Bernadette Thomas

Imehal
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Joined: May 30th, 2013, 1:27 am

April 30th, 2015, 11:13 pm #1

Name: Bernadette Thomas
Gender: Female
Age: Seventeen
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Dancing, drawing, painting, romance novels, sewing, walking

Appearance: Bernadette is slightly above average in height at five foot seven, and her weight of one hundred and thirty-four pounds is distributed into a toned but curved shape – particularly around the bust and hips. Her skin is only lightly tanned considering the climate, as she burns incredibly easily and takes care to use suntan cream regularly. Her blonde, curly hair is kept deliberately short so that it can be pulled back into a ponytail; a habit from dance classes and long sessions of painting.

Her features are framed within an oval face with a pointed chin, her green almond shaped eyes spaced evenly apart from a long, thin nose. Bernadette’s ears are small and fairly rounded at the top, and her mouth, whilst small, looks full being formed of a thinner upper lip with a plumper curved lower lip.

Her style tends to be fairly relaxed to the point that she will wear dungarees and a t-shirt when she knows she will spending most of her day doing crafts, and generally lends towards casual. She does dress up whenever she feels the desire to, but it is the exception rather than the rule; it is usually stockings with a high-necked, sleeveless dress over anything too short or revealing. On the day of the abduction, she was wearing loose dungarees, a plain purple t-shirt and navy sneakers.

Bernadette has no tattoos or body piercings to speak of, and does not wear much jewellery except for two things. The first is a pearl bracelet, which is a family heirloom that she wears almost constantly on her left wrist. The second is a replica Star Sapphire Power Ring, given to her by Tyler that hangs on a silver chain around her neck.

Biography: On 4th March 1997, Megan and Jonathan Thomas – newly married childhood sweethearts – welcomed Bernadette into the world as their only child. They have been unsuccessful in conceiving since because her mother suffers from endometriosis, which is known for causing fertility problems. Both of her parents had come from single-child families, by design, and so she was doted on by her parents and grandparents from both sides alike. This meant that Megan, who was the breadwinner in the family at the time as the manager at one of the main gaming stores in the town, could return to work quickly. Her father, who only worked part-time at a local hardware store, became Bernadette’s primary carer, with her grandparents eagerly stepping in when required.

Aware of the physical difficulties that their daughter might face as she got older, her parents began to do research into what might be something that could be continued if endometriosis developed. They struggled, especially in finding an activity that a child could embrace. When she was three they decided to go to a few places with their daughter and see if anything caught her attention. In the end, it was the visit to one of the local gymnastics and dance academy; a class involving the latter caught Bernadette’s attention to the point where she was crying when she was told she had to leave. They signed her up for a few basic classes that day, and she quickly became a regular at the academy, favouring jazz and tap. Her parents have always let her compete in competitions, though they were mindful that she might have to withdraw should endometriosis develop in their daughter.

Bernadette attended service regularly at the local Catholic church with her parents and grandparents from a young age, who were and still are devout Catholics. Their daughter is not as devoted, but she still takes the core of her values and world view from an upbringing centred on the church and its strong sense of community. It was from this community that she started to gain an interest in handicrafts from her father’s attendance at the craft groups and the things he brought home. Though her mother introduced Bernadette to her hobbies from a young age, she never quite took to comic books and superheroes like she did her father’s interests. The intricacies of the needlework, different painting styles and creating something with your own hands resonated with her like learning to dance did.

Up until the age of twelve Bernadette and her parents had shared a home with her maternal grandparents, who did not live far from Jonathan’s family. Living in such an environment meant that she was equally influenced by her whole family’s approach to life, which predominately revolved around being friendly, and not speaking if you only had something unkind to say. Her familiar environments have always been filled with laughter, and supported by a commitment to optimism even when hard at work.

It was around the end of Bernadette’s time at middle school that her parents had acquired enough savings to put a deposit down on a home of their own. This led to them moving into a modest three bedroomed house with a garden, which was a few streets away from her maternal grandparents in the summer before she started high school

Over these years Bernadette spent her free time between dancing, volunteering at the church, mainly with decorating and tidying, practising her crafts with her father, and going over to friends’ houses. She also, from the age of thirteen, occasionally went to her mother’s shop to spend the day and helped out with permission from the owner, which she still does to this very day. It was also around this time that she accidentally came across her mother's stash of trashy romance novels. She quickly fell in love with their linear plots and happy endings, and began to read every one she could get her hands on.

Throughout elementary and middle school Bernadette proved herself a good student, particularly in the creative subjects, because of her extracurricular interest, averaging out in a B grade across the board. She was not much of a reader unless it was to do with her hobbies, but she did all her homework diligently and without too much complaint. She was friendly and kind, making friends easily, and a few lifelong friendships were established during these years. This was also the time she first experienced observing bullying. She always stepped in when she saw someone being bullied that was not standing up for themselves which was a trend that would carry throughout her school years.

Academically and socially, things continued very much at the same agreeable level and pace when Bernadette started high school. She joined the art club, textiles, the backstage team of the theatre club, and the dance team and loved the atmosphere that allowed her to interact with so many new and different people. However, it became obvious that there were subjects that Bernadette did not apply herself in. She preferred hands-on lessons, while more lecture-based subjects proved difficult. In particular, she struggled with history and the sciences.

The one thing she really did not like about high school was her perception of the scale of bullying, which spurred her to join the anti-bullying committee early in her sophomore year. This participation emboldened her to speak out on a regular basis, though her efforts generally went no further beyond getting the bully to back off or, if that did not work, removing the victim from the situation and making sure they were okay.

It was when puberty hit that Bernadette experienced her first true challenge in life. Preceding her first period, there was incredible pain and she had her first notable absence from school; three days in a row. Her parents were immediately concerned, and once she had recovered they took her to see the doctor who, considering the family history, recommended that their daughter start taking the contraceptive pill to combat the worse effects that might arise, despite the fact that they could not confirm her parents’ concerns without surgery.

Endometriosis, her mother explained to her when they returned home, was an illness where the cells of the lining of the womb can be found outside of it. This meant that when hormones fluctuated, or when she bled during her period, that difficulty and severe pain could be caused as bleeding occurred in places where there was nowhere for the blood to go. It could affect levels of energy, a bad diet could worsen it, and there may be other symptoms such as extreme mood swings on top of the pain and discomfort.

The pill did its job, although Bernadette’s periods still caused her to have one or two days off from school each month at first. It did not take long for her to expect and plan for the pain, taking over the counter painkillers as needed. Socially, it was not a problem as Bernadette often dragged herself out to events that she had promised to go to and kept the circle of those who knew about her condition small and mostly family, though it included Clarice Halwood, who had been her best friend since middle school.

Bernadette continued as normal for a few years, including the intensive dance classes. It was during this time that she had frequent fights with her parents, arguing that she knew what she could manage, but slowly it took its toll. Halfway through the summer between grades ten and eleven she was forced to dial down her commitment to dance, and she was also forced to stop her more physical acts of volunteering for the church. Whilst this improved the bouts of pain and exhaustion that had come from her stubbornness, it had an incredibly negative effect on her mentality. Bernadette had gone from a very physically active young woman to someone who had to constantly monitor her physicality, and take tablets on a daily basis.

This frustration did not result in more conflict at home, as Bernadette refused to have further fights with her parents revolving around her condition. Instead, she looked for another outlet, and found one via her characteristic intervention in bullying incidents. Now she actively attacked, verbally, the bully in question for their behaviour though her barbs never became physical. There were numerous targets for these attacks, one of the most notable and frequent being Tyler Yazzie, though Bernadette made numerous enemies during those eight months.

It was a cathartic act, but it did not fix the problems that were at its base and it became a problem in itself after a verbally explosive argument between her and Tyler. In the end he had just walked away, rather than escalating. This left Bernadette feeling bereft of the release of the frustration that she needed. She was also the one who got approached by the teacher who had overheard the tail end of their fight.

Her parents, once informed, acted to find things that Bernadette enjoyed and that relaxed her to fill the time hole. She began to visit her grandparents on a weekly basis, helping around their home, and practised her handicrafts by herself, finding calm in techniques that she knew by heart. Her father also introduced her to a beginner’s painting class outside of school for another pastime to occupy her mind, and she began to carry around a small sketchbook to doodle whenever the frustration began to get too much at school. Her mother also began to spend time with her at a home laughing about the trashy novels that they enjoyed.

Her style, in regards to art in general, tended towards the traditional. Her sewing pieces were animals and flowers, whereas her painting and drawing were more expressive; a more direct way of getting out her emotions, though she did quite enjoy still life from her classes. Taking walks also became a regular thing during school hours rather than confront bullies aggressively on a daily basis. It was during one such walk that she overexerted herself by powerwalking two laps of the school’s field, and ended up leaning against a wall near the gym for support when Tyler Yazzie came across her.

To her surprise he asked if he could help and by the end of the conversation Bernadette actually felt better physically because of his assistance with giving her medication, but more notably emotionally. He, contrary to her belief, had put aside any ire that he might have felt for her to help her like a decent person, rather than mocking her difficulty. They talked about why they had fought so heatedly, and when she suggested that they try being friends instead he agreed.

It was just like before, but instead of yelling at him, they spent a lot of time together learning about each other’s interests and each other in general, particularly over the summer between grades eleven and twelve. She marvelled at the change in him, how much calmer he seemed these days, and at how less frustrated she herself had become about her condition as a result of their friendship. Tyler never made her feel weak despite his awareness that she was ill, but instead made her feel strong for battling through adversity. She thinks of him as a symbol of inspiration, especially after coming to terms with the truth of his home life, and the way he had been raised to believe that the weak should stay down. The ignorance to the meaning with which he originally gave her the Star Sapphire Power Ring only cemented her belief that he was, at heart, a good person who really wanted to try and be better than he had been before. This was something she tried to show that she saw in him with her gift to him of a Blue Power Ring, from the group who relied on hope for their strength.

It became a friendship that, less than a month into the new term, is turning into a blossoming romantic relationship, and she has begun to take a casual interest in wrestling, attending his practices and some matches when she can. Her role in the backstage crew with the theatre club is much more involved than it used to be, and she is a quieter but still visible member of the anti-bullying committee. She also still exercises regularly, though to nowhere near the same extent she did whilst she was actively involved in dancing.

Bernadette has not applied to any colleges, and plans to get a job directly out of high school and try and make a living from making and selling her handicrafts.

Advantages: Bernadette has many good friends in Cochise, creating a wealth of allies to draw from in adverse situations. She is also willing to stand her ground, which may work to her advantage against weak-willed people seeking to take advantage of others, especially as she does not immediately come across as a threat at first glance.
Disadvantages: Although in reasonably good shape Bernadette’s illness can flare up. The pain, caused by bursts of intense exertion and emotional upheaval, would cause immediate problems that need to be medicated. Without the methods she uses to deal with her frustration, Bernadette’s difficulty processing this could put strain on tense situations and sabotage potential alliances. Finally, her period of deliberately antagonising bullies has gained her a few enemies that might take advantage of a situation in which they can get back at her with little to no repercussions.
[No claims on the avatar image]
v6 Relationship Thread Here!
[+] Spoiler
[Bernadette Thomas] is reading trashy romance novels in the park.
"Some days I'm built of metal, I can't be broken. But not when I'm with you."
Beginning to End: M1-M2-I-II-G1

[Oliver "Olly" Walton]
"They see what's on the surface, but not what's on my mind."

[Jennifer Miller]
"Give me all you've got, don't hold nothing back. I promise you you're gonna need it."
[+] Spoiler
B052: Carlon Wheeler is dead. [Originally belonged to white lancer]
Beginning to End:- ~*~*~*~*~*~
[+] Spoiler
Ohm attempts an dropkick at RC
19:00 Zarina throws Ohm off a cliff
19:00 RC turns into a horse
19:01 Ohm crashes to the ground, perplexed by the sudden horse
19:01 Zarina: SOTF in a nutshell
19:01 *** Espi quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
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Mr. Danya
Slam
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 11th, 2009, 7:39 pm

May 1st, 2015, 7:35 pm #2

Hi Imehal! Bernadette’s a good start, but DENIED pending some changes.

Name: Bernadette Thomas
Gender: Female
Age: Seventeen
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Sewing, painting, Painting specifically doesn’t actually come up in the profile at the moment, so I need it to either do so or be removed from this list. drawing, gymnastics, romance novels, wrestling, At present, wrestling only shows up at the very end of the profile as a thing she watches her boyfriend doing, so its’ not really a hobby/interest right now. Either needs more elaboration or to be removed from here. volunteering

Appearance: Bernadette is slightly above average in height at five foot seven, and her weight of one hundred and thirty-four pounds is distributed into a toned but curved shape – particularly around the bust and hips. Her skin is only lightly tanned considering the climate, as she burns incredibly easily and takes care to use suntan cream regularly to keep from burning. Her blonde, curly hair is kept deliberately short so that it can be pulled back into a ponytail; an old habit from gymnastics which has not yet faded. Her features are framed within an oval face with a pointed chin, her green almond shaped eyes spaced evenly apart from a long, thin nose. Everything marries together well and Bernadette is someone you might describe as pretty, depending on your taste. This last line is a bit wishy washy, since nearly everyone might be described as pretty depending on your taste. You can probably just excise it, or be more firm about whether or not she's relatively good looking.

This just needs a description of her mouth and ears to cap it off.

Her style tends to be fairly relaxed to the point that she will wear dungarees and a t-shirt when she knows she will spending most of her day doing crafts, and generally lends towards casual. She does dress up whenever she feels the desire to, but it is the exception rather than the rule; it is usually stockings with a high-necked, sleeveless dress over anything too short or revealing. On the day of the abduction, she was wearing loose dungarees, a plain purple t-shirt and navy sneakers.

Bernadette has no tattoos or body piercings to speak of, and does not wear much jewellery except for two things. The first is a pearl bracelet, which is a family heirloom that she wears almost constantly on her left wrist. The second is a replica Star Sapphire Power Ring, given to her by Tyler that hangs on a silver chain around her neck.

Biography: On 4th March 1997, Megan and Jonathan Thomas – newly married childhood sweethearts – welcomed Bernadette into the world as their first child with relief. Though they had initially been elated when she had fallen pregnant, Megan had problems throughout due to her endometriosis up to, and including, a very risky birth that ended in a Caesarean delivery. My googling on the condition has led me to believe that whilst endometriosis makes conceiving more difficult, it doesn’t generally affect the pregnancy itself, so she shouldn’t really be having a risky birth because of it. Her recovery was smooth, and soon they were all home becoming a close-knit unit, particularly with grandparents as she was the first, and likely only, child with both her parents coming from single child families. Likely only child due to the pregnancy complications? Because we’ll need to change that unless something besides her endometriosis made it risky. This also meant that Megan, who was the breadwinner in the family at the time as the manager at one of the main gaming stores in the town, could return to work as soon as possible. This meant her husband was the primary daytime carer for Bernadette, with family members pitching in whenever he had to work odd hours at the metalwork factory in the next town. I’m a little confused here: First of all, what is his actual role at the factory? Second, a metalworking job would presumably be 9 to 5, so why is he available in the daytime? In addition, why would he be working odd hours? Industrial places like metalwork factories tend to be pretty rigid in their scheduling because of production requirements, so you’re unlikely to find yourself suddenly hit with a night shift. Finally, I wouldn’t mind the town being specified, since the only metalworking companies I can find in Arizona that are reasonably close to Kingman are in Phoenix or Las Vegas.

It was around the age of three that her parents decided to put some money aside to give Bernadette lessons in a physical skill, eventually settling on gymnastics when realising that it might help strengthen her body against the pain that she might have to endure if she had inherited her mother’s condition. She took to it naturally, and every year her parents found the money to put her through classes and competitions to nurture their daughter’s talent.

Later on though, Bernadette explicitly has to give up gymnastics because her condition is making it too hard for her to stay with it. Considering that my googling also suggests intense activities like gymnastics can exacerbate the condition, which would suggest that someone who’s lived with it like Megan would know that too, surely they’d choose a different exercise if their intention was to improve her coping ability? For that matter, beyond physical exercise potentially relieving symptoms a little bit (and that’s a notable potentially) I’m not seeing a huge link between staying in shape and minimising the associated pain; has Megan got any experience of exercise helping that’s leading her to want her daughter to follow suit?

Bernadette attended service regularly at the local Catholic church with her parents from a young age, who were and still are devout Catholics. Their daughter is not as devoted, but she still takes the core of her values and world view from an upbringing centred on the church and its strong sense of community. It was in this community that she started to gain an interest in handicrafts from her father’s attendance at the craft groups and the things he brought home. Why? Though her mother introduced their daughter to her hobbies from a young age, Bernadette never quite took to comic books and superheroes like she did her father’s interests though she always seemed to have a thing for the Green Lantern series. This feels a little bit like trivia at the moment, and whilst Green Lantern’s dandy it doesn’t really have any bearing on the rest of her profile, so we can probably remove it safely unless you want to go into more depth on it.

Throughout elementary and middle school Bernadette proved herself a good student, particularly in the creative subjects, Why? averaging out in a B grade across the board. She was not much of a reader unless it was to do with her hobbies, but she did all her homework diligently and without too much complaint. She was friendly and kind, making friends easily, and a few lifelong friendships were established during these years. These years were also her first experiences with bullying, and her black and white view of the world meant that she always stepped in when she saw someone being bullied that was not standing up for themselves, a trend that would carry throughout her school years. Where is this black and white view coming from?

During this time her home situation went through some positive changes. Once she started full-time education her father looked for work again, What happened to his metalworking job? and quickly found a place working in a charity shop that was linked with their church. This meant that Bernadette was cared for by her grandparents or family friends after school on weekdays, but the financial situation for the family improved. What was it before? Both her parents seem to work full time and she’s an only child, so I can’t imagine they were struggling that much. Also, Bernadatte’s relationship with her grandparents could really do with more detail, since so far all I know about it is that they look after her when her parents aren’t around. This led to a deposit being put down on a modest three bedroomed house with a garden to call their own when she was seven, which has been the family home ever since. Where were they living before?

Over these years Bernadette spent her free time between gymnastics, volunteering at the church (usually with decorations and tidying), We prefer to avoid brackets in profiles, so please rewrite this to remove them. practising her crafts with her father, and going over to friends’ houses. She also, on occasion, was allowed to spend Saturdays at the game store with her mother, which she still does to this very day. Doing what exactly? Did she play with games in the backroom or something (which might not even be allowed depending on store policy)? Help her mother around the store? What age was she starting if it was the latter, because there’d be child labour laws to consider. It was also around this time that she accidentally came across her mother's stash of trashy romance novels, fell in love with their linear plots and happy endings, and began to start reading every one she could get her hands on.

Academically and socially, things continued very much at the same agreeable level and pace when Bernadette started high school. She joined various textile clubs, the backstage team of the theatre club, and the gymnastics team and loved the atmosphere that allowed her to interact with so many new and different people. So, Whilst she might not have been suited to the scholastic atmosphere, I thought she was doing alright at school? Last time we heard from her she had a B average. she genuinely applied herself because of her parent’s opinions, her friends What about her friends was motivating her? and being able to do her favourite things that, in her mind, overruled the desire to be lazy in subjects she did not necessarily enjoy. The one thing she really did not like was the over-abundance of bullying that seemed to be going on right underneath teachers’ noses, all security and rules aside and this spurred her to join the anti-bullying committee early in her sophomore year. Considering we’re at Cochise at this point, I’d prefer to see this sentence rewritten so as not to describe it as such a hotbed of bullying. It’s fine if Bernadette perceives it as such, I just don’t want to see it stated explicitly. This emboldened her to speak out on a regular basis, though her efforts generally went no further beyond getting the bully to back off or, if that did not work, removing the victim from the situation and making sure they were okay.

On the topic of school, what subjects does Bernadette like and dislike? I know she does well in creative subjects and isn’t much of a reader, but what about the ones she doesn’t like? What about them doesn’t she like?

It was when puberty hit that Bernadette experienced her first true challenge in life. Preceding her first period, there was incredible pain and she had her first notable absence from school; three days in a row. Her parents were immediately concerned that Bernadette her inherited her mother’s illness, but decided to care for their hurting child for a few months with painkillers and kindly written absence letters before rushing to the doctor to confirm their worst fears.

Endometriosis, her mother explained to her, was an illness where the cells of the lining of the womb can be found outside of it. This meant that when hormones fluctuated, or when she bled during her period, that difficulty and severe pain could be caused as bleeding occurred in places where there was nowhere for the blood to go. It could affect levels of energy, a bad diet could worsen it, and there may be other symptoms such as extreme mood swings on top of the pain and discomfort.

They made the trip a few months later, and after some heavy insistence from Megan her daughter was prescribed the contraceptive pill to alleviate her symptoms as it was too soon to confirm whether she was suffering from the condition without more symptoms or invasive surgery. The medication, supplemented by aspirin, made life bearable again for the teenager but she soon found that her hectic life schedule, coupled with the newly established pain and exhaustion, becoming more and more difficult.


This section is a source of concern for me. First of all, even more googling has suggested that endometriosis is more prevalent in middle aged women, and whilst it does occur in girls going through puberty it’s not generally something that suddenly appears in full force when you have your first period. Secondly, if they were so concerned about her having a condition that’s causing her enough pain to be out of school for three days straight, why wait so long to go to a doctor? Beyond the weakest level you’re going to need a prescription for painkillers in the USA, so she’d have to see a doctor to get her hands on them in the first place. Third, why did Megan have to insist so heavily for her daughter to get pills? Hormone treatments seem to be the go-to response to endometriosis without conducting more serious procedures, and apart from the side effects I’m not seeing what’s stopping Bernadette from being prescribed them as a straight forward response. Finally, the medication seems to be fairly effective in reducing the pain by itself, without needing supplementation from aspirin, so unless Bernadette has a really severe form of the condition then she should be managing fairly readily from the pills.

I’d also like to highlight that at the current severity you’re describing her condition, she may very well not be allowed on the school trip out of concern for her well being since she doesn’t seem to be very functional when her pain hits her. And then she wouldn’t get to die on the island, and that would just be awful.

Basically, I need this part to be toned down a bit as Bernadette’s first encounter with her condition seems to be a very dramatic turn in her life, when in reality it should really be more of an unfortunate situation, but something that’s manageable with proper treatment and support. At the same time, there’s not really any reason for her parents to delay her getting medical help for so long just because they’re afraid to receive some bad news.



Socially, it was not a problem as Bernadette often dragged herself out to events that she had promised to go to and kept the circle of those who knew about her condition small and mostly family, though it included Clarice Halwood, who had been her best friend since middle school. It was about two years after her original diagnosis, at the age of sixteen, that Bernadette was forced to give up gymnastics as a full-blown commitment. Were her symptoms escalating? She’s been soldiering on for the past two years already, after all. This was a massive blow to a girl who had done and loved the sport ever since she had been a small child. Although she had many other hobbies that she adored, this was a defeat; admitting that there were now limits to what she could accomplish now that her body simply refused to keep up with her lifestyle.

She grew internally angry and increasingly discontented with her situation but refused to act out at home. Instead, she kept it all bottled inside until she eventually found a suitable vent. Once, she had merely been an intervener in instances of bullying but now Bernadette actively attacked the bully in question for their behaviour, though notably never with personal jabs. It was incredibly close-minded of her to see people judging and acting cruelly to others based on what they could see and presume, and she sought to take back a little of her self-worth by acting this way to those she thought needed dressing down. I don’t quite follow what this sentence is saying at the moment. She didn’t like people bullying people based on surface images, so she did it herself to make herself feel better? There were numerous targets for these attacks, one of the most notable and frequent being Tyler Yazzie, though Bernadette made numerous enemies during those eight months.

This behaviour did not go unaddressed, though it was only towards the end that the instances came to the attention of teachers and eventually her parents. How was she managing to avoid getting into trouble before hand? A trip back to the doctors only resulted in stronger pain medication – this time, Tramadol – and so her family took direct steps to address the anger within their troubled daughter. Remember my previous comments on the efficacy of medication for treating endometriosis when revisiting this sentence. They combated her anger impulses with periods of sitting and doing things with her hands – sewing, drawing – to relax herself whilst at home and she took to carrying a sketchbook around to doodle in whilst in classes. This might just be me, but trying to concentrate on handicrafts whilst you're pissed off doesn’t really sound relaxing; if anything it sounds frustrating. I'd suggest she might find reading her trashy romance novels to be easier than trying to fiddle with her hands. Also, wasn’t she already into these hobbies from her dad? Did they try to encourage her to do them more than she was already? Also, what sort of drawing and sewing does she do? I’d like to know more about her personal style. Taking walks also became a regular thing during school hours rather than confront bullies aggressively. It was during one such walk that she overexerted herself, How did she overexert herself by walking? Did she powerwalk? Was it a particularly long one? and ended up leaning against a wall for support that Tyler Yazzie came across her.

To her surprise he did not mock her, or even walk away. He asked if he could help and by the end of the conversation Bernadette actually felt better, emotionally as well as physically. His comments instead left her wondering whether her anger and world view had blinded her to a community that was greyer in colour than black and white, I’m still wondering where this worldview comes from and so she got to know him better over time and marvelled as he became less and less bullish to those around him as they grew closer.

It became a friendship that not only defined her, How? but the person that she wanted to be, Why? and as the school year came to a close and summer started, she found herself dividing her time between her usual hobbies and spending time in Tyler’s company. During the same summer on a walk to calm herself she came across an alternative store Could you elaborate on the store type for me? Alternative is a bit vague by itself. down a side road, and found a wealth of inspiration within its walls. Though she was Catholic, the symbolism and artistry intrigued her and she managed to talk her parents into letting her volunteer there on Saturdays to broaden her world view following her recent experience.

Her parents kept a close eye on her the whole summer, Why? but when the new school year started Bernadette entered it feeling much more herself than she had for a long time, albeit changed moralistically. It was less than a month into the new term before she started officially dating Tyler, and she has begun to take a casual interest in wrestling, attending his practices and some matches when she can. Her role in the backstage crew with the theatre club is much more involved than it used to be, and she is a, muted but still vocal, These two contradict each other, so it could do with alternate phrasing. active member of the anti-bullying committee. She also still exercises regularly, though to nowhere near the same extent she did whilst she was actively involved in gymnastics. What sort of exercise does she do? If it’s walking, I’d count it as a hobby at this point personally.

Bernadette has not applied to any colleges, and plans to get a job directly out of high school and try and make a living from making and selling her handicrafts.

Advantages: Bernadette has a few great and some good friends in Cochise, creating a wealth of allies to draw from in adverse situations. She is also willing to stand her ground, which may work to her advantage against weak-willed people seeking to take advantage of others, especially as she does not immediately come across as a threat at first glance.
Disadvantages: Although in reasonably good shape, Bernadette’s illness will cause her pain and exhaustion in physically and emotionally draining situations which can only be partially mediated through her prescribed painkillers and contraceptive. Another reminder that we’re re-evaluating the impact her condition has on her life. Her world view is also still fairly idealistic, I’m not sure I’d describe her world view as idealistic at present; she’s gone from having a black and white view of the world to one with shades of grey, but neither of those really suggest idealism to me. and she will certainly struggle to adapt, particularly in the veins of self-defence and protecting herself from harm. I’m also not seeing how she’d struggle any more than the rest of the class, considering that she’s never shown any aversion towards violence or hostile situations if she’s so ready to confront bullies. I need a new disadvantage to replace this one, basically. Finally, her period of deliberately antagonising bullies gained her a few enemies that might take advantage of a situation in which they can get back at her with little to no repercussions.

To summarise, my main issue with Bernadette at the moment is how much of her life revolves around her condition. I suggest focusing more on her sense of justice and interests, as well as her blossoming relationship, whilst dialling back the overarching presence of her endometriosis. It's perfectly reasonable that it would impact on her life, but at the moment her life seems to revolve around it instead.


Post here when you've given Bernadette a think and made some changes, and I'll give her another look. Thanks!
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Imehal
Leader
Joined: May 30th, 2013, 1:27 am

May 3rd, 2015, 5:40 pm #3

Edits made, and thank you for all your help so far Slam! ^^
[No claims on the avatar image]
v6 Relationship Thread Here!
[+] Spoiler
[Bernadette Thomas] is reading trashy romance novels in the park.
"Some days I'm built of metal, I can't be broken. But not when I'm with you."
Beginning to End: M1-M2-I-II-G1

[Oliver "Olly" Walton]
"They see what's on the surface, but not what's on my mind."

[Jennifer Miller]
"Give me all you've got, don't hold nothing back. I promise you you're gonna need it."
[+] Spoiler
B052: Carlon Wheeler is dead. [Originally belonged to white lancer]
Beginning to End:- ~*~*~*~*~*~
[+] Spoiler
Ohm attempts an dropkick at RC
19:00 Zarina throws Ohm off a cliff
19:00 RC turns into a horse
19:01 Ohm crashes to the ground, perplexed by the sudden horse
19:01 Zarina: SOTF in a nutshell
19:01 *** Espi quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
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Slam
Mr. Danya
Slam
Mr. Danya
Joined: August 11th, 2009, 7:39 pm

May 3rd, 2015, 10:37 pm #4

Thanks for the edits, Bernadette's looking much better! Still a few things to go through though.

Name: Bernadette Thomas
Gender: Female
Age: Seventeen
Grade: 12th
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Dancing, drawing, painting, romance novels, sewing, volunteering, walking

Appearance: Bernadette is slightly above average in height at five foot seven, and her weight of one hundred and thirty-four pounds is distributed into a toned but curved shape – particularly around the bust and hips. Her skin is only lightly tanned considering the climate, as she burns incredibly easily and takes care to use suntan cream regularly to keep from burning. Her blonde, curly hair is kept deliberately short so that it can be pulled back into a ponytail; an old habit from gymnastics Do you mean dance? Also to my knowledge she's still doing dance at the moment, so you'll want to rewrite this a bit to reflect that. which has not yet faded.

Her features are framed within an oval face with a pointed chin, her green almond shaped eyes spaced evenly apart from a long, thin nose. Bernadette’s ears are small and fairly rounded at the top, and her mouth, whilst small, looks full, being formed of a thinner upper lip with a plumper curved lower lip.

Her style tends to be fairly relaxed to the point that she will wear dungarees and a t-shirt when she knows she will spending most of her day doing crafts, and generally lends towards casual. She does dress up whenever she feels the desire to, but it is the exception rather than the rule; it is usually stockings with a high-necked, sleeveless dress over anything too short or revealing. On the day of the abduction, she was wearing loose dungarees, a plain purple t-shirt and navy sneakers.

Bernadette has no tattoos or body piercings to speak of, and does not wear much jewellery except for two things. The first is a pearl bracelet, which is a family heirloom that she wears almost constantly on her left wrist. The second is a replica Star Sapphire Power Ring, given to her by Tyler that hangs on a silver chain around her neck.

Biography: On 4th March 1997, Megan and Jonathan Thomas – newly married childhood sweethearts – welcomed Bernadette into the world as their only child as they have been unsuccessful in conceiving since. Both of her parents had come from single-child families, by design, and so she was doted on by her parents and grandparents from both sides alike. This meant that Megan, who was the breadwinner in the family at the time as the manager at one of the main gaming stores in the town, could return to work quickly. Her father, who only worked part-time at a local hardware store, became Bernadette’s primary carer, with her grandparents eagerly stepping in when required.

Aware of the physical difficulties that their daughter might face as she got older, her parents began to do research into what might be something that could be continued if endometriosis developed. You’ve brought up endometriosis for the first time here but there’s no context; you might want to mention her mother having it beforehand. They struggled, especially in finding an activity that a child could embrace, and when she was three they decided to go to a few places with their daughter and see if anything caught her attention. It was the visit to one of the local gymnastics and dance academy; a class involving the latter caught Bernadette’s attention to the point where she was crying when she was told she had to leave. They signed her up for a few basic classes that day, and she quickly became a regular at the academy, favouring jazz and tap. Her parents have never let her compete beyond friendly contests. Why?

Bernadette attended service regularly at the local Catholic church with her parents and grandparents from a young age, who were and still are devout Catholics. Their daughter is not as devoted, but she still takes the core of her values and world view from an upbringing centred on the church and its strong sense of community. It was from this community that she started to gain an interest in handicrafts from her father’s attendance at the craft groups and the things he brought home. Though her mother introduced Bernadette to her hobbies from a young age, she never quite took to comic books and superheroes like she did her father’s interests. The intricacies of the needlework, different painting styles and creating something with your own hands resonated with her like learning to dance did.

Up until the age of twelve Bernadette and her parents had shared a home with her maternal grandparents, who did not live far from Jonathan’s family. Living in such an environment meant that she was equally influenced by her whole family’s approach to life, which predominately revolved around being friendly, and not speaking if you only had something unkind to say. They all kept busy, mealtimes were family time – no phones at the table – and liked to laugh and tease as much during and after the work was done. This current sentence is just a touch too informal for me at the moment, particularly the comment in the middle, so a little rewording would be appreciated.

It was around the end of Bernadette’s time at middle school that her parents had acquired enough savings to put a deposit down on a home of their own. This led to them moving into a modest three bedroomed house with a garden in the summer before she started high school that was just a few streets away from her maternal grandparents. Whilst you’re doing these edits you may want to rearrange this sentence to say where the house is and then when she moved, rather than the other way around, so it flows better. Just a suggestion though.

Throughout elementary and middle school Bernadette proved herself a good student, particularly in the creative subjects, because of her extracurricular interest, averaging out in a B grade across the board. She was not much of a reader unless it was to do with her hobbies, but she did all her homework diligently and without too much complaint. She was friendly and kind, making friends easily, and a few lifelong friendships were established during these years. These years were also her first experiences with observing bullying, and she always stepped in when she saw someone being bullied that was not standing up for themselves which was a trend that would carry throughout her school years.

Profiles should read roughly chronologically in order; the last paragraph is about the end of middle school, whilst this paragraph is everything up to before it. I’d just shunt it one paragraph up and you’re golden.

Over these years Bernadette spent her free time between dancing, volunteering at the church, This is the only mention of volunteering in the profile. What does she like about it? Is she still doing it regularly? What sort of volunteering is she doing? mainly with decorating and tidying, practising her crafts with her father, and going over to friends’ houses. She also, from the age of thirteen, occasionally went to her mother’s shop to spend the day and helped out with permission from the owner, which she still does to this very day.

Academically and socially, things continued very much at the same agreeable level and pace when Bernadette started high school. She joined the art club, textiles, the backstage team of the theatre club, and the gymnastics team Dance team? and loved the atmosphere that allowed her to interact with so many new and different people. However, it became obvious that there were subjects that Bernadette did not apply herself in. She preferred hands-on lessons, while more lecture-based subjects proved difficult. In particular, she struggled with history and the sciences.

The one thing she really did not like about high school was her perception of the scale of bullying that appeared to be missed on a regular basis, despite the school’s rigorous anti-bullying measures and surveillance which spurred her to join the anti-bullying committee early in her sophomore year. This emboldened her to speak out on a regular basis, though her efforts generally went no further beyond getting the bully to back off or, if that did not work, removing the victim from the situation and making sure they were okay. Thanks for making it more from her point of view, but you’ve kind of gone the other way from where you were originally by stating how much anti-bullying measures Cochise has. I’d suggest just having her think there’s a lot of bullying going on so she joined the committee and leave it there.

It was when puberty hit that Bernadette experienced her first true challenge in life. Preceding her first period, there was incredible pain and she had her first notable absence from school; three days in a row. Her parents were immediately concerned, and once she had recovered they took her to see the doctor who, considering the family history, recommended that their daughter start taking the contraceptive pill to combat the worse effects that might arise, despite the fact that they could not confirm her parents’ concerns without surgery.

Endometriosis, her mother explained to her when they returned home, was an illness where the cells of the lining of the womb can be found outside of it. This meant that when hormones fluctuated, or when she bled during her period, that difficulty and severe pain could be caused as bleeding occurred in places where there was nowhere for the blood to go. It could affect levels of energy, a bad diet could worsen it, and there may be other symptoms such as extreme mood swings on top of the pain and discomfort.

The pill did its job, although Bernadette’s periods still caused her to have one or two days off from school each month at first. It did not take long for her to expect and plan for the pain, taking over the counter painkillers as needed. Socially, it was not a problem as Bernadette often dragged herself out to events that she had promised to go to and kept the circle of those who knew about her condition small and mostly family, though it included Clarice Halwood, who had been her best friend since middle school.

Generally Bernadette continued as normal for a few years, including the intensive dance classes. It was during this time that she had frequent fights with her parents, arguing that she knew what she could manage, but slowly it took its toll. Halfway through the summer between grades ten and eleven she was forced to dial down her commitment to dance. Whilst this improved the bouts of pain and exhaustion that had come from her stubbornness, it had an incredibly negative effect on her mentality. Bernadette had gone from a very physically active young woman to someone who had to constantly monitor her physicality, and take tablets on a daily basis.

This frustration did not result in further fights at home, as Bernadette refused to have further fights with her parents revolving around her condition. Instead, she looked for another outlet, finding one via her characteristic intervention in bullying incidents. Now she actively attacked, verbally, the bully in question for their behaviour though her barbs never became physical. There were numerous targets for these attacks, one of the most notable and frequent being Tyler Yazzie, though Bernadette made numerous enemies during those eight months.

It was a cathartic act, but it did not fix the problems that were at its base and it became a problem in itself after a verbally explosive argument between her and Tyler. In the end he had just walked away, rather than escalating. This left Bernadette feeling bereft of the release of the frustration that she needed. She was also the one who got approached by the teacher who had overheard the tail end of their fight.

Her parents, once informed, acted to find things that Bernadette enjoyed and that relaxed her to fill the time hole. She began to visit her grandparents on a weekly basis, helping around their home, and practised her handicrafts by herself, finding calm in techniques that she knew by heart. Her father also introduced her to a beginner’s painting class outside of school for another pastime to occupy her mind, and she began to carry around a small sketchbook to doodle whenever the frustration began to get too much at school. Her mother also began to spend time with her at a home laughing about the trashy novels that they enjoyed. This is the only mention of romance novels in the profile now, so could we get a bit more elaboration on what she likes about them, or what her and her mother both enjoy laughing about them? Especially since you’ve stated previous she’s not much of a reader.

Her style, in regards to art in general, tended towards the traditional. Her sewing pieces were animals and flowers, whereas her painting and drawing were more expressive; a more direct way of getting out her emotions, though she did quite enjoy still life from her classes. Taking walks also became a regular thing during school hours rather than confront bullies aggressively on a daily basis. It was during one such walk that she overexerted herself by powerwalking two laps of the school’s field, and ended up leaning against a wall near the gym for support when Tyler Yazzie came across her.

To her surprise he asked if he could help and by the end of the conversation Bernadette actually felt better physically because of his assistance with giving her medication, but more notably emotionally. He, contrary to her belief, had put aside any ire that he might have felt for her to help her like a decent person, rather than mocking her difficulty. They talked about why they had fought so heatedly, and when she suggested that they try being friends instead he agreed.

It was just like before, but instead of yelling at him, they spent a lot of time together learning about each other’s interests and each other in general, particularly over the summer between grades eleven and twelve. She marvelled at the change in him, how much calmer he seemed these days, and at how less frustrated she herself had become about her condition as a result of their friendship. Tyler never made her feel weak despite his awareness that she was ill, but instead made her feel strong for battling through adversity. She thinks of him as a symbol of inspiration, especially after coming to terms with the truth of his home life, and the way he had been raised to believe that the weak should stay down. The ignorance to the meaning with which he originally gave her the Star Sapphire Power Ring only cemented her belief that he was, at heart, a good person who really wanted to try and be better than he had been before. This was something she tried to show that she saw in him with her gift to him of a Blue Power Ring, from the group who relied on hope for their strength.

It became a friendship that, less than a month into the new term, is turning into a blossoming romantic relationship, and she has begun to take a casual interest in wrestling, attending his practices and some matches when she can. Her role in the backstage crew with the theatre club is much more involved than it used to be, and she is a quieter but still visible member of the anti-bullying committee. She also still exercises regularly, though to nowhere near the same extent she did whilst she was actively involved in dancing.

Bernadette has not applied to any colleges, and plans to get a job directly out of high school and try and make a living from making and selling her handicrafts.

Advantages: Bernadette has many good friends in Cochise, creating a wealth of allies to draw from in adverse situations. She is also willing to stand her ground, which may work to her advantage against weak-willed people seeking to take advantage of others, especially as she does not immediately come across as a threat at first glance.
Disadvantages: Although in reasonably good shape Bernadette’s illness can flare up, in the guise of pain, from bursts of intense exertion and emotional upheaval, which would cause immediate problems though it can be medicated with aspirin. This sentence runs on a bit; it could do with a little breaking up. Though Bernadette’s determination to not back down is admirable, the truth is that it is all bluster and she has no follow up if called to act. I’m afraid I’m not really seeing how this is a disadvantage at the moment, since I don’t think many students could ‘follow up’ in the context of SOTF by default (ie start killing each other?). Could you elaborate a bit more for me? Finally, her period of deliberately antagonising bullies gained her a few enemies that might take advantage of a situation in which they can get back at her with little to no repercussions.
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Imehal
Leader
Joined: May 30th, 2013, 1:27 am

May 5th, 2015, 10:42 pm #5

I had apparently taken out the first bit mentioning the romance novels in my bulk deleting. Special.

Okay, done with the recommended edits. =)
[No claims on the avatar image]
v6 Relationship Thread Here!
[+] Spoiler
[Bernadette Thomas] is reading trashy romance novels in the park.
"Some days I'm built of metal, I can't be broken. But not when I'm with you."
Beginning to End: M1-M2-I-II-G1

[Oliver "Olly" Walton]
"They see what's on the surface, but not what's on my mind."

[Jennifer Miller]
"Give me all you've got, don't hold nothing back. I promise you you're gonna need it."
[+] Spoiler
B052: Carlon Wheeler is dead. [Originally belonged to white lancer]
Beginning to End:- ~*~*~*~*~*~
[+] Spoiler
Ohm attempts an dropkick at RC
19:00 Zarina throws Ohm off a cliff
19:00 RC turns into a horse
19:01 Ohm crashes to the ground, perplexed by the sudden horse
19:01 Zarina: SOTF in a nutshell
19:01 *** Espi quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
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