimidating, but Blair resolved to watch the show to figure out what people were talking about. She quickly fell in love, spending hours a day watching it until she was caught up in her junior year. She loved the characters, the uniqueness, and the different emotions it could inspire, plus the deep and extensive fandom it had developed. She continued to watch new episodes throughout senior year.

Blair’s home life has remained in a stable equilibrium for most of her life. Her parents are loving but very protective, siding with Blair in conflicts and giving her anything she wanted. Blair appreciates this, but often pushes them away out of feelings of rebelliousness, which only adds to their concern. Cynthia and Blair had never interacted much, as Cynthia spent most of her time studying or hanging out with friends, and is currently attending college in Colorado. Miley and Blair don’t get along, as Miley feels Blair is unpleasant and spoiled, and Blair thinks of Miley as a brat and immature. Blair still visits Ms. Cole on a bi-weekly basis, chatting about her feelings and concerns. The two get along well, though Blair tends to do most of the talking in their discussions.

Blair hopes to leave Arizona as soon as she can graduate, feeling tied down by Kingman. She plans to move to New York City, Seattle or another large city, and attend college, ideally studying biology or a similar science. Before that though, she wants to travel the world and enjoy herself, feeling that doing too much in the way of responsibility is a waste when she has less time than most people do. She hopes to live in the UK at some point as well, owing to her numerous online friends in the country and her perceived experience with the culture. She hopes to be either a biologist or a poet, or possibly both if she can manage to write in her spare time. She still has interest in roller derby, but mostly skates casually or as a means of transport and exercise as of late.

While she is often in poor health resulting from her condition, Blair is fairly well-adjusted, though she occasionally suffers bouts of depression or anxiety. She can be arrogant, and is quick to dismiss others if she doesn’t value their opinion. She is nicer to her friends, but even then will occasionally give a backhanded compliment or treat them in a condescending manner. Her closest friends thus tend to be people who she can gossip with and are thick-skinned, and especially people who are members of her online communities. She is somewhat self-centered, placing high value on herself, and is often outright rude. However, she is also surprisingly funny and aware, and capable of making jokes at her own expense, though she doesn’t take well to others attempting to do the same. In general, she doesn’t own up to her mistakes, and assumes she is never in the wrong.

Advantages: Blair is independent and surprisingly tough mentally, able to deal with thoughts of mortality due to her condition. Blair is unexpectedly intelligent and more fit than people may expect, and could catch people by surprise. She is confident and self-assured, which can keep her going in tough situations.
Disadvantages: Blair’s biggest weakness is her cystic fibrosis, which leaves her with poor stamina and high risk for lung infections among other potentially crippling health issues. She is cocky and may think she’s better-suited than she is, potentially making errors in judgment. Blair is also somewhat standoffish and prone to causing conflict with her arrogance, which pushes people away.
V5: Cut Short
Theodore Fletcher
Nina Clarke
Gwen O'Connor

V6: Broken Down
Alice Baker (->Aura)
Henry Spencer
Blair Moore

V7: Unprepared
Rhonda Lawson[/b
Toby Underwood
Paloma Salt
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VoltTurtle
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 14th, 2012, 12:10 am

July 7th, 2015, 7:00 pm #2

Hey there Espi! I'll be the staffer critiquing Blair today. Sorry for this critique taking so long. It's been fairly slow staff side as of late.

Unfortunately, Blair is DENIED pending revisions. My comments are in teal.
wrote:Name: Blair Moore
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Poetry, roller skating, internet debating, Tumblr, science, Doctor Who

Appearance: Blair is 5’4” tall and weighs about 105 pounds. She is very skinny, with bony limbs and no curves to speak of (Blair is just baaaaaarely underweight. While she would be skinny, her limbs wouldn't be bony and she wouldn't have no curves to speak of. Adjust this one way or another, please.). A natural brunette, Blair’s hair is dyed black and worn in an unkempt shaggy bob, just above her shoulders in the back with long, parted bangs, which are dyed with red highlights. Her eyes are upturned, round and dark brown and she has dark shadows under them due to sleep deprivation, as she spends hours up late online. Blair is Caucasian; her skin is pale and she burns easily, leaving her with a streak of freckles across her nose. She often develops acne around her nose as well. Blair’s round face is somewhat androgynous feature-wise, with a straight nose, a high brow, thin lips and arched eyebrows. She isn’t especially pretty, and has a flat chest.

Blair dresses eclectically, sometimes wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans and other times dressing in more elaborate skirts and dresses. In general, she dresses for the weather and her mood, wearing nicer clothes when feeling more upbeat. When abducted, Blair was wearing a black t-shirt, jean shorts and dirty white sneakers with black socks. She occasionally dabbles in makeup, wearing red lip gloss and dark eyeliner, but usually forgoes it. She has no piercings.

Biography: The middle child of Damien and Theresa Moore, both natives to Kingman, Blair was two years younger than her sister Cynthia and a year older than her sister Miley. Damien worked as an electrician, while Theresa was a secretary. The family of five was of average middle class, and Theresa and Damien, an older couple who married late in life, invested much of their free time in their children’s lives.

Shortly after Blair’s birth, she developed meconium ileus, a condition where a newborn’s bowels become obstructed. After receiving treatment, it became necessary to test Blair for cystic fibrosis, a genetic condition where mucus obstructs the lungs and causes problems with the digestive tract, among other serious medical issues. After a sweat test, it was determined that Blair did have cystic fibrosis. The family was subsequently devastated (fragment, add "at the news"). Cystic fibrosis was a life-threatening condition, and sufferers rarely lived past their forties. While they wanted her to live as normal a life as possible, Theresa and Damien feared for Blair for most of her life.

From an early age, Blair needed to be coddled somewhat, as she frequently experience lung infections and coughs, plus was quickly issued medication to thin the mucus buildup in her lungs and help her breathing. While as a toddler she was rambunctious and energetic, she missed school frequently due to sickness and had trouble with extended playing due to her cough and poor lung function. This frustrated her as a child, feeling that she was underprivileged and unable to keep up with other children. Blair’s attitude was not helped when she began struggling with school, even as early as elementary school. Repeatedly missing school, combined with an innate difficulty with most subjects, led her to struggle with most of her courses. Blair’s best subject was science, which she enjoyed and performed very well in. (This last part could flow a lot better. Perhaps revise it to say that "...her courses, except science, which she enjoyed and performed very well in despite her circumstances.")

Blair began seeing a child psychologist at age 8, in order to help her cope with her situation and help her deal with her mortality. Blair appreciated the outlet, and the social worker, a woman named Ms. Cole, proved to initially help with regards to Blair’s concerns. Ms. Cole encouraged Blair to find hobbies to focus on and dreams to fulfill to avoid falling into a depression, which directly led to Blair’s interest in poetry at age 10. Writing poetry had been something she’d done in grade school, but after trying it out independently Blair found it a very rewarding means of expressing herself, occupying time and dealing with stress. Her style tended towards ("being") non-linear and chaotic, ("and") more stream-of-thought than planned. She also favored dark and sad subjects such as death, as the morbid topics made her feel better about herself by getting out unhealthy emotions on paper.

Blair’s medical doctor also made recommendations for her in her youth, and he encouraged her to exercise to help clear her lungs and assist in breathing. Blair didn’t really find sports appealing, considering them a waste of time, but after receiving a set of roller skates for a present when she was 12, Blair became interested in skating. Though she struggled with it at first, she eventually picked up skill and agility as a roller skater, becoming fairly proficient. (What does she enjoy about roller skating? Does she participate in competitions at any point? Does she do it a lot in her spare time?)

Because of her condition, Blair was somewhat spoiled by her parents. Her older sister Cynthia took well to this, being even-tempered and similarly concerned with Blair’s well-being. Miley, though, often felt neglected by her parents, who generally sided with Blair in arguments and focused on her needs over her sister’s. This led to frequent arguments over the fairness of Blair’s treatment, which Blair usually won. (I find it odd that a child would just give up on these arguments (thereby losing) with a sibling and then go at it again anyway repeatedly. I think it would be more likely that the child would argue and lose with Blair's parents rather than Blair herself or would just constantly argue with Blair without the arguments really getting anywhere in the end (and therefore not having a winner). If you want to keep Blair's proudness elements, perhaps have that extend from her being spoiled by her parents rather than just winning arguments with her sister that would likely just come down to stubbornness. This might seem to be an odd thing to pick at, but this becomes an important character trait for Blair, which means I need to look at more closely.) As a result, Blair slowly began to develop a proud streak, which continued as she got older. She had trouble admitting her own follies and rarely took blame, preferring to shift it onto others instead.

When Blair was about 13, she started spending time online, as her parents had purchased her a new computer. She liked the widespread information, and the chance to meet and talk to new people excited her, as she was somewhat bored with her small town. She frequented many political forums and other places of discussion, especially poetry boards, and found herself enamored with the opportunity to discuss and argue with people. An abrasive attitude quickly became apparent, however, as she refused to back down in disagreements and never accepted her own mistakes. She received a few warnings and even bans from some sites, but rather than change her attitude simply moved on to different groups that agreed with her more. (What did she like about debating with people online? Did that create any actual problems for her (like people being rude maybe ruining her mood)?)

Going into middle school, Blair’s attitude problem gave her a reputation for being a problem student, as she was audacious enough to challenge teachers when she didn’t agree, leading to punishment. Still, she started improving her grades as she became more determined to be successful despite her poor health. Blair had some friends, but also a penchant for making enemies, as she quickly caused conflict with her cocky attitude and refusal to back down or admit that she was wrong. She consequently became somewhat binary, with most classmates receiving either positive or negative treatment with little room in between. She tended to start arguments, though was never involved in physical confrontations. (Did Blair's parents try to stop this behavior at all due to teacher complaints? Certainly this kind of behavior would've been brought to their attention.)

Blair also became interested in roller derby in 8th grade. While she was never one for sports, she found interest when her older sister introduced a roller derby competition on television to Blair, who was fascinated by the toughness of the people involved as well as the skill and projected attitudes. While Kingman did not have a large roller derby community, Blair became interested in the sport, following it obsessively and practicing at the local skate rink. She appreciates the speed of the game as well as the aforementioned attitudes, and envisions herself with the moniker “Blair’s Witch Project”. (I'm confused at the wording here. Does she envision herself with that nickname or on a team with that name?)

Encouraged by her science teacher who took note of her enjoyment of the subject, Blair also began looking into the sciences outside of class. She found the functions of the natural world fascinating, especially biology and astronomy as the most coherent fields to a novice, though most fields interested her on some level. She primarily read articles and nonfiction books, as well as using the internet to research facts and information.

In high school, Blair remained mostly unchanged. Her contrary nature and often pompous attitude continued to alienate others, but Blair took little mind of this, seeing many of her classmates as simple-minded hicks. She looked down on others and wasn’t above picking (poking) fun at people with those she considered friends, who tended to be intellectual or artistic. She didn’t get along well with those she perceived to be geeks or jocks, thinking of them as weird and dull-witted, respectively. She got decent grades, averaging a B- in most classes, but excelled in sciences, getting an A on most grades. (What changed about Blair that improved her school performance between elementary and high school?)

After browsing the internet for a few years, Blair stumbled across Tumblr when an online friend recommended it. While at first she struggled with the layout, Blair quickly became enamored with the site and its culture. She loved the enthusiasm, discussion and subtopics of Tumblr, and quickly established her own blog, where she discussed her feelings and illness. She also began taking up various opinions on different subjects, adopting a feminist stance after reading a number of convincing articles and blogs on the subject. She became rather aggressive and quick to jump on people if they disagreed. (This sentence needs more elaboration to flow better and not be a sentence fragment. Expand it perhaps to: "She was rather aggressive and quick to jump on people if they disagreed with her opinions, like she did elsewhere on the internet.")

While on Tumblr, Blair became interested in discussion on certain TV shows, especially Doctor Who. The long history and deep culture made it somewhat intimidating, but Blair resolved to watch the show to figure out what people were talking about. She quickly fell in love, spending hours a day watching it until she was caught up in her junior year. She loved the characters, the uniqueness, and the different emotions it could inspire, plus the deep and extensive fandom it had developed. She continued to watch new episodes throughout senior year.

Blair’s home life has remained in a stable equilibrium for most of her life. Her parents are loving but very protective, siding with Blair in conflicts and giving her anything she wanted. Blair appreciates this, but often pushes them away out of feelings of rebelliousness, which only adds to their concern. Cynthia and Blair had never interacted much, as Cynthia spent most of her time studying or hanging out with friends, and is currently attending college in Colorado. Miley and Blair don’t get along, as Miley feels Blair is unpleasant and spoiled, and Blair thinks of Miley as a brat and immature. Blair still visits Ms. Cole on a bi-weekly basis, chatting about her feelings and concerns. The two get along well, though Blair tends to do most of the talking in their discussions.

Blair hopes to leave Arizona as soon as she can graduate, feeling tied down by Kingman. She plans to move to New York City, Seattle or another large city, and attend college, ideally studying biology or a similar science. Before that though, she wants to travel the world and enjoy herself, feeling that doing too much in the way of responsibility is a waste when she only has a few years’ time left because of her condition. (Her prospect of living to 40 is a pretty decent amount of time, considering her condition. Perhaps change this to be "when she has less time left than most other people do" just for consistency's sake.) She hopes to live in the UK at some point as well, owing to her numerous online friends in the country and her perceived experience with the culture. She hopes to be either a biologist or a poet, or possibly both if she can manage to write in her spare time. She still has interest in roller derby, but mostly skates casually or as a means of transport and exercise as of late.

While she is often in poor health resulting from her condition, Blair is fairly well-adjusted, though she occasionally suffers bouts of depression or anxiety. She can be arrogant, and is quick to dismiss others if she doesn’t value their opinion. She is nicer to her friends, but even then will occasionally give a backhanded compliment or treat them in a condescending manner. Her closest friends thus tend to be people who she can gossip with and are thick-skinned, and especially people who are members of her online communities. She is somewhat self-centered, placing high value on herself, and is often outright rude. However, she is also surprisingly funny and aware, and capable of making jokes at her own expense, though she doesn’t take well to others attempting to do the same. In general, she doesn’t own up to her mistakes, and assumes she is never in the wrong.

Advantages: Blair is independent and surprisingly tough mentally, able to deal with thoughts of mortality due to her condition. Blair is surprisingly intelligent and may catch people by surprise. (Blair's got a lot of disadvantages! Try to come up with another advantage just to even things out a bit.)
Disadvantages: Blair’s biggest weakness is her cystic fibrosis, which leaves her with poor stamina and high risk for lung infections among other potentially crippling health issues. She is cocky and may think she’s better-suited than she is, potentially making errors in judgment. Blair is also somewhat standoffish and prone to causing conflict with her arrogance, which pushes people away.
Post back here when you have the edits made and I will help you in round two.

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Espi
Winner
Joined: November 20th, 2012, 9:32 pm

July 7th, 2015, 7:53 pm #3

Edited!
V5: Cut Short
Theodore Fletcher
Nina Clarke
Gwen O'Connor

V6: Broken Down
Alice Baker (->Aura)
Henry Spencer
Blair Moore

V7: Unprepared
Rhonda Lawson[/b
Toby Underwood
Paloma Salt
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VoltTurtle
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 14th, 2012, 12:10 am

July 18th, 2015, 1:34 am #4

Blair's looking a lot better! Just a few more things to sort out before Blair is all set!
wrote:Name: Blair Moore
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Poetry, roller skating, internet debating, Tumblr, science, Doctor Who

...

When Blair was about 13, she started spending time online, as her parents had purchased her a new computer. She liked the widespread information, and the chance to meet and talk to new people excited her, as she was somewhat bored with her small town. She frequented many political forums and other places of discussion, especially poetry boards, and found herself enamored with the opportunity to discuss and argue with people. An abrasive attitude quickly became apparent, however, as she refused to back down in disagreements and never accepted her own mistakes. She received a few warnings and even bans from some sites, but rather than change her attitude simply moved on to different groups that agreed with her more. She generally dismissed abuse or insults, being thick skinned and not one to take criticism to heart anyway. (I think you might have missed/forgotten about this, but I asked what exactly Blair liked about debating with people online. You mention she was "enamored with the opportunity to discuss and argue with people..." What I want to know is why so.)

...

In high school, Blair remained mostly unchanged. Her contrary nature and often pompous attitude continued to alienate others, but Blair took little mind of this, seeing many of her classmates as simple-minded hicks. She looked down on others and wasn’t above poking fun at people with those she considered friends, who tended to be intellectual or artistic. She didn’t get along well with those she perceived to be geeks or jocks, thinking of them as weird and dull-witted, respectively. She got decent grades, averaging a B- in most classes, but excelled in sciences, getting an A on most grades. (I think you might have missed this too, but I asked what changed about her that caused the improvement between elementary and high school. It doesn't have to be much, a simple explanation of being sick less or focusing more on actually doing well is sufficient.)

After browsing the internet for a few years, Blair stumbled across Tumblr when an online friend recommended it. While at first she struggled with the layout, Blair quickly became enamored with the site and its culture. She loved the enthusiasm, discussion and subtopics of Tumblr, and quickly established her own blog, where she discussed her feelings and illness. She also began taking up various opinions on different subjects, adopting a feminist stance after reading a number of convincing articles and blogs on the subject. She became rather aggressive and quick to jump on people if they disagreed with her stances, especially in online discussions. (Doesn't the subject matter (a website) already imply that it was in online discussions? Fortunately the "with her stances" fixes the sentence fragment issues, so just remove the "especially in online discussions".)

...
Post back here when you have the edits made.
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17:32 Mimi: Everyone has their place in society. His is with tractors.

19:26 Harbinger: Manhunt is like victorian porn
19:26 Monad: Isn't that bad like, quality? Or isn't as bad as they say in terms of nastiness?
19:26 Kilmarnock: Aside from Piggsy's shadowy schlong.

22:45 SpiralAgnew I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS TO WORK AT NINTENDO
22:45 Medic SPIRAL
22:45 Courtney Hey Medic
22:45 SpiralAgnew IN FRONT OF MK
22:46 Outfoxd ..Wait, do we punch Spiral in the dick now?
22:46 Outfoxd FUCK YOUR DREAMS
22:46 Outfoxd OoO
22:47 TurtleTyrant we are punching him in the dick?
22:47 Courtney That'll be the most attention his dick has gotten...ever.

22:47 Guest13519 He'd probably like getting punched in the dick though.
22:47 Courtney Only if by androgynous looking girls.
22:48 Guest13519 Who look and act about 12?
22:48 Courtney I really don't know.
22:48 Courtney Ask him.
22:48 Courtney I mean he's right here.
22:49 SpiralAgnew Sorry, I couldn't hear you
22:49 Outfoxd I gotta go to bed
22:49 SpiralAgnew I was too busy riding that Nintendo high

22:26 Mumu: robots are sexy
22:26 Mumu: like that bitch from The Jetsons
22:27 TurtleTyrant: do you find this robot sexy?
22:27 Slayer: :|
22:27 TurtleTyrant: [Image of Bender]
22:27 Lancer: Who wouldn't?
22:27 Kilmarnock: If anything, Bender's sexier than Rosie.

21:42 Flarez: MurderWeasel - You can tell what kind of site we're on because we get confused on which particular infirmary massacre we're discussing.
21:42 MurderWeasel: Welcome to chat and SOTF!

21:21 Espi: I want to have at least one non-white person perversion.

20:44 Raft: Um.
20:44 Raft: Can't tonight Ricky. I'm promised to another.
20:46 Kilmarnock: YOUR ANUS IS MINE

22:37 Mimi: SOMETIMES I DO PENIS

22:00 Sansa: Vagina. <3 OTP till the end of time.

18:30 Outfoxd: that would be the slow inexorable path of evolution mocking you

20:00 Naft: Jokes on you
20:00 Naft: Turtle replaced my mind with a turtle on a hamster wheel

13:00 Zarina: I DON'T ONLY PLAY HORRIFIC YAOI H-GAMES RACHEL
13:00 Zarina: SOMETIMES I PLAY OTHER THINGS
13:00 Zarina: LIKE HORRIFIC HETEROSEXUAL H-GAMES

23:33 Zarina: I tried to buy condoms discreetly once
23:33 Zarina: I ran into my mom at the register

19:35 Christian: I JUST LIKE SHAGGING HANDLERS, KAY?

14:56 Slam: but then I wonder where's the romance without a schlong
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Espi
Winner
Joined: November 20th, 2012, 9:32 pm

July 18th, 2015, 2:02 am #5

Edited! Thanks for the critique!
V5: Cut Short
Theodore Fletcher
Nina Clarke
Gwen O'Connor

V6: Broken Down
Alice Baker (->Aura)
Henry Spencer
Blair Moore

V7: Unprepared
Rhonda Lawson[/b
Toby Underwood
Paloma Salt
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VoltTurtle
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 14th, 2012, 12:10 am

July 20th, 2015, 2:12 pm #6

APPROVED
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G005: Madeline Wilcox
G030: Sara Corlett
Chat Quotes:
[+] Spoiler
17:32 Mimi: Everyone has their place in society. His is with tractors.

19:26 Harbinger: Manhunt is like victorian porn
19:26 Monad: Isn't that bad like, quality? Or isn't as bad as they say in terms of nastiness?
19:26 Kilmarnock: Aside from Piggsy's shadowy schlong.

22:45 SpiralAgnew I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS TO WORK AT NINTENDO
22:45 Medic SPIRAL
22:45 Courtney Hey Medic
22:45 SpiralAgnew IN FRONT OF MK
22:46 Outfoxd ..Wait, do we punch Spiral in the dick now?
22:46 Outfoxd FUCK YOUR DREAMS
22:46 Outfoxd OoO
22:47 TurtleTyrant we are punching him in the dick?
22:47 Courtney That'll be the most attention his dick has gotten...ever.

22:47 Guest13519 He'd probably like getting punched in the dick though.
22:47 Courtney Only if by androgynous looking girls.
22:48 Guest13519 Who look and act about 12?
22:48 Courtney I really don't know.
22:48 Courtney Ask him.
22:48 Courtney I mean he's right here.
22:49 SpiralAgnew Sorry, I couldn't hear you
22:49 Outfoxd I gotta go to bed
22:49 SpiralAgnew I was too busy riding that Nintendo high

22:26 Mumu: robots are sexy
22:26 Mumu: like that bitch from The Jetsons
22:27 TurtleTyrant: do you find this robot sexy?
22:27 Slayer: :|
22:27 TurtleTyrant: [Image of Bender]
22:27 Lancer: Who wouldn't?
22:27 Kilmarnock: If anything, Bender's sexier than Rosie.

21:42 Flarez: MurderWeasel - You can tell what kind of site we're on because we get confused on which particular infirmary massacre we're discussing.
21:42 MurderWeasel: Welcome to chat and SOTF!

21:21 Espi: I want to have at least one non-white person perversion.

20:44 Raft: Um.
20:44 Raft: Can't tonight Ricky. I'm promised to another.
20:46 Kilmarnock: YOUR ANUS IS MINE

22:37 Mimi: SOMETIMES I DO PENIS

22:00 Sansa: Vagina. <3 OTP till the end of time.

18:30 Outfoxd: that would be the slow inexorable path of evolution mocking you

20:00 Naft: Jokes on you
20:00 Naft: Turtle replaced my mind with a turtle on a hamster wheel

13:00 Zarina: I DON'T ONLY PLAY HORRIFIC YAOI H-GAMES RACHEL
13:00 Zarina: SOMETIMES I PLAY OTHER THINGS
13:00 Zarina: LIKE HORRIFIC HETEROSEXUAL H-GAMES

23:33 Zarina: I tried to buy condoms discreetly once
23:33 Zarina: I ran into my mom at the register

19:35 Christian: I JUST LIKE SHAGGING HANDLERS, KAY?

14:56 Slam: but then I wonder where's the romance without a schlong
Like
Share