Astrid Tate

Pippin
Winner
Joined: 11:57 PM - Dec 18, 2010

2:01 AM - Aug 05, 2015 #1

Name: Astrid Jennifer Tate
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Soccer, medicine, history (specifically medieval), generally keeping in shape, vegetarian cooking

Appearance: Astrid reaches an even 6’0”, and weighs 145lbs. She’s received more than a few comments on her height in the past, but she mostly takes it in stride; she likes being tall, and, aside from banging her head against several cabinets and the like, she hasn’t found many downsides to it. Her weight is distributed evenly, for the most part, but her soccer practice and general exercise means she has some good muscle in her legs. She’s Caucasian, but tanned thanks to spending a lot of time outside. Astrid’s approach to makeup is very inconsistent; she’ll wear it when she feels like it, usually wearing foundation and mascara, and so it’s nearly impossible to predict what days she’ll have it on. She’s also been known to visit tanning salons during the winter months when it’s less sunny in order to maintain her tan.

The most notable of Astrid’s facial features is, by far, the dark grey eye patch covering her right eye. She’s had an eye covering since she was ten, after an incident at school left her without sight in that eye. She is aware that other, less obtrusive eye coverings exist, but she uses a patch for two reasons. The first is that she’s used it for so long, she’s gotten used to it, and that anything else would feel slightly weird. The second is that her sister likes the patch, thinking it makes Astrid look like a pirate, and as Astrid adores her younger sister she is happy to indulge in this little fantasy. Her sightless eye’s opposite number is large and sapphire blue in colour. As for the rest of her facial features, Astrid’s nose is slightly smaller than most. She has thin eyebrows, and a slightly thin mouth which is often seen in the form of a confident smile. She has no piercings, even though she’s frequently contemplated getting some, as she personally believes they would be too much of a hassle to remove every time she wanted to exercise. Astrid does, however, have a small tattoo of a celtic cross on her right wrist in white ink, which shows up decently well against her tanned skin. Astrid has long black hair, reaching midway down her back and with bangs framing her face.

When it comes to clothing, Astrid generally dresses casually. She normally chooses to wear tank tops or t-shirts in lighter colours, coupled with either a leather jacket or her prized light blue track jacket. When not playing soccer or otherwise exercising, she prefers to wear knee length skirts, again in lighter colours. She’s much less picky about the type of shoes she wears, and will generally throw on a pair of trainers, whatever the weather.

Biography: Astrid is the first child of Sally and Gregory Tate, and has lived her entire life in Kingman. The Tate family previously lived in a small town several miles from Kingman, but moved there after Sally secured a job as a doctor at the Kingman Regional Medical Center, to make life easier for themselves. Gregory is currently between careers, previously working as web support and customer service for a fairly large company that went under about a year ago, and as such works at a small convenience store within Kingman at present, although he is currently in the interview process for a couple of other companies. Astrid also has a younger sister, Sophie, who is five years her junior and whom she absolutely adores. Astrid gets on perfectly happily with her father, but she considers her mother her hero and idol, and has done ever since she discovered exactly what her job entailed. Whilst both Sally and Gregory love Astrid dearly, and are both happy that she is so driven towards very clear goals, they are concerned about her rather abrasive nature.

The first few years of Astrid’s life were fairly unremarkable. She was content with both reading and doodling inside, and with playing outdoors with other children her age. She did have a tendency to be a rather bossy child, however, wanting everyone around her to play what she wanted and to make sure she won, and sulking whenever anything didn’t go her way.

The first major instance in Astrid’s life was her interest in soccer. Her first proper exposure to the sport came during the 2003 Women’s World Cup. She had paid little attention to the Men’s World Cup the previous year, but the fact that the Women’s World Cup was being televised took her by surprise, as she had no idea such a thing actually existed. The fact that females were competing on a global stage was a huge deal for her, as she had been under the impression beforehand that sports such as soccer and football were a male-only sport. After watching the opening match, she was instantly hooked on the sport. There was something that appealed to her about how even though the rules were so simple, it was still a sport that required a huge amount of effort, commitment and passion.

Only a few days after the World Cup had ended, Astrid realised how much she missed the sport. With encouragement from her parents, who both were happy that their daughter had found an interest that she was totally invested in, Astrid joined the school soccer team. At the same time, she began to look through fliers and local papers to see whether there were any soccer teams or courses particularly geared towards girls. Due to this, she was subjected to some teasing from other children her age, particularly from boys who were under the mindset that girls couldn’t play soccer. It was perhaps this that first well and truly showcased Astrid’s determination and drive to succeed at whatever she put her mind to. Rather than letting the taunts get to her, and severely affecting her, she used them to help her improve at the sport. She wanted to prove that she was not only able to play, but also that she could play better than a large amount of her peers.

When Astrid was ten, however, she was the victim of some incredible ill fortune during an incident at school. During recess one day, Astrid was not in a particularly energetic mood, so she quietly sat and read the book she was currently reading. Unfortunately, a few of her rowdier classmates had decided to play a game nearby, which involved firing small paper pellets from rubber bands at each other. No real damage was caused until one of Darius van Dyke’s shots went wide of its target and flew towards Astrid. By sheer misfortune, she happened to glance up seconds before the pellet hit her. The missile hit her directly in the right eye. Despite immediately seeking medical help, the damage was done. The pellet had damaged her eye to the extent that she completely lost vision in it.

Astrid was forced to wear an eyepatch for the first few months after the incident occurred, and it seemed like her tenure on her soccer team was over. For several weeks, Astrid was very unlike her usual self. She was terrified that she’d lost everything she’d worked for in terms of playing soccer, and she was terrified about how everything in her life would change, and as such would spend a lot of time cooped up in her room, tucked up under the covers of her bed. When at school or outside of home, she would be just as withdrawn, avoiding talking to her friends and peers due to fears that she would be viewed as a freak. Sometimes she would end up feeling so overwhelmed that she ended up snapping at her friends, which caused some deterioration in her relationships. Darius eventually apologised for the accident, but Astrid couldn’t forgive him for it, and still absolutely detests him, even though he seems truly remorseful for it.

After a while, however, Astrid’s determined nature took effect. She realised that she wouldn’t be able to instantly go back to playing soccer on the school team, but that didn’t prevent her from playing the sport she loved altogether. She would spend hours in the back garden, simply kicking a ball against the shed or the fence, trying to adjust herself to her now much smaller field of vision. After a while, Astrid gradually expanded this, making homemade versions of training exercises; she would stick targets to the side of the shed to aim for, and create slaloms out of empty flower pots. It took almost a year for Astrid to be satisfied that she was reaching the same sporting abilities that she had possessed before the accident, and even then her coach wasn’t entirely convinced. They were happy to have Astrid train with the team, but they weren’t prepared to have her even start on the bench just yet; they were concerned for her self esteem if it turned out she wasn't up to the level of her teammates. Whilst disappointed and annoyed at this, as she believed she was more talented and put in more effort than a good number of her teammates, Astrid said little publicly and instead focused her energy on pushing herself to the limit in training, hoping that, eventually, her coach would see her desire to play.

Astrid now views her recovery from the trauma of the accident with mixed feelings. On the one hand, the fact that she was able to bring herself around from the worst period of her life to carry on living as normally as possible is yet another thing that drives Astrid forwards to achieve what she desires. She believes that if she can get through her accident mostly unscathed, then there should be very little that can stand in her way. On the other hand, she doesn’t like dwelling on it for very long; she hates the fact that, for a while, she was completely helpless and, in her mind, useless. Plus, she realises that she’ll never know what her life might have been like had the accident never occurred, given she’s had to slowly but surely relearn a lot of her life skills over the years, such as adapting to reading and writing with half of her sight now missing. This is a large part of the reason why she never has, and most likely never will, forgive Darius; the incident, for her, was just too much of a big deal to be fixed via an apology.

Whilst soccer has been Astrid’s number one hobby for quite a while, her lifelong hero and idol comes from a very different path. From a young age, Astrid knew that her mother was a doctor, but it wasn’t until after asking several probing questions that she understood exactly what Sally was required to do in her line of work. As far as Astrid sees it, there is nothing braver or more heroic than being able to heal other people and potentially save lives, and although she loves soccer, her lifelong dream has been to emulate her mother and enter the field of medicine. To that end, Astrid started taking various first-aid courses and classes, whenever and wherever around Kingman, as well as pestering her mother with various questions about medicine and treating injuries. Thanks to this, she is currently able to administer basic first-aid, as well as perform techniques such as CPR reliably. At first she had only been trained in these techniques informally by Sally, but recently, after taking a number of first-aid courses, these have been certified. Astrid initially wanted to become a surgeon, although that was mostly due to it fitting her main idea of what a doctor was like, but that avenue was almost entirely taken off the table after her accident. She still wonders as to what might have been if she had been able to continue the path to being a surgeon, but in a more wistful manner, as she is generally happy as long as she’s able to help people in need. Although she is currently unsure of what it might actually be, Astrid still knows that she wants to pursue a career in medicine in some format.

Around the age of fourteen, Astrid developed a new mindset. This had slowly been building up in the back of her mind for a while, and finally made itself known after she saw her general practitioner smoking whilst walking in the park. In her view, people who couldn’t look after themselves shouldn’t be allowed to look after and care for other people, and she wanted to make sure she was as healthy and fit as possible. Although she already participated in soccer, she also figured that if she did further training and exercise outside of soccer practice she would be able to permanently stake a claim for a first place spot. She began to start doing things like jogging around the neighbourhood and doing push ups and sit ups in her bedroom, sporadically at first before she eventually developed a regular routine. Astrid still maintains this routine, having now replaced doing push ups in her bedroom with visiting the gym. Unfortunately, this has also led to Astrid gaining a good deal of arrogance; she sees herself as a generally better person than people who don’t keep in as good shape as her, and as stated, she particularly disregards people she does not consider fit who are planning on working in a job that requires them to look after other people. She mostly keeps this to herself, but has let her disdain shown a couple of times during heated arguments, generally manifesting as rather personal jabs, which has given her more than a couple of enemies over the years. This rarely happens, only occurring when Astrid seriously loses her cool, but those who she has shown her disdain to have very negative feelings about her. In some sense, Astrid feels bad about her outbursts, both due to her losing her cool and that she’s truly hurt people with them, but she attempts to rationalise them by telling herself that she’d never react that way to a true friend. Due to this, as well as Astrid getting along so well with Sophie and idolising Sally, Astrid's family never really witnesses Astrid’s behaviour around her peers, but her stubbornness can make itself apparent at home, and they’ve had to have several talks with Astrid as to whether everything is alright at school, to which Astrid will always reply that everything is fine.

On top of creating a regular exercise routine for herself, Astrid will, from time to time, look up healthy recipes from the internet or her father’s cookbooks and try her hand at them. She enjoys cooking and creating recipes, but she doesn’t do it too often for her own benefit. The majority of healthy recipes she finds, she doesn’t enjoy, and she is also not the greatest cook in the world, not that she would admit it to anyone. However, she is able to frequently cook for her sister. Sophie is vegetarian, and although Gregory tolerates cooking meals, he finds it tiring to prepare a separate meal for her. As Astrid does enjoy cooking a lot more, it gives her the chance to do so without having to eat food she doesn’t particularly like. Sophie will often sit in the kitchen with her homework whilst Astrid cooks, as the two sisters enjoy each others company greatly.

At school, Astrid does generally well in most subjects. She actively works as hard as she can in all of her classes, wanting to make sure she succeeds in whatever she attempts. She is also very good at learning from her mistakes; if she gets a low mark on a test, for instance, she will look for exactly why she did poorly and work to make sure it never happens again. Astrid excels at PE, but she is also excellent at history, especially when it comes to dealing with the medieval period. The huge difference in how people lived from as short a time as a hundred year gap fascinated her for a start. She herself can’t exactly explain why the medieval period of history interests her more than any other, but one reason is that there is simply so much to discover from that era, spanning the entire globe. Although she makes certain that she completes her homework and assignments to the best of her abilities, she prioritises history over any of her other subjects.

Aside from her soccer teammates and a select few others who mostly share Astrid’s interests, Astrid’s circle of friends is fairly small. She is incredibly determined to succeed at whatever she puts her mind to, and she holds little time for anyone who isn’t prepared to put in 100%. This mindset has led to her being given many labels, the most common of which are that she is abrasive and stuck-up. This reputation is not helped by the fact that, since she works so hard at whatever she does, Astrid is used to succeeding at things. As such, she can be incredibly stubborn, especially during group projects, adopting a mentality in which anyone opposed to her views is wrong. In any situation in which Astrid has a decent amount of knowledge about the subject at hand, she is absolutely convinced that her ideas and visions are superior to almost anyone else's, given that, as already mentioned, she is used to succeeding at what she does via her own hard work and efforts. If, however, Astrid’s ideas or style of working end up failing or being wrong, she will become much more subdued, as she sees it as a severe blow to her ego. At this point, she will be a lot more receptive to other people's’ ideas for a good while, whilst she tries to figure out what went poorly and why. There’s a bit of a joke amongst those who dislike Astrid that she’s about five times more likable during her more self-doubting moments. In Astrid’s defence, she does learn from her mistakes, and has begun to change the way she’ll go about things if it’s evident they’re not going well. As well as that, depending on the severity of her mistakes, she will sometimes apologise to anyone involved. In most cases, the damage has already been done, with people being driven away by what they see as abrasiveness and single-mindedness, but she has managed to make up with a few people she’s wronged in the past. Astrid isn’t too bothered by those who won’t accept her apologies, for the most part. She is happy with her circle of friends, and her slightly arrogant nature means she isn’t too bothered by those she pushes away, as she is generally convinced that she is in the right in almost any situation.

Advantages: Fit from playing soccer and her general exercise regimes, Astrid is in good shape, and is able to run for fairly long distances without tiring. Her knowledge of medicine, although limited to minor injuries, could still help out on the island. Astrid also knows techniques such as CPR. Her determination and drive to succeed at whatever she attempts could lead Astrid to overcoming otherwise difficult obstacles. Astrid does learn from her mistakes, although on the island, a single mistake could be enough to do her in.
Disadvantages: What Astrid describes as determination can, and has, easily been seen as abrasiveness and single-mindedness, and she could easily drive away potential allies by not listening to them. This interpretation of abrasiveness means Astrid already has her fair share of enemies amongst her peers. Astrid is very stubborn, and will not back down from the path she chooses; even if said path leads straight to her own downfall. The lack of vision from her right eye could prove a hindrance in case someone attempts to sneak up on her from that direction, although given she’s lived with it for the past eight years, she has learnt to adapt to her impairment. Her depth perception, however, is something that still gives her issues, meaning that every so often she misjudges her reach and how far away objects truly are.
[+] Spoiler
Lyra Doyle-Let's live tonight like fireflies, and one by one light up the sky Land Ho
Current Thread: Lo Mein Event - ?Whatever you need, I've got you covered!?
Katie Agustien-If you wanna start a fight, you better throw the first punch, make it a good one Bastille
Current Thread: he let me set fire to a fleet of ships when no-one else would - ?Maybe we can trade. I get to watch you dance, you get to watch me work out.?
Stepney Cruz-I'm taking back the crown, I'm all dressed up and naked, I see what's mine and take it Memes
Current Thread: Clinging to Loss - ?Didja know this place is supposed to be haunted??
Dean Puchero - By July you'd made a whole bunch of brand new friends, people you used to look down on, and you'd figured out a way to make real money Keane
Current Thread: Generation Loss - ?Oh, and hey, don?t worry ?bout earlier, it?s all cool. I think you?d probably have been hurt worse than me if we?d collided, anyways.?
Aurelien Valter-It's deep in their bones, they'll run into smoke when the fire is fierce Football
Current Thread: I'M A SHARK, I'M A SHAAARK, SUCK MY DIIIIICK, I'M A SHAAARK - ?Goodbye, friend. I will miss you.?
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V4!
George Leidman (Adopted from Blastinus)
Current location-Paint it Black-DECEASED-Neck broken by Maxwell Lombardi
Weapons-Wallet with German marks, Yatagan, guitar, Savage Model 1907 (.32 ACP)

V5!
B004-Owen Kay-?I don?t... don?t want to die...?-Weapons: Table Leg, Rusty Golf Club-Never Truly Had A Chance
Location: Finally finished in A Human Work

G041-Amy Bachelor-Mike, I... I don?t want to--Weapon: Blackjack-Can't Live On Hope Alone
Location: So near, and yet so very, very far in Hollow Stars

B024-Francis St. Ledger-?Megan, just... just fuckin? listen to me.?-Weapon: Insulated Blanket-Crossed The Line
Location: Made the wrong choice in The Real Folk Blues

V6!

G021-Mia Rose-You can't understand that I won't leave 'til we're finished here, and then you'll find out where it all went wrong
Died in: Elapsam Semel Occasionem Non Ipse Potest Iuppiter Reprehendere
Weapon: Uzi-Pro

G034-Astrid Tate-So what became of loving man, and what became of you?
Died in: End of the Line
Weapon: Pickaxe

G006-Bryony Adams-Burning bright until the end, now you'll be missing from the photographs
Died in: eternitybox
Current Weapon: Deck of playing cards, broken easel leg.
[+] Spoiler

Owen, Francis and Amy, all by Mimi

Amy Bachelor, by Violent-Medic

Owen Kay, by Un-Persona

Amy Bachelor, by Mimi

Amy Bachelor, by TurtleTyrant
[+] Spoiler
Garren Mortimer-Now you can't get mad, I'm only getting started, I won't blackout
[+] Spoiler
Beatrice Briggs and Timothy "Tim" Karim
Nothing In My Way Pippi Fontaine-I'll float on endlessly, senses eluding me, this long horizon to this open sea.
Jamie Mittelman-We will meet you where the lights are, the defenders, of the faith we are
Clover Crescent-Why would I waste another day whilst life just passes by?
Castlevania Ada Bentley-Save your cheers and my applause, I never was worth fighting for
Richard Potter-But if I had one chance to freeze time, and stand still and soak in everything, I'd choose right now
Kerry Gray-We'll finish what we started, so promise me that we'll be the Lionhearted
Marshall Nichols-Maybe that's how books get written, maybe that's why songs get sung, maybe we are the unlucky ones
Gregory "Greg" Gateshead-Built an empire of sound, as the bridges were falling down
Candice Bailey-I feel I can fly, I'm on 678 cloud 9, and ain't nothin gonna stop me
Patty English-We're all in the same boat, staying afloat for the moment
Ophelia Wright-If you're dreaming what I'm dreaming, close your eyes and feel at home
Marina-Cassandra Gro?-And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day
Boyd Adkinson - And the lights, they glow, like I just lost the world war, and the scene slips away to the evenness I fake
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
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MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: 7:01 AM - Feb 18, 2009

4:34 AM - Aug 22, 2015 #2

Heya, Pippin! Astrid looks pretty good, but she is DENIED pending a bit of revision.

At 6'0", Astrid is really tall for her age and gender--well into the 99th percentile by the CDC's measurements. How does she feel about this? Does it affect her life in any notable ways?

What type of makeup does Astrid wear when she does? Why does she visit tanning salons if she's naturally tanned due to her outdoors activities?

It strikes me as a bit unusual that Astrid has no piercings at all despite having had interest in them, since getting ears pierced is a very common and socially accepted (and almost expected) thing for girls. Can I hear a bit more about why she never had it done?

Does a tattoo in white ink show up well against Astrid's complexion?

Why does Astrid favor a patch over a less obtrusive eye covering (glasses with a darkened lens, a glass eye, etc.)?

Can I hear a bit more about Gregory's work situation? When did he lose his former job? Was it in something notably better than the convenience store? How long has he been in his current situation?

What about the Women's World Cup existing took Astrid by surprise?

If Astrid is 18 in spring 2015, she'd've been around six in 2003. It strikes me as a bit odd for an elementary school to have a very notable bench/starting squad for its soccer team. Can you elaborate a bit here?

There are some pretty notable feasibility issues surrounding the incident leading to Astrid's partial blinding. Teachers aren't supposed to leave classrooms unattended for anything short of emergencies, especially in elementary school, precisely because things can get out of control and dangerous with no adult present. The sort of incident you describe here would almost certainly lead to the teacher in question losing their job, potentially their license, and possibly landing in tons of legal trouble as well should Astrid's family choose to sue.

I'd also like to know a lot more about the fallout. Right now, aside from a brief stint feeling down and a much harder time with her soccer, Astrid seems largely unaffected by her injury, but it's a really big deal. I'd like to know how she felt about it, whether she bore any resentment towards the kid who hurt her, how she viewed her recovery, what affects the incident had on her social interactions and relationships, and how her feelings about it have changed and evolved as she's grown older.

Is Astrid CPR and first aid certified, or just trained informally by her mother? Also, how serious was her desire to be a surgeon? At such a young age, it doesn't seem likely to have been too fixed, but does Astrid bear any resentment towards being forced to abandon those aspirations?

What prompted Astrid's change in mindset at fourteen?

How does Astrid's disdain manifest? How does she feel about having rubbed people the wrong way with it? Has this ever caused her any serious trouble? Are her parents and friends aware of it, and how do they react?

Why does Astrid have so much faith in herself over anyone else? When she's obviously wrong about something, how does that affect her? How does her family feel about her demeanor?

I'd also, on a related note, like to hear a bit more about Astrid's relationship with her family, both growing up and now. Just a few details to fill in her relationship with each of her parents would do nicely.

Is Astrid really so single-minded she'd pursue a path even if it was clearly going t lead to bad results? If so, has this hurt her in the past? How does she reconcile such things with her beliefs about needing to take care of herself?

How is Astrid's depth perception due to her eye injury?

And a bit of grammar:

"and weighs 145lbs.Her weight" needs a space after the period.

I'd prefer if this: " Due to this, she was subjected to some teasing from other children her age, particularly from boys who told her that ‘girls couldn’t play soccer’." could be rephrased to avoid the quote--quotations in profiles usually introduce unnecessary subjectivity.

"with various questions about medicine and with treating injuries" -> "with various questions about medicine and treating injuries"

"The majority of ‘healthy’ recipes she finds" should be rephrased without the quotation marks--they introduce ambiguity by making it unclear whether the recipes are actually healthy or whether the quotation marks are being used to indicate sarcasm.

The quotes here: "the most common of which are that she is ‘abrasive’ and ‘stuck-up’." should just be removed; the sentence reads fine without them.

"adopting a ‘my way or the highway’ mentality" should be rephrased to avoid the quotes.

Post when you've got that all taken care of, and I'll give Astrid another look. Thanks!
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Pippin
Winner
Joined: 11:57 PM - Dec 18, 2010

2:20 PM - Sep 05, 2015 #3

Hey Toben! Sorry this took so long to get edited, but I think I've hit everything you asked for!

A couple of noticeable revisions: I removed the idea of the elementary soccer team having a starting line-up, which was literally a result of me forgetting how old Astrid would have been at the time.

I changed the location of Astrid's accident and added a lot more detail about the fallout, her recovery, relationship with Darius and how she views the accident now.

I also removed the idea of Astrid continuing down any given path regardless of how bad it looked, because I felt that didn't mesh well with her general character (she's self assured, yes, but also pretty intelligent).

Hopefully that's everything, but if anything needs expanding i'll be ready to fix it!
[+] Spoiler
Lyra Doyle-Let's live tonight like fireflies, and one by one light up the sky Land Ho
Current Thread: Lo Mein Event - ?Whatever you need, I've got you covered!?
Katie Agustien-If you wanna start a fight, you better throw the first punch, make it a good one Bastille
Current Thread: he let me set fire to a fleet of ships when no-one else would - ?Maybe we can trade. I get to watch you dance, you get to watch me work out.?
Stepney Cruz-I'm taking back the crown, I'm all dressed up and naked, I see what's mine and take it Memes
Current Thread: Clinging to Loss - ?Didja know this place is supposed to be haunted??
Dean Puchero - By July you'd made a whole bunch of brand new friends, people you used to look down on, and you'd figured out a way to make real money Keane
Current Thread: Generation Loss - ?Oh, and hey, don?t worry ?bout earlier, it?s all cool. I think you?d probably have been hurt worse than me if we?d collided, anyways.?
Aurelien Valter-It's deep in their bones, they'll run into smoke when the fire is fierce Football
Current Thread: I'M A SHARK, I'M A SHAAARK, SUCK MY DIIIIICK, I'M A SHAAARK - ?Goodbye, friend. I will miss you.?
[+] Spoiler
[+] Spoiler
V4!
George Leidman (Adopted from Blastinus)
Current location-Paint it Black-DECEASED-Neck broken by Maxwell Lombardi
Weapons-Wallet with German marks, Yatagan, guitar, Savage Model 1907 (.32 ACP)

V5!
B004-Owen Kay-?I don?t... don?t want to die...?-Weapons: Table Leg, Rusty Golf Club-Never Truly Had A Chance
Location: Finally finished in A Human Work

G041-Amy Bachelor-Mike, I... I don?t want to--Weapon: Blackjack-Can't Live On Hope Alone
Location: So near, and yet so very, very far in Hollow Stars

B024-Francis St. Ledger-?Megan, just... just fuckin? listen to me.?-Weapon: Insulated Blanket-Crossed The Line
Location: Made the wrong choice in The Real Folk Blues

V6!

G021-Mia Rose-You can't understand that I won't leave 'til we're finished here, and then you'll find out where it all went wrong
Died in: Elapsam Semel Occasionem Non Ipse Potest Iuppiter Reprehendere
Weapon: Uzi-Pro

G034-Astrid Tate-So what became of loving man, and what became of you?
Died in: End of the Line
Weapon: Pickaxe

G006-Bryony Adams-Burning bright until the end, now you'll be missing from the photographs
Died in: eternitybox
Current Weapon: Deck of playing cards, broken easel leg.
[+] Spoiler

Owen, Francis and Amy, all by Mimi

Amy Bachelor, by Violent-Medic

Owen Kay, by Un-Persona

Amy Bachelor, by Mimi

Amy Bachelor, by TurtleTyrant
[+] Spoiler
Garren Mortimer-Now you can't get mad, I'm only getting started, I won't blackout
[+] Spoiler
Beatrice Briggs and Timothy "Tim" Karim
Nothing In My Way Pippi Fontaine-I'll float on endlessly, senses eluding me, this long horizon to this open sea.
Jamie Mittelman-We will meet you where the lights are, the defenders, of the faith we are
Clover Crescent-Why would I waste another day whilst life just passes by?
Castlevania Ada Bentley-Save your cheers and my applause, I never was worth fighting for
Richard Potter-But if I had one chance to freeze time, and stand still and soak in everything, I'd choose right now
Kerry Gray-We'll finish what we started, so promise me that we'll be the Lionhearted
Marshall Nichols-Maybe that's how books get written, maybe that's why songs get sung, maybe we are the unlucky ones
Gregory "Greg" Gateshead-Built an empire of sound, as the bridges were falling down
Candice Bailey-I feel I can fly, I'm on 678 cloud 9, and ain't nothin gonna stop me
Patty English-We're all in the same boat, staying afloat for the moment
Ophelia Wright-If you're dreaming what I'm dreaming, close your eyes and feel at home
Marina-Cassandra Gro?-And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day
Boyd Adkinson - And the lights, they glow, like I just lost the world war, and the scene slips away to the evenness I fake
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
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Share

MurderWeasel
MW's Private Rank
Joined: 7:01 AM - Feb 18, 2009

6:54 PM - Oct 23, 2015 #4

You think your edits took a long time? ><

Huge, huge apologies for the wait (especially the ~ten days after I said it'd be done that day and then got sick). If I ever take more than four days on anything for you from here out, yell at me and/or folks who prod me.

Just a few more minor things to clean up:

At 6'0", while cabinets could certainly be an issue, Astrid seems unlikely to have troubles with all but the shortest door frames since while her height is exceptional for a girl her age, it's still well within typical human norms.

I think changing the phrasing to Gregory being "between careers" would probably help better convey your meaning.

The bit on Astrid's parents' reactions to her stubbornness would fit better in the section about that stubbornness (right after the section on her occasional outbursts at school, perhaps--especially since that section also suggests they actually don't know much about it--or somewhere in the last paragraph).

I think the bit on Astrid's first-team ambitions can actually be dropped--it's a bit confusing to have in the section on her childhood interests and if it is important later it can come up then.

"She realised that she wouldn’t be able to instantly go back to playing soccer on the first team" should be "She realised that she wouldn’t be able to instantly go back to playing soccer on the school team" to match the removal of the first team thing. Similarly, the bit on her not getting playtime could use a bit of reworking to match the idea that everyone gets rotated--are the coaches worried for her health and self esteem, perhaps?

That should take care of things. Again, huge apologies for the delay here.
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Pippin
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Joined: 11:57 PM - Dec 18, 2010

8:42 PM - Oct 23, 2015 #5

Hey Toben! Ah, don't worry about it; lets just say you were giving me time to settle back into university!

I think everything you asked for should be present and accounted for in the updated profile, but let me know if there's anything else I need to change!
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