She went over to Shawn. Putting the rifle down, she lay down next to his body. "Hey you. Look at what happened to us. Look at what I caused. We promised to be together forever, and I made you break that promise. I said I needed your help but I didn't let you help me. And now you're gone." She pressed her head to his.
He can't hear you.
"I love you. I love you more than anyone and anything else in this world. More than myself. More than the world. More than my philosophy. You are the only thing I love. And that is the only true thing I've said in my entire time here." She touched her hand to his face.
"I lied to you. I've been lying since the beginning. And I don't want to keep lying. I hate the world. I hate humanity. I hate everything and everyone I've ever met. And I hate myself too. Misanthropic nihilism with a dash of self-loathing, I guess would be the label. And I lie to everyone I meet saying that my hate isn't the case. That I actually care about anyone's happiness. That I want to see people happy."
She wept bitterly. "But that isn't true and I never told you that. I lied. I LIED TO YOU! AND I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING THAT! AND I HATE MYSELF MORE BECAUSE I PROMISED NOT TO BE CONSUMED BY DESPAIR AND I AM AND I CAN'T ALLOW THAT SO I NEED TO BE STOIC AND EMOTIONLESS BUT I'M NOT FUCKING REI AYANAMI I'M AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING AND I CAN'T DO THIS!"
Anastasia kissed Shawn on the lips. She touched his neck and took some of his blood. She stopped kissing him, placed her fingers in her mouth and cleaned his blood off them with her tounge.
You're losing it.
"So I need to be something less than human. I need to be a character. An exaggerated mess of a woman. The queen. The empress. The goddess. I'll become that and do terrible and wondrous things. No one will ever forget her. I may fade away. My star may burn out. But that crazy bitch won't disappear." She started laughing.
Anastasia closed her eyes. AnArchy opened them.
"I'm gonna do something incredible darling. And everyone will love me for it. Igne Natura Renovatur Integra. I'll become a god! And I'll kill everyone that stands in my way. I'll burn the whole goddamn world down to the ground. And when I'm done, when I'm the only one left, I'm gonna make a new world. A better one. A real utopia. And it'll just be for you and me. Just you and me. You. Me. Us."
You won't regret this. I can do what you won't.
I'll die. You're gonna get me killed.
Do you want this to be your legacy? Or do you want to have your story immortalized?
I don't know.
"So long darling. I'll see you soon enough. Your blood tasted great by the way." She got up, retrieved the rifle and her pack. She took back the sword she had dropped. She stepped toward the door.
Jewel wanted to speak with her. Yes. They did need to talk. They had a lot to discuss. She had a lot of grievances to air. And Jewel needed to spill her guts.
She picked it up.
She put it on.
She spun around to face a camera. The look on her face made it clear she was completely insane. "Death. It follows me everywhere doesn't it? Well I'm gonna channel it to my use. Oh, and I know I promised Jackson I would stay sane and stable and shit. But I decided, 'eh, fuck it' and so I'm totes mcscrotes crazy. But shhh. Don't tell him and ruin the surprise okay? I want him to find out in due time."
She changed her expression to a more normal one. "I can fake being nice. After all, I've been faking all my life right?" She smiled. "One last thing. A question for all my fans back home."
She stared directly at it. She was staring right into everyone's eyes.
"Am I cool yet?"
She slowly stepped out, walking backwards. Once she was out the door, she turned around and followed her last friend. He didn't know it. But if he stayed with her, he was gonna see some serious shit.
((Anastasia 'AnArchy' Arcadia continued in You Remind Me