Right now I am thinking Josh is a little more mainstream than the other fancharacters. So, I would like some help to give him a new fresh look, such as maybe edit his story a little, give him a new outfit, anything really. I just want to make sure Josh isn't a self-insert.

Preferably I would like advice from the other members who have made their own characters, but that shouldn't discourage the others from helping me as well.

You can contact me by posting in this topic, or via a PM. It would be much appriciated.

Nicole>

I just finished looking over the bio, and it's pretty well done. You get a bit of a sense of character for the dude and it's something you can read to the end(which is a rarity for me to read everything).

So, are there any drawings, photos, or pictures of him? I would start there. Picture an Australian on a snowboard. There's a lot of creative freedom here, and it's up to you to use it.

The bio was general, which is a very good thing. Too often people will post everything about their character. This causes the reader to be quickly bored because the reader feels they know just what will happen next, and that's what you want to avoid.

More than anything else, keep people guessing. Have Josh do some things nobody expects from him, and give the reasons behind the actions later. Or better yet, don't! See? Just keep things logical and you should be alright.

As far as improving Josh, give him a weakness. Or several. When you do that he is more like a real person. It gives him a conflict he must overcome.

Hope that helped.

*Warning: This is very blunt*




Taking a few excerpts from the bio, if you don't mind...

Josh decided to take up snowboarding, he was learning fast, thanks to his skills in sandboarding. Soon enough he met the Snowboard Kids, and he became friends with Slash and Jam. He also developed a crush on Nancy, and became rivals with Linda.

Question 1: What inspired him to take up snowboarding? You specify something to do with sandboarding, but what finally made him decide on it?

Question 2: How did he meet the Snowboard Kids? Was it by pure chance? Was it through them visiting the shop? Be specific.

Question: 3: How did he begin to fall for Nancy? (See also Question 2)

Question 4: How did he become rivals with Linda? (See also Question 2)


Next Quote:

He once asked Slash if there was a course with sand on it as a joke, but was speechless when Slash showed him Quicksand Valley. Slash challanged him to a race, Josh did not need to hesitate as he was stoked to use his sandboarding skills.

Josh felt right at home with Quicksand Valley, and beat Slash very easily. From that day on, he was considered a Snowboard Kid.

Question 1: While obvious why Josh beat Slash at Quicksand Valley, give a small description how the race went as to why Josh prevailed over Slash, otherwise it sounds like a little bit of god-moding here.

Question 2: How was Josh accepted as a Snowboard Kid? Just simply from the race?

General Bio Critique:

Good intro, shows a purpose as to Josh's move to Snow Town. Interesting concept behind the Taners and Mr. Dog. Makes me curious why Mr. Dog would help a competitor set up a shop, but I suppose I could see the gentle demeanor of Mr. Dog allowing him to do such.

Lacks a little detail on some of the aspects of his ties with the Snowboard Kids, it's as if the kids just immediately started to hate/like him depending on their personalities.

Strengths/Weaknesses: Strengths and weaknesses clearly stated, though some weaknesses seem to also dwell on the strengths (Confidence), don't know if this was implied or not.

Personality and Attitude: Stresses the strength/weakness of confidence again, showing its importance to the character. Arrogance and selfishness show that the confidence can have negative impacts, short-temper shows a personality trait with conflicts with specific characters, showing personal reason why characters would not get along.

Overall: Just really need to do some small tweaks to the bio to explain reasoning behind rivalries and friendships. Some are already explained, but it always looks better to specify everything in one fell swoop.

- Linda

Question 1: What inspired him to take up snowboarding? You specify something to do with sandboarding, but what finally made him decide on it?

Josh decided to start snowboarding because with his father opening up a snowboard shop, and since most kids in Snow Town do snowboard, Josh thought of that old saying, When in Rome, do what the Romans do. and decided to give the sport a shot.

Question 2: How did he meet the Snowboard Kids? Was it by pure chance? Was it through them visiting the shop? Be specific.

The first Snowboard Kid he met was Nancy, which was by complete accident. He was starting his first day at the school when someone told him to watch out. Unfortunately, he didn't move away fast enough, and was knocked down by the snowboarder(which was Nancy of course). After the crash, Josh appologised for not paying attention, and helped Nancy up. He introduced himself to her, and Nancy being the kind affectionate person she is, said "I have some friends I would like you at lunch." Nancy intoduced him to rest of the gang at the school cafeteria. He became good friends with Tommy, Wendy and Nancy herself. He also liked Jam as well, but Jam's 'I'm all that and bag of chips' additude peeved him sometimes.

Question 4: How did he become rivals with Linda? (See also Question 2)

Linda didn't really pay attention to him much, and when Josh tried to talk to her, Linda acted snobby and ignored him. This instantly started the feud between them.

Question: 3: How did he begin to fall for Nancy? (See also Question 2)

Because out of all the kids, Nancy was the one he spent time with the most. And I guess the more time they spent together, the more they seem to like each other, resulting in having the two crushing on each other.

Question 1: While obvious why Josh beat Slash at Quicksand Valley, give a small description how the race went as to why Josh prevailed over Slash, otherwise it sounds like a little bit of god-moding here.

It was cleary Josh's instincts of the sand that lead him to victory. Since Josh had been sandboarding from such a young age, Josh started to understand the sand's patterns, allowing him to know that if he boarded down vertically on a sand dunes crease, he would get better traction and pick up some extra speed.

Question 2: How was Josh accepted as a Snowboard Kid? Just simply from the race?

Although Slash already liked Josh, he wouldn't accept him as one of his own unless he could beat him(or at least come close to)at his own game. And when Josh did defeat him, Slash let him join the group.

I hope that clears it up for you, if you have anymore questions let me know.

Nicole>

This is for the people who REALLY wanna dig deep into their character's life, world and everything else that revolves around him/her.

http://entervoid.com/board/index.php?topic=7724.0