This is PART of the first chapter of the SBK fanfic that I've been writing. Yeah. So, basically, I want constructive critisism of how it's been going so far, and if you guys like it before I post it on Fanfiction.net.
So. Here we go:
Snowtown: Ice
Chapter One
The alleyway was practically painted with graffiti of black and blue. An old, torn-up couch sat at the end, in the corner. A dartboard sat on the wall opposite it, as did a coffee table with only 3 legs, several bricks stacked atop one another in the last leg’s place to hold it up. On the coffee table was a small, broken lamp, plugged into an outdoor outlet. A torn, black sheet hung at the other end of the alley, as to keep out others, and several other pieces of sheets covered the space between the roof tops to shield the alley from the cold, hard, Canadian weather of Snowtown.
Two boys sat on the couch, shooting darts. Another paced near the entrance of the alley. The first one on the couch brushed his messy, dirty blonde hair out of the way of his face. He had green eyes, pale skin, and wore a black baseball cap on backwards, a black T-shirt, and blue jeans. With amazing accuracy, he threw the dart right in the center. “Bulls eye,” he announced.
The one beside him, a tall, bulky male with dark skin with a shaved head, Hazel eyes and wore a Black Hoodie, and blue jeans, threw one, however instead of hitting the board, got the needle part of the dart all the way through the wooden wall beside it. He slammed his fist into the arm of the couch.
“Why do you even bother playing the game, Knuckle? You know Shot doesn’t miss,” the boy that was pacing retorted. He had spiky silver hair, blue eyes, and tanned skin. He wore a blue T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and rugged black jeans. His right hand had a make-shift bandage on it made from black cloth. “Shut up, Silver,” Knuckle ordered. “Just saying,” Silver shrugged.
A fourth figure entered the ally, a girl. She held a snowboard in her hands. It was black with two yellow streaks going down vertically. At the end of the two streaks were two, rectangular, golden pieces of metal. “I got it,” the girl said, “the rare board recently reported to be held in the back at Mr. Dog’s.” Knuckle got up, “Nice job. Let’s see what this baby can do.”
____________________________________________________________________
“SUMMER VACATION!,” multiple students yelled as the doors to Snowtown Middle-High burst wide open. Hollering and cheers could be heard through out the town. Kids were piling onto the buses, running home, and even snowboarding. Eventually, even an avalanche couldn’t be heard.
Two boys raced up the street on Snowboards. One had spiky black hair, and was wearing a black sweatshirt with the picture of a clover on the front. The other was a Jamaican with dreadlocks wearing a purple striped beanie and a white jacket. “So Slash, what was it that you wanted to show me?” the one with the purple-striped beanie asked. “It’s at my house, Jam!” Slash answered. “Alright, Let’s go!”
Slash unfolded a flier onto the desk in his room. “The first Annual Ice Breakers Competition? And the reward is… 10 billion gold?! AND a one-of-a-kind board?!” Jam read, amazed, “We have to win this!” Slash nodded, “But there is a problem. This isn’t like the little competitions that Linda throws together from time to time. This is big. The real deal, I doubt that we’re the only ones that know about it.”
“So… That means we’ll need something better than those,” Jam said, pointing at the old, pitiful Balance Board 1 and Trick Board 2 that they just came in on, and had for years, “and knowing Linda, she must’ve known about this for longer than we did… She probably managed to find a Star Board somewhere.”
____________________________________________________________________
“So I slipped the flier into his backpack last week. He’s going to be so humiliated when he comes in last.” Linda laughed, “He probably thinks that he’ll be able to get through this on his so called ‘skill’ alone.” She had brown hair put into two pigtails, and she was wearing a red snowboarder’s suit with a horizontal black stripe across the chest.
Another girl, Nancy, who had short blonde hair and was wearing a pink shirt and pink pants, shyly said, “Linda, I think you’re not giving Slash enough credit. He’s not that stupid.” Linda crossed her arms, “Humph. What would you know?”
Nancy sighed, “Well, what do you have planned for the race?” Linda smirked, “Mr. Dog is holding a special board for me for the race. He says that I can keep it as long as I advertise for him during the race.”
“Special? What does it do?” Nancy asked. Linda shrugged, “I don’t entirely know. But he said that if I had it, I would win no matter what happened.” Nancy sighed, “Did you even get to see it?” “Yeah. It’s black with two yellow stripes going down it. It also has two little golden bits at the end of it,” Linda said, smirking, “No one will ever see it coming.”
---
Well? How was it?
So. Here we go:
Snowtown: Ice
Chapter One
The alleyway was practically painted with graffiti of black and blue. An old, torn-up couch sat at the end, in the corner. A dartboard sat on the wall opposite it, as did a coffee table with only 3 legs, several bricks stacked atop one another in the last leg’s place to hold it up. On the coffee table was a small, broken lamp, plugged into an outdoor outlet. A torn, black sheet hung at the other end of the alley, as to keep out others, and several other pieces of sheets covered the space between the roof tops to shield the alley from the cold, hard, Canadian weather of Snowtown.
Two boys sat on the couch, shooting darts. Another paced near the entrance of the alley. The first one on the couch brushed his messy, dirty blonde hair out of the way of his face. He had green eyes, pale skin, and wore a black baseball cap on backwards, a black T-shirt, and blue jeans. With amazing accuracy, he threw the dart right in the center. “Bulls eye,” he announced.
The one beside him, a tall, bulky male with dark skin with a shaved head, Hazel eyes and wore a Black Hoodie, and blue jeans, threw one, however instead of hitting the board, got the needle part of the dart all the way through the wooden wall beside it. He slammed his fist into the arm of the couch.
“Why do you even bother playing the game, Knuckle? You know Shot doesn’t miss,” the boy that was pacing retorted. He had spiky silver hair, blue eyes, and tanned skin. He wore a blue T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and rugged black jeans. His right hand had a make-shift bandage on it made from black cloth. “Shut up, Silver,” Knuckle ordered. “Just saying,” Silver shrugged.
A fourth figure entered the ally, a girl. She held a snowboard in her hands. It was black with two yellow streaks going down vertically. At the end of the two streaks were two, rectangular, golden pieces of metal. “I got it,” the girl said, “the rare board recently reported to be held in the back at Mr. Dog’s.” Knuckle got up, “Nice job. Let’s see what this baby can do.”
____________________________________________________________________
“SUMMER VACATION!,” multiple students yelled as the doors to Snowtown Middle-High burst wide open. Hollering and cheers could be heard through out the town. Kids were piling onto the buses, running home, and even snowboarding. Eventually, even an avalanche couldn’t be heard.
Two boys raced up the street on Snowboards. One had spiky black hair, and was wearing a black sweatshirt with the picture of a clover on the front. The other was a Jamaican with dreadlocks wearing a purple striped beanie and a white jacket. “So Slash, what was it that you wanted to show me?” the one with the purple-striped beanie asked. “It’s at my house, Jam!” Slash answered. “Alright, Let’s go!”
Slash unfolded a flier onto the desk in his room. “The first Annual Ice Breakers Competition? And the reward is… 10 billion gold?! AND a one-of-a-kind board?!” Jam read, amazed, “We have to win this!” Slash nodded, “But there is a problem. This isn’t like the little competitions that Linda throws together from time to time. This is big. The real deal, I doubt that we’re the only ones that know about it.”
“So… That means we’ll need something better than those,” Jam said, pointing at the old, pitiful Balance Board 1 and Trick Board 2 that they just came in on, and had for years, “and knowing Linda, she must’ve known about this for longer than we did… She probably managed to find a Star Board somewhere.”
____________________________________________________________________
“So I slipped the flier into his backpack last week. He’s going to be so humiliated when he comes in last.” Linda laughed, “He probably thinks that he’ll be able to get through this on his so called ‘skill’ alone.” She had brown hair put into two pigtails, and she was wearing a red snowboarder’s suit with a horizontal black stripe across the chest.
Another girl, Nancy, who had short blonde hair and was wearing a pink shirt and pink pants, shyly said, “Linda, I think you’re not giving Slash enough credit. He’s not that stupid.” Linda crossed her arms, “Humph. What would you know?”
Nancy sighed, “Well, what do you have planned for the race?” Linda smirked, “Mr. Dog is holding a special board for me for the race. He says that I can keep it as long as I advertise for him during the race.”
“Special? What does it do?” Nancy asked. Linda shrugged, “I don’t entirely know. But he said that if I had it, I would win no matter what happened.” Nancy sighed, “Did you even get to see it?” “Yeah. It’s black with two yellow stripes going down it. It also has two little golden bits at the end of it,” Linda said, smirking, “No one will ever see it coming.”
---
Well? How was it?
Does it have any personal information, like ratings, genres, summary, ect.?
