Adonis Alba

Aura
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Aura
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Joined: December 9th, 2011, 6:39 pm

January 21st, 2012, 12:56 am #1

Name: Adonis Alba
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: 12
School: Aurora High School
Hobbies and Interests: Girls, partying, bullying, football.

Appearance: Adonis is 6'0" and 180 pounds, and has a pretty well-toned body. He isn't too bad in the looks department, with short blond hair and blue eyes. His face is clean-shaven aside from his eyebrows, which are as gold-colored as his hair. He has very solid-looking features, aside from his slightly crooked nose that he fractured in his freshman year. He generally wears clothes from the mall, usually either plain shirts or shirts with the logo of a sports team. He exclusively wears blue jeans, and has a closet full of them. He also seems to always have whatever brand of sneakers are in demand. On occasion, he breaks out his old letterman jacket.

On the day of the class trip, Adonis was wearing a Seattle Seahawks jersey with "Alba" written across the back, blue jeans, and black sneakers.

Biography: Francis Alba was the perfect All-American boy. He excelled in all of his classes, and led the Aurora High football team to two consecutive championships as quarterback. He later went on to play in the NFL, joining the Seattle Seahawks, and throughout his twelve-year career, he was consistently overachieving on the field while still finding time to do some charity work on the side. At age thirty-four, Francis decided to retire from football to get married to his high school sweetheart and long term girlfriend, Kyrie Stone, and raise a family.

Francis and Kyrie got married two months later, and went back to their childhood neighborhood to settle down. Within a month, they discovered that Kyrie was pregnant, and both were overjoyed. They spent the next nine months preparing for their baby, and discussing how they would raise him. When the time came for delivery, however, there was a problem. The baby made it through OK, but Kyrie suffered unexpected heart palpatations during the delivery, and did not survive. Francis was heartbroken, but he had enough money saved from his NFL days to raise the child on his own. Francis wanted to give his son a name that would inspire him to be strong, and so Adonis Alba was born.

Adonis was raised in the same upper-middle class neighborhood that Francis grew up in. Francis wanted to be the best father that he possibly could to Adonis, but he knew that it would be difficult without Kyrie. Francis did everything that he could to make sure that Adonis was healthy and happy growing up. Thanks to a very prosperous football career combined with a lifetime of smart saving, money was no worry, so he could provide his son with whatever he needed. They had a good relationship all throughout Adonis' childhood.

Early in life, Adonis seemed like a relatively normal child from a behavioral standpoint. It didn't take very long for him to take a shine to sports, tossing a football ever since he was three. Adonis' sporting career started in kindergarten when he joined a T-ball team. He would regularly send balls flying to the outfield, and the coaches were impressed by the atheletic ability posessed by such a young child. As Adonis grew older, he joined Little League, which he dominated. He also regularly played football in the park and excelled in gym class.

Adonis began playing football in middle school, and despite his skill, this is where problem began to appear. He was far better at football than he was at baseball, but his attitude was atrocious. He believed that as the son of a local hero, he should recieve better treatment than everyone else. His grades slipped from their former B level to low C's and D's, and his attitude degraded along with them. The school was hesitant to punish him, however, because he kept winning games for the team, getting the school positive attention. This came to a head during a game in his junior year of high school, when Adonis turned into an absolute terror. He taunted absolutely everyone in the locker room, was ludicrously aggressive in the game, and was finally ejected after theatening a referee multiple times within the same sentence. After the game, the coach decided that enough was enough, and Adonis was kicked off of the team. Many of his teammates severed all ties with him, seeing him as a disgrace to the team.

Adonis was initially outraged about being kicked off the team, but he soon realized that he could now fully indulge in his other passion: Girls. Adonis had used his position on the football team to get a laundry list of girls in the past, but he now used his reputation as a "bad boy" to experience a similar amount of success with women. Almost all of his relationships don't last more than one night, and he doesn't regret any of them. One of his favorite memories is a certain encounter with Kat Tolstoff and Laura Nyquist that he loves retelling time and time again. To him, as long as a girl meets his standards, he'll hit on them. This habit has gotten him branded as a horny, disgusting flirt in some circles, while other girls are still mesmerized that he is the son of an NFL great.

After being kicked off the football team, Adonis began to pick up more girls from parties, viewing parties as "A gold mine of hot chicks and booze". He always drinks a lot at parties, then he looks for a girl who has consumed an equal amount. As long as he can get some alcohol in his system and a notch on his bedpost, he doesn't complain.

Adonis' relationship with his father has also been strained in recent years. Francis has tried to talk to him about the possible consequences of his actions, such as driving drunk or getting a girl pregnant, but Adonis ignores his lectures and refuses to change his ways. Francis commonly wonders if Kyrie would have been able to control their son.

These days, Adonis is just another thug in the hallways, harassing younger and smaller students, and all the while looking for some girl to get into bed with. He believes that he is building on his father's great legacy, but he is actually dragging it through the mud. Adonis sees himself as the king of Aurora High, but in reality, he's just a lowlife with a famous dad.

Advantages: Adonis has his father's natural athleticism, so he is more physically able than many of his peers. In addition, his intimidating reputation could scare other students away from him.
Disadvantages: His reputation could be a detriment as well, as he has tormented a good amount of the school's population, which could lead to him easily being killed by a bullying victim or a scorned one-night stand. His addiction to women could also come back to bite him, as his lustful mind could distract him from an armed enemy. Despite his atheletic prowess, his partying lifestyle has taken a toll on his body, so his stamina isn't quite what it used to be.

[+] spoiler
v5 Characters:

B029- Matt Masters- DECEASED (114/152)

B043- Adonis Alba- DECEASED (124/152)

G051- Stacey Mordetsky- DECEASED (136/152)
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BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

January 22nd, 2012, 5:19 am #2

Adonis Alba is temporarily DENIED pending some adjustments to the profile.

There are some spelling errors in the profile that need to be cleaned up. Also, there are a few places in the profile where you switch tenses. Please be sure to write your profile using the past tense. For example:

"As Adonis grew older, he would join Little League, which he also dominated, and do various other sports-related activities."

That sentence reads much more fluidly as, "As Adonis grew older, he joined Little League, which he dominated, and did various other sports-related activities." Also, please elaborate on what "sports-related activities" are for the sake of clarity.

In the Appearance section, there needs to be some more facial descriptions. For example, what kind of nose does Adonis have? Small or large? And a description of his mouth would also be nice. Does he have any other identifying marks like scars, birth marks, or the like? Also, I am confused by the 'athletic bone structure' comment. Please describe what an athletic bone structure is. And finally, Adonis cannot wear cleats to class. It’s against dress code. If you would like to show that he is still interested in football, he could perhaps wear a Letterman's jacket. Or a class ring that lists football on it.

In the Biography, you talk about how Adonis was kicked off the football team some time in high school. WHEN in high school did this occur? Why did the principal remove him and not his coach? Why didn't his coach contact his father about his behavior prior to the incident? Was there no attempt at all made to curb this behavior before he got into the ref's face?

I am a little confused as to how Adonis is scoring more girls now that he's in disgrace than he did in his role as outstanding athlete on the school team. By getting kicked off, he is depriving the school of his greatness. At least when he was on the team, he had his football prowess to balance out his bullying and jerkish behavior. Please elaborate on how he scores more girls rather than fewer?

There is no mention of his relationship with father, no mention of his grades or schooling, and no mention of who his friends are since he’s been kicked off the football team. Please include this information.

In the Advantages, you state that because he is a football player he is a good at hand-to-hand combat. However, he was kicked off the team some time ago and seems to spend the majority of his time partying. Since there is no mention of him keeping up with any sort of training regime since his removal, I do not think he is in the same physical condition as he was when he actively participated. Please adjust this advantage.

Finally, in the Disadvantages, you write that Adonis is "an entitled jackass, so working with a group is nearly impossible for him." However, this statement is a direct contradiction to his sports history where he has played nothing BUT team sports. Please fix this.

Once you have made the necessary adjustments, post and I will give him another going over.
[+] spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

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Aura
Winner
Aura
Winner
Joined: December 9th, 2011, 6:39 pm

January 22nd, 2012, 6:28 am #3

EDITED AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

[+] spoiler
v5 Characters:

B029- Matt Masters- DECEASED (114/152)

B043- Adonis Alba- DECEASED (124/152)

G051- Stacey Mordetsky- DECEASED (136/152)
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Share

BetaKnight
Winner
Joined: December 14th, 2008, 9:39 pm

January 22nd, 2012, 9:39 am #4

APPROVED
[+] spoiler



Rebecca Kiesling Girl 50 armed with One Package Sharpie Minis

Iselle Ovalle-Vandermeer Girl 10 armed with Five foot hickory walking stick

Cooper Komorowski Boy 63 armed with WASP knife

Genie Banneman - banned from Senior Trip

Like
Share