Mae St. Clair

peregrineink
Veteran
Joined: November 28th, 2010, 8:13 pm

February 18th, 2011, 12:17 am #1

Name: Mae St. Clair
Gender: Female
Age: 16
School: Silver Dragon Academy
Hobbies and Interests: horseback riding, ballet dancing, studying

Appearance: Tall and willowy, Mae clocks in at 5'8". She weighs 120lbs, and is not overly skinny, but does possess the graceful toned body of a dancer. She has long limbs and carries herself gracefully, with airy dance like movements. Her skin is pale and flushes easily when embarrassed. Mae has a heart shaped face with good cheekbones, and a small, straight nose. She has warm, honey brown eyes and shiny, straight black hair. She usually wears it down, so that it tumbles down to her mid back.

Mae doesn't often think too much about fashion, but she is fully aware of the current trends and strives to follow them without looking as though she is trying too hard. On the day she was chosen she was wearing artfully distressed blue jeans and a green long sleeved shirt. She wears a silver necklace with a tiny silver horse charm.

Biography: The only child to new-money horse breeders Sibyll and Marshall St. Clair, Mae was raised to respect a hard day's work. Her parents fought for every dime they earned, and while they gave Mae every luxury she could ever want, while all the while reminding her that she needed to make her own way in the world to truly feel like a person of worth. Their way of going about this was to add gentle pressure towards everything she had ever had an interest in. Instead of yelling if she achieved slightly below ability, they would instead meet her with quiet disappointment which to Mae seemed ten times more crushing.

Not one to buckle under pressure, Mae responded to this by becoming a model student, often fretting if she achieves anything less than an A. She is the girl who sits in the front of the class and raises her hand at every opportunity, often knowing the answers to the teachers' question right off the bat. Studying comes easy to Mae because she absorbs information quickly, she's been on the fast track to the more talented and gifted programs of the school. Hard pressed to pick a favorite subject, she has a deep respect for mathematics, loving how clear cut the rules are. She often struggles in more abstract subjects like English or Art, mostly because it relies on subjectivity and not the appliance of rules. When push comes to shove, she'd much rather take a math test where she must memorize formulas than write a heartfelt essay about her childhood. However, as a child she loved horseback riding, and achieved several blue ribbons in jumping up until the age of twelve when she decided to focus on ballet. She fretted for weeks before telling her parents about the switch, only to find that they didn't mind....so long as she stuck with it this time. She was a graceful and principled dancer, and often had many a featured role in her recitals, much to her parents' pleasure.

Of course, between her serious focus on ballet and studying, Mae still knew that to be successful she needed friends, because of this she has several friends and maintains a careful popularity within the school. She's known as a cold girl, no one has ever seen her fully smile, but she has never been cruel to anyone in her entire time at school. It's important to Mae to remain likable. This doesn't necessarily mean that Mae dislikes her friends, she likes them from a carefully maintained distance so as to not allow them to fully distract her. If there's a party or a dance, she'll definitely show up, but she will never partake in any illegal drinking or drugs. This has given her the reputation as being a bit of a goody-two shoes ice queen. Her close friends just consider her rather shy. No one knows about the pressure her parents put on her. Mae dated several boys in her time, but nothing too serious for fear that it would encroach on her studying or ballet practice. Mae also is an avid watcher of SOTF-TV, not because she fully enjoys it, but because she knows everyone will be talking about it the next day. She plans on eventually going to school for dance and becoming a Prima Ballerina in a dance company someday...that is...until she was chosen.

Advantages:
Mae is driven and quick witted, she'll do whatever it takes to win, not because of her bright future, but because she knows that her parents will be watching...and she can't fail them. She also possesses a great amount of agility which will help her in dodging attacks.
Disadvantages: The pressure definitely could get to her, and since she has never had to deal with outright serious pressure, she's likely to crumble instead of seize the opportunity to kill. She also has spent so much time attempting to make everyone at school like her, she'll hesitate before attacking fellow classmates.
-PeregrineInk

Honoring the glorious dead:
F26: Maddie Harris: Resident artist.- Seven Unveiled Masterpieces- Death by carelessness
YLW5:Jake Langston:Just a nice guy-No kills- Death by misunderstanding
GLD1:Mae St. Clair -One half of the Golden Couple- One and a half kills- Death by loss of hope
M18: Brian Larke: A horrible human being.- Two kills- Death by just desserts.
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MurderWeasel
Mini Maestro
MurderWeasel
Mini Maestro
Joined: March 29th, 2010, 12:14 am

February 18th, 2011, 6:58 am #2

Hi, Peregrineink!

Before we give Mae a full critique, please make sure her profile conforms to the template. Right now, you need to bold the category headings, and delete the extra lines skipped between appearance and biography and biography and advantages. Also, please fix "Appearances" to "Appearance".

Post when you've got that done, and we'll give Mae a full critique.
Current characters:

The Program: V3 Prologue:
Mina Mashall - Digital Voice Recorder - Making a good impression - "I didn't know you felt so strongly about me."
Erik Bell - Jericho .941 - Having lunch - "May I?"

SECOND CHANCES: V2:
Assorted flora and fauna

SOTF-TV V2:
EW4: Jewel Evans - Chatterbox Communicator Headsets (0/5) - Online - ELIMINATED - "Scars are just reminders to be better next time."
[+] spoiler
The Program V1:
M06: Karl Chalmers - American Flag - The Mess Hall - DECEASED
F09: Nichole "Nikki" Campbell - 6 Pack of Beer (0/6) - Open Ground - DECEASED

The Program V2:
M08: Alexander Bonham - Steel Folding Chair - The Pine Stands - DECEASED
F20: Robin Pounds - Stress Ball - Mountain Track - DECEASED

SOTF-TV V1:
PRP3: Karen Ruiz - Glock 17 (0/17 +1 bullet), WASP Knife, Swordcane - Over and out - ELIMINATED - "I don't find pointless death funny."
W02: Renée Carlson - Straight Razor - The Resort Beach - DECEASED

SOTF-TV V2:
SS4: Austin White - Gold Retractable Spyglass - The World Oyster - DECEASED

Second Chances V1:
G16: Nicole Husher (thanks to TBH!) - Colt Single Action Army - The Makeshift Hospital - DECEASED

Second Chances V2:
B12: Richard Ormsby - x4 Flashbang Grenades - The Ravine - DECEASED
B22: William Lohman - Winchester Model 1897 - The Ravine - DECEASED

BR AU:
B15: Shuya Nanahara - No Weapon - The School Building - DECEASED
B20: Kyoichi Motobuchi - Bulletproof Vest - Tourist Association - DECEASED
G01: Mizuho Inada - Grenades (0/2) - Clinic - DECEASED

SOTF Evolution:
Subject C01: Samantha Reynolds - Facial Morphing - The Cove - ELIMINATED

VIRTUA SOTF:
M11: Richard Ormsby - Cowbell - The Corssroads Bridge - GAME OVER
M22: William Lohman - Hockey Stick - The Corssroads Bridge - GAME OVER
If you want an honest assessment of your character's storyline, feel free to PM me and I'll whip one up as soon as I am able.

Thanks to Bear/Frogue/Kotorikun/Ryuki for the avatar art.
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peregrineink
Veteran
Joined: November 28th, 2010, 8:13 pm

February 18th, 2011, 11:17 am #3

Sorry about that! All fixed now!
-PeregrineInk

Honoring the glorious dead:
F26: Maddie Harris: Resident artist.- Seven Unveiled Masterpieces- Death by carelessness
YLW5:Jake Langston:Just a nice guy-No kills- Death by misunderstanding
GLD1:Mae St. Clair -One half of the Golden Couple- One and a half kills- Death by loss of hope
M18: Brian Larke: A horrible human being.- Two kills- Death by just desserts.
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MurderWeasel
Mini Maestro
MurderWeasel
Mini Maestro
Joined: March 29th, 2010, 12:14 am

February 19th, 2011, 12:50 am #4

Hi, peregrine!

Mae's profile looks pretty good, but she is DENIED pending a few changes.

First off, you still have extra spaces between appearance and biography and between biography and advantages. there should only be one line skipped.

I also want to know a bit more about her school life. What are her favorite classes? Does she struggle in any subjects? Do her grades come easily, or does she need to work hard to succeed? Also, does she genuinely care about her friends, or is she simply viewing them as means to an end?

Finally, a lack of weapons knowledge is not a disadvantage; it is the assumed norm for characters. I'd like to see another thing or two added to Mae's disadvantages to help balance her out a bit.

Post when you've ot her edited,a nd we'll give her another look. Thanks!
Current characters:

The Program: V3 Prologue:
Mina Mashall - Digital Voice Recorder - Making a good impression - "I didn't know you felt so strongly about me."
Erik Bell - Jericho .941 - Having lunch - "May I?"

SECOND CHANCES: V2:
Assorted flora and fauna

SOTF-TV V2:
EW4: Jewel Evans - Chatterbox Communicator Headsets (0/5) - Online - ELIMINATED - "Scars are just reminders to be better next time."
[+] spoiler
The Program V1:
M06: Karl Chalmers - American Flag - The Mess Hall - DECEASED
F09: Nichole "Nikki" Campbell - 6 Pack of Beer (0/6) - Open Ground - DECEASED

The Program V2:
M08: Alexander Bonham - Steel Folding Chair - The Pine Stands - DECEASED
F20: Robin Pounds - Stress Ball - Mountain Track - DECEASED

SOTF-TV V1:
PRP3: Karen Ruiz - Glock 17 (0/17 +1 bullet), WASP Knife, Swordcane - Over and out - ELIMINATED - "I don't find pointless death funny."
W02: Renée Carlson - Straight Razor - The Resort Beach - DECEASED

SOTF-TV V2:
SS4: Austin White - Gold Retractable Spyglass - The World Oyster - DECEASED

Second Chances V1:
G16: Nicole Husher (thanks to TBH!) - Colt Single Action Army - The Makeshift Hospital - DECEASED

Second Chances V2:
B12: Richard Ormsby - x4 Flashbang Grenades - The Ravine - DECEASED
B22: William Lohman - Winchester Model 1897 - The Ravine - DECEASED

BR AU:
B15: Shuya Nanahara - No Weapon - The School Building - DECEASED
B20: Kyoichi Motobuchi - Bulletproof Vest - Tourist Association - DECEASED
G01: Mizuho Inada - Grenades (0/2) - Clinic - DECEASED

SOTF Evolution:
Subject C01: Samantha Reynolds - Facial Morphing - The Cove - ELIMINATED

VIRTUA SOTF:
M11: Richard Ormsby - Cowbell - The Corssroads Bridge - GAME OVER
M22: William Lohman - Hockey Stick - The Corssroads Bridge - GAME OVER
If you want an honest assessment of your character's storyline, feel free to PM me and I'll whip one up as soon as I am able.

Thanks to Bear/Frogue/Kotorikun/Ryuki for the avatar art.
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peregrineink
Veteran
Joined: November 28th, 2010, 8:13 pm

February 19th, 2011, 1:06 am #5

All edited!
-PeregrineInk

Honoring the glorious dead:
F26: Maddie Harris: Resident artist.- Seven Unveiled Masterpieces- Death by carelessness
YLW5:Jake Langston:Just a nice guy-No kills- Death by misunderstanding
GLD1:Mae St. Clair -One half of the Golden Couple- One and a half kills- Death by loss of hope
M18: Brian Larke: A horrible human being.- Two kills- Death by just desserts.
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MurderWeasel
Mini Maestro
MurderWeasel
Mini Maestro
Joined: March 29th, 2010, 12:14 am

February 19th, 2011, 1:39 am #6

Looks like you've got everything fixed!

APPROVED
Current characters:

The Program: V3 Prologue:
Mina Mashall - Digital Voice Recorder - Making a good impression - "I didn't know you felt so strongly about me."
Erik Bell - Jericho .941 - Having lunch - "May I?"

SECOND CHANCES: V2:
Assorted flora and fauna

SOTF-TV V2:
EW4: Jewel Evans - Chatterbox Communicator Headsets (0/5) - Online - ELIMINATED - "Scars are just reminders to be better next time."
[+] spoiler
The Program V1:
M06: Karl Chalmers - American Flag - The Mess Hall - DECEASED
F09: Nichole "Nikki" Campbell - 6 Pack of Beer (0/6) - Open Ground - DECEASED

The Program V2:
M08: Alexander Bonham - Steel Folding Chair - The Pine Stands - DECEASED
F20: Robin Pounds - Stress Ball - Mountain Track - DECEASED

SOTF-TV V1:
PRP3: Karen Ruiz - Glock 17 (0/17 +1 bullet), WASP Knife, Swordcane - Over and out - ELIMINATED - "I don't find pointless death funny."
W02: Renée Carlson - Straight Razor - The Resort Beach - DECEASED

SOTF-TV V2:
SS4: Austin White - Gold Retractable Spyglass - The World Oyster - DECEASED

Second Chances V1:
G16: Nicole Husher (thanks to TBH!) - Colt Single Action Army - The Makeshift Hospital - DECEASED

Second Chances V2:
B12: Richard Ormsby - x4 Flashbang Grenades - The Ravine - DECEASED
B22: William Lohman - Winchester Model 1897 - The Ravine - DECEASED

BR AU:
B15: Shuya Nanahara - No Weapon - The School Building - DECEASED
B20: Kyoichi Motobuchi - Bulletproof Vest - Tourist Association - DECEASED
G01: Mizuho Inada - Grenades (0/2) - Clinic - DECEASED

SOTF Evolution:
Subject C01: Samantha Reynolds - Facial Morphing - The Cove - ELIMINATED

VIRTUA SOTF:
M11: Richard Ormsby - Cowbell - The Corssroads Bridge - GAME OVER
M22: William Lohman - Hockey Stick - The Corssroads Bridge - GAME OVER
If you want an honest assessment of your character's storyline, feel free to PM me and I'll whip one up as soon as I am able.

Thanks to Bear/Frogue/Kotorikun/Ryuki for the avatar art.
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